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When Should You Ask A Girl Out Online?

Let me introduce you to Scott Valdez…

Scott’s a highly respected expert in the dating industry, who’s been featured in Forbes, BBC, Washington Post, Men’s health, CNN, Urban Daddy and MSBCN.
Recently, AOL’s Asylum.com wrote “Scott Valdez can attract hundreds of women each month in his boxers.”…Scott’s reply…Usually, I put on pajamas

Your own personal marketing when you’re looking for love

Scott’s also the head of  Virtual Dating Assistants, a service devoted to doing all that pesky online wooing for you. Think of it as your own personal marketing campaign for when you’re looking for love…they’ve crunched the numbers, and they know what drives traffic to the product (i.e. you). They provide you with an Assistant to help you schedule dates and they’ll also run telephone conversation scenarios—anything to get you to dinner and drinks with minimal effort… they literally do it all: write your profile, pick out potential matches, send introductory e-mails and message back and forth until your date is confirmed. Then they turn over the correspondence and tell the lucky fellow where and when he’s meeting Madame X.

Here’s what Scott has to tell you about When To Ask For The Date At JUST The Right Time…

Online dating: When Should You Ask A Girl Out Online?

I’m about to show you what to know before you ask a woman out, so that you can quickly transition from the online world to the real one, without any awkward rejection emails in your inbox…

First of all… it is CRITICAL that you know exactly how and when to ask a woman out on a date.

If you know when to ask for the date, you have POWER. You can relax and take control of the situation, and feel confident that you will date most of the women that reply to your first message, because you know what’s coming next…

But if you ask too soon… you will KILL your ability to influence and attract women. They will literally shut off their responsiveness and ignore your messages – and recovering will not be easy (without my help, anyway)…

Knowing how to prevent women from stalling opens up a huge influx of dates in your online love life, and you don’t even have to work any harder. It’s automatic…

Don’t wait too long

…But if you ask too late, women will not want to meet and date you, because you will fall victim to the only thing in the UNIVERSE worse than the “friend zone” – the online dating friend zone…

And of course, learning the simple skill of asking a woman out online can make the difference in the quality of the love life that led you to online dating in the first place. All of your time, energy, and money can be put to good use…to finally date the beautiful women you deserve… It’s that important.

Not figuring out the right way to ask a woman out is like getting rejected by every girl in your high school… because you will be wasting your time, and you might as well GIVE UP…

When’s The Right Time To Ask A Woman Out?

My team at ViDA analyzed hundreds of emails that we’d sent to women our clients ended up meeting to discover the answer to this very question.

After spending countless hours collecting and dissecting all the data, we found that the ideal time to ask for the date is after she has sent you between 2 and 3 emails.

Sometimes, you may need to wait until she’s sent you 4 emails (or even a couple more), but you usually don’t want to wait this long.

So how do you know exactly when to go for it?

The key is to gauge the rapport and attraction that you’ve built by paying close attention to her level of engagement and interest. The simplest single indicator is the length of her emails, but there are others…

If you wait any longer than it takes to receive a few inbound emails, she will start to lose interest because the excitement and mystery of meeting you will fade away, and it will be more comfortable for her to keep you online than off…

But remember that the rule is not ‘the faster, the better.’ You do not want to ask her out in your first email. She hasn’t gotten to know, like and trust you yet. The only time that you can get away with asking her out in the first email you send her is when she contacts you first and says something to let you know that she wants you BADLY.

…which will happen from time to time when you learn how to be attractive to women online…

…But even then, you can make her work harder for you… especially if you really want to get her on “lock down.”

Tips For Asking Her Out

Don’t say anything self-defeating like, “You wouldn’t want to meet up with me, would you?”

Try to overcome possible objections if you think there will be some. You can say something like:

“I’ve found that it’s impossible to predict chemistry online, even if you exchange endless back-and-forth emails…”

or say “Talking seems, to me, like a much better way to get to know someone than emailing.”

By saying things you KNOW she’ll agree with, you get small yeses that help lead to the bigger yes.

Always suggest the first meeting as something that’s harmless and a low investment. A quick cup of coffee sounds much less time-consuming and potentially painful than the Japanese steakhouse.

Typically, you just want to get an agreement to meet “sometime soon” in the email where you ask for the date. You want to make it as easy as possible for her to say “yes” to the idea of meeting up… and then handle the details later.

Once she confirms, you should give her two options for when (i.e. Sunday afternoon or Tuesday evening). This keeps it very easy for her to decide while simultaneously using the “scarcity principle” to your advantage. What is scarce seems more valuable…

When the time is confirmed you suggest the perfect meeting place (you are the man so you make this decision firmly)… and then in one final email you will send her your number “in case something last minute comes up” and ask her to send hers over as well…

Dating online…Get great dating photos.

You’ll need some dating profile photos when you date online.
Having  great dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, visit LookBetterOnline and find out why our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Are You Guilty of Any of These Dating Turnoffs?

One of my girlfriends’ friends is a really nice person…she’s smart, funny, kind and obviously lonely, she always tells us that she wants to meet a gentleman yet she doesn’t pay attention to the way she looks (She has a really “orange” tan that looks ridiculous to everyone but her)…the problem seems to be that even when people tell her to “tone it down” (No pun intended) she’s not aware of the full impact of it and just laughs.

Its often what we don’t know

She got me to thinking that its often what we don’t know that holds us back. We’re often unaware of the mistakes that we make.

I came across this article written by relationship expert Amy Schoen and I had to laugh a little as she echoes my sentiments on being unaware!

But before I tell the story let’s meet Amy…

Amy Schoen motivatedtomarry.com has been transforming people to be their best for over 20 years.  Amy has the gift of visualization and uses this gift to ask the right life and relationship questions to visualize the kind of life they truly desire.  To move clients towards positive action, Amy draws upon her vast life experiences, business experiences and keen knowledge of people.

Motivated to Marry

Expert Advice

Here’s Amy’s expert advice on Dating turn-offs!

Here you are, ready to get back out there to meet people to date.  Sometimes you may be turning off your date and not really be aware of what you are doing that’s so unpleasant to another person.

“Brent was telling me about his last date.  He mentioned to me that sometimes he looks distracted because of his ADD.  He needs to look away to be able to think.  I told him that it may be taken as not seeming interested in the woman.  We worked on what it would take for him to stay more connected and focused on his date.”

A big dating  turnoff!

What could you be doing that would be a big dating turnoff?  Here are some dating tips for men and women of the major turnoffs that keep coming up on my dating questionnaire.

1. Lack of consideration and follow through.
For men, this is saying that you will call and not call.  If you truly are not interested in asking the woman out again, it is best to say, “It was nice to make your acquaintance” and leave it at that.  For woman, not getting back to the men who have either called or emailed you is just bad manners.  Most people would rather you be honest with them about your interest than be dragged along.  When you say you are going to do something, it is important in relationship building to be reliable and accountable.

Another big pet peeve for many is people who are inconsiderate with their time.  These rude people may wait until the day of the date to finalize your date plans.  Or he or she could keep you waiting for an hour or two with no ph.one call to tell you he or she will be late and offers no good reason for keeping you waiting.  This is a huge turnoff for time conscious individuals.

2. Getting way too physical way too fast!
I remember being on a first date and I was interested in getting to know the man who was sitting across the table.  Then the hand comes out to hold my hand.  I barely knew this guy or how I felt about him.  His desire for physical contact was coming much too soon.  I’m not sure it seemed a little too needy or his intentions were not that honorable.  I felt my safety barrier was being breached.  Although he seemed like a nice enough fellow, I was reluctant to go out with him again.

Be careful to respect the other person’s personal space.  It may seem corny, but it is best to ask permission first before attempting any physical contact. (“I’d like to kiss you, is that okay?”)

3. No (Physical) Connection!
So you have emailed back and forth, seen his or her picture, talked on the phone and n.ow for the moment of truth! Is there chemistry or any physical attraction?  Zippo! Nada!  What a disappointment.  This is something that you either got it or you don’t.  “There is no chemistry for me” is the verbiage to use.  Everyone know that means, “I just don’t feel it with you”!  At this point it’s not something that you can force.  I recommend moving on or deciding to be friends.

4. Poor grooming and hygiene
This is a big area for dating turnoffs here.  The list is: bad breadth, body odor, poor face shaving for men and underarms and other areas for women, sloppy dressing with stains on clothing and poorly applied makeup by women.  Make sure you take a close look in the mirror (and use a magnifying mirror if you have to).  Now, how is your car kept?  Is it dirty or have lots of stuff thrown around the back seat?  This is another major turnoff for those who are neat and tidy!

5. Just plain unpleasant to be around!
This person is a sour puss and complains about everything.   He or she knows better than you and everyone else and is an expert on everything, as well.  You may even say he or she is arrogant and pushy. He takes himself much too seriously and is not able to laugh at himself either.  This person may also talk about their ex all evening long.

You wished you stayed home and read a good book instead!

6. Poor social skills and a poor conversationalist:
You know the person, the one who can’t hold a conversation.  You are doing all the work.  It feels like pulling teeth.  How about the person who does all the talking and holds a one-way conversation with herself!  Then, there is the poor individual who is shy, nervous and appears anxious.  You feel sorry for him or her, but you don’t want to date them.  Last, there is the person who interrogates you like he or she is a reporter interviewing you for 60 Minutes!

7. Inflexible:
Sometimes you have to roll with the punches.  I have a thing for great tables in restaurants.  My poor husband moves with me when I say I prefer to be at another table.  He is very patient.  I know this very desire to have a better table drove some guys away (also changing rooms in hotels!).  Or what if plans change because of a babysitter who got sick?  Are you able to be happy with plan B?  And what about when you have an hour to kill before the movie and your date asks to run a quick errand – will you go along with the flow?

I have a guy friend who would only eat very few food choices: Italian food and beef, which really limited the types of restaurants he was willing to go to with dates.  I know this was a big dating turnoff for many women who desire variety in their choice of restaurants.  Sometimes you have to be willing to try new stuff and push yourself outside your comfort zone.

8. Being cheap:
According to my sources, there is nothing worse than a cheap man.  I saw one story via email that after a date that didn’t go well, the guy emailed the woman and asked her to pay him back for half of the dinner!  That doesn’t mean that a guy needs be taken to the cleaners either.  You can find reasonable romantic dates that doesn’t cost you your shirt.  On one of my first dates with my husband, he picked up a picnic dinner and we went to a f.ree outdoor concert. And women, you should offer to pay for something, like the tip or for the sodas at the movies.  Generosity is a very sought after trait in partners.   So don’t be penny foolish and lose the chance for another date!

9. Not being proactive or being too reactive- passive:
The best strategy for a guy is to come up with two or three places to go to meet for a date or restaurants for dinner (beyond the initial date) and let the woman pick her choice.  Women- don’t be wishy washy and say, “whatever you want”!  Most guys would like some help and not have to make all the decisions themselves.   Not having any opinions or preferences can be just as infuriating as being overly opinionated!

10. Insensitivity and rudeness:
How you treat others comes across very early in dating.   How do you treat the wait staff and service people?   Saying judgmental comments about other people shows you that your date is not tolerant.  Then, what would he or she say about you behind your back?   Or how would you feel about your date striking up a conversation with the two ladies at the table next to yours?  So special – right?

Perhaps your date just said something about loud kids at the next table and you just happen to have kids yourself!   Or how about the date that insists you order the fish when you really don’t like fish?  Moreover, what about the person who asks you “You are over 40 and never have been married, what’s wrong with you”?  It can make you want to inflict bodily harm on that person.  The best thing you can do is cut the date short and move on!

I hope I have given you a good picture of the top 10 dating turnoffs expressed by many in the dating world.  You may not realize the offenses you may be doing that negatively impacts your potential for dating success.   Prepare for your next date by reading this article again and you will improve your chances for a positive dating experience.
Amy Schoen

Dating online? Regardless of your age, something important you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is important when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Dating a New Guy…I Don’t Want to Blow It!


Meet Dr Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW.

As one of the leading love coaches for the gay community, licensed dating and relationship coach Dr. Brian has over 18 years of experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT (Gay, lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender) individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships.
You can find out more about him at thegaylovecoach.com

Wisdom for everyone…”Love is more than your sexual preference“.

I want to share Brian’s expert advice on Dating a new guy, while his articles are written with a focus towards the GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender) Community, I think that there is great wisdom here for everyone…I hope you’ll agree.



Brian’s article called “Dating a New Guy…I Don’t Want to Blow It!” has been written to answer a question that many of us often ask ourselves:

Dear Dr. Brian:

I have met a guy that I really like, but I don’t know what to do because I’ve never really dated before. He is great and is someone I can see myself being with for a long time. I don’t want to mess this up…what should I do?

Dating Virgin

Dear Dating Virgin:

Congrats to you on meeting someone whom you share a strong connection with! You sound very excited about getting to know him better and my first word of advice is to relax and enjoy! This stage of your dating process is all about fun and getting to know your new prospect through shared experiences and recreation. By worrying about the future with this guy before it’s even had a chance to get off the ground will cause you to feel a lot of distracting anxiety that will rob you of the opportunity to have fun and be yourself. Such anxiety could also come across in your body language and your new guy might be able to see your tension; plus, you don’t want to feel like you have to be engaging in a performance every time you get together with him. So breathe, be your true self, and allow the relationship to evolve naturally.

There’s no specific formula for dating, but you can definitely increase your chances of success by taking the emphasis off of the other guy and what he might be thinking about you and instead place it on yourself. Make sure that you have a very clear vision of what you’re looking for in a potential partner and relationship and make a list of all your needs for each. Identify those needs that are negotiable (things you’d be willing to bend on) versus those that are non-negotiable (these are deal-breakers, those things you absolutely must have or cannot have to be in the relationship). Your deal-breaker needs represent your core values and these will be the qualities and characteristics that you’ll be using to screen your new guy to make sure he matches your vision for the ideal man.

No matter how hot he is or how much you have in common, if a dating prospect doesn’t align with your vision and needs, you’ll be setting yourself up for pain and disappointment the more you invest in a future with him. You don’t want just any guy; you want the right guy!

So as you’re getting to know this new guy you’re seeing, I encourage you to avoid fretting about whether it’s going to work out, and instead keep the focus on having fun and screening him to determine his goodness-of-fit with you. Good communication skills, positive self-esteem and confidence, savvy social skills, and identification of any self-defeating or sabotaging behaviors you might have and formulation of action strategies to overcome them are other key essentials you’ll want to master to maximize your chances of dating success.

So enjoy this special time of your dating relationship and make sure to show off your authentic, genuine self! You have nothing to prove, so relax and enjoy the moment. Please read the other dating articles on my website for some additional pointers and tips. Have a great time!

Cheers,
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach

Dating online? The rule you can’t break…get great online dating photos

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Good Online dating Photos that get results Part 2 of 3

This is part of a 3 part article written to help you get the best online dating profile photos possible (To read  part 1 click here)

4. Glamour Shots, Make-Up and Hair

A glamour shot is never about creating a photograph that shows your real personality. It’s about creating a shot the photographer finds the most pleasing. The photographer will often use heavy make-up, hair styling, unnatural lighting and lots of post-production retouching.

The result might be fantastic but it fails online.

People avoid these types of dating pictures because they know no one looks like that in real life — and if they do bite, they avoid them after the date because they didn’t measure up to the dating photos on the profile.

Here’s what eHarmony has to say about glamour shots:

“Come on. Do you really think we’re going to fall for that one? We’ve all seen too many makeover shows to believe that you look anything like this styled, photoshopped person before us. Please remember, we want to see what you’re going to look like on our first date. In fact, you can even wear the same clothes, ‘Hi, here’s my first date attire.’ Men like to move forward with solid information. Anything less feels disingenuous.

When it comes to using a make-up artist before having a picture taken, guys can do without. Women probably can too if they’re a dab hand with the mascara. One easy option is to stop off at the cosmetics counter at a nearby Sephora, MAC or department store for a free make-up session on the way to the shoot. Bear in mind that spending hundreds of dollars on hair and make-up can backfire. If you can’t re-create the same glammed-up, flawless look for your dates, you’ll disappoint.

When profile photos don’t look like you, they don’t serve their purpose.

If you’re doing your own make-up, keep it natural. Apply using natural window light even if that means using a room other than the bathroom. Good lighting is essential to a good, even application.

Lips should be shiny, either from transparent or colored lip gloss. (Matte, dark lipstick tends to have an aging effect in photos, so it’s best avoided.)

Face foundation and powder should be matte and exactly match neck and body skin tone, so that it becomes invisible. You’d be amazed at how many women think they are wearing a perfect skin tone color, when in reality the foundation is visibly darker or lighter than the true skin tone of their neck. The camera sees everything, so you might want to update your make-up supply before their session.

And forget about that “age-defying” mineral foundation that contains light reflecting particles to give a youthful look. While it might look great in real life, it’s not camera-friendly. Self-tanners and bronzers will invariably make skin look orange, and glittery body lotion or make-up tends to show up in pictures as little white flecks.

Shine is the enemy of photography. Dewy skin is attractive in real life, but in photos it looks like an oil slick, so skin should be matte.

Eye shadow can look darker in photos, so if you normally wear a dark color, think about using a lighter shade for their photo session. Mascara, though, will make eyes appear brighter.

Grey hairs and dark roots are also something the camera sees, so if you color your hair, try to have it done no more than a few days before the session.

Ultimately, you should style your hair the way you would normally wear it to a date. If the shoot will take place outdoors, hair spray will tame flyaway strands away from face and hair, hands and nails may also end up in the shot. A plain clear nail polish always works. For dry lips, bring Chap Stick and for dry eyes, there’s Visine.

Guys have it easier but it’s worth spending a few minutes the day before the shoot tweezing away facial hairs to eliminate nose hair or unibrow.

5. To Smile or not to smile?

We’ve mentioned that smiling is usually a good idea in a dating photo, but not all smiles are created equal.

There are the natural authentic smiles we display when we’re genuinely joyful… and then there are the forced smiles we endure for photos and polite social occasions.

Authentic smiles are marked by wrinkles in the eyes and differ from those flat mouth-only smiles.

It’s the real, happy grins that get results.

A recent study of authentic smiles, conducted at the University of California, Berkeley, demonstrated the impact of smiling. Researchers analyzed the yearbook pictures of 111 smiling women aged 21. Fifty of the pictures displayed authentic smiles. Participants expressing genuine positive emotions in their yearbook picture were more likely to be married and have higher well-being than their non-smiling classmates.

An experienced photographer will know that it’s never a good idea to force a smile out of a client. A forced smile isn’t genuine and nearly always looks fake and cheesy.

“The original photographer I used didn’t make me feel comfortable, she kept telling me to smile, when I’m not a smiling sort of person… I mean, I smile but not the “cheesy” grin that she wanted, I had a tooth repaired and I’m just not comfortable when forced to smile-and my photos showed it-I felt stupid when I saw them and never used the photos, they just sit on my laptop and every time I see them I groan”

“John,” 46, San Diego

When your photographer knows how to coax out a real smile, you’ll look much better. The muscles used to smile will lift the face, making you appear younger.

And most of us are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what’s making them so happy. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away but a smile draws them in

“You know how it feels when you’re out and someone smiles at you? It makes you more likely to approach that person or at least smile back, right? Well, it’s the same with online photos. People want to know what you look like when you’re happy. Why? Subconsciously, they’re also looking for someone who might make them happy. So save the tough — or pouty — face for an additional shot if you really want others to see it. Post a grin as your main shot and reel in a date!”

Match.com expert Kimberly Dawn Neumann.

So smile… but naturally.

6. Body Language

The smile is an important part of body language but it’s not the only part. How you sit, where you place your hands, how you hold yourself will all communicate a message to the viewer.

Some dating experts have recommended that singles look away from the camera on the grounds that it makes them look like someone whose attention the viewer needs to win.

We’ve seen that that look can work for some men, and a 45-degree angle might be worth experimenting with, but playing hard to get isn’t a winning strategy for everyone.

A more reliable approach is to stick to the simple stuff, and relax. Avoid crossed arms that can create a barrier, and use open friendlier gestures. An authentic look is way more important.

A lot of good body language lies in the ability of a talented and experienced photographer to help you relax and display your natural, positive expression. Photographers posing people often just makes them more tense.

 7.Face Shots, Body Shots and supporting photos

Your photographer should create a number of different images. The face is vital, obviously, and the photographer should produce a great portrait that you can use as your primary photo, the photographer should also take a variety of photos, including a few half-body and three-quarter body shots. The variety will help.

Supporting photos will reveal a little more about you. They depict your uniqueness, your personality and your life.

These photos could be a picture of you hiking the Grand Canyon, giving a speech at an event, diving in Belize, drinking a cocktail with friends, or even just walking the dog. It’s one thing for you to write in a profile that  you’re active and adventurous but a picture proves it.

But those pictures should be real. If you like golf then add pictures of you on the golf course, not pictures of you holding a golf club. When supporting photos are staged they don’t look natural. They look sad and needy.

Family, Friends and Furry Friends
Be careful about how many shots you post with friends or family. While a good photo might depict you as trustworthy and family-oriented, too many shots will portray you as the man or woman who can’t leave their mother for more than five minutes.

And while you may think your dog, cat, hamster or turtle is the cutest thing in the world, no one viewing your profile for the first time is looking to know your pet.

They want to see you.

Unless you’re looking cute with your pet, those photos are a waste of time. An action photo of you playing fetch with your dog at the park would be great here but a professionally taken picture of owner and pet together just makes you look a little too devoted.

Supporting Photos Tell Stories
A profile should tell a story. It should tell a story of you and your life. The supporting photos should illustrate that story.

If you are a pilot who flies at the weekends, goes to the gym every night and is passionate about cooking then we’ll want to see pictures of these activities. Congruency between the profile text and the photos creates an element of trust between you and future dates.

Altogether, your profile should have a few clear headshots, a couple of body shots and a few supporting photos about what makes you unique. And don’t forget to delete the old photos. A profile is only as good as its weakest image.

“If you don’t have a selection of great looking profile photos then it’s going to be much harder for us to get you the great results that you want. The bottom line is better photos will get you better dates – with better people. Unappealing photos will get you unappealing dates – with unappealing people!”
Dating Coaches “The Amazing Clarks”

 

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

Good Online dating Photos that get results Part 1 of 3

I’ve lost count of the times people ask me how to get great online dating photos!

Here’s part 1 of a series of 3 articles that’ll tell you exactly what to do to get great online dating photos-As this article is fairly comprehensive I’ll provide you a list of the subjects that we’ll cover:

 

1. Age Matters.

2. The Right Image Produces the Right Responses.

3. Clothes Count

4. Glamour Shots, Make-Up and Hair

5. To Smile or Not to Smile?.

6. Body Language.

7. Face Shots, Body Shots and Supporting Photos.

8. Dating Profile No-No’s.

9. Studio or Location?.

10. Two Things You Should Know When Taking Your Own Pictures.

11. The Night Before the Photo Session.

12. Handling Nerves.

13. After the Shoot: When to Retouch?.

You know that looks matter. Of course, personality and character and attitude are vital too.

But those first impressions are hugely important.

That’s especially true when you’re dating online.

Internet dates won’t even look at a profile unless the pictures have won their attention.

You do this yourself. You put so much effort into thinking about what you want from a partner, understanding what you really want and making yourself as friendly, upbeat and interesting as possible… and what do you do when you reach a dating site?

You look first at the pictures.

When you’re browsing the dating search results, the picture is the first thing you see. And if you don’t immediately like what you see, it will be the last you see of that single.

Exactly the same thing is happening to you.

You might have a sparkling personality and interests that match exactly those of the person checking out your picture, but if your photos aren’t as impressive as your character, you won’t get any more than a glance at your page.

That single — maybe your perfect partner — is just going to click on by.

Online dating profile photos before and after (10)
“In an online dating environment, photos are the lifeblood of the system. In real life, do you see people walking around with no faces? Of course not! So, your photo is your ID. It’s the first thing people see before they start reading and digging in for all the juicy details.”
Ourtime.com

“I cannot say this enough: Men are all about the photos. It hardly matters what you say in your profile. If you’re a knockout, you could describe yourself as an axe murderer and you’ll still hear from men. That’s because they’ll take one look at your photos and not even bother reading what you’ve written. Well, maybe I’m exaggerating, but not by much.”
Dale Koppel, Ph.D. Author of “The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Online Dating.”

Fortunately, creating wonderful dating photos is easy. It takes thought and a bit of expertise. But there are people who can help you — and that help starts here. In this guide, we’re going to show you how to get the pictures that will attract the partner you’re looking for.

1. Age Matters

Age is a consideration when you’re planning your photos.

In general, you should look relaxed, smiling, comfortable and at ease. You’ll want your photos to portray the kind of easy welcome you’d find if you were meeting someone who had heard great things about you, was looking forward to meeting you and was hoping to make a good impression.

That’s simple enough. But younger daters can get a little more creative.

In 2010, dating site OK Cupid looked at 7,000 different dating photos and tracked the results the different poses produced.

Some of the site’s results were surprising.

While smiling and making eye contact always produced better results for women, men received more messages with unsmiling photos and when they looked away from the camera. (Maybe the pose adds an air of mystery and lets women look without feeling they’re being looked at.) The “MySpace pose,” a flirty, cleavage-rich shot made by holding the camera above your own head, also produced good results for women.

But here’s the kicker.

OK Cupid only looked at singles in big cities aged 18-32. As the subjects aged, the kinds of images that generated the best results changed too:

“For women in their late teens and early twenties, body pictures are the most popular type of shot; outdoor pictures are second. This ordering is reversed by the mid-twenties.”

In other words, people who are young, slim and looking for a casual relationship can take a picture that highlights their shape. Singles who are older and more serious will want to think more about expression, setting and personality.

2. The Right Image Produces the Right Responses

There’s a difference between a photo that generates lots of responses and a photo that generates a life-long relationship.

A photo shouldn’t just show what you look like; it should also show who you are.

For example, if you’re a little edgy and rebellious then a preppy photo will attract responses from people who won’t be great matches. Conversely, nice guys don’t wear ripped tee-shirts and show attitude, even if their female friends swear those are the looks that get responses.

And while cleavage shots might bring women more messages, you know that quantity doesn’t mean quality.

Success in online dating isn’t based on the number of responses alone. The quality of those responses matter. You don’t need to bring in lots of replies; you need to bring in one good one.

3. Clothes Count

What you wear in your dating photo is as important as what you wear on the date.

You should look smart and casual at the same time.

You should show that you clean up well without looking stiff and formal. And remember that casual doesn’t mean a dirty shirt and baggy sweats. Too casual suggests that you don’t care what your partner thinks. That’s not a good message to send to someone you want to bring into a relationship.

Before heading to the shoot, pull together several different outfits in strong, solid colors that look good on you and that flatter you in your profile photos.

As you’re picking your clothes, try to put together more than one look for the profile. A dressy outfit would show you ready for a dinner date and a more laid back outfit would let the viewer imagine walking with you on the beach or sitting under a tree, enjoying a picnic.

Arrive for the photo session in the dressier look; it’s always easier to dress down as the photo session progresses than to try to dress up.

As a general rule, photographers recommend that people avoid busy patterns, prints, stripes, paisley, and elaborate designs. Stick to classic looks that won’t date and choose colors that look good with your skin tone. If you’re not sure what those are, there’s a ton of advice online that will help match shades to skin.

The outfits should be kept on hangers, not folded in a bag, so that they don’t wrinkle for the shoot, and a lint roller always comes in handy for removing those flecks of cat hair.
Finally, (and we might have to break this to you gently) before the shoot, ditch the sunglasses and take off the baseball cap. Here’s what Match.com expert Kimberly Dawn Neumann has to say about those:

“What’s with the sunglasses in photos, people? Don’t know you that the eyes are the window to your soul? You may think that wearing shades in a photo makes you look like a celebrity or adds an element of mystery, but in truth, most online daters see this photo and get frustrated by the inability to see your entire face. And if you’re wearing a baseball cap (this one is especially true for men), unless there is another photo showing what the top of your head looks like, most women will assume that cap is hiding a bald spot.”

Tips for Men:

  • A dress shirt will usually work great.
  • Wearing a tie and a suit is a bit much. Keep it dressy but casual.
  • No Hawaiian shirts! (This also applies to first dates.)
  • No t-shirts or tight shirts… unless you have the figure to carry it off.
  • Make sure shoes are stylish and clean.

Tips for Women:

  • Dress sexy but not skanky. (Even if you like to be a little revealing, it’s low cut or high thigh — never both.)
  • Dress comfortably.
  • Avoid dress shirts. They look too professional and not enough fun.
  • No big or busy patterns.
  • Soft, dark V-necks look great.
  • Black often works; white hardly ever.
  • Wear a strapless, skin color bra that is invisible under outfits.

In the next part of this article I’ll tell you all about makeup, hair and how to look your best and get great dating profile photos.

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

 

 

How to “recenter” yourself after a breakup.

We’ve all had our hearts broken. Nobody gets out without that particular blow. The irony is that the more romantic opportunities one has, the higher the likelihood that one’s heart will eventually be broken. Sometimes we bring the blow on ourselves, not usually on purpose, but we can put ourselves squarely in the matrix of things and events that caused it. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, there’s just nothing to do but accept the fact that it’s over and suck it up.

So after one makes that uncomfortable admission, what should be the next step? I for one, having had my heart broken several times, am a firm believer in the “get back on the horse” cure for the despondency associated with a breakup. But rather than just start dating the closest warm body, I have a system.  It’s not perfect, but it does work. The key to all this is, rather than wallowing and spilling your guts to your friends about what happened and fishing for those hugs and pats on the head that don’t do all that much, to take real positive action to heal yourself. And for god’s sake, give up on the idea of dating for a while. Don’t pout. Don’t walk on the beach and “wonder”. Don’t read books to find out what you did wrong. You have to act. You have to do stuff. This is how we heal and how we move on.

The first thing you need to do is clean your house.  That’s right. Clean house. Spend a day or two days just cleaning your house. I’m talking about a “deep” cleaning: floors, dishes, dust thoroughly, clean the bathrooms top to bottom. While you’re at it, do the laundry. Do everything. Wash the windows. Clean the chicken coop if you have one. The point here is to occupy yourself with the simple cathartic act of cleaning. Do this for two or three days. Plan it out a section of your house or apartment at a time. Once all the cleaning is done, reorganize your closets, drawers, storage, garage. Throw shit away that you don’t need or don’t use anymore. Don’t try to sell it on eBay, even if it has value, just throw it away. Purge from your environment everything you don’t use or want. You’ll be surprised how much of that stuff you have around you. Toss it. Forget it. Whittle your possessions down to the basics. This, and the cleaning, are the first steps to your recovery and rebuilding and healing. Oh, did I mention detailing and waxing your car? Wash, detail and wax your car.

Once those things are done, the cleaning and purging, it’s time to start on you. Now go buy some new clothes, not a lot, but some, maybe some new shoes. Buy something you wouldn’t have bought before, something different, or something you really want to buy. Buy something expensive that looks great. Don’t go broke doing it, but you get my meaning.

If you can do it, pay all your bills. If you can’t, just spend some time organizing them. Sort them. Prioritize them. At the very least, pay the most pressing ones, even if it hurts.

Next, get a haircut, or visit a nail salon. Get a pedicure, manicure. Join a tanning salon and get a tan while you’re at it.

Oh, and what should you do at night, when the inevitable thoughts of your ex keep you awake. Take Advil PM. Take two tabs a half hour before bed. If not those, something you like that works for you. It’s simple. Sleeping well is a crucial component to healing.

So you’ve now spent as much time as you possibly can doing everything you can to stay busy and make the changes around you say one word — “reset”. You’ve reset your life. You’re not completely out of the woods, but you’ve made a good start of it. Your home is more comfortable, cleaner, well organized. You are better organized.  These simple exercises have allowed you to re-center yourself, re-balance yourself. You’ve given yourself the breathing room you need to re-calibrate your life.

The next step is to wait until the desire to date again prods you to do so. It might take a week, it might take a year. One never knows. But you will know when the time is right.

When the time is right, join that dating site you’ve been thinking about. Dating sites work as long as you follow the rules. And the first rule of dating site usage is to look your best, and put your best foot forward: get new photos that make you look your absolute best.

The stats are in on good dating photos. The more effort you put into looking your best, the more romantic options you’ll have and the better choices you have to avail yourself of. Don’t sell yourself short. You’ll want options going forward and whether you have one or two or dozens, you’ll want every one of them. Good photos give you options. Once you settle on one of your new options, the heartbreak you felt a month ago or a year ago will be a distant memory. Just like your ex…

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

 

Why 90% of men don’t get any responses on dating sites

Most men who sign up to dating sites wind up flushing the money they were charged for membership right down the toilet. That sounds harsh, but life is sometimes harsh. Our “high level” contacts in the online dating industry have spent, perhaps, millions of dollars over the years trying to get to the bottom of the issue. It turns out to be fairly simple and boils down to just two fundamental failures on the part of men. (Incidentally, this advice is not only for men, but we’ll cover the dynamics behind the cause of online dating failures for women in a separate post.)

Both reasons for the failure have a deeper “root” cause we should talk about first. It will come as no surprise when I mention it because it is the root cause of oh-so-many things that don’t work out well for us. The root cause for failure to get attention online is simply not taking this online dating business seriously and making a half-assed attempt at it. Notice that I did not say that the root cause was that the men who don’t have success online were somewhere on the left of “3” on the physical beauty side of the universal beauty scale. It has nothing to do with that because there are as many “2’s” out there looking for “2’s” as there are “10’s” looking for “10’s”.

So the root cause is approaching the challenge of dating online like a flake. In the online dating world, being a flake manifests itself in two major ways:

1) Creating a too brief, or crappy, or silly, or just poorly written profile ( or worse, not writing a profile at all), and;

2) Not having a good photo (or almost-all-the-time-worse, having a crappy, silly, or poorly done photo)

Fail with either of them, and no matter what screen name you choose, women who view your profile (either on searches or in response to your first email) will append the prefix (or suffix, depending where it fits best grammatically…) “FLAKE” to your name and move on.  This is not hypothetical. That is precisely what they will do — each and every one of them each and every time.

And because you won’t want to blame yourself for the failure, you’ll blame the site, you’ll blame the women you wrote to, you’ll blame your brother for talking you into joining the site to begin with; you’ll blame  anyone else but yourself for taking a flake’s, half-assed approach to an effort that takes some thought, money and work to work and to not come off like flake. Does that sound harsh? Did I say life was harsh sometimes? Has anyone else told you this stuff before? No? They just let you stumble along with no results? Now that’s harsh!

To fix the first manifestation, spend some time really working on your written profile. If you don’t know how to write a good and compelling profile, hire someone to help you write it. There are many dating coaches and profile writers out there just waiting for your call or email.

To fix the second issue, ahem, schedule a photo shoot with a LookBetterOnline photographer. It’s the absolute easiest way to get great online dating photos and is best money you’ll ever spend. That sounds like an exaggeration, I know, but those thousands of people who have, and who’ve then had great success finding a date, or perhaps something more serious, might just agree with me.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Top mistakes men make when sending that first email

You only have one chance to make a good impression. Nowhere is that more important than in the online dating environment. Miss the chance and you’ll never recover. There’s no going back and over the cliff you’ll go. So here’s some tough love regarding some of the best ways not to make a good impression. Or, to put it another way, how not to come off like an asshole.

Unwelcome sexual advances or comments.

Stay away from the flirty or bawdy comments until you are sure you can make them. It almost certainly isn’t in the first email.

Talking about yourself.

Spend too much time talking about yourself and you’ve done the worst job ever about that first impression business. Telling her how cool and suave you is just a waste of both your times.

Not asking questions.

This goes with the above. Find something, anything meaningful to ask her about and if you can’t do it, go home because you’re wasting your time trying to find a date. Oh, sorry, you are home.

Ignoring what’s in the woman’s profile or failure to comment on the woman’s profile.

If you can’t find something to comment on in her specific profile, you might as well be sending a form letter, and believe me, it will show.

Too much emphasis on the physical.

It’s OK to say how attractive you think she is, but don’t dwell on it too much. Do too much and you’ll come off creepy. See below.

Asking for a phone number.

It’s too early for this. Don’t do it. Creepy.

Mentioning how rich you are.

If you spend time telling her how rich you are, or even suggesting it in an effort to “big time” her, all you’ll do is turn off 99% of the ones you want to impress and attract the 1% you don’t. This is a scientific fact and the percentages have been independently verified by history.

Goofy, corny humor.

Humor is funny when two people “get” each other. If they don’t, the humor doesn’t work and instead of being a glue to hold your relationship together, it’ll dissolve it faster than turpentine. Be careful with that peculiar and quirky humor of yours.

Crazy, ass-clownish compliments, like: “You’d be perfect if you lost 15 pounds.”

Nuf’ said.

Sending your phone number in the first email.

If you say in your email: “Here’s my phone number, call me.” It really says, “Here’s my number, 1-800 277-25696 (1-800 ASS-CLOWN) Hit me up!” That’s what it really sounds like when read out loud.

Using bad grammar, or misspelling words:

Expressions such as, “I realy like you’re hare!”, or; “Your beautifull!” will kill your chances before you get started. Use a spell checker if you have an doubts about your ability to spell big words. If you can’t spell well and can’t manage a simple sentence without grammatical errors you’re [sic] chances are simply not good. Using a bunch of texting abbreviations won’t help you either. All you’ll do is come off as dim, silly or lasy [sic].

Creepy talk.

We’re not talking about your odd love of small animals here. It’s hard to believe but expressions such as “I like kissing”, or “I like apples with peanut butter” can be risky in the first email. Even something as seemingly innocuous as “I like pie”, taken out of context or misinterpreted, can be a real turn off. If you think what you might be saying can be taken as creepy, it probably is. Avoid odd, strange, unconnected expressions at all costs.

Self deprecation or sycophantic speech .

Saying things such as “I’m probably too old/young for you.”, “I’ll do anything to meet you! Anything!” will kill you, too. Come off too weak in your first email and you’ll never recover from it. Never.

Telling her you don’t have a photo – yet.

If you have say something like, “I don’t have a photo up on the site yet,” you might as well have said, “I’m an ass-clown with something to hide but I’ll send you a secret, creepy photo if you beg me for it.”  Go home.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to prepare for your online dating photo shoot

Preparing for your online dating photo shoot shares some common things with all photo shoots and also some very different things. The common things is that you want to look your best and you want to just look good. But it’s the different things we’ll talk about here because you want to pay attention to these qualities. Ignore them and you might just wind up with photos that just don’t work.

The cardinal rule: look casual, but not too casual

You should strive to look smart and casual at the same time. We all know what it means to “smarten up”, so do that. At the same time, avoid looking too stiff and formal and by all means avoid any visual cliches such as polo shirts, riding clothes or boots, sport coats with turtle-neck sweaters, seersucker jackets or bow ties. If you own nothing but a closet or drawers full of these items, best to make a trip to your clothing store for something new, simple, dark-colored and reserved.

Think for minute how egotistical it is to pose for the camera in dress that tries to say it all about what you think, do, or imagine about yourself. All you’ll do is self-filter large numbers of potential dates with your costumes. What if you meet someone you really want to spend more time with and you find out she hates polo later, if you haven’t scared her away in the first second or two with your riding chaps, you may be lucky enough to have built a nascent relationship that can weather that little incompatibility. The idea here is that you want to give yourself as many options as possible from the very beginning. Don’t advertise “Must Love Polo” in your online dating photos. Very large numbers of browsers will take you at your word, and the result: a click on “next!”

Looking too casual can have a detrimental impact, though. Standing there in your pink robe, sipping coffee, or wiping your hands on your dirty sweat shirt may sound romantic and perhaps clever but the truth is those shots are just barely on this side of respectful. How do we know this? We’re in the business, we talk to dating sites all the time who in turn talk to their dating site members. Look too “casual” and the main thing about you your browsers will come away with is: “I don’t give a shit what you think.”

Keep it simple to keep your appeal broader. No props

Keeping your appearance neat, clean, simple and relaxed has the broadest possible appeal and you’ll attract the largest potential interest.  Avoid props of any kind: tennis rackets, golf clubs, baseball mitts or bats, and surf boards unless you only want to be considered by those who play golf, baseball or surf. Don’t put another self-filter on your photos with corny props.

Rest up, light on the make up and hair

Get plenty of rest, that goes without saying. Light make up is best, even if you think you “need” a lot of it, don’t do it. No big wigs.

Above all strive to look relaxed and approachable with dress and an appearance that appeals to a broad cross-section. That’s the key to having the most options, and to having the most success dating online.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!