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How To Hand Out Rejection

It’s no big deal to get heaps of emails on a dating site. With a good picture and a well-written profile, there’s no reason why your inbox shouldn’t see a steady stream of messages. But while all of those people might be interested in knowing more about you, it doesn’t follow that you’ll be interested in knowing much about them. Or anything at all for that matter.

In fact, you’ll probably find that most of the messages you receive in your mailbox will be from people who are a very long way from your idea of a perfect partner.

So what do you do with them?

The first thing to do is congratulate yourself. Your profile is working. Even if you haven’t caught the fish you’re aiming at, you know your hook is well-baited and you’re getting bites. There’s good reason to hope that it’s only a matter of time before something really exciting swims by.

But first you have to toss the minnows back. Winks you can ignore, canned messages you can can,  and super-brief emails that just say “Hi!” or “Hullo Gorgeous” you can send for recycling.  If the sender hasn’t put anything into a first contact, you don’t have to put anything into a reply.

But if someone has bothered to write a real email, one that refers to your profile and shows genuine interest in meeting you, then it’s common courtesy to drop them a line back.

The temptation though is often to lie, to thank them for their interest and say that you’ve met someone. No feelings are hurt and there’s little chance the person will persist. You can get away that if you’re 100 percent certain that you never want to date them. But lying is bad for the soul and if you just have the slightest doubt that you might want to go back and take another look, then it’s a definite no-no.

Instead, you can try softening the rejection. Say that you’re just browsing at the moment, that you’re not quite ready step back out there, but when that changes you’ll let them know. It’s you, not them… but without the cliché.


Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

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Dean Shanson

Dean Shanson

Dean Shanson is a New York Times best-selling ghostwriter who specializes in online dating. He has written dozens of articles about relationships, asked Mars/Venus author, John Gray, how his ideas apply to cyberdaters, discussed online dating with Kosher Sex author, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, and been called “a brilliant dog!” by Elle magazine’s advice columnist, E. Jean Carroll. He has also helped more than 500 online singles produce dating site profiles that are humorous, interesting, persuasive and appealing. Dean is committed to helping serious online loveseekers find the life-partners they’re looking for. His experience, objectivity and eye for detail can turn any profile into an engaging text that turns your best qualities into fantastic, lifetime opportunities.

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