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GlutenFreeSingles.com Great news for 3,000,000 Online Daters who are Gluten intolerant!

According to the University of Chicago’s “Celiac Disease Center” 3 million people in the USA alone are Gluten intolerant or “Celiac”.

In Perspective

Now let’s put this number into perspective…

The number of people with celiac disease in the U.S. is roughly equal to the number of people living in the state of Nevada.

People who have Celiac disease cannot tolerate gluten, and even the smallest exposure to Gluten makes them sick.

So what’s this got to do with Dating? I hear you ask yourself.

Imagine

Well imagine having to do be aware of your intolerance to Gluten while dating, Imagine that first date proving to be a real challenge as you try to explain in that romantic moment how sick you’ll get if the restaurant isn’t super careful with your meal

Imagine getting sick after that first kiss…and you realize your date’s drunk beer. (Gluten can be found in a number of less obvious foods — things like pickles, candy and even meat) …Perhaps now you’ll get a picture of what many Celiac’s suffer.

Be mindful of that first kiss

What would you do if I told you there could be no kissing unless you brushed your teeth, flossed, and then rinsed with mouthwash?

GlutenFreeSingles.com started when two health conscious friends, one with Celiac disease and the other gluten-intolerance recognized the need for a gluten-free dating community that focused on singles with similar dietary needs. By creating GlutenFreeSingles.com they’ll help
the 3 million people who have Celiac disease and those who are gluten intolerant find valuable information, self-improvement, and long fulfilling gluten-free relationships.

“Being diagnosed with Celiac disease myself, I know that there can be a host of embarrassing situations that arise when dealing with special dietary needs on a date – especially when you are meeting someone new and going out to restaurants often. GlutenFreeSingles is a unique place where you can socialize and find gluten-free dating partners – or friends who share the same health goals,” said Marcella Romaya, co-founder GlutenFreeSingles

GlutenfreeSingles’ website also says that their goal is to create a community where users, “never have to feel alone, awkward, or a burden because you are gluten-free.”

Media comments

As this Dating website emerges and gets media Exposure I’ve heard journalists say that

“It remains questionable whether one’s dietary preferences or requirements are a useful basis for finding a romantic partner”.

Yet after looking online at the many Forums and groups for Celiacs to join…when I looked at the conversations around dating I saw that for many people who are Gluten intolerant that dating could be a nightmare and I couldn’t help but think that these words were written by someone who’d never suffered from Celiac Disease. I think that if I was Gluten intolerant that I’d sign up

Dating online? Regardless of your age, an important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

First date tips

Make the leap

Once you’ve made the leap and asked the question—or been asked the question—there’s always the problem of where you go for that crucial first date.

Picking the right location

Ideally, an idea for a great place will have popped up during your first little email exchange. If you know the person you’ve been chatting with likes the beach then a beachfront café is likely to be a good choice. If they said on their profile that they’re into salads and sushi then proposing a veggie bar or a Japanese restaurant will make it hard for your new friend to say no.

Be safe

Wherever you choose, the crucial rule is to make sure that you meet in a public place.

There’s no getting around this one. Even if you’ve been talking for a couple of weeks about how great the hiking route you’ve discovered is and how much your new pal will enjoy it—and even if they’re as enthusiastic as you are to check it out—the first date should still be in a spot where other people can see you.

Remember, you still don’t know the person you’re planning to meet, however long you’ve been swapping messages across the ether. It always pays to be cautious, especially on that first meeting.

Relaxed environment

For some people Cafes are good choices for dates because they’re relaxed, laid back and much less formal than dinner for two—which can feel a bit like a job interview. And activity dates are usually safe bets as well. If you run out of things to say about yourselves or each other, you can always talk about what you’re seeing or doing.

You could also take a historical walking tour of your local town, pay a visit to a museum, even take a spin on a rollercoaster. You could also make it a group thing and join two sets of pals together to take some of the pressure off that first meeting.

Remember

The first date isn’t just about whether or not you both walk away feeling as though you’ve been struck by lightning. Not all great relationships start with a bolt from the blue. It’s about whether you feel comfortable in each other’s company, can make each other laugh and find that you’d like to see each other again and get to know each other better. Many of the best relationships are those that grow out of friendship and a first date should always be seen as the first meeting with a new friend.

If that turns out to be a friend with benefits—and then a great deal more—so much the better.

And if not, maybe your new friend has friends…

Don’t sweat it

There’s always a huge amount of pressure on a first date. Don’t sweat it. Just think of it as a couple of hours with a new friend and if it doesn’t work out, just remember: there’s a dating site full of better options.
dating tips and profile photos 004

Think About This too!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

How to overcome dating rejection and rebuild your self-esteem.

99.9% of people who date online will at some point feel rejection. Perhaps it’s an unanswered email, or you have a wonderful first date and then never hear from the person again, or perhaps you have a few dates and the person decides that you’re simply not a good match for them

For most people this really hurts! And many people are left miserable with a feeling of lower self-esteem, questioning whether that are smart, or rich or beautiful or good enough to find someone special!

“There must be something wrong with me” they often say.

The answer to overcome dating rejection is actually quite simple! After rejection you need to rebuild your self-esteem! OK let’s get started

Step 1: Make a list

Make a list of 50 qualities you have that are important in a partner such as being loving, kind, considerate, a great lover, a great friend, a great sense of humor…now this may take a while but don’t stop until you have at least 50 good things about you

Step 2: Do something you love

Take a day off and do something that you  love. Whether its golfing for a day, watching movies while eating Ice-cream or going skydiving take some time to treat yourself to show yourself that you’re worthy of some good times

Step 3: Change the way you think!

Change the way you think of the dating process! Meeting someone special can take a while so remember there’s nothing wrong with you! If you go into dating with the belief that you’ll meet people who don’t think you’re a match and meet people you don’t think are a match before you meet your “someone special” then  dating can be way more fun.

Another important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great dating profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Profile of a Jewish Matchmaker

Meet my friend Anna

Anna comes from a large family of what she calls “facilitated marriages”.
Her parents met through a New York City based dating service in 1986, her Aunt and Uncle met using the first computer dating system in 1969, numerous family members and friends met using online dating sites; and all have successful marriages with many children.

A Jewish Dating Expert
Anna helps many Jewish singles find their perfect match through her matchmaking business Chai Connections (Pronounced “HAI” in Hebrew as “HAI” means life, life connections)

A phone call with Anna

A few days ago I was talking on the phone with Anna and I asked her  why she became a matchmaker? I also asked her for a some advice that she could share with people looking to hire a matchmaker.

…here is Anna’s expert reply

Matchmaking: An Age Old Career Resurfaced

When I was in college, I found myself studying a particular subject, not often found in the University Course Catalog. I was naturally drawn to courses in Judaism; and I found myself fascinated by the subject of Jewish dating. In each of my Jewish Studies Courses, I was fascinated by stories about romantic relationships. While this may sound common for a young Jewish woman, I was intrigued by the intricacies of the relationships. How did they meet? What kept them together, or what brought them apart? How were they so certain that this was the right person? It became like an anthropological study of Jewish dating.

One year after my initial interest was sparked, I met with my Judaic Studies Professor to discuss the topic of my final paper for a Cultural Judaism class. My proposed topic was Jewish dating in conjunction with assimilation in the modern era. When I presented my thesis, my professor looked at me quizzically and asked, “Isn’t this the same topic as your paper from last semester’s course?” “Of course not! That was totally different. That was on romantic relationships in Orthodox communities, this is on Jewish dating in the modern era. They are totally different.” I responded. My professor hesitated, yet ultimately let me write the paper. I imagine her hesitation resulted from having never had a student write so much on this particular subject matter. As the years went on, my intrigue only grew stronger, and I continued to study the field.

Matchmaking

Most think of the practice as an age old tradition, popularized by films like “Fiddler on the Roof”.

The tradition of matchmaking goes as far back as the Bible, when Eliezer, servant of Abraham, was instructed to find a match for Abraham’s son Isaac. In fact, the Talmud states that the head Rabbi could give corporal punishment to a man who was married without a shiddchan, or matchmaker.

Nowadays, the idea that one would be required by law to have an intermediary facilitate their marriage seems ludicrous. However, if we take the time to really think about the logic, does it seem so preposterous?

Consider this

In modern America we have coaches for nearly everything we do. Financial consultants, athletic coaches, college counselors, spiritual guides, IT consultants academic advisers, the list goes on. Yet when it comes to choosing a partner, perhaps one of the most critical decisions we make in our lives, we rely primarily on ourselves to be the experts. On the surface, this makes sense. As human beings, we can pinpoint exactly what we want in life; what kind of career, where to live, how to raise a family, etc.. Therefore, we should be able to spot a desirable partner based on our own specific wants and needs. But when we want to find that partner, how do we go about it? And moreover, if we are lucky enough to find that perfect partner, how do we know they are the one? And finally, once we determine that that special person is in fact the one, how do we get them to stick around once they discover all of our minute idiosyncrasies? With all of the intricacies of dating, how can we truly be the expert in the game of love?

Who is the expert?

In Academia, we look to those who study a particular field as the experts. Scholars hone in on a specific subject matter: History, Philosophy, Religion, Political Science, Medicine etc… After a dictated period of time of study, they are awarded a degree, deeming them an expert; one to turn to when questioning a matter in that field. Yet when it comes to love, oftentimes we deem ourselves the expert. When I was in college, I studied Religion, one of my favorite professors always became infuriated when people insisted that one had to be religious to be an expert on Religion. He would make the analogy, that one doesn’t study Biology because they are biological; they study because they are interested in the science as a subject matter. So too could Religion be studied as a subject, not necessarily in conjunction with following it as a practice.

The subject of Love

Likewise, I’ve found that Love can be viewed as a subject matter; something that people can study, a Social Science perhaps, and become an expert in. Thus if becoming an expert requires study, rather than personal practice, how can we rely solely on ourselves the experts in our own love life? I think singles owe it to themselves to give in, and accept help from the experts.

Growing up, I never dreamed of becoming a matchmaker. While my interest in Jewish Dating as a subject matter grew in college, I never associated it with a career. In fact, I always dreamed of becoming a dentist, a field totally incongruous with Jewish Dating (unless you consider the many Jewish mothers who dream of their daughter marrying a doctor, and then settle when she finds a nice Jewish Dentist). It wasn’t until earlier this year that I realized I could actually make a career out of my passion. After my initial epiphany that matchmaking was in fact a modern practice, I met with my Rabbi to inquire about it. As a fellow Jewish Dating enthusiast, he was tremendously supportive of my venture, and thus Chai Connections was born (To see Anna’s blog click here)

Advice on hiring a Matchmaker.

The most important thing is making sure that the matchmaker you hire is compatible with your personality-spend a few minutes talking with them to see if your personalities and ideology are a good fit! (Otherwise it’ll be a painful waste of time.

Also don’t be afraid when choosing a matchmaker to ask them “What’s your track record” you want to feel confident in their ability to find you that someone special!

Something else to consider

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

The easy way to enjoy online dating

I’ll keep this post short and useful!

I’ve talked to many people who hate online dating!

The Story

The usual story goes like this:

“I’m way too busy at work to meet many new people,  so I decided that online dating would be a good idea, but now I hate going on so many dates with strangers who are definitely not who I’m looking for! I wish I wasn’t single and I could meet the one for me and stop dating”

Endless date after date…hoping that the next person will be the special one doesn’t sound like much fun!

Remember all the dates you felt disappointed when things didn’t work out the way you expected? when you thought that he or she could be the right one and 10 minutes into your date you were so disappointed?

A different story

Here’s an easier way to look at online dating

“I’m way too busy at work to meet many new people,  so I decided that meeting people online would be a good idea, I know that I might have to meet a lot of people to find someone special but I’m in no rush and in the meantime I can meet lots of people and hear lots of different perspectives on the world. Eventually I’ll find someone special even if it takes a while”

Chill out

When tell ourselves a better “Story” about our dating then we can finally “chill out” and relax a little.
Going on a date now has no pressure, no expectations, you can simply get to know another human being.

Letting life unfold

letting life unfold gracefully for us is an art, yet the more we practice it the happier we’ll be.

Think About This!

13Before you get a date you need to attract someone special!
Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, we all look at the photos first! so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Meet to Marry Book…Well worth a read

Book

LookBetterOnline.com
Book Review:

I liked Bari Lyman before reading her “Meet to Marry Book”.

Both Bari and her Husband Michael (Well you wouldn’t want to take advice from an expert who wasn’t happily married) are smart, easy going individuals who have a great way of looking at life…when it comes to finding love they tell people to “Become the person you’d like to meet”.

It’s about YOU being the one

meet to mary dating adviceBari teaches that the first step in finding love is to start acting like someone who both deserves and wants a life full of love, someone who’s ready to give and receive love.

In other words, it’s not about you finding the right person; it’s about YOU being the right person.  In Bari’s words

“Someone who is busy ‘being the one’ knows that he or she has the power to change his/her dating reality and then takes powerful steps to do so,”

Mixed messages

Bari goes on to say. “Write down how you want to feel in a relationship and then ask yourself: Am I treating myself the way that I want to feel?
If not, you’ve got to first change the way you treat yourself. For example: If you want to feel understood and accepted by a partner but don’t treat yourself with respect or accept who you really are, you’re sending out mixed messages… and that alone will attract people who don’t value you. “See what happens when you treat yourself the same way you want to be treated by your perfect match,” advises Lyman.

Bari’s Passion

Speaking with Bari it’s clear that helping people to “be the one to find the one” is her passion.
So when Bari and her Husband  Michael offered to send me a copy of their Book “Meet to Marry” I waited eagerly for it to arrive in the mail.

First impressions

I love the book cover, OK, OK I know this isn’t super important but it’s fun and definitely made me want to dive in and get reading!

This book is written around the idea that you can:

1. ASSESS your marriage readiness.
2. ATTRACT the kind of person you desire.
3. ACT in the present to attract the future

What I like about it is that it’s a book that’s not designed for insights or intellectual conversations…its designed to get results.
Let’s look at the 3 steps in a little more detail.

STEP 1: ASSESS.

This involves taking a “Marriage readiness” quiz, then having a “Reality check” and then “Challenging your thinking”

A quiz with different answers
Now we’ve all taken quick tests where you answer A, B, C or D. Then you’ll add up all the A’s, B’s C’s or D’s and find your score and read the answer to the test. While this test does just that it also provides the reader with deeper answers to each question answered, I found this method very effective and helpful-it’s an easy way to provide the reader with clear and meaningful answers.

A reality Check.

Then the book took an important direction to focus on “Blind spots” and dating, Blind spots in dating are the things that stop people from finding love. And Bari uses real life examples to challenge the way that you’ll think about yourself. I really liked this section.

Blind spots love

A different way of thinking.

In the third part of step 1 Bari offers great insight on not living in reality when it comes to dating, on Carrying around negative associations when it comes to dating, on not being true to yourself, on being over critical when it comes to yourself and dating and on being unavailable.

Bari goes on to talk about Good Advice and Bad advice, I like this hard hitting chapter Bari gives an example of another Dating coaches advice, and why she disagrees with it and finished this step by examining some dating myths and stereotypes.

STEP 2: ATTRACT.

Mari starts with a section called Why Marry.
The following part of this step helps the reader get clear about exactly what they want.
Mari does this by helping the reader create a “Happiness and finding my life partner journal”, a “Dream board” and a “Marriage vision”

STEP 3: ACT. (In the present)

This chapter is all about Action.

I’ve always agreed with the concept of Acting in the present to attract the future. There are way too many people who don’t enjoy the lives that they deserve simply because they fail to take action!

This chapter is the perfect end to any book written to help you make change.

In summary.

Well written and easy to follow its obvious Bari and her husband have spent a significant amount of time, love and energy on creating a system that will help many people find the love that they deserve!

This is a GREAT book, well thought out and well written. I’ve given this book 4.5 out of 5 stars…because I NEVER give anything 5 stars and I found the forward a little difficult (and to be fair I’ve said this before I’m not into reading the introductions of ANY book)
Here’s a link to buy your copy!  Don’t delay…order yourself a copy and start moving towards the love you deserve( Click here )

A Glance or Drooling, Where Do You Draw the Line?

Dating can be a challenge for us all.  Many of us struggle to find our perfect match.  As someone who has graduated with honors from life’s virtual University of Dating, Jonathon Aslay helps women in finding that seemingly elusive man with whom they can have both compatibility and passion. To find out more about him Click here

Jonathon knows the male brain. He listens to women and what they want. Most importantly, he is gifted at bridging the gap between the sexes.

Jonathan kindly allowed me to post  his article called- A Glance or Drooling, Where Do You Draw The Line?

When is looking at another woman acceptable or unacceptable behavior by your man?

You’re in a fantastic relationship, you both love each other and are in the beginning phases of building a life together. All is going great except, while out having dinner together, he casually glances at a beautiful woman while she walks by. Often I’ve heard men say they are naturally drawn to look at a beautiful woman (in fact they can’t help themselves), but is that a no-no in a monogamous relationship?

From the male perspective if questioned you might hear phrases like: “Well, I’m not dead,” or, “Just because I’m on a diet, doesn’t mean that I can’t look at the menu.”

Men can justify their reasons a hundred different ways and what really matters most is how you feel about the look. The reality is, healthy men and women can have an appreciation for beauty or what they find attractive. The old saying, ”Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”  and catching a glance can happen at a restaurant, in the movies or starring into your beloved’s eyes.  That glance might even be noticing toilet paper on her shoe.

Frankly, I don’t think a glance is that big of a deal.

Some say women who are insecure or controlling might take issue and challenge a man for such an action. Personally, I don’t think is makes a woman insecure or controlling if she wishes to engage in a dialogue. Healthy relationships should be able to talk about anything, even when her guy gets attracted and distracted by a beautiful woman.

Here’s is the thing, if a man is questioned for this action he might perceive it as controlling or insecurity. In addition, men don’t want to justify every little action. Therefore, ask yourself, was this an innocent glance or was he drooling and foaming at the mouth?  If he was foaming at the mouth you might have a bigger issue.

My Facebook friend Nicole J.’s husband shared his perspective and his feelings mirror my own:

‘He broke it down like this from a “man in love” perspective. He said, “Men may notice an attractive woman, however if they are in a happy relationship often the very next thought is of you and the genuine gratitude they have that they still, no matter what, would rather be with you over any other woman. And then there is gratitude that THEY are not out there anymore.”

So here is the bottom line: men will look at a beautiful women whether you are in the room or not, it’s gonna happen. For the men who are in an unhappy relationships, this might be the beginning of a bigger issue and you should observe his actions throughout your time together. If the signs are many (constant distractions and a feeling of distance), ask yourself, is this the right relationship for you?

Just know this, when a man is in love and grateful for the relationship he is in, these momentary glances are nature’s way of saying “hey, you’re still alive”.

Think About This too!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating tips for Guys who have been dumped (Dump the drama and Grow some balls)

Wow that’s a harsh Blog title isn’t it! Sorry if it seems harsh I just wanted to get your attention and help you get to a happier place

A True Story

Let me tell you a true story about a friend of mine!

My friend (Let’s call him Dave) was going through a messy divorce..he had married the girl of his dreams only to find out that a few years later his dream had died and she was leaving him and wanted a divorce. Now Dave was a wreck, he was pleading with his wife to try and work things out, grasping at anything he could to try to make his marriage work.

What was painfully obvious to all his guy friends was that she’d met a new guy and was cheating on him (She’s been posting pictures of her new boyfriend on Facebook and it seemed that everyone but Dave knew what was going on!)

I wanted to help Dave

I wanted to help Dave and I knew a man that could help him…

Let me introduce my great friend Anthony Clark…he’s a former professional male escort and dating coach, he’s a great friend to me, a loveable, Authentic character who walks his talk!

I thought that if I could persuade Dave to talk to Anthony and read his book- so that he could begin the process of picking himself up from his messy divorce.

The name of his book…

He met Anthony and immediately liked him…then Anthony told him to read a copy of his book, the book is called

“How to Get Over That Bitch and Grow Balls They Can’t Resist”

ballsNow let’s be clear from the very beginning…Anthony says:

“This book was not written to degrade or humiliate women. I use the term “Bitch,” to express the anger and frustration that men feel towards the women who dumped them, or have broken their hearts.
The “Bitch,” whom I am referring to in the title… can also pertain to a man, a boss, or anyone who treats you with disrespect!”

Written by relationship expert and former male escort, Anthony Clark “The Game Dr.” Co-written by Melanie Kira Clark.
This is a 196 page fast, easy and hilarious read that will forever change the way you love & date.Perfect for men of all ages…and perfect to read if you’ve just been dumped!

Dave refused to read the book

What was frustrating to me was that Dave refused to read the book properly, he read a few pages and angrily told me that the book was written for “Meat-heads”.

I think that Dave didn’t read the book fully because if he did it would mean that he had to grow some balls and change! (Sorry Dave if you’re reading this you know I love you man)

I also think (And while I’m no expert just a regular guy I’m not stupid) that Dave was trying so hard to make things right in his failing marriage that he ended up behaving in a desperate, needy and submissive relationship with his soon to be ex wife.

His Ball-less behavior made her lose passion, admiration, and respect for him.

A year and a half later

Now this blog post isn’t designed to bash Dave (In fact a year and a half later he’s learning once again to grow some balls, step up and I see that he’s becoming a happier guy).
What amazes me is just how much time he wasted crying in his beer!

If  he’s just read the book I’m TOTALLY CONVINCED  that he would have save himself a year of unhappiness!

SO guys if you are reading this and you’ve been dumped OR you know a friend who’s a mess and who’s crying in his beer after his lady has dumped him for the sake of $20 get this book! It’ll save you a ton of wasted time and drama!

And then  read it!….

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Should you have sex on the first date?

If you’re a woman most dating coaches will tell you NOT to have sex on the first date.

Deep emotional ties=Bad choices?

Their reasoning is that sex creates deep emotional ties for women, and that when women have sex that they are highly likely to become emotionally attached to the man, and therefore make bad choices. The conclusion many coaches come to is that saving sex too soon might compel women to stay in relationships that are just not right for them.

The Amazing Clarks

Today I’d like to introduce you to my great friends Anthony and Melanie The Amazing Clarks, and let them tell you that its OK to have sex on the first date

The information for you

So why am I giving you both sides of the story? Well I want to give you the information, so that you can really think about what works for you and act according to what will bring you most joy!

2 short Videos

So lets look at 2 short videos, the first an introduction to the Clarks and then their thoughts about Sex on the first date

Introduction to the Amazing Clarks

what make us different

Sex on the first date

sex on first date

Why do I continue to attract the same guy in a different pair of pants?

Meet Marla,
She’s a professional matchmaker working in Los Angeles who definitely knows her stuff! She helped countless couples connect with their soul mates and go on to marriage.

Helping others find that someone special

Marla is a certified life/dating coach, author and motivational speaker and has appeared on the Today Show, WGN Chicago Morning News, San Diego Living, KUSI San Diego Morning, Better TV, Urban Rush and over 40 radio shows including Coast to Coast AM, Playboy Radio and The Cooper Lawrence Show. Marla is passionate about helping others find that special someone to go through life with, someone that makes life sparkle.To learn more about Marla CLICK HERE

As an expert Matchmaker Marla undwerstands the value of good photos, She told me “You are so right about having good photos for online dating..and even when using a matchmaker, because I also have to send pics to my clients and they have the right to turn someone down and often do because of a photo”.

Expert advice

But today I’d like to share with you Marla’s insight on Why many women attract the same guy over and over again. Many women complain that they just can’t seem to find the right man, that they always end up with the wrong guy!

Same guy in a different pair of pants

When we think about love, our soul mate, settling down and getting married, and so on, we often go back to our childhood thoughts on this subject. These thoughts condition how we think, and what we expect our relationships to look like.

Are you seeing anyone?

Many women think they should be in a relationship, not because they really want one or are ready for one, but because it’s just the thing to do. The pressure to be in a relationship is so automatic at times that we don’t even think about it. Do you ever notice that when you are single, friends and family are always asking you, “Are you seeing anyone?” or “How’s your love life?” If you say you’re not seeing anyone, they all want to fix you up. Your friends all think that you are such a catch, so how can you be single? On the other hand, if you are in a lousy relationship, they want to know, “Why are you with that loser?” The quest to find Mr. or Ms. Right has become so popular that there seem to be a million online dating sites, matchmaking services, books and talk radio shows on the subject. Everywhere you look, there is some reference to finding the love of your life.
Unfortunately, when you jump from guy to guy without analyzing why you want to be in a relationship, what your needs are and where your self esteem falls in the range between lower than an ant or as high as the sky, you will tend to fall right back with the same ole’ same ole’ …. Different guy, in the same pair of pants!

Take stock

I suggest that you take stock and decide why you want a relationship right now. Do any of these reasons ring true?

– I am lonely.
– All of my friends are in a relationship.
– I can’t afford to go to nice restaurants unless a man invites me.
– I feel like a loser without a man in my life.
– My mother keeps asking me when I’m going to get married.
– My biological clock is ticking.
– I want to get over my divorce or last relationship.
– I want a man to support me so that I don’t have to work anymore.
– I want to get even with someone or make someone jealous.

It’s better than being alone

Many times people just jump right into a relationship or stay in one with the wrong person because they feel that it’s better than being alone. Jenny, a twice-divorced mother of two has a good job and wonderfully supportive girlfriends, but she repeatedly gets into relationships that are not good for her. She is currently in a relationship with a man who beats her and puts her down because “it’s better than being alone.”
Watching the news lately, it seems like every day I see a story about someone (usually a woman) who is missing or found dead, killed by an ex-lover or spouse. Even if we are lonely, the people we choose to let into our lives need to be chosen carefully.
That’s why I am inviting you to really look at whether or not you are ready for a relationship right now. Maybe you just got out of a bad relationship, are recently divorced, or had a death in the family and need to heal. There is nothing wrong with being alone and working on yourself to make sure that you are a complete, whole and healthy person who is ready to give your all with the right person. I’ve always liked the saying, “I’d rather be healthy and alone than sick with someone else.”

The right reasons

If you agree with any of these statements, you want to be in a relationship for the right reasons.

– I love my life, and I want to share my happiness with someone.
– I feel totally ready to find my soul mate and start a family.
– I have so much to give to the right person.

Don’t waste your time

Another reason we may stay too long in a relationship is that we hope the person will change. We tell ourselves, “I’ve found the perfect person for me. If only he, or she, could change this or that, we would be incredible together.” Listen up. This is really quite dangerous! You cannot change someone. It is very important to realize this. It is so tempting to try to do so when we find someone that seems so irresistible. I have heard too many people, especially women, say something like, “He has such potential. I can change him.”

Here’s a great tip: don’t waste your time attracting potential. Spend your energy attracting the person who is already right to you! Find someone who already has the qualities that you are looking for in another person. No one wants to be changed or nagged or disapproved of. Yes, once two people are in a committed relationship, there are things that each might have to bend a bit or compromise on to live together harmoniously, but in general, you can’t change someone, so don’t even try! If you don’t like the qualities that your partner possesses, either accept him or her the way they are or break up and find a partner who already has those qualities that you are seeking, and you will be on the path to meeting Mr. Right in a whole new pair of pants!

Dating online? Something to think about…

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