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Are You Guilty of Any of These Dating Turnoffs?

One of my girlfriends’ friends is a really nice person…she’s smart, funny, kind and obviously lonely, she always tells us that she wants to meet a gentleman yet she doesn’t pay attention to the way she looks (She has a really “orange” tan that looks ridiculous to everyone but her)…the problem seems to be that even when people tell her to “tone it down” (No pun intended) she’s not aware of the full impact of it and just laughs.

Its often what we don’t know

She got me to thinking that its often what we don’t know that holds us back. We’re often unaware of the mistakes that we make.

I came across this article written by relationship expert Amy Schoen and I had to laugh a little as she echoes my sentiments on being unaware!

But before I tell the story let’s meet Amy…

Amy Schoen has been transforming people to be their best for over 20 years.  Amy has the gift of visualization and uses this gift to ask the right life and relationship questions to visualize the kind of life they truly desire.  To move clients towards positive action, Amy draws upon her vast life experiences, business experiences and keen knowledge of people.

Motivated to Marry

Expert Advice

Here’s Amy’s expert advice on Dating turn-offs!

Here you are, ready to get back out there to meet people to date.  Sometimes you may be turning off your date and not really be aware of what you are doing that’s so unpleasant to another person.

“Brent was telling me about his last date.  He mentioned to me that sometimes he looks distracted because of his ADD.  He needs to look away to be able to think.  I told him that it may be taken as not seeming interested in the woman.  We worked on what it would take for him to stay more connected and focused on his date.”

A big dating  turnoff!

What could you be doing that would be a big dating turnoff?  Here are some dating tips for men and women of the major turnoffs that keep coming up on my dating questionnaire.

1. Lack of consideration and follow through.
For men, this is saying that you will call and not call.  If you truly are not interested in asking the woman out again, it is best to say, “It was nice to make your acquaintance” and leave it at that.  For woman, not getting back to the men who have either called or emailed you is just bad manners.  Most people would rather you be honest with them about your interest than be dragged along.  When you say you are going to do something, it is important in relationship building to be reliable and accountable.

Another big pet peeve for many is people who are inconsiderate with their time.  These rude people may wait until the day of the date to finalize your date plans.  Or he or she could keep you waiting for an hour or two with no call to tell you he or she will be late and offers no good reason for keeping you waiting.  This is a huge turnoff for time conscious individuals.

2. Getting way too physical way too fast!
I remember being on a first date and I was interested in getting to know the man who was sitting across the table.  Then the hand comes out to hold my hand.  I barely knew this guy or how I felt about him.  His desire for physical contact was coming much too soon.  I’m not sure it seemed a little too needy or his intentions were not that honorable.  I felt my safety barrier was being breached.  Although he seemed like a nice enough fellow, I was reluctant to go out with him again.

Be careful to respect the other person’s personal space.  It may seem corny, but it is best to ask permission first before attempting any physical contact. (“I’d like to kiss you, is that okay?”)

3. No (Physical) Connection!
So you have emailed back and forth, seen his or her picture, talked on the phone and n.ow for the moment of truth! Is there chemistry or any physical attraction?  Zippo! Nada!  What a disappointment.  This is something that you either got it or you don’t.  “There is no chemistry for me” is the verbiage to use.  Everyone know that means, “I just don’t feel it with you”!  At this point it’s not something that you can force.  I recommend moving on or deciding to be friends.

4. Poor grooming and hygiene
This is a big area for dating turnoffs here.  The list is: bad breadth, body odor, poor face shaving for men and underarms and other areas for women, sloppy dressing with stains on clothing and poorly applied makeup by women.  Make sure you take a close look in the mirror (and use a magnifying mirror if you have to).  Now, how is your car kept?  Is it dirty or have lots of stuff thrown around the back seat?  This is another major turnoff for those who are neat and tidy!

5. Just plain unpleasant to be around!
This person is a sour puss and complains about everything.   He or she knows better than you and everyone else and is an expert on everything, as well.  You may even say he or she is arrogant and pushy. He takes himself much too seriously and is not able to laugh at himself either.  This person may also talk about their ex all evening long.

You wished you stayed home and read a good book instead!

6. Poor social skills and a poor conversationalist:
You know the person, the one who can’t hold a conversation.  You are doing all the work.  It feels like pulling teeth.  How about the person who does all the talking and holds a one-way conversation with herself!  Then, there is the poor individual who is shy, nervous and appears anxious.  You feel sorry for him or her, but you don’t want to date them.  Last, there is the person who interrogates you like he or she is a reporter interviewing you for 60 Minutes!

7. Inflexible:
Sometimes you have to roll with the punches.  I have a thing for great tables in restaurants.  My poor husband moves with me when I say I prefer to be at another table.  He is very patient.  I know this very desire to have a better table drove some guys away (also changing rooms in hotels!).  Or what if plans change because of a babysitter who got sick?  Are you able to be happy with plan B?  And what about when you have an hour to kill before the movie and your date asks to run a quick errand – will you go along with the flow?

I have a guy friend who would only eat very few food choices: Italian food and beef, which really limited the types of restaurants he was willing to go to with dates.  I know this was a big dating turnoff for many women who desire variety in their choice of restaurants.  Sometimes you have to be willing to try new stuff and push yourself outside your comfort zone.

8. Being cheap:
According to my sources, there is nothing worse than a cheap man.  I saw one story via email that after a date that didn’t go well, the guy emailed the woman and asked her to pay him back for half of the dinner!  That doesn’t mean that a guy needs be taken to the cleaners either.  You can find reasonable romantic dates that doesn’t cost you your shirt.  On one of my first dates with my husband, he picked up a picnic dinner and we went to a f.ree outdoor concert. And women, you should offer to pay for something, like the tip or for the sodas at the movies.  Generosity is a very sought after trait in partners.   So don’t be penny foolish and lose the chance for another date!

9. Not being proactive or being too reactive- passive:
The best strategy for a guy is to come up with two or three places to go to meet for a date or restaurants for dinner (beyond the initial date) and let the woman pick her choice.  Women- don’t be wishy washy and say, “whatever you want”!  Most guys would like some help and not have to make all the decisions themselves.   Not having any opinions or preferences can be just as infuriating as being overly opinionated!

10. Insensitivity and rudeness:
How you treat others comes across very early in dating.   How do you treat the wait staff and service people?   Saying judgmental comments about other people shows you that your date is not tolerant.  Then, what would he or she say about you behind your back?   Or how would you feel about your date striking up a conversation with the two ladies at the table next to yours?  So special – right?

Perhaps your date just said something about loud kids at the next table and you just happen to have kids yourself!   Or how about the date that insists you order the fish when you really don’t like fish?  Moreover, what about the person who asks you “You are over 40 and never have been married, what’s wrong with you”?  It can make you want to inflict bodily harm on that person.  The best thing you can do is cut the date short and move on!

I hope I have given you a good picture of the top 10 dating turnoffs expressed by many in the dating world.  You may not realize the offenses you may be doing that negatively impacts your potential for dating success.   Prepare for your next date by reading this article again and you will improve your chances for a positive dating experience.
Amy Schoen

Dating online? Regardless of your age, something important you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is important when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!


Looking good on a date.

I’d like you to meet my new friend Tracey; She’s smart, authentic, easy to talk to and she’s a Dateologist!

So what’s a Dateologist?  I hear you say….

When asked what a Dateologist is Tracey said “I am a life coach and dating expert. I help people love life and find the love of their life”

I love this answer…the idea of loving life first and then finding someone special to spend it with seems to make sense to me.

As a Dateologist Tracey has helped a lot of people feel more joy on a daily basis and find love.

She’s been featured on her own dating advice TV show (called “Dating Help 911) and well as  “On Air with Ryan Seacrest,” Fox News, CNN, HLN, TV Land, ABC News Radio, WNBC, WCBS, Huffington Post, The Wall Street Journal, Men’s Health Magazine, Cosmopolitan Magazine, The New York Post and The New York Daily News. (To find more about Tracey click here )

Tracey was voted one of the ten best dating experts in the world by

I’d like to share Tracey’s short video about looking good on a date…I love the way that she talks about looking good on the inside first!…simply click on the image below and enjoy  (And when you get there you’ll also find over 100 short videos from Tracey!)

Think About This too!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Good Online dating Photos that get results Part 3 of 3

This is part 3 of How to get good online dating photos…I suggest that you read Part 1 and Part 2 first!

In this last and final part of the article let’s begin by taking a look at some dating photo blunders.

8.Dating profile No-No’s

Trying to figure out what dating photos should include isn’t always easy. But knowing what not to do? That’s usually a lot clearer.
i. The Cut-Out Ex
There are no circumstances in which it’s wise to use a picture with an ex cropped out. Even if you look great in the picture, it’s the ex who will dominate. Viewers will assume you’re still hung up on them and won’t believe that they can fill the space.

ii. Mirror and Webcam Shots
Web cam shots never do you justice. They’ll just make you look lonely. The same is true of shots taken in the bathroom mirror. They make the viewer wonder why you don’t have a friend to hold the camera.

iii. Old Photos
Online dating photos should be current. The images should show you as you are today. There are no two ways around that. You client might have great senior photos, or have looked at your peak a decade ago but there should be no nasty surprises when you meet your date. The idea that someone can post an old photo and hope that their date will forgive a few white lies just doesn’t fly. The reality is that there is no polite way to say “you’re not what I expected” while trying to hide a disappointed look.

If your photos are more than two years old, if you have lost (or gained) lots of weight, dropped some hair or changed your teeth… you need new photos.

iv. Photos Surrounded by Other Girls (or Guys)
Some men seem to think it’s okay to post photos showing them with a bunch of Hooters waitresses. It’s a great idea… if they’re trying to impress some other guys. If you’re looking to find a girl though, it’s a non-starter.

And the same is true of girls surrounded by lots of guys. Guys do want their girlfriend to be fun but they don’t want to have to battle every guy in the bar for her attention. Photos like these don’t work for guys and they don’t work for girls either.


v. Expensive Toys
A flashy car or a big boat might be impressive but they’re even more impressive when they’re enjoyed, not shown off. A photo of a guy leaning against his Porsche just looks sad, not attractive.

vi. Children
An online dating site is not the place to show photos of children to strangers. The words in your profile are the right place to mention kids but their photos shouldn’t be on the site. Security and privacy issues aside, your profile is about you — and no one else.
vii. Shirtless Photos
Men under 30 with the body of a supermodel can pull off shirtless shots… but only them.

Here’s what eHarmony says about shirtless photos for men:

“We suppose men who submit shirtless profile photos are showing a certain confidence. We all know that women love confidence. We also know that women hate profile photos of shirtless men. Why? It shows a cavalier attitude. It shows a lack of good graces. Women might wonder, is this a man I want to introduce to my father? Like so many of these terrible profile photos, more than anything it seems to show a lack of judgment about what is appropriate. No matter how hard your abs may be.”

9. Studio or Location?

Professional photographers can take online dating pictures in a studio or on location. Many will offer both options leaving it up to you to make what can look like a difficult choice.

Location shots are popular. People think that being outdoors will let them look more relaxed and at ease.

That can be true: relaxed photos with the subject in sharp focus and a blurred natural background can produce better results. But good dating profile photos have more to do with the skill of the photographer than the places the images were shot. Talented photographers have the ability to create beautiful images in a range of different conditions and even with minimal lighting equipment.

The decision to sit in the photographer’s studio or on location should have more to do with your convenience than the quality of the result. Even shooting in a studio, a good photographer will avoid an old school cheesy look and keep you relaxed and friendly.

So there should be no props such as chairs or tall bar stools, and none of those backgrounds that look like the inside of a brown supernova. Your image should be in sharp focus and the only background should be blurred and natural.

A good outdoors location could be a local park, a bench or anywhere that lets you feel comfortable.

10. Two Things You Should Know When Taking Your Own Pictures

You don’t have to use a professional photographer to take your dating pictures. Clearly, a professional will give you better images, better results and help you find your ideal partner faster (and that partner is likely to be closer to your ideal) but it is possible to take your own pictures or give a camera to a friend.

If you are doing that, there are at least a couple of vital points you need to keep in mind.

1. Use shallow depth of field
Profile photos that have a “wow factor” often use low f numbers — a shallow depth of field. The subject is in sharp focus while the rest of the picture is blurred.

Dating website OK Cupid says:

“Photos with the low f numbers feel more intimate and personal; they get a better viewer response.”
2. Avoid harsh lighting
The best times to schedule photo sessions are in the morning and afternoons when the light is dimmer and when you can avoid using the flash. Artificial light can add years.

11. The Night Before the Photo Session

It’s a good idea to get a good night’s sleep the night before the photo session. (So avoid partying that night; alcohol and cigarette smoke, even second hand smoke, can make eyes look red and puffy). Smokers should hold off immediately before the shoot; cigarettes deprive the skin of oxygen and make it look gray.

Pimples aren’t a great problem. If one pops up the night before the shoot, don’t touch it, as this will make it redder and harder to cover. But most photographers have no problem covering one or two pimples with make-up or digital retouching. Don’t experiment with skin treatments the night before the photo session, though. The last thing you want is a skin irritation or allergic reaction.

On the day of the shoot itself, you should know how to reach the studio or location and avoid wearing glasses for a couple of hours before the shoot; they leave marks on the bridge of the nose.

12. Handling Nerves

With the right photographer your job is just to show up. You’re not required or expected to know any modeling poses or to present your best angle. If you are fretting over real or imagined flaws and how they will look on camera, the photographer can work around those concerns during the shoot.

Nor should you be worried if a professional photographer at a location shoot asks you to pose in a mundane location, like a doorway or street location. The background won’t be noticeable in the headshot. It’s all about the best lighting for the face and the light that makes your eyes “pop.”

Remember that, by the time you arrive for the shoot, if you’ve done the groundwork — selected your outfits and done your grooming — there’s really nothing else to worry about. The only thing to do now is relax and be yourself in front of the camera.

If you are worried that you’re not very photogenic, you’re not alone. That’s a pretty common feeling and it usually comes down to two reasons:

A poor photographer. It takes skill to make someone look good in a profile pic. While good luck can produce great profile pictures, poor composition or poor lighting guarantee poor results. A good, experienced, professional photographer knows how to make the conditions work.

You felt uncomfortable, tense or posed when taking the photos. A good portrait photographer also knows how to get the most out of his or her subjects. The photographer will help you relax and shoot you looking your best. A good way to relax during the photo session is to think about memories of events that made you feel good in the past and experience those same feelings of joy and fun as you are being photographed.

With the right photographer, you will be photogenic, get the profile photos you deserve and win better dates

13. After the Shoot: When to Retouch?

Photo retouching is best left to remove a stray hair, to correct color and lighting or
help someone who has a minor acne breakout or razor burn. But no more than that.

“Often people work too much and get bags under their eyes for lack of sleep. Digital retouching can remove a few minor lines and show them looking their best. But if you have a mole the size of a quarter on your forehead, and you want it removed,  people are going to notice and there is no point looking like someone you don’t in real life.”
Giles Fabris,

Retouching should enable you to look as you do on your best day. It shouldn’t change a body or a look. On dating sites, stories of such deceit abound. One 46-year-old male recalls his first face-to-face encounter with a woman he’d met online:

“I spotted her blond hair and tapped her on the shoulder,” he says. “When she turned around, I jumped back—terrible of me, I know, but I was just so shocked. She looked much older in person, and I barely recognized her. She must have taken out every wrinkle from her profile picture. Her lines weren’t the turnoff, but who wants to start a relationship on a lie?”

Photoshop is like the Force. There’s a light side and a dark side. Our advice is to stay on the light side.

I hope you’ve enjoyed our article, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions please don’t hesitate to contact us at

Warmest regards


15 Secrets of Online Dating for Grownup Women – Part 2

Here’s the second article (Part 2 of 3) from my friend and top  Dating coach Bobbi Palmer:

Meeting men can be hard.

Let’s face it, meeting men can be hard, especially if you are over 40. You’re not meeting men at work or in bars anymore. Your circle of friends is likely the same as it’s been for years, so there may not be many chances to be set up with great guys.

Being online means you can meet hundreds of men.

If you’ve been avoiding going online because you’re thinking that it’s only for 20 year olds…think again! Dating sites report that their fastest growing segment is people over 50.

I’m Bobbi Palmer, the dating and relationship coach for women over 40. I met the love of my life online and got married for the first time at age 47, so of course I recommend it to my coaching clients.

In part 1 of this article we covered the 5 things to consider before you get online. Part 2, Secrets #6 through#10 are about what to do once you start meeting men online.

If you remember nothing else, remember this.

When you’re using online dating, if you remember nothing else, remember this: when you meet for the first time after connecting online, it’s just meeting; it’s not dating.

You have to know how to get past the meet-date to get to the real date. (If you want to, that is.)

5 things to consider before you meet Mr. Wonderful:

#6. Meeting is not dating.

The purpose of the “meet date” is only to determine if you want to go on a real date. It’s not to get to know each other. For most men, this is their time to get a first impression and decide if he wants to get to know you better. If he does, he will ask you on a real date.

Remembering this will help you better judge a man’s interest, and make more realistic decisions about his worthiness as a possible mate. If he doesn’t present himself as overly interested or serious about romance, he may just be waiting for the real date to wow and woo you.

When he gets a good initial impression, he will ask you out. When he asks, say “yes, I’d enjoy seeing you again!” if you feel good with him. Then give him the real look-over on the date; as he will you.

#7. Be positive, and realistic.

Stay positive in the belief that you will find your special man who will rock your world. But be realistic by remembering that the majority of the men you meet won’t be Mr. I Love You.

This will serve you well in managing your expectations and, therefore, disappointments. If he’s not The One, it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. If nothing else, you’ve had a nice evening and you’ve had more practice for when you do meet him.

#8. Put your best foot forward.

Everyone, men and women, have negative attributes and secrets; and everyone worries about when to share them. The answer may be complex and depend on the situation, but the sure thing is NOT to share them on the meet date, or often even the first date.

Divorce, family problems, jobs you hate, friends or other men that have betrayed and disappointed you are off limits. If he asks or brings it up himself, respond with one or two sentences of a positive nature and sway the topic elsewhere.

For example: “It was difficult at times but I learned a lot from that experience” or “Wow, we could talk about that for hours!

Let’s put that in the queue for next time…I’d rather talk about your [travels; favorite movies, bands, or plays; preferences in food; or cats vs. dogs…”)

#9. Remember…you don’t know him.

Until you spend time with him you cannot know his character, his values, or how he would make you feel in a relationship.

Intuition and chemistry are real, but not reliable indicators of the important elements of a long-lasting, adult relationship: trust, respect, loving-kindness, etc.

Keep your reaction-to-attraction and intuition in check, and lead with your intellect. It will serve you better in the long run.

#10. Keep Your Eyes on the Prize.

You are looking for a good man with whom you can share deep connection, unconditional trust, mutual adoration, and a lifetime of happiness. Everything you do should be toward that end.

That means choose long-term happiness over momentary pleasure. Don’t be intimate too soon and do give him the time and attention needed to make a good and grown-up choice.

And please have FUN with this! (More about that next time in Part 3.)

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!


When should you introduce your children to your date?

A question I’ve been asked more than a few times is “When should I Introduce my child to someone I’ve been dating?

Not sure

Many people aren’t sure when would be the best time to do this and it’s a question that many parents find extremely difficult to answer.

The reason why this question is so difficult to answer is that there’s no “one-size-fits-all” answer that will work for all children; Considering factors could be the age and emotional development of the child and the opinions of the culture you live in.

Here are some guidelines to answer this question and hopefully making it less stressful for your child, your partner and yourself.

Are you serious?

A simple question with a simple answer; If you are casually dating someone then I feel it’s NOT appropriate to introduce them to your child; If you don’t view your date as a long-term relationship then tell your child (if they ask) that you are seeing a “friend” and leave it at that; I’ve known people quickly introduce their children to a boyfriend or a girlfriend and then watched the children get attached to the other adult, only to be upset when it doesn’t work out.

How long have you been dating?

While there’s no fixed time limit, the idea of waiting a little is smart. Give your relationship a enough time to grow and experience the natural ups and downs.

How to introduce him or her to your children

Plan something fun so that you take the pressure off everyone (Include your children in an activity you can all do together).

Talking with your children

Again the answer here depends entirely on the age and emotion development of your children.

Accepting your “Significant other” may be a slow process for your children. Remember that your top priority is to reassure your children that you love and that you intend to always be there for  them. In time they will see that you having another person in your life is about you being happy and not about splitting your affections.
Taking one-on-one time with your child to discuss your relationship will often help. If needed, you can also talk with your child know and let them know that you are disappointed that your relationship with their other parent could not be salvaged, and in light of that, you’re ready to move on.

Don’t rush things

Once your relationship becomes  serious, let your significant other get to know your children gradually, do NOT attempt to rush or force the relationship, keep things fun!

the key is to keep things fun, plan lots of good stuff with your kids, allow things to unfold naturally and if you have a few bumps along the way then learn to accept them and enjoy the process.


Get great dating photos (And don’t post pictures of you and your children on a dating site).

You’ll need some dating profile photos when you date online, but don’t post pictures of you and your children online (Any good person will understand that they can wait to meet your children!)
Having  great dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, visit LookBetterOnline and find out why our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating tips: 3 Subjects to Avoid on a Date

I went on a date a few years ago

It was in a beautiful restaurant in La Jolla, a warm summer evening, I had booked a table with a view and had planned it so we could watch the sunset in the pacific ocean, my date turned up in her sports car looking like a million dollars, I remember clearly how great I felt…

Then she opened her mouth, I listened carefully and I couldn’t wait for the date to end!

I wondered if she’d be surprised when I didn’t call her

Here’s why…She made 3 fatal dating mistakes!

Mistake #1 Talking about money on a date

Yes, yes I know that money is important, and it’s a good thing to know how your date feels about money, but on the first date-really……Boring!
We all know that people draw conclusions about others based on their job, income, investments, family wealth, investments but do I really want to know how much money you need/want on a first date….NO, just stick to fun stuff and make me smile a little!

Mistake #2 Talking too much about family

Nothing kills passion for men more quickly than talking about your Dad leaving your Mom for her best friend…Oversharing this will make any man  run for the door (or at least want to)!

Mistake #3 Talking about what was wrong in a last relationship

The biggest no-no… I’m not your therapist so no need to go in-depth about how you were wronged during any date, and  romantic horror stories aren’t going to impress me either, I don’t want to hear stories of horrible dates when I’m with you…just keep it fun and let’s talk about things we like and see if we’re a good match.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Does online dating make you feel like a lonely dog left out in the rain?

Did you know that according to 1 in 5 couples who get married in the USA are met through online dating?

What if you’ve decided to join the ranks of all these people finding love online; You’ve got all excited and posted your profile; For the first month you got attention but now hardly any views

What if you’re not getting the results with online dating that you’d hoped for?

It can seem like no one is interested in you anymore and that each month you’re wasting your hard earned money paying subscriptions for online dating and you feel like a lonely dog left out in the rain!

So you decide to change a few words and phrases in you profile hoping that the process will get easier; You post your new updated dating profile and wait for the emails and winks to come rushing in, and  then nothing happens….that’s right nothing happens!

The problem is you changed the profile but your photos look the same!

We are all visual creatures here’s the way that it works when online dating:
STEP1: Man or woman sees picture they like
STEP2:  Man or woman clicks on picture and reads profile

Yes exactly like this, they see a picture they like and then click on it to find out more! if you’re not convinced about this then ask yourself, when was the last time you clicked on a dating profile picture or read a profile of someone you didn’t find attractive!

With online dating you must have good online dating photos to get people to even read your profile!

So many people have terrible profile pictures and when they don’t get results they blame the online dating website!, they say that online dating sites haven’t got the number of people they say they have (and truth be told, you have no way of knowing)

People with bad pictures often consider using another online dating site and posting their profile there, but the online dating photos are the very thing that prevents them from meeting more people.
If  you are not getting the results that you want with online dating then change your picture FIRST!

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Online dating Advice: Is Match Losing to PlentyofFish?

match vs plentyoffish is now a household name. The site’s huge marketing budgets and strong history have made it synonymous with online dating. PlentyOfFish, by contrast, is a minnow. But at the moment, the small fry is winning and if Match doesn’t do something fast, it could well find that it’s no longer the biggest fish in the pond.

There are a number of reasons I think Match is losing out to PlentyOfFish:

Easy Profile Creation

While the first registration step to Match is short and consists only of one form asking for username, email and password, the complete profile is spread over no less than eight different pages.

After the initial basic information screen, PlentyOfFish offers just one more page (followed by an optional quiz) to enter all the information you need.

I am sure that Match thinks its process is more organized — and it looks organized on the page — but for the member, it’s so much easier to be able to complete everything on one page without having to click to the next page, and the next page after that.

This problem continues with profile updates. Every time you want to update a piece of information, you have to figure out which screen you need to reach in order to edit it. It’s a very tedious process. Registration

Match’s complete profile is spread over no less than eight different pages

PlentyOfFish Registration

After the initial basic information screen, PlentyOfFish offers just one more page (followed by an optional quiz) to enter all the information you need.

Instant Approval

Match has to approve every word you submit before you can publish it. The same is true of photos. You can upload any image you want, but you won’t be able to see it online until Match gives it a thumbs-up.

Why is this bad? Because when people sign up to a dating site they are excited and optimistic. They want to start playing right away!

Start sending emails before your submissions have been approved though, and the people you write to will only see half a profile. They’ll ignore you.

Sure, you can wait 24 hours but when you’ve just seen someone you’d really like to meet, you don’t want to wait a day before you can contact them. The same happens when you update a profile. You can’t be spontaneous! You have to wait and wait and wait.

Match Pending Photo

You can upload any image you want, but you won’t be able to see it online until Match gives it a thumbs-up.

I can understand Match’s thinking: they don’t want anyone to post a photo of themselves naked or — God forbid — upload porn. It’s a valid concern that PlentyOfFish doesn’t worry about for two reasons:

  1. It’s free. When people get something for nothing, they’re less likely to complain.
  2. It’s a lively community. When someone abuses the system, others are quick to report it and the profile is taken down fast.

PlentyOfFish wins here because its active community means that even the worst case scenarios (porn, advertisements, spam, etc.), are corrected quickly, allowing users to start messaging immediately.


Logging into Match can be like walking into a library. It’s quiet, it’s boring, and if there are people there, you don’t really know it. Sure, there are some interesting items to pull down and look at, but it’s not the kind of place that leads you start a conversation.


Logging into Match can be like walking into a library. It’s quiet, it’s boring, and if there are people there, you don’t really know it.

Logging into PlentyOfFish though is like walking into a hot bar full of people. The site is alive, active and dynamic. It has energy. It’s all down to the following features:

  • Who’s Online? – PlentyOfFish shows you who is currently online. If you’re interested, you can drop them a quick email and get a reply immediately. That’s instant gratification at its best!And because other people can see that you’re online, you get a lot more messages, giving you more reasons to come back.Match doesn’t have an “Who’s online?” page. You have to search, then tick a box. It’s too many steps for something so basic, and doesn’t incentivize returning to the site and staying on it.
  • Changing thumbnails – Each page on PlentyOfFish shows members’ thumbnails, often with the word “chat” below, inviting you to say hello. The pictures change constantly so that you feel there’s always a lot of people flowing through.On Match, I have to search before I can see anyone. PlentyOfFish introduces potential dates to me.

    PlentyOfFish thumbnails

    The pictures change constantly so that you feel there’s always a lot of people flowing through

  • Forums – A forum is a basic feature for any online community. It suggests activity and shows real people online, posting, talking and interacting with each another. You can read or participate and even contact those who you think are cool based on what they write. Why doesn’t Match do this?

At PlentyOfFish, you really feel you’re joining a party.


Logging into PlentyOfFish though is like walking into a hot bar full of people. The site is alive, active and dynamic.

Easy Profiles

While the PlentyOfFish profile is straightforward and completed in a single page, the Match profile is complex and hard to use. You see only three photos initially. (It took me a while to realize I can click “See more” to see the rest of the photos, but when I do, I have to wait for a new page to load… and wait again when I want to see each picture. And I still can’t see the picture and the profile at the same time.)

match profile

On Match, I can’t see the picture and the profile at the same time

PlentyOfFish puts all the photo thumbnails at the top of the page and enlarges them with a cursor hover. There’s no need to go to a new page, no need to wait for pages to load and I can see all the information I need right away.

Sophisticated design doesn’t always mean good design. Sometimes, simplicity is exactly what the user needs.

No Horny Teens or Dirty Old Men

One of the biggest problems with online dating is that every schmo can contact you. Both Match and PlentyOfFish — and every other dating site — have this problem, and there really isn’t a full solution. However, PlentyOfFish does have a brilliant feature that cuts out many of the undesired emails before they even reach you: the site lets you control who can write to you! You can filter your emails by:

  • Age. So no more emails from horny 19-year olds or creepy 75-year olds!
  • Gender. No emails from females if that’s not your thing.
  • Country. Nigerians who want to send me money will just have to find my email address.
  • Radius. If you’re not into long distance relationships, you can restrict contact to just those within a 75-mile radius.
  • Email size. You can even specify how long the email must be for a first contact — so no “hi” emails.

All these restrictions work in just one direction. You can still contact whoever you want, unless they’ve filtered you out, of course. For me and for most women, it’s not about the quantity of emails, it’s about the quality.

Now if I could only control a few more options like height, children, etc, that would make it even more powerful!

It’s pretty simple, and I really don’t know why Match hasn’t copied it.

PlentyOfFish lets you control who can write to you!

PlentyOfFish lets you control who can write to you!

More Emails

Even after restricting for age, country and radius I still receive about ten times more emails on PlentyOfFish than I do on Match. I opened both profiles on the same day with the same photos.

You might think that the quality of people on Match would be higher than the quality on a free site, but it really isn’t. Many people, like myself, use both sites and the quality varies on both.

I want options, which means more emails from quality members.

Better Email Notifications

When someone sends you a message on a dating site, you receive an email notification. When someone sends you a message from Match, that notification contains a whole bunch of functionality errors.

  1. The “from” email address changes with the user. The email always comes from [username]@talkMatch. Even if I add that address to my approved list, the next email — with a different username — will end up in my junk folder. It’s hugely frustrating.PlentyOfFish sends an email from the same address. You can add that address to your contacts, and messages will always go directly to your inbox.It’s a huge oversight on Match’s part and a very easy fix.
  2. The email contains too much information. Match’s emails don’t just contain the message. They also include the photo and some of the sender’s profile. But since most people don’t make a good first impression, I can ignore most of the messages I receive and never bother log in into Match. PlentyOfFish tells me that someone has been in touch but doesn’t tell me who they are or what they look like. It’s enough to make me curious, and that means I log in to the site. Once I’m there, even that person isn’t right for me, I’ll soon be browsing the thumbnails, chatting online and meeting new people. I’m an active user again.
  3. Wrong links. The link to the username on Match leads to a reply box, not the profile. It’s an odd thing and very annoying.

What Both Sites Are Missing

Where both Match and PlentyOfFish come up short is in the quality of the photos. On dating sites, the best dates go to the people with the best dating profile photos, leaving everyone else to settle for less than they could have won.

People do tend to look much better than the images they put on their profiles so posting bad dating profile photos reduce their opportunities every day. All a member needs is at least one good, professionally-taken photo of themselves, in a natural light at a flattering angle and with good composition.

Most people don’t expect to find a supermodel on a dating site, but they do want to know how you look like before they meet you, without having to guess and without taking a huge risk.

Both Match and PlentyOfFish do very little to educate their members about the importance of good photos, or offer easy solutions like which would allow them to take their online dating experience to the next level. On Match, for example, I can see ads for toothpaste and hotels but not for what members really need: good photos. PlentyOfFish advertises yet another dating site on which you can place a bad photo, but this time receive a bunch of fake emails and pay for rejection.

Online dating photos before and after

On dating sites, the best dates go to the people with the best pictures, leaving everyone else to settle for less than they could have won.


Match can keep acquiring free sites like OKCupid and still claim they are number one, but until they implement the appeal these free sites have — the simplicity, the ease of use, the instant gratification and a lively community — they will lose in the long run.

Do you think Match is losing this race?