Questions? 888.282.9777
Questions? 888.282.9777
Demo

Want to Have Fun Dating? Shed Your Dread of Rejection

My friend Bobbi from DateLikeaGrownup.com sent me this interesting article today, Hope you like it!

What are you doing this coming weekend?

Are you getting out to have some fun? Are you going somewhere to be around people and practice your connection and communication skills? Are you hopping online and writing emails to five fine people you’ve scoped out?

No? You’re not? If you’re like I was when I was single, or you’re like many of my private coaching clients, you may not be doing any of those things, and for one reason: you dread feeling rejected.

A few quick stories

Maybe if I tell you a few quick stories it will help you shed that dread.

1. Last week one of my clients told me that she sent an “I don’t think we’re a good match” email to a really hot guy. Why? Because he lived in the same small town as her cousin. She can’t stand her cousin and doesn’t want to risk seeing him.

2. A male friend of mine was dumped like a hot potato recently by his girlfriend. They had lived together for three years, and one day she told him that she “just realized [that she] really wanted a man who is taller and blond.” After three years, she just figured that out. And she left that day…along with most of his belongings.

3. I was going through profiles with a client the other day, and she dismissed men for these reasons (not all of which I agreed with, by the way):

  • One was not the religion she wanted.
  • One was separated and not yet divorced.
  • One was too short.
  • One wasn’t interested in politics and she was.

What do all these have in common? The rejections had NOTHING to do with the person’s worthiness as a person or partner! NOTHING.

These “rejections” were about logistics, someone else being crazy and losing her mind, and stuff that just didn’t make two people a good match.

Don’t take things personally

It can seem hard not to take things personally, after all…these are people saying “no” to you, right? Well, not really. They don’t know you at all. Any reason someone doesn’t choose you after just seeing your profile or just one date ought not be considered as a personal attack or reasonable comment on your worth as a partner.

Even if it’s been a long-time relationship, sometimes it’s not about you. My friend – the one whose girlfriend dumped him – was destroyed by the experience. It took him a good year to realize it wasn’t about him not being good enough. It was about her going a little psycho as a reaction to other things happening in her life.

So, I ask you again: what are you doing this weekend? What efforts will you be making to help you get closer to meeting that kind, smart and loving person who is going to share your already-great life?

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

A recommended Workshop by Bobbi

I know that Bobbi is the real deal, and so she is one of the Dating Coaches that  I love and  recommend.

For the record Bobbi really does care about her clients, which is why I have no worries about telling you about what she does!

So If you’re living in California (Or just a plane flight away) she’s  teaching her breakthrough workshop Get Online, Get Noticed & Meet Your Man on September 29, 2012 in Sherman Oaks, CA. Click here to learn more and reserve your seat.

 

 

Women: Stop over-analyzing your dates!

It’s been said that men over simplify and women over analyze?

How much mental energy do most women use trying to figure out how their date feels about them?

Most women get waaaaaaay too involved in trying to figure out what their date thinks about them; They want to connect with their date and they think that by understanding and analyzing every detail of the date that this will help them achieve their goal.

The truth is that over analyzing your date doesn’t help.

A funny story about analyzing.

Tonight, I thought my date was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’ When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep -I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary: My motorcycle wouldn’t start today, I’m not sure why, but at least I got laid.

Stop analyzing your dates!

The more you over analyze your date the more stressed you’ll feel about dating.

Stop hanging all your hopes and dreams on one man, maybe even before you know all that much about him.

Shift the focus

I’m not saying to totally disregard what he says, but try shifting your focus towards not whether or not he likes you, but rather towards whether or not you like yourself when you’re with him.

If you feel great about yourself when you’re on a date with him then you’re dating the right man. And if you feel insecure or unhappy when you are with him, then perhaps you need to rethink whether he’s the right person.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having  great profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

New Online Dating book “Ace the chase” and Launch of the “Authentic Gentleman” website.

Let me introduce you to me new friend Jiron.

Jiron is an easy to chat to, successful guy who lives in Singapore.
Recently he contacted me to tell me about his new dating book “Ace the chase”, it’s aimed at guys who need help with online dating.

He kindly sent me a copy of his book “Ace the chase” to review.

When I started to read his book I was skeptical…boy was I wrong!

OK, so let’s put this in perspective, Jiron has written this book for men who are online dating in their 20’s and 30’s…and many of LookBetterOnline’s customers are in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s.

But “Ace the chase” has some  information  relevant to ALL men who are online dating; Think “Being real, being congruent, Dress sense, Body language”

Jiron made me laugh out loud when he wrote:

“I have always loved online dating. It’s like passive income – while you sleep, you earn. With online dating, when you wake up, you get a new email in your inbox.”

Jiron admits that he came from “That position where I was socially awkward with the ladies. So I know how difficult it can be for some men to go out there and approach random women on the streets”.

A lot of men fail miserably at online dating, and a lot of men spend hard earned dollars on dating coaches who promise them a “system” to attract women online.

Avoid the “Creepy dating vibe”.

The problem with many of these so called “Systems’ is that they often resort to tips and techniques that make guys look weird, and give off a “Creepy dating vibe”.

What Jiron promises (And Delivers) is good commonsense advice to help guys realize how online dating really works and he helps people let their natural best selves shine without having to resort to tips and techniques that feel odd.

Simply Authentic.

What I LOVE about Jiron is that he’s authentic!

When we were chatting he told me that He was “Unsure whether his material would appeal to older men…as in, the conversational parts”.

If you’re under 30 years old then BUY this book! If you’re older  and not offended by a younger message then read between the lines and adapt what he says to work for you.

http://authenticgentleman.com/

Thanks Jiron for a refreshingly honest read.

 

 

Dating online? The rule you can’t break…get great online dating photos.

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating after being widowed

Today I got a lump in my throat while on the phone speaking with a LookBetterOnline.com customer!

The customer (Let us call him John to give him some privacy) told me that he’d been happily married to a loving wife for many good years and that a couple of years ago lost her to cancer; He told me this because when we spoke on the telephone my English accent reminded him of his English wife.

He went on to say that it was difficult to rebuild his life and start dating again.

My intention on writing this post is to help people who are in his position, I’ve tried to educate myself a little on the subject and while I don’t have all the answers I hope I’ll be able to provide a perspective to make dating after being widowed just a little easier!

Dating again after the death of a wife or husband can be a very difficult experience for many people, it can often bring to the surface feelings of guilt and it can also bring out strong emotions from the family and friends of the widowed, who were often very close to the loved one who died.

I’ve put together 4 tips to help widows and widowers begin to date.

1.The right time is up to you.

As a widow or widower there is no set time period that you should let pass before dating again. We all grieve in different ways, for some people it’s years before they can date again, for some they will never date again, and for some they will meet someone when they least expect it. The most important advice is to be true to the way you feel; other people with the best intentions may tell you that you’re waiting too long or moving too fast. Just make sure that you move at your own pace and feel ready. I personally had a friend who started dating just a year after his wife died, many of his friends and family felt that this was too soon, yet many years later he’s happy and has no regrets that this was the right decision,
A key point in deciding when the right time is to date is to understand that if you’re dating someone because you think it’s going to stop the pain or fill the void, it’s not likely to work- Dating will not heal wounds; time and acceptance will, Before saying ‘hello’ to someone new, you have to say ‘goodbye’ to the person who had been your best  friend and lover and before you explore new relationships, it is crucial that you come to terms with your loss first.

2. Feeling Guilty Is Normal

Many people feel guilt and shame for wanting to start dating again after their husband or wife. These feelings are usually normal and because you want to date doesn’t mean that you are betraying anyone. We all need love and it’s in our deepest nature to want to connect with others.

Remember that you are not replacing your husband or wife by dating again.

3. Talk About the Deceased Spouse, but don’t live with a ghost

This is a sensitive subject to write about.
Your date will most likely be interested in you and your past story curious. Remember that while It’s okay to talk about your spouse when you’re are first dating someone that
constantly talking about your past makes it seem that you’re not ready to move on and start a new relationship, it’s fine to honor the memory of your spouse, but no one wants to live with a ghost.

4.Take things slow and easy

After losing a spouse people often struggle because as well as losing their best friend and partner they’ve lost their “love life” and we all need love and touch.
Needing love and touch his can make anyone seem needy, and it can force them into a serious relationship before the time is right.
Yet there’s really no reason to rush, keep things slow and easy and remember that there are many great people out there and let things unfold naturally.

An important thing you need to know…get yourself some really good dating photos

When the time is right to start dating again, having  great dating photos is the one of the most important things you can do when dating online, visit LookBetterOnline and find out why our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Encouraging news for 60 Million people dating with Herpes.

Working for LookBetterOnline.com I try to take the time to speak to customers each day, to stay connected with people who are dating online in the real world.

I’m always surprised at the how people will reveal their inner secrets to me. Perhaps it’s because I’m a distant English accent on the other end of a telephone that won’t judge or meet them, perhaps it’s a deeper human desire to connect with another person.

Recently I was speaking with a man who told me that he felt as if his dating life was over, he’d just ended his ten year marriage, his wife had given him genital Herpes many years ago (She knew she had it yet failed to tell him) and he had no idea how to begin dating with herpes, he was definitely afraid to start dating again and afraid of the stigma and possible rejection.

This post is my honest attempt to answer his question of “How could I possibly date when I have Genital Herpes?”

I hope I’ve done so in a respectful and sensitive manner and I hope that if you’re reading this post and have Genital herpes that my words will serve you and help you feel better about your situation.

The facts about Herpes

I was amazed to find out that 60 million Americans have Genital herpes!

For such a common condition Herpes carries a lot of stigma, which I think is way out of proportion to its effects.

One in five Americans has “Herpes simplex 2” (the most common cause of Genital Herpes) and roughly 90 percent of them are totally unaware that they have it!

HSV-2 can be passed to a sexual partner in the absence of any symptoms; This is why it is so prevalent.
Most individuals don’t go around having unprotected sex while they have an open sore; they pass on the virus in total ignorance that they have ever had herpes. (Dr. Jeff Benson states that “Most cases are not recognized by people nor diagnosed by doctors, because they do not cause the typical sores and an additional 20 percent of cases cause no symptoms whatsoever”.)

It’s often impossible to know if the virus was in your system for months or years, if you’re newly infected or if your partner got the virus and transmitted it to you recently; or if he or she too had it from the past. Blood tests may tell you that you have Herpes, but they don’t tell you when you got Herpes.

Studies show that those who harbor the Herpes virus can pass it on over 10 percent of the time, often without any symptoms. Your long-term partner, unknown to them, may have had herpes for a while and for some reason passed it on to you now. It’s important to be aware of all these possibilities before you accuse anyone of cheating.

You’re not alone.

Let me restate that if you have Genital Herpes you are not alone; millions of people have faced the challenge of dating with herpes.

How to tell your date that you have Herpes

Ok, so you know that you have to tell your date about herpes before you  have sexual contact with them, and allow them enough time to process what you’ve told them before deciding whether or not to have sex with you.

For many people this may seem like a HUGE thing to have to do, so here’s some advice to make it easier.

Don’t wait until you are in moment of passion and definitely do not wait until after sleep with them to tell them!
Honesty always has been and always will be the best policy. Even if you only want a casual relationship, your date deserves to know the truth before deciding to have sex with you, if you don’t feel ready to talk to a date about herpes then you are probably NOT ready to have sex with them.

Here’s a video I found that brings up some very valid points about talking to a potential partner about “Herpes”

Herpes does not define you.

Herpes does not define you. You are a normal person who just happens to have it, so don’t make a big deal about it…if you make it sound like a big deal your date may be more  concerned than needed. Try saying “I carry the virus for herpes.” instead of saying “I have herpes,” it sounds better.
And let’s not forget that we all have “issues” to deal with. There are worse problems to have in a relationship- Cheating. Lying, being needy to name just a few- if Herpes is your only issue, you’re not in bad shape.

Explain to your date that there are many types of herpes, and that the most common one causes cold sores. (80% of the US population already has HSV1 and got it sometime during their childhood from kissing and HSV1 can also be spread to the genitals during oral sex). “Shingles” and “Chicken Pox” are caused by a strain of herpes –HSV2 is just a different strain of this same common virus, or even print this post and get them to read it.

Your date might have the virus and not know it.

Remember that because HSV2 is so common, yet so few people who have it know that it’s highly possible that your date might have the virus and not know it. And even if they don’t, the odds are 1 in every 4 of their previous sexual partners had herpes, even if they didn’t know it and were not showing any symptoms.

Having sex with someone who has Herpes does not mean that you are going to get it. Although there are no guarantees, using condoms does reduce the risk of transmission and since you already know that you have herpes  and are taking steps to reduce the risk of spreading it, your date has a  bigger risk of getting herpes from any of the other 1 in 4 people with herpes  who don’t KNOW that they have it and aren’t using precautions.

Impressed by your honesty and ability.

When you talk with your date about herpes most of the time you’ll be pleasantly surprised, most likely they will be impressed by your honesty and ability to discuss a difficult topic. They will probably be more attracted to you and recognize that you are someone they should not discard simply because of a silly and very manageable virus.

If they decide not to move forward in a relationship, they are rejecting the herpes – not you.

Putting things into perspective

Remember to put things into perspective, Herpes is very common, let me reiterate that 60 million Americans have Genital herpes…One in five Americans, and for most people the symptoms are infrequent  and so mild that 80% of the people  who have it, don’t even know.

A Dating Website for people with Herpes

Another option for people with Herpes is to join a dating website where herpes is the norm, not the exception, where there is no stigma and definitely no uncomfortable “talk” to give.

CLICK HERE to visit PositiveSingles Website

Also remember that there are “Herpes cure scams” on the internet and if you need health and wellness advice always ask a qualified doctor.

Three things to think about.

It’s normal to feel upset after finding out that you have genital herpes.  But remember you will feel much better after you learn the real facts about genital herpes; Facts like:

  1. That Lots of people get genital herpes (500,000 Americans each year)
  2. You’re still attractive and desirable
  3. Most people with Genital herpes live happy lives and fulfilling relationships

Dating online…Get great dating photos.

You’ll need some dating profile photos when you date online.
Having  great dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, visit LookBetterOnline and find out why our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

When should you introduce your children to your date?

A question I’ve been asked more than a few times is “When should I Introduce my child to someone I’ve been dating?

Not sure

Many people aren’t sure when would be the best time to do this and it’s a question that many parents find extremely difficult to answer.

The reason why this question is so difficult to answer is that there’s no “one-size-fits-all” answer that will work for all children; Considering factors could be the age and emotional development of the child and the opinions of the culture you live in.

Here are some guidelines to answer this question and hopefully making it less stressful for your child, your partner and yourself.

Are you serious?

A simple question with a simple answer; If you are casually dating someone then I feel it’s NOT appropriate to introduce them to your child; If you don’t view your date as a long-term relationship then tell your child (if they ask) that you are seeing a “friend” and leave it at that; I’ve known people quickly introduce their children to a boyfriend or a girlfriend and then watched the children get attached to the other adult, only to be upset when it doesn’t work out.

How long have you been dating?

While there’s no fixed time limit, the idea of waiting a little is smart. Give your relationship a enough time to grow and experience the natural ups and downs.

How to introduce him or her to your children

Plan something fun so that you take the pressure off everyone (Include your children in an activity you can all do together).

Talking with your children

Again the answer here depends entirely on the age and emotion development of your children.

Accepting your “Significant other” may be a slow process for your children. Remember that your top priority is to reassure your children that you love and that you intend to always be there for  them. In time they will see that you having another person in your life is about you being happy and not about splitting your affections.
Taking one-on-one time with your child to discuss your relationship will often help. If needed, you can also talk with your child know and let them know that you are disappointed that your relationship with their other parent could not be salvaged, and in light of that, you’re ready to move on.

Don’t rush things

Once your relationship becomes  serious, let your significant other get to know your children gradually, do NOT attempt to rush or force the relationship, keep things fun!

the key is to keep things fun, plan lots of good stuff with your kids, allow things to unfold naturally and if you have a few bumps along the way then learn to accept them and enjoy the process.

 

Get great dating photos (And don’t post pictures of you and your children on a dating site).

You’ll need some dating profile photos when you date online, but don’t post pictures of you and your children online (Any good person will understand that they can wait to meet your children!)
Having  great dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, visit LookBetterOnline and find out why our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Sometimes it’s OK to forget “first date rules”

You’ve met someone online, you can’t wait to meet them and you want everything to go perfectly on your first date. Where should you choose to go?

Now some so called “Dating experts” say that you should follow “First date rules” and you shouldn’t invite your date to a Concerts, club, movie or sporting events as these events don’t allow the quiet time you need to get to know each other.

I agree to a certain point, the purpose of a first date is definitely to see if you and your date are well suited and if there’s any chemistry.

But let’s also not fall into the “first date rules” trap that a date is “all about deep conversations”, I’ve seen people meet for a quiet, romantic dinner date and this option can be overwhelming for some, it can seem forced and unnatural.

The key in planning a great first date is in thinking about the type of person you are dating…advice about avoiding noisy places or only going to clubs and movies after you’ve broken the ice and are comfortable in each others company are rules that work for some people and don’t work for others.

For example: If you meet someone online, email them a few times, chat with them on the telephone and find out that they’ve been waiting all year to watch a particular movie, then taking them to see this movie followed by a coffee or glass of wine shows them that you cared enough to listen to them and plan something special for them.

Forget all this nonsense about first dates being make-it-or-break-it time, relax a little, focus on the fun and know that you can let things unfold naturally if they are the right one for you.

And remember that words are not the only form of communication, If someone truly gets joy from dancing then is it wrong to take them to a club to dance the night away? Sometimes our actions speak louder than words. Do you need to spend hours in a quiet location asking them endless interview questions about who they are? Would you rather just relax, do something fun, and if a relationship develops then great and if not, well there are plenty more fish in the sea and hopefully you’ve had a nice time anyway!

My advice for a first date; Plan something special, fun and thoughtful and forget the “first date rules” that don’t serve you…

Dating online? The rule you can’t break…get great online dating photos

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Women dating a younger man, can it Work?

In the western world, women of today are able to live a lifestyle that just a few generations ago was unthinkable, they can make more choices how to live their lives and its OK if they are dating a younger man.

34% of women date younger.

In 2003 a study by AARP revealed that 34 percent of women over the age of 40 were dating a younger man, and 35 percent preferred it to dating older guys!

Cougars and cubs.

Many women have learned to laugh at the term “Cougar.(A woman who pursues younger men is a “cougar” and a man in a relationship with an older woman is called a “cub”).

Compatible life goals.

Often the biggest challenge for a relationship to survive dating a younger man is the difference in long-term goals. When people are the same age, initial sexual attraction eventually gives way to shared life goals.
For couples with big age differences when the initial rush of sexual excitement wanes, the difference in life goals often becomes painfully apparent. For example finances can be an issue if one partner wants to plan for retirement and the younger partner just wants to “live for today”, or imagine a man who doesn’t have his own children living with a women who’s children are grown up. (He could want children someday, and this could be a problem if his partner is too old to have children.)

On a lighter and more positive note younger men can love an older woman’s sexual confidence.

There are many lucky couples who experience successful partnerships despite differences in age but for others the age gap affects the relationship in a negative way as the years pass,  due to different life goals.

The happiest couple ever.

Here’s my opinion, When we fall in love, the age of the person isn’t important, our realization of the challenges we face often comes later, but at this point it’s too late you’re in love and that’s all that matters.
For some people it a big age difference doesn’t matter, for others it’s a disaster. If you are dating a younger man, then really take the time to talk about your life goals…and I hope you’ll be the happiest couple ever!

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

7 reasons why women love bad boys!

Here’s a question that many women are interested in hearing the answer to!

“Why does a “Bad boy” always seem to be surrounded by women when they know that he’s not going to be good for them?”

Most bad boys are rude, arrogant and often selfish (not giving a hoot about anyone but themselves.) What exactly do women see in a man like that?

1. Bad boys know how to talk to women.

If they weren’t confident and able to easily talk to women bad boys wouldn’t find it so easy to find women, a bad boy knows how to tell a woman what she wants to hear.

2. Bad boys are confident.

The perception that women crave bad boys isn’t entirely inaccurate. People are drawn to confident people.
Yes they wouldn’t be able to pull off  the “Bad boy attitude” if they weren’t full of confidence; Women find “confidence in a man” a huge turn on.

3. Bad boys are exciting.

When was the last time you did something crazy or reckless, just for the joy of doing it?
Bad boys aren’t afraid to live life fully, to the max…and women love this.

4. Bad boys don’t care, so are never “Needy”.

Bad boys just simply don’t care; They can take any woman or leave them; If a woman rejects them, who cares? They move on to the next one, so why’s this important…well because they don’t care, they are never “Needy” and as we all know, women hate men who are “Needy”.

5. Bad boys are a challenge.

Women often think that they’ll be the one to “fix” the broken man, and thus challenge will often keep them in a relationship with a bad boy when all else fails!

6. Bad boys are a unpredictable.

While many women crave security and stability, it can get boring…the unpredictability of a bad boy can make many a woman cry, yet they will never be bored!

7. Bad Boys are manly.

Many women see bad boys as real men, they often are “Confident, adventurous and masculine”

Here’s a video about why women love bad boys

The most important thing you need to know…get good dating photos

Whether you decide to date a “bad boy” or not, having  great dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, visit LookBetterOnline and find out why our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating Humor: eHarmony Parody

If you’re dating online and own a TV, you probably bumped into the eHarmony commercials, here’s a parody I found about these ads and I hope you find it as funny as I did!

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…get great online dating photos

Great profile pictures make all the difference when it comes to online dating! Online dating photos that are approachable and attractive will get you attention from quality online daters! Our online dating photographers are trained to make your dating pic as appealing as it can be to the opposite sex, so visit our home page today and find out how we can help you get the best dating pictures possible!