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Dating after an unhealthy relationship

Unhealthy relationships are awful and getting free (after often way too much suffering) is usually a big relief.

Life can be tough after the breakup of a  “Healthy relationship” so how do you rebuild your life, and find love after you’ve been in an unhealthy or abusive relationship? How do you rebuild your self-worth and move into a new chapter of your life?

The challenge is that after being in an unhealthy relationship, it can make the idea of dating again can seem scary. Many people are unsure or feel insecure about dating after they have left an bad relationship and fear to entering a relationship again (Even casual dating) . This is understandable.

Self-esteem is the first step

The thing most damaged in a bad relationship is self-esteem, this needs to be repaired before you can date anyone. You need to be certain that you’re worthy of a good person and a healthy relationship.

Here’s a great exercise to begin building self-esteem. Make a list of all your good qualities, you’ll find there are lots of them, if you’re not sure where to start writing out all the compliments you’ve had in your life, this is a good way to start to seeing yourself in a more positive light and start believing in yourself again.
Another way to build self-confidence is to dress sharp. Use this to your advantage, while clothes don’t change who you are, they certainly affect the way you feel about yourself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are.
And this doesn’t mean you need to spend a ton of money on new clothes, a good rule is “spend twice as much and buy half as much”. Rather than buying cheap clothes, buy half as many items, reduce the clutter in your wardrobe and dress sharper!

Also your fitness can have a huge effect on your self-esteem. If you’re out of shape, you’ll may feel insecure. Work out and improve your appearance and you will feel better.

Get clear about what you want in a partner.

What exactly do you want in a partner ?
Take a few minutes to write it down. Get clear on what you want and what you don’t want, and don’t settle for less

When you go on a date.

1)learn to trust your gut, if a date feels wrong simply and politely leave.

2)Look for red flags and old patterns.
Pay attention to the details, you don’t want to begin dating  someone like your EX,

3)Try to relax, (I know it’s hard, because of past experiences-you may even  be waiting for something bad to happen) so remember that he past is the past so don’t project your paranoia onto your date, they have no idea about your past history.

Last thoughts

Take dating slow and at a comfortable pace for you.
There’s no reason to rush, let things unfold naturally for you and your date and remember that there are some wonderful people out there. It is easy to become afraid, and cynical after heartbreak. However, there are many loving and respectful people in the world – and one of them might be the one for you.

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Giles

Giles

As the Former CEO of LookBetterOnline, Giles was responsible for making sure our customers get the first-rate service we promise. Giles was also responsible for recruiting and training photographers who are asked to join our growing network of outstanding photo service providers. Giles wass responsible for day-to-day operations and new business development at LookBetterOnline

Comments (12)

  • Avatar

    EagemiaDuadia

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    This is a useful post, thankyou

    Reply

  • Giles

    Giles

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    I’m glad that I can be useful and help a little 🙂

    Reply

  • Avatar

    Beej

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    Practical advice.

    Reply

  • Giles

    Giles

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    Thanks Beej!

    Reply

  • Avatar

    Anthony

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    Great advice! One more thing: Never give up yourself for another. A great relationship – and they ARE out there – will not change the person you are; it will ENHANCE it.

    Reply

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    Nora

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    Another suggestion for self confidence: fake it ’till you make it! When you pretend to be confident (even if you’re not!) others pick up on it, and eventually it will begin to feel real! I have experienced this times in my life, and I swear it works!
    I also love the use of affirmations…turn that list of great qualities into daily reminders of your self worth! Repeating these thoughts on a regular basis can help boost your self confidence-remember, thoughts become things! If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

    Reply

  • Giles

    Giles

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    Great comments thanks everyone!

    Reply

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    Sean

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    Great tips G. My love had also been in an unhealthy relationship before we got together, so she could definitely relate to this as well I’m sure.

    Reply

  • Giles

    Giles

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    Thanks Sean, I’d be interested to hear her point of view

    Reply

  • Avatar

    Misty

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    Love this Giles! I think along with the “try to relax” advice, it might help check your focus…Am I focused on my pain from the past or possibility of the future? Walking around in protection mode makes a person a magnet for “needing protection”. If I’m excited about the future, I attract things to be excited about!!

    Reply

  • Giles

    Giles

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    Misty you are SOOOOOOO right, that’s a really important point that I’d hadn’t considered…thanks for sharing 🙂

    Reply

  • Avatar

    Karine

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    Great advice Giles! you are so right 🙂
    For me a person with good self esteem is so attractive !

    Reply

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