For many people online dating after a divorce can be a daunting and scary experience, it’s often made more difficult for people because most of them haven’t dated for 20 or 30 years!
Meet my friend April Braswell: Having written hundreds of dating profiles, written numerous singles articles, and contributing to books such as “Dating for Dummies”
As you can imagine, she’s quite an expert at helping people find love (click here to find out more about April)
Great dating advive
Here’s a great advice from dating guru April on dating after divorce…enjoy.
I was driving north on 101 recently on a Wednesday morning to my then office in Silicon Valley, land of Corporate Technology and the late Steve Jobs of Apple, late in June when I heard the DJs on the radio talking about some poor single lady who was recently divorced who had been on her very first date on a Saturday night after having been divorced for two years now.
Her first date, how had it gone? It had been a MISERY.
I’m thinking, “This dear lady needs some concrete help with dating after divorce tips.” I really wanted just to pull over to the side of the road and phone the radio station and give the dear thing my email and phone number. “Have her call me. I can help. Really. Please let me help her because she needs building up after an experience like that.”
Divorce is a misery to begin with. Divorced singles will often feel rejected and dejected. It’s such a mess and a mess emotionally, most of the time.
And now you’re back facing the modern singles scene. Wouldn’t YOU want to know some dating after divorce tips before re-launching yourself into the meet and meat market of dating? Who wouldn’t!
Well, here goes.
Dating After Divorce Tip #1. GO SLOW!
Take it easy with yourself. Try some coffee with others. Think of what the dating scene was like back in high school and college when quite often singles get together and hang out casually together in the evening before they make the concerted effort to pair off into romantic couples. Do aim for a casual social life with meeting other singles. Aim for casual first dates like a lunch date, some very casual get-togethers, and consider perhaps a singles activity group. Please go slowly with yourself and build up some re-venturing social skills.
Dating After Divorce Tip #2. BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF!
Give yourself time and space to ease back into this. Go simple and easy for your first several dates. Yes DO dress up nicely and look your best, just remember this is not the Opening Night Gala at the San Francisco Opera. Leave your ball gown at home this time. You don’t have to dress up to THAT extent. Nor should you be wearing just your jeans, t shirt and Merrels. Something in between. Dressing up and looking your best is part of the practice which you are practicing feeling comfortable doing. Don’t stint yourself. Look fabulous. Studies demonstratate you will FEEL fabulous when you do so.
Dating After Divorce Tip #3. DO DATE LOTS!
OK, when you fall off of a horse, what do they recommend you do? Get right back on. Same thing with dating. When you are looking to learn a new skill, what is one of the most effective learning methodologies? Repetition of fundamentals. Do you just throw the ball one time and think you are now good at football? Or do you throw, and throw, and throw, and throw, and THROW! Yes. Precisely. You PRACTICE.
Same principle in dating. Go on a LOT of first dates when you first get back in the dating game. You are simply looking to meet some lovely people and to practice feeling comfortable confident and poised meeting and making small talk with strangers and friends of friends.
Dating After Divorce Tip #4. KEEP IT BRIEF!
You are re-launching yourself socially so with those early “re-launch” dates? Keep them to about 60-90 minutes. Drinks. Appetizers. Coffee.
And if it MUST be coffee, just be sure to select a really FABULOUS ambiance location like The Four Seasons or Trump Tower. LOVELY.
Dating After Divorce Tip #5. SIZE MATTERS!
Early on in your re-launch mode, you need to aim for QUANTITY of DATES over QUALITY of DATES. You need to go on about 20 dates just to get back in the swing of things with the current Dating World and practice your social poise and presentation.
If your date asks you, “What are you looking for?” you might respond with something like, “I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them. I want to be in a relationship again, but it’s too early for me to decide quite yet. I’m looking to meet new people and see where it goes.” While you are keeping all of these many initial dates short – 1-2 hours – as a habit, you might be wondering why. Keep them all short, avoiding those 4-6 hours dates so you refrain from inadvertently treating your date as a “Divorce Grief Support Group”. Your first date small talk conversations are not the place to heal your heart after your divorce. That’s what I’m for as a Dating and Relationship Coach with extensive training in Grief and Loss support
Dating After Divorce Tip #6. AVOID DATE NIGHT!
When you are just starting out dating again, on your first 3-5 dates, do specifically avoid the TRADITIONAL DATE NIGHTS of Saturday and Friday nights. Do NOT go out on a Saturday night or a Friday night date to begin with. Those are like PROM night. There is so much pressure at the beginning. You haven’t been on a date in years. You will first need to rebuild your dating skill set before venturing out on a Friday or Saturday night date. This is just to begin with during your first few months of dating again after your divorce.
Instead, do go out on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Sunday night date. I do recommend evening dates for other reasons for a FIRST DATE to create and foster a romantic and flirtatious ambiance. Flirtation is part of your practice regime. So, remember, evening dates for early dates.
Dating After Divorce Tip #7. GO!
Yes, you MUST relaunch yourself. Indeed, give yourself some time to grieve and heal after your divorce, but I would recommend that within 3-12 months after a divorce, BY THEN, you need to venture back out into the Dating World and GO ON DATES.
- When you’re ready to get going online and find love and the romantic relationship you crave….
- When you want to supercharge your internet dating search and courtship to find real love….
- When you’re sick of the sea of sameness swirling about the dating sites and lackluster result you’re getting….
- When you’re sick and tired of one more Saturday night wasted meeting someone who doesn’t match you whatsoever…
Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…
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