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When You Work With Him And He Just Broke Up With You

Meet Rori Raye!

Rori is a trained relationship coach, a former crisis counselor, and has a wonderful private practice helping women who are struggling in their love lives. She’s helped thousands of women experience success in their love live. To find out more about her Click here

Her biggest credential, however, is her personal story…let’s hear it from Rori’s perspective!

I’ve been married now 20 years – brilliantly- to a wonderful man. But it wasn’t always like that.
In fact, it was pretty horrible for the first five years, and horrible in the same way all my previous relationships were.
You see, before I met my husband, I was the Crumb-Taking Queen when it came to men.

I had so little self-esteem and practically no boundaries at all. The only thing I did well was to try to control and manipulate everyone and everything in my life – in a very sweet and smiling way.

I attracted losers and men who didn’t want me. I’d be in a “relationship” for more than a year, and when it suddenly ended, I’d found out he’d always felt we were just “friends”.

That was the story of my life – until I met my husband.

At first I didn’t want him

And at first, I didn’t want him. I didn’t recognize him for the diamond he was. I was looking for crumbs, and he was offering me the whole meal.

But he worked hard to get me. He won ME over, and we were married within a year.

And then it all went bad.

I was anxious and miserable, he was moody and mean, and I didn’t know what to do. It was horrible – I was sleepless night after night. During what I call those awful years, couple’s therapy just made me feel angrier and more helpless. There was no sex, no affection, and little communication. I was a wreck. And then, suddenly, a light went on in my head.

Same old story

I “got” that what was happening was ME – doing the same things, saying the same things I’d always done and said that never worked. So I started looking for new ideas. I got some offbeat inspiration from unlikely places – parenting books and articles that had nothing to do with “romance.” I started making small changes in what I said and didn’t say and what I did and didn’t do, and – amazingly – my marriage did a 180 practically overnight.

“Within a few weeks, the affection, the sex, the easy and fun companionship – it all returned. It dawned on me that what I was doing was working! And working brilliantly.”

Build on the good

So I just built on the good things I saw happening, as best I could, and that’s how I developed my own Tools. And now my husband and I have this phenomenal marriage and it gets better all the time. It’s given me a real sense of grounded-ness and inner strength. I feel lucky to say I have a fantastic marriage.

So – if I did it – I KNOW you can do it.

What a great Story…I love it when dating coaches and relationship experts “Walk their talk,” it gives them authenticity and experience in helping others find love!

Recently a customer asked me the question “What do I do…I just broke up with my boyfriend and we work together?”…I must confess I wasn’t sure how to answer her.

An expert Answer

Here’s Rori’s expert answer to this question! When one of her clients (Ashley wrote to her and asked  her the same question)

When You Work With Him And He Just Broke Up With You

Here’s a great letter from Ashley – and it’s something we’ve all faced:

“Rori, I realize that there are a million people out there especially if I am in the fashion and entertainment industry, but what do I do with this man if he calls me continuously, txt me, email me for work for personal to discuss about everything personal and professional at all hours of the day, but has told me he doesn’t want to be “seeing” each other?

How do I forget about him when even after work around the clock this man is still txting an calling me at all hours and always starting with a work issue then continues on with non work related?

I almost feel like he still expects the boyfriend privileges emotionally and thinks that is ok because we have stopped sleeping together. Do I just ignore him? Should i tell him to stop calling? What do I do say to him?

Also I cannot leave the company because i just recently came back into the work force because I just got divorced 8 months ago and I am now a single mother with a 3 year old daughter.

To have this opportunity as the head designer for this company is already a very fortunate opportunity.

Rori’s Answer:

Sit down and write out what this job entails – if you were working for ANYONE.

Appreciate the opportunity.

Set down the rules for calls and contact that you think would apply to anyone in your job.

Let him know when you’re NOT available to talk (“I’m going to church/ballet/opera/movies/nite with girlfriends tonight..if you need me, I’ll be here in the the morning…”).

Talk only business.

You know how to be businesslike.

Put on your boy hat and talk like the head designer you are….lift your head up – you’re doing FANTASTIC!!!

And now you’re in a situation where meeting other men will be EASIER!!

You have meaningful, creative and enjoyable work.

Lots and lots of women are working with exes out there.

You can DO this!

Just make it simple.

Decide to RESPECT this man by taking what he said seriously, and not questioning it.

Just ACCEPT it, trust that it’s for the best, and smile and do your job in the most enjoyable and efficient and creative way possible.

This is supposed to be FUN!!!

Sometimes things don’t work out – You’re okay no matter what. Really, you are, and you have to drill that into your head (where it doesn’t want to be).

Whatever perspective you need to adopt around this situation to make it GOOD for you – DO IT!!!! Just talk yourself into a GOOD story about the situation.

Love, Rori

Think About This too!

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