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CyberCheapskates and net gold diggers

The ONLY people on these online dating sites who are emailing anyone are the ones who have paid!

The ONLY people on these online dating sites who are emailing anyone are the ones who have paid!

Did you know that has around twelve million members, but only a million or so of those listed have paid their dues?

The most asked questions from Romance Clients?  “Why don’t they answer my emails?”  Well, first off, you don’t know and never will.  But it’s a pretty good guess is that this guy or lady is cheap.

If you have had much experience as an Internet dater, you’ve undoubtedly had the experience of putting out first email contacts to prospective Sweetheart and then gotten no answer back.  A response rate of 30% to first emails is considered good!

On as well as many of the other Internet dating sites, you can post a profile for free, but you have to pay to email other listers or respond to emails sent to you.

You can’t tell the payers from the freeloaders.  And people who aren’t paid members can’t email, either to contact you first, or to answer when you write.  That means that a very high percentage of those people you are carefully looking over are too cheap to pay less than a dollar a day to be able to email you!

Maybe that’s a lot of what’s behind the 30% who do get back to you.  They’re the only ones who are paid up!

Though I live now in Mississippi with my new husband Drew, I’m from Maine.  I still own a house there on a beautiful island in the mid-coast area, so I get back to visit once or twice a year.  Every spring, after the snow melts, all the debris that has accumulated over the winter along the roadsides gets exposed to the light of day.  And along with tulips and daffodils, up spring the “For Sale” signs.

For years I wondered about why so many houses came up for sale every spring.  Every other house seems to be on the market.

Finally, someone explained to me that lots of folks just put out those “For Sale” signs sort of for sport.  All the locals know that summer people are heading this way, and those “city folks” have very distorted ideas about fair property values.  So the sport is to put out a “For Sale” sign, ask a very inflated price, and see if anyone will bite.  If you’re lucky and catch a rich one, you just may be able to fund your retirement.  Otherwise, life goes on, you get to stay in your house, and then try again next year.  Sounds like a form of digging for gold to me.

Believe it or not, lots of people who are listed on dating sites are doing just that:  They put out their “For Sale” sign with their profile and look like they are seriously “in the market” for a Sweetheart.  Really, they have a way over-inflated idea of what they can get and are waiting to see if some fool will bite.  These folks have stuck out their “For Sale” sign, but they aren’t seriously looking.  Except for the jackpot.

In the Internet dating world, this is deceptive advertising in the worse way, because the reader has no way of knowing if the profiler they are interested in is really serious and a paid-up member or not.  The ONLY people on these online dating sites who are emailing anyone are the ones who have paid!  All the others are freeloading teases.

If you are considering CyberRomance or are already posted on a site or two, pay your dues like a grown-up.  Do your part to contribute to the energy and integrity of this wonderful resource for singles.  If there’s a time to “put your money where your mouth is,” this is it.  If you’re serious, pay up. If you’re not serious, stay out of the game.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

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Kathryn Lord ©  All Rights Reserved

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Kathryn Lord

Kathryn Lord

I'm Kathryn Lord, Your Romance Coach. For years, I worked with singles and couples in my psychotherapy practice, helping them figure out how to find mates and build good, solid relationships. When I found myself single again in the mid-1990's, I hadn't dated in way too long. But the Internet was evolving and online dating sites just getting started, so I took what I knew from helping others and learned how to use cyberspace to do a mate search for myself. And by God, it worked: In May, 1998, I met my now-husband Drew on

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