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What Dating Is Like for Men: Part 5 of 8 (Women Please read this)

Click to see Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4 of this article.

Are You Waiting for Some Fantasy Man?
(FemiType #4: The Wow-Me Woman)

Newsflash: Women constantly push really good guys right out of their lives without even knowing it. We do it by behaving in ways that, until pointed out by someone else, are a complete mystery.
Finally having this pointed out to me in my early 40s was a huge part of my transition from a pretty happy single gal to, at age 47, a truly fulfilled wife of a loving and adoring man.
In my never-ending quest to help grownup women find fantastic love like I did, I’m writing about the six types of single women who drive men away. I’m outlining these dating “FemiTypes” so you, the oh-so deserving woman over 40 looking for love, can do two things:

  • Find love by clearing out what might be standing in your way.
  • Make better connections with men by extending them true empathy

Nothing to do with woman-bashing

This has nothing to do with woman-bashing or saying you’re broken in some way. It has nothing to do with saying that dating and relationships are more difficult for men than for women. It simply has to do with helping you get educated.

Just like us, men can have a tough time in the wild and wooly world of dating. How would you know their experience unless someone told you? So, if you agree there is value in knowing how “the other side” feels…read on!

The 6 FemiTypes are: The Princess, The 18 Year Old, The Scaredy Cat, The Wow-Me Woman, The Bitter Woman and The Sex Pot.

Today’s FemiType is The Wow-Me Woman.
She’s all about finding the one man who knocks her socks off. She’s convinced that the holy grail is that elusive “chemistry.” Without it, she hardly feels it’s necessary to give a guy any time or attention.
The Wow-Me Woman can’t define what she’s looking for but swears she will “know him when she sees him” (a common theme among FemiTypes).
Like the Princess, when it comes to her love life, emotions rule. The Wow-Me Woman is stuck in her 12-year-old self’s fantasy and guided by feelings and intuition. She firmly believes that one day her prince will come, they will lock eyes, and BANG…it will happen!

Swept off her feet

She wants to be swept off her feet. He needs to make her laugh, have charisma and charm and, upon first meeting, be able to carry on a conversation with her sans any silence. You know…the conversation just “needs to flow.” (Even though they’re meeting for the very first time and very few men have the skill of unbridled conversation.)

Overall, the Wow-Me Woman’s man needs to give her “that feeling.”  When I’m coaching her, she tells me: “It was amazing! I could tell right away that we had an amazing connection! I’ve been waiting so long to meet this guy!”  (I’m always tempted to reply, “How’s that instant connection thing working for you so far?”)

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for feeling a spark on the first date or two. But the Wow-Me Woman is so sure she has to feel the shazam-factor that she wouldn’t even recognize a small flame. She’s holding out for the blazing bonfire; and if it doesn’t happen right away, she’s not sticking around. She will snuff out the best of the best.

Anthony’s story

“I dated for a lot of years and met a ton of women. We’d have a good phone call and then we’d usually meet for coffee. A lot of them seemed to lose interest pretty quickly. I always felt like I was being tested. It was like: “Show me what you got!” And if I didn’t perform in the first 10 minutes, I could tell she would shut down. Like I disappointed her somehow.

I understand that I’m not Denzel Washington. But I’m educated, I have a good job, and I’m damn nice. And I was serious about finding The One. Apparently I was supposed to jump through some hoops to get their attention.

My wife didn’t fall in love with me instantly. But we liked each other, and after a few dates we knew we had potential. And we’ve ended up being a great team. She’s the greatest.

 I actually feel bad for those women. They’re probably all still single.”

Give a man a chance

You can probably imagine how it feels when you have to do some song and dance to get attention from someone you’re meeting for the first time.

Oh, wait…you don’t have to imagine, do you? You’ve probably felt like this with some of the men you’ve met. It’s like you have a few minutes to pass some test; and if you don’t, he’s essentially done.

Feels crappy, doesn’t it? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told by women how unfair it is that men don’t even give women a chance. Well, we can do the very same thing.

Anthony probably felt rejected each time this happened and, over the course of time, got angry. He was making an effort to meet women but getting judged by some unreasonable measurement. They were judging him on how good a date he was, not how good a potential partner he might make.

Anthony was right, by the way. Many Wow-Me Women stay single for a long time! I can say this as I was a member of that club.) They have probably had a lot of short-term, intense relationships (a.k.a. affairs) but no meaningful long-term ones.

Three scenarios

Here is how dating can go for the Wow-Me Woman: She dates and never meets men she likes. Then, once in a very long while, she meets someone and feels The Chemistry. They have an incredible first date. He could be The One! Then there are three scenarios:

Scenario #1)
They have a great first date and he never calls her again. In this case she apparently read it wrong. On one of my Man Panels, when asked about this phenomenon, a man once answered, “Well…it couldn’t have been that great of a date!”

Scenario #2)
He digs her too and, as a grownup guy looking for a life partner, he wants to learn more about her. He calls a few days later and asks her out again. But her intensity bowls him over. He can tell she’s already decided about him and latched on. That’s unimpressive, and he heads for the hills.

Scenario #3)
They have a great first date. He instantly starts texting and emailing, and they both jump in. They talk and/or see each other every day. She’s more and more convinced that her initial feeling was right on: he’s amaaaaazing! Then, relatively soon thereafter, he either disappears or explains that he’s just not ready for a relationship.

So let me break down this last scenario. The guy who jumps in so fast is a Wow-Me Man. He eventually realizes, though, that she’s not the woman he wants to marry. (Either that, or he doesn’t want to marry at all and just likes the feeling of being adored.) At the same speed he created the situation, he extricates himself. He knows he made a mistake.

Ignores the signs

The Wow-Me Woman, however, ignores any signs that he’s not a good match because she can’t bear to give up the fantasy. Once she’s wowed, no amount of contrary evidence can convince her they weren’t meant to be. She’s waited a long time for this, and she’s not about to give it up.

Even when it’s over – after one week or a few months – she can’t give up the dream of what might have been. She can’t figure out what went wrong because her fantasy is still too powerful. She holds on to her belief that they were great together. It’s just that he didn’t get it.

Unclear about what she wants in a man

Like The 18 Year Old, The Wow-Me Women is unclear on what she really wants in a man and thus can’t evaluate the almost-relationship realistically. Since she still thinks she had it right and he just didn’t know it, she will continue her pattern. She will reject man after man who doesn’t turn her on in search of her next hit of Shazam.

WOW-ME Rehab

Looking back at your experiences over the past several years, does any of the wow-me pattern seem familiar? If so, you know that it’s exhausting and sometimes depressing to live in a cycle of continuous disappointment and occasional Shazam.

If you don’t want to live feeling like this anymore, and you honestly want to find that special man to share your life…you can turn this around.

Generally after some time has passed, it becomes crystal clear that men you fell so hard for were nowhere near a good match for you. Take some time to review who the guys were that you “just knew” were right for you but turned out to be losers, jerks or just plain wrong. (A guy who disappears after a ton of texts and emails and a few dates – and especially after having sex – is a jerk. Period.)

How much energy did you expend on this guy? And how did this bad choice affect your dating experiences going forward? Did it create some mistrust of men (and maybe mistrust of yourself)?

An alternative

The grownup dater is clear on what she needs in a life partner. She knows exactly how she wants to feel when she’s with him, and she knows it takes a lot more than just excitement and Shazam to make a good partnership.

Learning the difference between a good date and a good mate is crucial not to drive your love life by fantasy and feelings alone

I recommend that your mantra as you meet men is DISCOVER, DON’T DECIDE. Give your intuition a holiday and tune into what your grownup woman is saying. If you find yourself getting swept away and can’t articulate why (except to say something like “He’s just so…awesome!”), then tap on the brakes for a while. He’ll still be there when the grownup part of you decides he’s got what it takes for you to be happy as partners.

Get clear

A lasting relationship with a good guy is more likely to begin when you’re clear about what you want, and you allow yourself to see him as a real person. Dump your checklist and judge him based on the real stuff. After all, you’re looking for a life partner, not just a good date. Life and love with a real man is so much better than chasing after an elusive fantasy.

in the next article we’ll talk about the “Bitter woman”.

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

A recommended Workshop by Bobbi

So If you’re living in California (Or just a plane flight away) she’s  teaching her breakthrough workshop Mastering the art of magnetizing men on Memorial Day Weekend 2013 – May 25-26, 2013 in Los Angeles, CA. Click here to learn more and reserve your seat.

What Dating Is Like for Men: Part 4 of 8 (Women Please read this)

Click to see Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of this article.

Are You Scaring Yourself Out of Love?
(FemiType #3: The Scaredy Cat)

We all know that dating over 40 can be a bit of a jungle with challenges, surprises and pitfalls. I’m sure you’ve encountered your share of Needy-men and Players as you meet single men. I get it, and you belong to a large, loving sisterhood. But it’s not only us gals who have dating disasters. Men have their fair share of icky, confusing, ego-crushing experiences too.

In my ongoing effort to help you empathize with those nutty creatures with whom we’re trying so hard to connect, I’m showing you my 6 “FemiTypes”: the over-40 women men date who send them running for the hills.

(Btw, I know that many of my readers are under 40. To you, this will either be super helpful or a stern warning as to what not to do as you “mature.”)

Previously I’ve introduced you to The Princess and The 18 Year Old. Today you’ll learn about The Scaredy Cat.

Unworthy and afraid

Deep down, The Scaredy Cat feels unworthy and afraid to receive love and attention, especially from potential romantic partners. She has been wounded by past relationships and hasn’t been able to move on emotionally. While she carries these wounds below the surface and they aren’t there for all to see, given the proper trigger (like a man not calling exactly when he says he will), her fear can take center stage at a moment’s notice.

She operates from contradictory perspectives: “I don’t deserve a good guy” and/or “There are no single good guys.” Because she says she will never open up herself to be hurt again, she makes her guy jump through all kinds of hoops to prove he’s okay and won’t hurt her. She needs him to show interest first. But when he does show his feelings, she questions it and ups the ante or runs.

When The Scaredy Cat perceives that she’s being let down, her walls go up and she overreacts. She projects her expectations into the future because this somehow helps her feel like she has some control. (She usually doesn’t actually know this.) She sees problems that exist only in her mind. She can’t relax and just get to know a man because she’s too busy picking every moment apart and questioning everything. She picks the bad guys because she’s familiar with them and (perhaps subconsciously) they prove her right.

Charles’s story

“I ended what could have potentially been a relationship with a woman because she just wouldn’t get in the game. I’d do things like tell her I had a nice time and liked being with her, and she would respond with ‘Thanks.’ I’d compliment her and she’d shrug or give me some bulls*t about how it wasn’t true. All these ways I tried to let her know I was interested…and she just wasn’t buying it.

Then, after about four weeks of dating, I had to cancel our plans for the weekend. She hardly let me tell her what was going on before she unloaded on me. I explained this ridiculous deadline my boss had given me, and she says ‘Fine…just call when you have time for me.’ The attitude was like: how dare you…like I was some kind of jerk.

She emailed me a nice note after the call, but that was it for me. I really liked her but after that attack, forget it. It was way too much work, and I’m not going to pass tests or constantly have to prove myself to anyone. I actually still think about her and wonder how she’s doing. But I’m really glad I moved on.”

Charles was really digging this gal and hanging in, hoping she would accept his interest. But when he canceled their plans she probably had her dating life flash before her, remembering the feelings from the hundreds of times she’d been lied to or dumped in the past. (In truth there were probably only a few times, and whether she really was being lied to or dumped is up for interpretation.) She was going to make him pay for all the men who “done her wrong.”

So The Scaredy Cat unleashes on this guy. She’s probably used this shoot-first-and-ask-questions-later-you-better-not-hurt-me approach ton of times before. Understandably, Charles is overwhelmed and a little pissed off by her unbending and over-emotional approach to the situation. Coupled with her inability to accept his overtures and just enjoy getting to know one another, he wants no part of it.

A few guys to represent the entire species.

For sure The Scaredy Cat has dated or even married immature, selfish and/or unkind men in the past. If she’s like many women, she probably had a couple real creeps early on and is just repeating the pattern. In my experience, the truth is that the real bad guys in her life add up to maybe 10; and when you’re in your 40s, 50s or beyond, that’s really not a lot. Yet The Scaredy Cat uses those few guys to represent the entire species.

(As a recovering Scaredy Cat, I get this big time. It wasn’t until my 40s that I came to understand that real men weren’t like the two jerky man-boys who broke my heart early on: one when I was a teenager and the other in my 20s. It took me many years to learn that most men were awesome…and so was I!)

Sky high

Because her defenses are so sky high, The Scaredy Cat turns away good guys whom she prematurely judges to be “just like all the others.” She tosses aside his compliments and attention. She focuses a very bright light on the one or two things that don’t meet her expectations. She is always looking for a sign that he’s slipped up and shown her that he’s just like all the rest.

When The Scaredy Cat overreacts to some perceived insult or omission on a man’s part, he’s blind-sided by her emotions. He probably ends it as fast as he can and voila…once again she is proven right: all men are______(fill in the blank).

Then her play can start all over again with the next guy. She’s living out a self-fulfilling prophecy of “I’m not good enough and all men suck.”

When a guy like Charles dates a Scaredy Cat, he can feel confused or just plain uninterested. His attempts to please her go unappreciated, and his emotional generosity is one-sided. The brick wall she has erected is just too high for him to climb; and since they barely know each other, it’s very easy for him to just leave.

Men need to feel appreciated and trusted. (This is huge!) They need to know that they’re enhancing your life. When The Scaredy Cat doesn’t receive well, holds back emotionally, and freaks out over slight disappointments, good men go running because none of their needs are getting met.

From Scaredy Cat to Grownup

There is hope for The Scaredy Cat! I know because I was one. It all starts with breaking down those emotional walls that took years to build.

Imagine feeling good about yourself and deserving of love. Then heap on an understanding of what would truly make you happy for the rest of your life. Do you see it? With this you can start trusting your own judgment! And then the fear and angst starts to disappear.

A little Scaredy Cat inside you

Do you think you have a little Scaredy Cat inside you? Can you look back and see how it has affected your dating and relationships? If she’s lurking, I urge you to stop, take a breath, and give yourself permission to acknowledge and verbalize what is fantastic about you. Then make a commitment to change the thoughts and behavior that are causing you to turn the good guys away

There are SO many good guys out there! I found one, and I have many clients who consistently have great dates and have found great partners! Once in a while these guys disappoint us. Sometimes we feel insecure or unsafe. But we can trust ourselves and knock down our walls.

In the next article we’ll talk about “Fantasy guys”.

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

A recommended Workshop by Bobbi

I know that Bobbi is the real deal, which is why I have no worries about telling you about what she does!

So If you’re living in California (Or just a plane flight away) she’s  teaching her breakthrough workshop Mastering the art of magnetizing men on Memorial Day Weekend 2013 – May 25-26, 2013 in Los Angeles, CA. Click here to learn more and reserve your seat.

What Dating Is Like for Men: Part 3 of 8 (Women Please read this)

Click to see Part 1, and Part 2 of this Article.

Why Some Nice Guys Never Call Again
(FemiType #2: The 18 Year Old)

Developing empathy for men is crucial. Just like all your relationships, when you have the ability to step outside yourself and get into someone else’s head and heart,even just a little, your connections instantly improve.

We all carry baggage

Single men carry around old baggage and wounds just like we do. They’ve accumulated their fair share of dating and relationship bumps and bruises. In fact, they’ve probably had more. Think about it: they’ve been the ones responsible for putting themselves out there first since they were teenagers. Ouch. Talk about rejection. Along with all of the fun and great sex, men too have gotten dumped, misled, used and had their hearts broken by some challenging types of women.

Today we turn to another one of these women: The FemiType of the “18 year old”.

The 18 Year Old

The 18 Year Old dater doesn’t look 18 anymore, nor does she act like it. She is glorious! She is smart, has created a wonderful life for herself and has developed great relationships; except when it comes to romantic relationships with men.

While she runs every other part of her life with confidence and finesse, she runs her love life as if she is still a teenager. She may be 50 or 60 but she still digs the guys who are fun, “get her” and give her butterflies. The 18 Year Old wouldn’t recognize a grownup nice guy (e.g. a man who would make a good husband) if she stepped on him! Or, in Fred’s case, if she dated him.

FRED’S STORY

“I met this woman online and she seemed amazing. The first time we met I drove two hours to meet her for coffee. I did the same for the next date. We had a great dinner and at the end of the date she told how much she enjoyed it and looked forward to seeing me again. I was pretty excited because I liked her. I thought there was potential.

Then she stopped returning my calls. After about the third call – which was going to be my last – she answered and told me that she couldn’t see me anymore because her friends (who I never met) “didn’t think I was a good match for her.”

It’s a good thing I learned this nonsense about her right up front and not after we were in a relationship. I thought that crap ended in high school!”

Fred Liked this woman

Fred liked this woman and was interested in getting to know her. He drove two freaking hours each way to spend time with her! Not only did she give him mixed signals and was childish by not answering the phone and talking to him; she actually let her friends influence her decision about whether to see him again. Really???

This woman does not know or trust herself. That’s why she overly relies on what her friends think. Sounds just an 18 year old, right?

100% Emotional reasoning

Though she is dating way past 40, The 18 Year Old lives in confusion and uncertainty when it comes to relating to men. She doesn’t have the skills or the knowledge of herself or men to be able to make good decisions. Like most 18 year olds, she acts and reacts almost solely based on her emotions.

The 18 year old has lots of first dates and when she does snag a guy, cycles in and out of relationships pretty quickly. (One might call them affairs.) At the first sign of trouble she probably overreacts, and then one of them ends it soon thereafter. (Usually him.)

Most often she feels bad about herself. She asks all her friends what they think of her situation, even though many are no better off than she. She makes bad choices and chooses men who do not make her happy. That ends, and then she repeats the cycle.

Clueless

The 18 Year Old hasn’t a clue as to what is going wrong. Because she isn’t introspective and hasn’t learned how to talk to grownup men and communicate maturely, she remains confused and disappointed.
The men she wants won’t commit (but they “click” and they turn her on!), and the good guys who come her way get kicked to the curb. About these guys, you’ll hear her say things like “I wish I liked him but he just doesn’t do it for me!”

He just can’t win!

Dating the 18 year old leaves a nice guy like Fred frustrated and feeling like he can’t win. He’s getting mixed messages. He’s irritated because he’s looking for something real and lasting.
He feels like he’s dating like a grownup, but not getting the same in return. Some of his past insecurities of “always being the nice guy” may be triggered by dating The 18 Year Old. He can’t believe that at his age he’s still living the old saying “Nice guys finish last.”

 

WHAT A GROWNUP DATER DOES

The compassionate and adult dater prepares herself and makes shifts as she ages. She knows what she needs to be happy and that she is deserving. She is not just looking for a good date; she is looking for a good husband. When she has decisions to make about whether to choose a man – either to date or with whom to enjoy a relationship – she has the self-confidence and the tools to make decisions that are not only good for her, but also respectful and kind to the gentleman she meets.

I confess that I held on to my 18 year old long after it was appropriate. Thus, I had more than my share of bad boys and dead-end relationships into my 30s and 40s. Getting out of this cycle took a good amount of introspection and growing up. I realized it couldn’t be that all men were jerks.

Finally I was able to recognize a good guy and attract him. I appreciate my husband every single day. But I also honor myself for becoming the woman who attracted him.

That ability to recognize, love and admire my man doesn’t come from my 18 year old (though she still lives).  It comes from the grownup woman part of me who finally realized that having fun and being with a cute guy was not what lifetime partnership was all about….and then learned how to live that belief.

Is there a tad-bit of the 18 year old “Femitype” in you? If so, I encourage you to bring your romantic notions and expectations up to date with the otherwise mature woman you are today.

And to get in touch with what you really want now and who will make you happy in the long run. Don’t let another nice, relationship-minded guy like Fred finish last.

In my next post we’ll ask the question “Are you scaring yourself out of love?”

Dating online? the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Online dating profile photos before and after (10)

A recommended Workshop by Bobbi

I know that Bobbi is the real deal, and so she is one of the Dating Coaches that  I love and  recommend, which is why I have no worries about telling you about what she does!

So If you’re living in California (Or just a plane flight away) she’s  teaching her breakthrough workshop Mastering the art of magnetizing men on Memorial Day Weekend 2013 – May 25-26, 2013 in Los Angeles, CA. Click here to learn more and reserve your seat.

What Dating Is Like for Men: Part 1 of 8 (Women Please read this)

My friend Bobbi is a wise woman for sure!

She believes that Empathy plays a big part in dating success…and I agree wholeheatedly, Empathy is the capacity or skill to recognize emotions that are being experienced by another person and with this skill we can build better and more fulfilling relationships, without Empathy it I think we become selfish and lonely people, unable to really attain the happiness we want and deserve.

So here’s what Bobbi says !

“I believe strongly that empathizing with men is absolutely essential to your dating and relationship success. The definition of empathy is “the power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another person’s feelings. So the only way you really can empathize is to know their side of the story.”

So Ladies in the spirit of empathy here’s an article on what dating is like for men….

I want to help you better understand the experience men have when they’re dating.

Men and women are different in many ways, but we’re more the same than you may think. And this is especially true as we get older. We all have dating disappointments and horror stories. Just like how you’ve dated your share of challenging types of men like the Couch Potato and the older-and-balder-than-his-profile-guy…men also meet and enter into relationships with less-than-impressive types of women.

I’ve talked to countless single men over the years about their experiences with women, especially those in their 40s, 50s and beyond. In the following days I’m going to give you some of their stories of dating and relationships. (Guys, if you’re reading this…get in touch if you want to share!)
Just like we can meet the same types of guy over and over, men can do the same with women. Here are some of the types of women men deal with as they date and relate.

 

The Princess

The Princess is confident, well put together, and very attractive. She easily lures in men. She still follows “The Rules” and requires that her man do what she wants, when she wants. He needs to make all the right moves. She’s a scorekeeper, and she alone decides when he’s given enough to satisfy her…or when he hasn’t and is history.

The Princess has an “I deserve it” attitude and has little or no concern for how she can make the other person happy. She insists he give and give with little or no reciprocity; after all, he’s the The Man and she’s his prize!

The 18 Year Old

The 18 year old dates – sometimes a lot – but she doesn’t have relationships because “she doesn’t want the men who want her, and the men she wants don’t want her.”  She doesn’t know what will make her happy and has not yet learned how to communicate and relate to grownup men. By default she clings to the same type of guy she wanted in high school or college. He’s often the “Bad Boy” because he excites her. (See the Wow Me Woman below.)

The nice, relationship-minded men get quickly discarded by the 18 year old. Try as he might, the 60-year-old fabulous guy can’t measure up to her expectations because she’s looking for a man who doesn’t exist. She gets stuck in affairs with men who never commit, and it’s often the nice guys who are interested in her who bear the brunt of her hurt and anger.

The Scaredy Cat

The Scaredy Cat has been emotionally wounded by men in the past, and she can’t let go of it. She mistrusts men and often blames herself for the rejection she’s felt, believing that she just wasn’t good enough. She says things like “I need him to say he wants a relationship, and then I’ll open up,” or “Once he gets to know me, he probably won’t like me.”
The Scaredy Cat may put her guy through lots of tests before she feels confident that he’s truly interested. When he passes those tests or shows he has feelings for her, she questions it and might up the ante. She picks fights, picks the wrong guys, or maneuvers relationships to end because it gives her control.

This “I’m never going to find a good relationship” gal leaves men unable to get any traction during courting or in a relationship. The wall she has erected is just too high for him to climb in order to get to the other side. Since trust and affection are what men yearn for from women, he usually does her a favor and leaves…hence rendering her “right” once again.

The Wow Me Woman

The Wow Me Woman is a midlife gal who still thinks that excitement is the key to judging if a guy is a good match.  She’s looking for her guy to be interesting, keep her laughing, ask her all about herself, and give her butterflies…all on the first date. If she’s not swept away, there won’t be a second.

The Wow Me Woman leaves many good men in her dust. Men sense her quick judgment, which leaves them feeling deflated, unattractive and powerless. That man then makes a poor impression (understandably), and the date is chalked up to another “he just wasn’t right for me” experience. The Wow Me Woman is often single for a very, very long time.

The Bitter Gal

The Bitter Gal is angry — usually about everything, but especially about men. She’ll find fault with every man she meets. A guy never has a chance, even he is the nicest guy in the world and really likes her. (Which usually doesn’t last very long since, no matter how pretty and smart she is, she is no fun to be around.)
The truth is that The Bitter Gal has been playing the victim for most (if not all) of her life. Her life isn’t going the way she wants and she just can’t figure out why. With men, she might complain that they just “don’t get her,” but the truth is that she’s giving them every reason to head for the hills with her off-handed comments and negativity. She hasn’t mastered the life skill of introspection, so she’s blinded by her bitterness. It doesn’t occur to her that she might be the problem even though every date and relationship seems to end the same way. Though a nice guy might try to break through

and prove her wrong about men, he will give up out of exhaustion.

The Sexpot

The Sexpot is all about putting out the sex vibe. She believes her sexuality is the only way she can attract a man, or she wants this point in her life to be a series of sexual experiences. Either way, she’s not connecting with men. She posts a provocative picture on her online dating profile, invites him over to her house on the first date, shows too much skin (especially for a woman over 40), and is overly familiar with her affection.

The Sexpot offers herself up on the first date and is offended if her date doesn’t partake. Men who are looking just for sex will say yes. Relationship-minded men may also say “yes” even though they may feel somewhat emasculated or turned off by her aggressiveness. (They are men, after all.) She won’t get a call from either of these guys and forever wonder why since she thinks she gave him what he wants.

You know that dating at this stage of life (Or any, for that matter!) is not exactly a rose garden every moment. When you appreciate the same is true for the men you date, it will go a long way toward building compassion and, therefore, building relationships.

Most Men

Most men has his set of dating bumps and bruises. Next post I will share more about the women they date along with some of their personal stories

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

A recommended Workshop by Bobbi

I know that Bobbi is the real deal, and so she is one of the Dating Coaches that  I love and  recommend.

For the record Bobbi really does care about her clients, which is why I have no worries about telling you about what she does!

So If you’re living in California (Or just a plane flight away) she’s  teaching her breakthrough workshop Mastering the art of magnetizing men on Memorial Day Weekend 2013 – May 25-26, 2013 in Los Angeles, CA. Click here to learn more and reserve your seat.

How to Text Men – Easy Tips

I was watching the news and there was a story about using cell phones while driving! The story went on to say that 1.3 million accidents a year are caused by texting and driving! And that Over 18.5 billion text messages are sent each month, while I don’t know whether that fact is true or not I do know that these days almost everyone on the planet uses text messages.

Many people get completely confused when texting and dating

Meet Dating Expert Joann Cohen

Joann has Master’s in Education with a concentration in Human Relations and Counseling and had been featured by TV guide, Fox news, USA today, TLC, ABC and many others ( To find out more about her visit www.joanncohen.com/  )

Joann’s easy tips

So you’ve got the number of a cute guy and you’re wondering about how to text men.  Maybe you’re texted and found he disappeared and you wondered if you didn’t know how to text men.  Here are some simple ways to how to text and keep it fun and interesting.

Turn off auto-correct

Perhaps the first tip to give on texting  is to turn off auto-correct.  There are several websites dedicated to the troubles with auto-correct and you’ll see funny examples where the intended message of “We hope” was auto-corrected first to “We hop,” “We hopping,” “We home” and “Wawa skittletits”. So you will easily see auto-correct is often more trouble than its worth.  Once you’ve done that, or have decided to embrace the randomness it can bring, I’ve got some other tips on how to text men.
So you’ve meet a guy, he seems nice, and you want to text him to see where that leads.  The question is, then, just how do you get the texting started?

Start a conversation with a question

One of the better ways to get a conversation started is with a question, but one that requires an actual answer.  ”Hey how are you?” will net a “Fine” at best.  Try instead something about himself.  Ask something like “Did you do well at your softball game last weekend?” and he’ll be ready to text for hours.

To keep the conversation going, make sure you are as engaged in the conversation as you want him to be.  You would find it a little difficult to text someone who is only saying “yes,” “no,” and “LOL!” so make sure you aren’t doing that too.  You may, in fact, be “laughing out loud,” but add something on top of that.  That will help keep interest piqued.

 

Communication is a 2 way street!

Remember too that it’s not all about him.  You may start the conversation with a question about his interests, but he should want to know more about you as well.  When you are texting, not only are you making sure he knows your interested in him, but you’re also trying to make sure that you are interesting to him.  Talk about recent events in your life or mention something you are passionate about; this way he’ll know just what sort of person you are.

Finally

When it’s time to draw the text conversation to a close, actually draw it to a close.  Unlike a phone conversation, there’s no audible “hanging up” with texting.  It’s better to text something like “This is so much fun, but I have to go (somewhere), so I’ll text you again later.”  That way neither of you are staring at the phone thinking “Where did they go?!?” and you can actually go on with your lives.  Be specific for your reasons for leaving, by the way; it’ll give him a chance to have something ask you about.

Dating online? Regardless of your age, an important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Mother’s day…and Dating for Single Moms

With Mother’s day coming up soon I’ve been thinking about some of the dating challenges single Moms face.

…I grew up in a single parent family for many years and know just how hard single Moms work; Often single Mom’s opt to not go on dates.

A single Mom’s perspective:

I was speaking with a single Mom recently who told me:

“It’s not that I don’t want to date…but with responsibilities as both “Bread-winner” and “Super-Mom” bringing up my children alone I just can’t seem to find any time for myself, and my divorce was hard on the Kids so I’m sure that they wouldn’t want to see me dating-while I love being a Mom, being single is a challenge, I hate being alone and I  want to find someone special”

Dating Expert Julie Spira

For those of you who follow this Blog, you’ll know I’m a fan of Online dating Expert Julie Spira (She’s a Los Angeles based dating coach with clientele located throughout the United States, (as well as in numerous countries around the world.) Julie’s also been named in the Top 10 Best Online Dating Experts by DatingAdvice.com so she knows her stuff

Julie’s articles and dating advice have appeared on relationship and online dating sites including HurryDate, Betty Confidential, Date Daily, eHarmony Advice, Galtime, GenConnect, JDate, Match.com, MSN-Glo, She Knows, Yahoo! Shine, YourTango, and Zoosk. (to find more about her click here)

Julie’s Tips

Here’s Julie’s expert adive on Dating for single Moms.

It’s May, and time to honor and toast to all the Single Mothers in the Cyber-Dating World.

You are a super mom. You love your kids. You would like to meet someone who acknowledges the fact that your children are a priority. Whether they are school-aged or fully grown up, blending a family can be tricky. When the kids go to sleep, you are alone and may wonder, how can I meet someone that can enhance my life, rather than being alone?

Here’s five helpful Cyber-Dating Tips for Mother’s Day.

Cyber-Dating Tip #1 Join an online dating site that caters to single parents.
Check out both SingleParentMatch.com

Cyber-Dating Tip #2 Join CafeMom.com
This site is a safe place to communicate with other singe mom’s about all issues including dating.

Cyber-Dating Tip #3  Keep the profile photos of you, alone.
Keep your children out of  your photo gallery online. While you may be proud of your beautiful kids, save the family photos for when the time is right and you have met in person.

Cyber-Dating Tip #4 Don’t hide the kids!
Be proud of the fact that you are a mom. Make sure you convey in your profile that you are a single parent and let the other party know right away how many children you have. You don’t have to share names or birthdays yet, but don’t spring the news on a date after you have met.

Cyber-Dating Tip #5 Meet my kids?
It’s hard enough to coordinate a time to meet an online date with your busy schedule juggling work, children, and dating.  I know it may seem like commonsense, but please don’t introduce your children early on in the dating process, until you know the relationship will stick.  It’s hard on the kids to have a revolving door of different dates every week.

And finally, Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. Enjoy this special day!

Dating online? The rule you can’t break…get great online dating photos

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

5 Ways To Get Over Being Cheated On And Not Bring It Into Your Next Relationship

For anyone who reads my posts, you’ll already know that I love Dating coaches “The Amazing Clarks”

Anthony & Melanie Clark ( Click here to find out more about them )have a fresh, new REVOLUTIONARY approach to love and dating that I’ve seen change people’s lives…How’s that for a shameless plug?

clarks dating experts 001
The Clarks are spiritual, but not religious; straight, but not narrow, and have a success record that shows that they’re real, not fake.  They’ focus on real transformation, not the regurgitated fluff offered by a lot of relationship “experts”.

A Question and an answer.

A good friend of mine recently asked me the question of “How do I get over being cheated on”?

Here’s what the Clarks have to say about how to get over being cheated on.

1. No More Contact…

The first thing you need to do is to cut off all contact with your ex. No phone calls, no texting, and no driving by their house late at night. Right now you are both very emotional and any attempts to communicate will likely backfire and lead to even more pain and conflict. It’s not worth the risk!

2. No More Dating…

Even though you may be tempted, refrain from jumping back into the dating scene or into another romantic relationship at this time. Right now you are emotionally vulnerable. The last thing that you need is to find yourself back in another unwanted committed relationship or romantic predicament. Don’t worry, you’ll get back in the game again, but not just right now.

3. Give Yourself 2 Weeks to Be Upset:

After being cheated on, some friends and family members may try to discourage you from crying and being upset, but not us. When a loved one cheats on you, being angry and crying is a very natural response that can also be extremely therapeutic. The key is to not stay upset for too long. We recommend that you give yourself 2 weeks maximum to cry and get it all out of your system. And after the 2 weeks are up, wipe your tears and get back to your life.

4. Make Peace with Where You’re At…

The next step is for you to make peace with your situation and learn to forgive your ex. This is extremely vital because you cannot have a better romantic future unless you make peace with your romantic past. Below are 5 new perspectives you need to tell yourself in order to accomplish this:

• I did nothing wrong — my ex was the one with the dishonesty problem!
• I appreciate the good memories and hope the best for my ex!
• My ex was obviously not the one for me — I’m grateful it was revealed!
• All men/women are not cheaters — there are a lot of trustworthy men/women!
• I am grateful to be free and to have a second chance to find my real true love!

5. Step Up Your Game…

This is your opportunity to finally attract the amazing romantic partner that you’ve always wanted and deserved. But in order to do this you have to be the most amazing “you” possible. Take advantage of this new beginning by doing exciting things like getting a makeover, hitting the gym and creating a sexier body, meeting new friends and discovering new passions. Most importantly, have fun and enjoy being single. When you eventually meet your true love, you’ll realize that your cheating ex did you a huge favor.

Get Great Photos

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating after Divorce

For many people online dating after a divorce can be a daunting and scary experience, it’s often made more difficult for people because most  of them haven’t dated for 20 or 30 years!

Meet my friend  April Braswell:
Having written hundreds of dating profiles, written numerous singles articles, and contributing to books such as “Dating for Dummies”

As you can imagine, she’s quite an expert at helping people find love (click here to find out more about April)

 

Great dating advive

Here’s a great advice from dating guru April on dating after divorce…enjoy.

I was driving north on 101 recently on a Wednesday morning to my then office in Silicon Valley, land of Corporate Technology and the late Steve Jobs of Apple, late in June when I heard the DJs on the radio talking about some poor single lady who was recently divorced who had been on her very first date on a Saturday night after having been divorced for two years now.

Her first date, how had it gone? It had been a MISERY.

I’m thinking, “This dear lady needs some concrete help with dating after divorce tips.”  I really wanted just to pull over to the side of the road and phone the radio station and give the dear thing my email and phone number.  “Have her call me. I can help. Really. Please let me help her because she needs building up after an experience like that.”

Divorce is a misery to begin with. Divorced singles will often feel rejected and dejected. It’s such a mess and a mess emotionally, most of the time.

And now you’re back facing the modern singles scene. Wouldn’t YOU want to know some dating after divorce tips before re-launching yourself into the meet and meat market of dating? Who wouldn’t!

Well, here goes.

Dating After Divorce Tip #1. GO SLOW!

Take it easy with yourself. Try some coffee with others. Think of what the dating scene was like back in high school and college when quite often singles get together and hang out casually together in the evening before they make the concerted effort to pair off into romantic couples. Do aim for a casual social life with meeting other singles. Aim for casual first dates like a lunch date, some very casual get-togethers, and consider perhaps a singles activity group. Please go slowly with yourself and build up some re-venturing social skills.

Dating After Divorce Tip #2. BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF!

Give yourself time and space to ease back into this. Go simple and easy for your first several dates. Yes DO dress up nicely and look your best, just remember this is not the Opening Night Gala at the San Francisco Opera. Leave your ball gown at home this time. You don’t have to dress up to THAT extent. Nor should you be wearing just your jeans, t shirt and Merrels. Something in between. Dressing up and looking your best is part of the practice which you are practicing feeling comfortable doing. Don’t stint yourself. Look fabulous. Studies demonstratate you will FEEL fabulous when you do so.

Dating After Divorce Tip #3. DO DATE LOTS!

OK, when you fall off of a horse, what do they recommend you do? Get right back on. Same thing with dating. When you are looking to learn a new skill, what is one of the most effective learning methodologies? Repetition of fundamentals. Do you just throw the ball one time and think you are now good at football? Or do you throw, and throw, and throw, and throw, and THROW! Yes. Precisely. You PRACTICE.

Same principle in dating. Go on a LOT of first dates when you first get back in the dating game. You are simply looking to meet some lovely people and to practice feeling comfortable confident and poised meeting and making small talk with strangers and friends of friends.

Dating After Divorce Tip #4. KEEP IT BRIEF!

You are re-launching yourself socially so with those early “re-launch” dates? Keep them to about 60-90 minutes. Drinks. Appetizers. Coffee.

And if it MUST be coffee, just be sure to select a really FABULOUS ambiance location like The Four Seasons or Trump Tower. LOVELY.

Dating After Divorce Tip #5. SIZE MATTERS!

Early on in your re-launch mode, you need to aim for QUANTITY of DATES over QUALITY of DATES. You need to go on about 20 dates just to get back in the swing of things with the current Dating World and practice your social poise and presentation.

If your date asks you, “What are you looking for?” you might respond with something like, “I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them. I want to be in a relationship again, but it’s too early for me to decide quite yet. I’m looking to meet new people and see where it goes.” While you are keeping all of these many initial dates short – 1-2 hours – as a habit, you might be wondering why. Keep them all short, avoiding those 4-6 hours dates so you refrain from inadvertently treating your date as a “Divorce Grief Support Group”. Your first date small talk conversations are not the place to heal your heart after your divorce. That’s what I’m for as a Dating and Relationship Coach with extensive training in Grief and Loss support

Dating After Divorce Tip #6. AVOID DATE NIGHT!

When you are just starting out dating again, on your first 3-5 dates, do specifically avoid the TRADITIONAL DATE NIGHTS of Saturday and Friday nights. Do NOT go out on a Saturday night or a Friday night date to begin with. Those are like PROM night. There is so much pressure at the beginning. You haven’t been on a date in years. You will first need to rebuild your dating skill set before venturing out on a Friday or Saturday night date. This is just to begin with during your first few months of dating again after your divorce.

Instead, do go out on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Sunday night date. I do recommend evening dates for other reasons for a FIRST DATE to create and foster a romantic and flirtatious ambiance. Flirtation is part of your practice regime. So, remember, evening dates for early dates.

Dating After Divorce Tip #7. GO!

Yes, you MUST relaunch yourself. Indeed, give yourself some time to grieve and heal after your divorce, but I would recommend that within 3-12 months after a divorce, BY THEN, you need to venture back out into the Dating World and GO ON DATES.

    • When you’re ready to get going online and find love and the romantic relationship you crave….
    • When you want to supercharge your internet dating search and courtship to find real love….
    • When you’re sick of the sea of sameness swirling about the dating sites and lackluster result you’re getting….
    • When you’re sick and tired of one more Saturday night wasted meeting someone who doesn’t match you whatsoever…

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having  great profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating On a Budget

For many people times are tough!

Today’s post is kindly written by my friend Dave…if you are feeling the downturn, have lost your job, or house or just haven’t the money you used to then I hope in some small way that reading it will help you.

Dating On a Budget

Many men think that having money, power and influence are the most important attributes we need to attract and hold onto that special member of the opposite sex. While I can honestly say that those things contribute to our overall sex appeal, they are not, in and of themselves, the most important ones for a lasting relationship, or for starting one you want to pursue. First, you should know that I have occupied both ends of the “money, power and influence” scale. I know exactly what it feels like to live on both ends and the impact that living on either end has on the opposite sex.

I can tell you without blanching that being attentive, supportive, a good listener and being romantic are far and away more important than being rich, powerful and influential alone. That said, it certainly wouldn’t hurt your cause to be attentive, supportive, a good listener and romantic and rich and powerful, but let’s not go there today. What we want to discuss is just how important those alleged “lesser” attributes count, and in particular how they apply to the rituals of dating and how you can successfully date on a budget.

The first thing you want to get out of your head

The first thing you want to get out of your head is the idea of making yourself appear more rich, powerful or influential than you are. You’ll do this at your own risk. Such a charade is rife with pending failure. It’s a train wreck waiting to happen. Don’t do it.  You can do this accidentally by trying too hard to “big time” her on that first date. Believe me it will show. You will embarrass yourself and her, too. So get it out of your head that you have to take her to the most expensive restaurant in town on that first date. Let those lesser attributes shine through and take her somewhere modest if that’s all you can afford. It will work to your advantage to be honest.

Find Somewhere Different and New – and Inexpensive to Take Her

Dating on a budget takes some planning and research. Start by going online and finding truly interesting or unusual places to go or eat in – that are not expensive. That’s a simple idea that you can leverage the hell out of. I’ve never met a woman yet that will turn down an invitation to eat in some unusual venue. Trust me. Women like new and different. The newer and more different the establishment is, the better. You can find such places in your geographical area on Google quite easily. They do not have to be expensive. They often are expensive, but we don’t need those to make a good impression; we’re clever and attentive and romantic.

If You Don’t’ Know How, Learn to Cook and Eat In

There’s not a better way in the world to impress your heart’s desire than to cook for her. I can’t tell you how valuable this attribute is. Mix “good
cook” with attentive, romantic and good listener and you’ve got the holy grail of valuable attributes right there ready to work for you. Cooking and eating in is the most inexpensive date there is. Learn to do this and you’ve learned a skill for life.

 

Imagine This

Imagine that you are very rich, powerful, influential and also extremely dull and unromantic and can’t cook. Get the idea now? So don’t be too discouraged that you can’t afford the most expensive places to eat. Focus on developing those other “lesser” attributes; the ones that count. Money can’t buy feminine interest. Well, it can – but that’s another issue altogether. That discussion would revolve around the idea of renting, not dating.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

12 Reasons Why Women Prefer Bad Boys

My friend Jane (We’ll call her Jane) was totally smitten with her new boyfriend John .

They met at a wine tasting party, he possessed all the qualities that she had dreamed of in her knight in shining armor—except for him being a Partier! John loves to visit dive bars with the guys.

Cindy didn’t mind him hanging out with his guy friends. However more than occasionally John gets slammed drunk and behaves like an ass (behaving badly to Jane when he’s drunk)…while all Jane’s friends know he’s a train wreck and not good for her…she can’t seem to break off this toxic relationship.

And Jane’s not the only one for sure!

Meet my friend Lucia

Lucia is an internationally known dating/relationship expert and TV personality. She hosts “The Art of Love” on L.A. Talk Radio, is the author of “Lucia’s Lessons of Love”, a keynote speaker and syndicated columnist.

She has been on over 100 national and international radio and TV Shows as an expert, including “Dr. Phil”, “The CBS Early Show”, “60 Minutes Australia”, “The Tyra Banks Show”, “E! Entertainment”, “The KTLA Morning Show”, “Fox 5 News”, “Playboy Radio” and “Cosmo Radio”.
(To find out more about Lucia Click here)

 

Elegant and Authentic

I like Lucia because she’s both elegant and authentic! She’s both sensitive and not afraid to “tell it as it is!”

So here’s Lucia’s expert Advice on why women prefer Bad boys-And don’t forget to read all the way to the end to get her comment on the ideal man!

Why Women Prefer Bad Boys

Women say they want a nice guy, yet usually end up dating bad boys.  Here’s why:

Not real:  Nice guys are too nice.  No one can always be that nice unless they’re a saint. They are busy being nice instead of being real and women instinctually don’t trust that.  Bad boys “keep it real”.  Nice guys don’t want to upset the apple cart.

Respect:  No one respects a doormat.  Nice guys don’t set boundaries or make any real demands.  A bad boy doesn’t let a woman walk all over him or control him.  Women can’t respect a man they can control.  No respect = No attraction.

Predictable:   Most people lead boring, predictable lives, so they’re attracted to people who are exciting and unpredictable.   Bad boys are always a challenge. Nice guys are never a challenge.  Predictable = No excitement = No challenge = I prefer a bad boy.

Mother Nature:  Women are designed to nurture.  However, instead of doing this with children, they often end up doing it with bad boys.  They think their love will save them.  Nice guys rarely need to be saved.

Fixer-Upper:  Nice guys don’t usually need to be fixed.   Bad boys usually do, so they become a project.  Women think if they can “create” the perfect man, he will never leave them.  Also, if they’re busy fixing someone else, they don’t have to look at what needs to be fixed in their own lives.

Sperm wars:  Women are designed to procreate with the strongest possible genes.  Bad boys are sending an unconscious message that they have great genes, so they’re not afraid of losing the woman by misbehaving.  Nice guys are sending a message that they don’t think their genes are good enough, so they won’t misbehave.

Fear of intimacy:  If a woman is afraid of intimacy, she subconsciously knows she can avoid it with a bad boy, since she can never get close enough to him to have to go there.  A nice guy will eventually want a commitment, and that’s scary.

 Low self-esteem:   We don’t feel comfortable with people who treat us better than we treat ourselves.  If you don’t think much of yourself, the bad boy is simply reinforcing your negative belief.  A nice guy is treating you in a way you’re unfamiliar with.

Sex:  Women feel a nice guy won’t be good in bed.  They like to be manhandled sometimes and think a nice guy won’t be able to take control and get the job done.  A bad boy comes across as being able to get the job done, even though that may not always be the case.

 Hot:  Have you ever seen a bad boy who wasn’t hot?  I’m sure there are a few, but they wouldn’t be able to get away with half the stuff they did if they didn’t look so good.  Meanwhile, when a woman describes someone as a nice guy, she means, “He’s not hot”.

Charm:   Nice guys don’t always know what to say, and are sometimes at a loss for words.  Bad boys can be very charming and know exactly what women want to hear. However, they eventually switch over to being selfish.  By the time they reveal their true colors, the woman has fallen for them and has a hard time letting go.

Protection:  Historically, men have protected women – physically and otherwise.  Bad boys give the illusion of being able to protect women, while with nice guys, women aren’t so sure.

Life is about balance.

Most men fall into either the bad boy or the nice guy category.   The ideal man is neither, but walks that fine line between the two.  Until men learn how to do this, more often than not, women will choose the bad boy, until they realize that his bad qualities outweigh his good ones.

 

Online Dating? Without a good profile photo no-one’s going to reply.

Having great online dating photos is the MOST important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and see how