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Dating after divorce for Women.

How do you jump back into the dating game after having a long and painful divorce?

Hopefully these tips will help make your transition a little easier.

Last painful days of the divorce.

The last days of divorce usually involve paperwork and getting things in order.

Dating during the last painful days of your divorce can have terrible consequences, so when you’re going through the divorce avoid dating altogether.

Save the awkward explanation in court as to why you were Miss. “Desperate-to-get-some, especially if he’s asking for the car, the house and half your future earnings.

Now it’s finally over.

Now that you’re officially single take a little time alone, to avoid starting dating when you’re in a “needy” mindset (you’ll know how much time you need~ Just be honest with yourself)

Moving on with your life does not mean forgetting about your past. After all, you probably had some good times with your Ex; don’t forget them just allow yourself a little time to “Process” your divorce. There’s no need to rush into the next new man.

The last thing you want is to go out and find a replica of your ex-husband, and repeat the same mistake all over again.

A new improved you.

Now, some physical changes may be in order. Join a gym, or start going regularly if you already have a membership. (You know how most women let themselves go when they’re in a serious relationship.)

And get some nice new Clothes, when you dress well you’ll feel confident (And get some new online dating photos taken too!)

Forget about meeting Mr.perfect; RELAX, date and meet new people.

The most common mistake newly divorced women make is moving too quickly and trying to get into a new relationship, many women return to the  dating scene desperate to meet someone because they feel that their “time is running out” .

“The best advice is to relax. There are plenty of men out there”.

Don’t make finding the “love of your life” your immediate dating goal!
Don’t get us wrong, we are confident that you will inevitably attract the “love of your life” but this is a process that has to unfold naturally and can take days, weeks, or months. The danger is, if you try to rush the process you’re almost guaranteed to have a horrible online dating experience.

If you are honestly relaxed about the process, then you literally won’t care about or even notice how long it is taking to attract the man of your dreams. And ironically, you will actually be able to attract that special man much faster and much easier.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having great dating profile photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with outstanding profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

5 dating tips for women over 40

Dating tip 1: Get healthy.

Get toned and healthy; this will improve your self-confidence and overall health. When you look good you’ll feel good!

Dating tip 2: Wear the right clothes

Though you may not want to try to dress like a 20-year-old, dress to accentuate the body parts you are most proud of. Wear clothing that is appropriate for your body type and that makes you feel wonderful.

Dress to kill…for confidence.
I get asked by so many women what to wear for both photos and a first dates, and here’s what I tell them every time: It’s better to show up in last year’s clothes with this year’s confidence, than last year’s confidence and this year’s clothes. (and when you feel confident it will also show in your online dating photos and attract more people)

Think about it.
Confidence and sex appeal is about owning who you are.
Even if you have the most gorgeous Valentino dress, shoes by Jimmy Choo and half a million dollars’ worth of jewelry by Tiffany’s, if it doesn’t feel right or it just isn’t ‘you’ then it will never work, you’ll be uncomfortable and ill at ease — and nothing kills a date faster.  Find clothes that you feel confidence in you and you’ll be a knockout. Smart, successful men want to spend their time with women who are relaxed, confident and at ease.

Dating tip 3: Learn to listen.

Pay attention to the small details and remember them.  If you want to really impress him, bring up a small detail he mentioned on the last date.

Tip 4: Be discreet.

Don’t talk about past relationships and their details.  He may act like she wants to know, but he really doesn’t want to know.  Trust me on this one!

Dating tip 5: Relax.

The most important tip for women over 40 who are dating is simply to relax. Don’t compare the way you look now with the way you used to look ten or twenty years ago. Today you’re wiser and smarter and way less “needy” than many younger women, so enjoy yourself and shine.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having a great dating profile photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictureswe can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Online Dating: Is it OK to lie about your age?

Just yesterday I had an interesting email from a customer of mine, here’s what it said:

“Sorry to bother you. My true age is 65, I do look much younger than my age and I’m active. When I put 65 on the profile men “half in the grave” email me. Now I put 59.  I don’t feel really good about it, lying that is, what is your take?”

This article is my answer to her (I’ve changed her name for her privacy, let’s call her Anna)

A delightful woman

Anna is a delightful woman, a truly great catch for some lucky guy for sure. She has a charming character with a blend of intelligence, humor and humility (I had the good fortune to speak with her so I can confirm this) and yes, after looking at her online dating photos she definitely looks 10 years younger.

So what should she do? Her experience is one I’ve heard from many people: she’s tired of dating men who look old and tired compared to her. Should she lie about her age, or tell the whole truth?

The question here is simple:

Is it OK to bend the truth a little in your profile—or are you asking for trouble?

OK so she’s 65 but she knows she’ll probably get a lot more interest if she posts her age as 59.

Maybe you too have the same problem as Anna, perhaps you’re a 50-year-old who’s looked after themselves, who dresses in a stylish way, you like the latest music and aren’t ready to settle into old age quite yet. Would it really be so wrong to say your age was “45-ish”?

Age is an issue, no matter what age we are, online dating sites magnify this issue because we’re given the choice of selecting the characteristics we find important  in a partner and age is one of them.

Age is important because when we date online we’re using it as one of the criteria for picking a partner rather than the old school way of meeting someone we like, getting to know them and learning how old they are later.

In our modern society youth is associated with beauty, but it goes further~ in order for any relationship to succeed, partners need to have some shared interests and lifestyle plans.
These things often are age-related, for example there’s a huge difference between the goals of a 20 year old man to those of a 40-year-old woman.

3-5 Years older

It’s been said that online daters shave 3-5 years off their ages. And it’s also been said that 80% of online daters lie in their profiles – but  they leave clues that give them away.

Some examples

“I say I’m 37 because that’s approximately the age I’m looking for in my date. I’ve had way more emails since I changed my age. I told a white lie (I’m really 42), but the people I’m interested in, (the ones who really like me), are finding me”.

“I say I’m 3 years younger than I am—it’s closer to the age I look and feel. When I posted my real age, I got emails from guys who looked old enough to be my father. So I lied and changed it to 44 and now I get lots of attention. So far, no one has ever questioned my age!”

“Many people who’ve been tempted to lie about age online think it’s a big mistake because once you start lying, you’ll end up stuck in your own tangled web of lies! Imagine telling someone that you’re a certain age and then they ask you what year you graduated. Would you avoid the issue when you meet them on a date? And if the conversation moves in that direction then do you change the subject, keep lying, or tell the truth?

“Some people say you should lie about your age if you look younger and then at the first meeting, put the truth “on the table” as soon as possible. The opinion is as long as you confess quickly it’s not really lying.”

Hm…“As long as you confess quickly it’s not really lying.”   That’s stretching my definition of lying.

I’ve heard other people say that you can tell the truth once you’ve made a connection. The opinion here is that when you’ve connected, then hopefully he or she’s is less likely to be upset at your lie and walk away.

What choices do you have?

To summarize what I’ve just said you really only have 3 options:

Be honest about your age and don’t lie
Lie about your age and confess later
Lie about your age and never confess

Now I’m not here to moralize, just present choices for you to make as an adult.

I’d say that the idea of lying about your age and never telling a partner is not really an option that many people would chose! So for practical purposes we can narrow our three options down to just two choices: either be honest or Lie about your age and confess.

Being honest

Now if you swear that the evidence you shall give online, shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth then you may meet older people, and it may take longer to find someone (If you happen to look 10 years older).

Although you could argue that “beauty is only skin deep” and you’ll find someone like you who you are better suited to.

Lie about your age and confess when you can.

Let’s look at people’s responses to people who are lied to.

My personal opinion

I personally don’t care about age differences, but I do care about lies, if she tells me that she’s 45 and I find out she’s 50, then there’s clear evidence that she’ll lie to me about the small things if it suits her. And what else will she lie about? Will she lie about how much money she earns a year or anything else, this is someone posting purposely deceitful information to further their agenda. Also my belief is that if I want someone decent then I have to be decent myself and decent people don’t lie. Also to me someone who lies about their age comes across as “needy”, so I would walk away not just from the lie but from the neediness of the lie, insecurity about age to me is unattractive.

I looked online in many dating “forums” and found that there are a lot of people who share my opinion.

Two liars meet

During the date she asked me about the age of my children, then she went quiet and I felt like she was doing the math and would catch me in my lie, so I said I want to be honest with you. I’m not 50. I’m 57.”

She said, “Thank you.” It turns out that she’d lied, too. She claimed that she was 48, but she was really 50.

A more relaxed answer

“People lie about their age, it’s not important, if they look good who cares. If you reckon what’s written on profiles is the truth and nothing but the truth then you must live with the fairies.  All lies are not created equal. Some are harmless, some are harmful. Learn the difference.”

An unrepentant liar’s answer

“Always take ten years off your age. When you’re drunk and she asks you what year you were born you don’t have to deal with the math.”

“My 10-year strategy makes it a simple. Let’s say you were born in 1967. Plus ten is a simple 1977.”

No number of martinis can tear the logic off that one!

Also there’s another reason to stick to the 10-year rule: It’s better to look too old for 42 than young for 52.

Conclusion

I hope I’ve presented you with the facts to make the right choice for you. The most important thing is to do what you feel comfortable with and live with the consequences of our choices. If you lie and get caught then don’t go whining to anyone, accept that you screwed things up due to lack of honesty.

Another approach that just might work

Here’s an approach that worked for me. I looked at a woman’s profile and it went something like this (I changed a few details to protect her privacy)

“What can I say about myself? I’m a fun loving, funny, sarcastic French curvy woman who is family oriented, I love Sports, Reading, Dancing, Spending time with my Family and Friends, I have learned that real beauty lies beyond the outside exterior of a person. I’m looking for someone who will be my best friend, my partner and my lover, someone who actually sees me, respects me and accepts me. someone who is more than willing to give me my place in their life. I don’t like games or drama, so I need someone who is straight forward, honest and has the same values as I do. I’m the kind of person who is fiercely loyal, devoted to the ones I care about, and 100% faithful to the man in my life. PS. My True age is 47 I know that in my profile I said 42, as you can see I’m active, look much younger and take care of myself, I found that when I put 47 that I was meeting men who looked old enough to be my father!”

Now reading this would you have a problem? I certainly do not, its honest and if I liked her pictures and read a little more I would not feel lied to.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having a great profile photo is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

What every woman needs to know to stay safe when dating online.

We’ve all heard stories about people meeting psychos online.

You may have heard about convicted killer-sicko Dustin Kendrik who met his victim online will now spend life without parole in prison. Or Phillip Markoff the “Craigslist Killer,” he was a medical student in Boston who met his victims via Craigslist.

Wow just writing this article is giving me the chills!

We all know that 99% of people are decent, loving people and while most of them won’t be your perfect match, they’re unlikely to be your murderer. But there are some odd people out there and it doesn’t hurt to be careful.

So how do you stay safe without being paranoid? what online dating safety tips do you need to hear?

How can you stay safe both before you meet someone and on a date too? I think with 7 simple rules you can certainly reduce your chances of meeting a madman (or woman).

  • Protect your identity and remain anonymous until you feel comfortable.
  • Send a few messages and speak with them before you meet.
  • Always meet in public.
  • Tell a friend & have their phone number.
  • Stay sober.
  • Drive yourself to and from the first meeting.
  • Consider a background check.

1. Protect your identity

Never, and I repeat never share your real name, phone number, email address, home address, place of work or any other identifying information while IMing or emailing your dream date until you have established a reasonable level of trust with the other person. And don’t post personal contact information in your profile.

2. Send a few messages and speak with them before you meet

Get to know the other person online before meeting them offline.

3. Always meet in public

While writing this article I found this blog online (I’ve changed the names to protect the guilty)

“I met this guy on an online dating website. He sent me a picture of himself and a message. I checked out his profile and I thought that he seemed interesting. Adam and I exchanged numbers and we have been chatting and talking over the phone as well as texting, I am totally smitten with him. His voice is so soothing and he is very good looking from the pictures he keeps sending me. Adam seems like a perfect guy for me and the reason we have not met up in person is because he stays like 2 hours away but he’s moving soon to my area. Adam is driving up this evening to have dinner with me. I am cooking him a spectacular dinner and I have been excited about it all week! There has been an anticipation building up in me sense the first time we spoke.

I wrote this blog because a lot of my friends and family thinks I am crazy for inviting a guy to my house that I have never met. I know that in the past internet dating has been frowned upon. You hear so many horror stories about how the female met the killer guy over the internet and he stalked her and cut her into little bitty pieces and spread her all around the USA”.

The blog goes on to say.

“And who’s to say that meeting someone at a bar is any safer or better than meeting them online….I am not a 18 year old anymore I am a grown ass woman! If I want to invite a complete stranger over make, love to him with the lights on and kick him out when I am done SO WHAT! I make my own choices. Now I will say again it has been 5 years since I have been dating I think the past 2 months that I am getting use to all the “newness” Only time will tell if I will find my prince charming…”

I really hope if you’re reading this that you agree with me that this blogger is crazy.

I don’t care how grown up or turned on you are~ Always and I mean always meet in public. Doing anything else is dumb and dangerous. And any good guy (or woman) will understand.

4. Tell a friend & have your phone

Do I need to say more than let a friend know that you’re going on a date at XYZ…

5. Stay sober

Common sense again. Do I need to say more?

6. Drive yourself to and from the first meeting

Don’t get into cars with strangers no matter how old you are.

Follow your feelings

Most importantly, if you ever feel any sort of instinct or “gut feeling” or whatever you call it, then follow that feeling.

Consider a background check

In addition to these simple 7 rules to survive, you may want to consider a background check.

To begin with Google your dates name to see if they are telling you the truth about who they are, and where they work. I’m amazed at the amount of information available to us online. And pay attention to the details. If your date is telling you that he’s an attorney in the city and he’s listed as a plumber living in a few miles away then you may have good reason to be suspicious. Sheila Turner from Backgroundcheck.org, recently published and sent me some every interesting information on background checks for internet daters.

Most of all have fun, and be safe.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

How to make online dating more fun

I asked friends and dating experts “The Amazing Clarks” for dating advice for people who an attractive online dating profile and can get dates but who are still in the process of finding the partner that they want. This is what they said:

“Be open!”

Usually when people go on online dates they become closed and guarded. They do this for a number of possible reasons:

  • They are afraid to make themselves vulnerable because they don’t want to get hurt.
  • They are afraid that they may say or reveal something that will turn their date off and scare them away.
  • They are just nervous and don’t know what to say or do.

Being closed and guarded is guaranteed to ensure that you’ll have a disappointing dating experience. You have to open up on dates. You have to be prepared to make yourself vulnerable.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having great  online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Finding the right date online (Part 2)

I always get good dating advice from friends and dating experts “The Amazing Clarks.” This week I turned to them again for some timeless dating wisdom. I asked them about the moment after the profile pic has worked. What should a single person do to turn a profile pic success into a beautiful relationship? They told me:

Be a great listener

Daters can be horrible listeners. Too often, they talk about themselves instead of giving space to the other person to talk. Or they judge what they hear instead of empathizing with it. Regardless of how good your profile pics are, that’s a guaranteed way to ensure that you’ll have a horrible online dating experience. It’s important for you to be communicative with your dates. But it’s equally important to be a great listener as well. After all, one of the main reasons for going on a date in the first place is for the two of you to get to know each other – not just for your date to get to know you.

Can you hear me now?

If your online dates become all about you, then you will definitely turn the other person off. You’ll bore them —and they won’t ask you back out on a second date.

An inability to listen to what others have to say is a huge red flag. It makes people think that you’re selfish and will become even more selfish once you’re in a committed relationship. (It doesn’t matter whether it’s true — that’s what they’ll think).  It’s enough to scare off any date.
If you find that you’re talking a lot more than you are listening, then you will be denying yourself the opportunity to discover whether the person opposite you is the person meant for you. You will miss out on their perspectives and their thoughts, the experience that could create a strong affinity and maybe even an amazing love connection.

So don’t check out on people. Make a real effort to hear what they are saying. Pick up on their verbal clues about who they are and what they want.

Below are some tips that can help:

Tips to help you become a great listener while online dating…

  • Tune in by facing your dates directly, giving them consistent eye contact and nodding to show you are listening.
  • Avoid the urge to think about what you are going to say next, and just be present.
  • We all want to be heard so extend that courtesy to your date and they will give you the same respect back.
  • Note their interest, their dreams, and desires, and ask about the things that you can see make your date feel good

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…Get good online dating photos

Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Pictures to AVOID for your online dating photos!

Far away Long distance online dating photos… we’ve all seen them online the photo where the person’s as small as an ant doing something!

A couple of ways of thinking

There seems to be a couple of ways of thinking when it comes to Long distance dating photos for online daters, the first point of view is from large online dating site OK Cupid, they say that:

“your face doesn’t necessarily matter. In fact, not showing your face can in fact be a positive, as long as you substitute in something unusual, sexy, or mysterious enough to make people want to talk to you”

They do go on to say that “Of course, we wouldn’t recommend that you meet someone in person without first seeing a full photo of them, that still seems like a recipe for disaster”

Lets not forget though that OK cupid’s comments were written for people aged 18 and 32. Who live in big cities of average looks and who only have one profile picture-if you fit this profile then a Long distance photo may tell other people in their 20’s how interesting you are!

Another point of view

Another point of view is from eHarmony, and I believe is advice that will better suit you if you’re 30 years old or more!

eHarmony say that a landscape background in a dating profile photo may be interesting, showing people that you went to see Egypt, England, or Italy. But at the end of the day, if you’re dating online, the reason people email you is because your profile photos and written profile came together to spark their interest and they want to learn a little more about you!

They believe that If they see a tiny ant-like person in the far distance, you’ve given away your ability to make a visual first impression.

So what does LookBetterOnline.com think?

We’ll I think that if you are over 30 years old that the best balance is to get professional quality online dating photos of you so that you can as eHarmony say get the “ability to make a visual first impression”, and also use just 1 photos of you doing something unusual or mysterious enough to make people want to talk to you?

Don’t tell them your life story

Remember the purpose of an online dating profile is to get people interested in who you are, NOT to tell them your life story, save the tales of camel rides across the Sahara desert for later, remember too much info will overwhelm people and turn them off;  A little less information will intrigue them and leave them wanting more (Of you!)

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…get good online dating photos

Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating tips: 5 things Men Find Sexy About Women:

If you make him feel like a man he’ll love you and never want to leave!

So how do you make him feel like a man, well to get you started Here’s 5 dating tips about things that  men find super sexy about a woman

Playful

Women who are serious are often unsexy, playful is sexy, but don’t confuse playful with being a joker. women who are always clowning for attention can look needy, be  the woman who loves life and isn’t ashamed to show it, women who can laugh are very sexy.

Attractive

Dressed to flatters her figure,  well groomed, if you’re not sure find a couple of honest male friends who will tell you the truth about how you look-with guys looks do matter

Sexually open-minded

Open and relaxed about sex is a big turn on, most normal guys want a women who loves sex, remember that  ”Men fall in love through sex; women fall in sex through love”

Give him his space

There’s something about giving a man the rope he needs to pursue his passions that makes a woman irresistible., the more space you give him, the more he’ll want to be with you!

Grateful

When you say “That dinner date was fantastic,”and “I appreciated the work that went into planning the evening” you send your man “A woman who’s grateful” signals which mean “You can make me happy,” which is a man’s job!

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Finding the right date online (Part 1)

Dating Advice from the experts

I asked friends and dating experts “The Amazing Clarks” for advice for people who have an attractive online dating profile and can get dates but who are still in the process of finding the partner that they want. This is what they said:

“Be open!”

Usually when people go on online dates they become closed and guarded. They do this for a number of possible reasons:

  • They are afraid to make themselves vulnerable because they don’t want to get hurt.
  • They are afraid that they may say or reveal something that will turn their date off and scare them away.
  • They are just nervous and don’t know what to say or do.

Don’t be disappointed!

Being closed and guarded is guaranteed to ensure that you’ll have a disappointing dating experience. You have to open up on dates. You have to be prepared to make yourself vulnerable.
Think of yourself as a wonderful and entertaining book with pages and pages of interesting experiences, ideas, and dreams. If you only show your date the cover of your book (with cool profile pics) but prevent your date from experiencing the wonderful content inside… they’ll just put you back on the shelf.

And if you don’t let them read your book,  then why would they reveal the inside of their wonderful book to you? Everybody loses.

When you are on an online date don’t be afraid to open up and make yourself vulnerable. Let your date see what’s inside you and show him or her who you really are right from the beginning. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not.

Be genuine. Be yourself. Be an open book.

It’s when you are your authentic self that  you are the most fun to yourself… and to others. Your date will feel at ease and will reveal themselves too. And even if there is no romantic chemistry between you and your date, at least you will both have an enjoyable time.

What if they don’t like your book?

If you make yourself open and vulnerable and your date dislikes what they see, don’t take it personally. They’re not the one for you — and that’s okay. Continue to make yourself open and vulnerable because it’s only a matter of time before you attract online dates that will love and appreciate the authentic you (including your Mr or Mrs. Right.) Here are a few tips that can help:

Tips to help you remain open when online dating…

  • Remember that you are being open in order to be yourself and have a good time.
  • Don’t worry if your date is not into you; you wouldn’t have been a good match anyway.
  • Opening up will inspire your date to do the same.
  • Remaining open will enable your perfect partner to be able to immediately identify and find you.

Dating advice? The most important thing you need to know…

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating tips: 3 Subjects to Avoid on a Date

I went on a date a few years ago

It was in a beautiful restaurant in La Jolla, a warm summer evening, I had booked a table with a view and had planned it so we could watch the sunset in the pacific ocean, my date turned up in her sports car looking like a million dollars, I remember clearly how great I felt…

Then she opened her mouth, I listened carefully and I couldn’t wait for the date to end!

I wondered if she’d be surprised when I didn’t call her

Here’s why…She made 3 fatal dating mistakes!

Mistake #1 Talking about money on a date

Yes, yes I know that money is important, and it’s a good thing to know how your date feels about money, but on the first date-really……Boring!
We all know that people draw conclusions about others based on their job, income, investments, family wealth, investments but do I really want to know how much money you need/want on a first date….NO, just stick to fun stuff and make me smile a little!

Mistake #2 Talking too much about family

Nothing kills passion for men more quickly than talking about your Dad leaving your Mom for her best friend…Oversharing this will make any man  run for the door (or at least want to)!

Mistake #3 Talking about what was wrong in a last relationship

The biggest no-no… I’m not your therapist so no need to go in-depth about how you were wronged during any date, and  romantic horror stories aren’t going to impress me either, I don’t want to hear stories of horrible dates when I’m with you…just keep it fun and let’s talk about things we like and see if we’re a good match.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!