On a dating site, any reasonably attractive woman with a decent picture and a half decent profile will get emails. Guys? Not so much.
The same dynamic that makes women wait for men to hit on them in the real world works on the Web as well. If men want some attention they need to step up their game.
The men who figure out this formula do extremely well online. They end up with a host of beautiful women to choose from.
But they’re rare. Most men on dating sites still haven’t figured out how to market themselves. They still use crappy photos and dull profiles. They get hardly any responses, and when they get ignored, some get desperate.
Instead of improving the way they look, they play the numbers. If only one woman in ten writes back to them and only one in ten of those produces a date, they assume they just need to write to more women.
So these guys send emails to EVERYBODY! They forget about being selective, write one email and spray it at everyone on the dating site.
They’re a kind of human “email hose.” And they’re the kind of guys you really want to avoid.
So how can you tell if the email you just received was sprayed from a hose or expresses real interest? There are few tell-tale signs:
They’re the first in line.
The first emails you receive on a dating site are likely to be hosed. Sprayers believe that new users are clueless and will be so happy to get an email that they’ll reply right away. They’ve also hit on everyone else already. So they monitor lists of “new members” and check “who’s online” carefully looking for new faces.
The email is impersonal.
“Form emails” are cut and pasted. They make no reference to anything in your profile.
Here’s a real example:
“You seem like you might be a lotta fun. We should grab a drink sometime.”
There’s no chance that this guy read the profile. He just pasted his message into the box and hit Send. If he didn’t give you the time of day, why should you give him any of your time?
The message contains a profile.
If the email repeats information from the profile, like his age, where he lives or the color of his eyes, there’s a good chance it’s a “form email.” It’s all about the sender (who doesn’t change) and nothing about the recipient (who does). Here’s another real example:
“My name is Michael. I am a 48 year old man near Del Mar. I am originally from England and came to San Diego 18 years ago for my work . I would love to chat with you Looking forward to hearing back from you”
It’s not hard to spot a “form email” — and it’s just as easy to delete them. Reply only to the personal emails that clearly indicate that the person has read your profile. You want someone who really wants to know you, not the kind of guy who approaches every woman at a bar.
Did you ever reply to a form email? Care to share?
Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…
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