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Online Rejection: There’s No Such Thing!

Here’s what my friend Bobbi (Who just happens to be an online dating expert) has to say about online rejection.

“This is one skill I want you to master: Rejecting online rejection. Learning to accept rejection gracefully, with as few “dings” to your self-esteem as possible, is key to finding your true love.

As a dating coach, I’ve found the #1 reason you won’t have success online is giving up too soon. What you perceive as online rejection can exhaust you mentally and the positive attitude you started out with will quickly dwindle.

Here are 4 things to know to help you move forward in the online dating world with your self-esteem intact!

1) They don’t know you.

All a guy knows about you is 20 sentences and a crappy picture. If they don’t “pick” you, take a deep breath and remember: There are 1000 reasons a guy won’t be interested and most have nothing to do with YOU. They want a blonde, someone under 5’2″, someone who skis, someone without kids, etc… Better he NOT chose you and save you both heartache and disappointment later. And let’s be honest there are a myriad of reasons YOU reject guys online as well, you don’t know them and wouldn’t expect them to take it personally, right? (And believe me, they don’t). If you write 10 emails and hear back from 1 or 2 that’s good!

2) Let’s define rejection.

Let’s separate true rejection with online rejection;You have a right to cry in your wine if the guy you’ve been dating for 3 months, who has truly gotten to KNOW you, suddenly stops calling or breaks up with you. That is rejection. Some guy not responding to your “like” on Match doesn’t count as rejection – it counts as LIFE. Move on.

3) Men over 40 are like kids in a candy store.

Guys in their older years have the statistical advantage – there are more of us (women over 40 looking for love) and fewer of them (men over 40 doing the same). A lot of women are emailing the 60 year old man with a great head of hair, healthy, active life, etc.

Imagine it like this (I asked a client about this yesterday): “You meet a guy in Starbucks and after a very brief chat he takes your number and he never calls. Would this bother you?” I asked. “No”…she said “I’d figure he probably went off to live his busy life and, since he didn’t really know me, I just kind of dropped out of his mind, that wouldn’t bother me.” Well, imagine that he went home after Starbucks and there were 25 women waiting for him with open arms. Some even have candy for him and are wearing sexy outfits. That’s what it’s like for a guy online. Lots of choices. And we all know how easily men are distracted – especially by a pretty face.

4) Your age actually counts in your favor.

One advantage to being a woman over 40 is that you have the perspective of a life well lived. Instead of tapping into the insecure 18 year old who is biting her nails waiting for the phone to ring, you can “turn on” the confident, experienced woman who knows it’s a numbers game, it’s not personal, and all you need is 1 good man.

It takes time! I encourage you to meet as many guys as you can without losing your mind.

Mastering the art of accepting rejection gracefully will most certainly help you stay online long enough to find your true love. (Like I did!)”

The most important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible

3 Simple Dating tips for summer…

Summer is here, people are happier and looking for a little “summer loving”!  Check out these 3 dating tips to heat up your summer…

1.  Update your online dating profile.

With summer’s longer days, you’ll have more time to update your dating profile photos for the summer season and follow through by spending time each day online to finding that special person you can fall for this summer.

2. Plan a romantic picnic.

Summer picnics are romantic; Bread, cheese, a bottle of wine and a tablecloth make the perfect simple picnic!

And if it rains a picnic don’t cancel – a picnic can be just as much fun if it rains by moving to a covered area and enjoying the rain!

3. Book a restaurant with an outdoor patio or fireplace.

The patio gives you the freshness of eating outside, a fireplace is handy when the sun goes down. Imagine a gentle summer breeze as you sip your drinks slowly, spending hours talking. A romantic environment that melds the indoors and outdoors makes a meal more exciting and sexy.

The most important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great dating profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Are you on a dating rollercoaster?

In the course of working at LookBetterOnline.com customers often tell me that they are sick and tired of dating, that they’ve been dating for months or even years and that they have not found the love of their life yet!

Here’s what my friends “The Amazing Clarks,” (Two of the world’s top dating coaches) think about this subject.

Ever feel like you are on the dating roller coaster and can’t get off? You’ve tried every online dating site there is, friends set you up, and still you never seem to get passed the first or second date. You keep trying, but the emotional investment begins to wear on you after awhile. You start to think that online dating just does not work and surmise that there are just no compatible prospects out there. Yet you forge on and continue to ride the dating roller coaster with every last bit of hope you can muster.

If you’re not getting the results you want then change your approach

If you are continuing to get the same results when dating then you need to make some changes. The operative word here is you. First you must accept that you cannot change anyone but yourself. Dating is like sales. If your sales copy is not working then you need to change it. All of the magazines and talk shows suggest that you get a makeover – and that may be a good start. But if you are getting first and second dates only; odds are your appearance is not the problem. So where should you begin? The best possible scenario, would be if you could get those roller coaster dates” to give you some honest feedback about why they chose not to pursue a relationship with you. You should be honest and ask the date to give you some feedback about the date before moving on.

Get honest feedback

Asking for this kind of feedback will seem strange, but what do you have to lose? Let the date know you are trying to improve yourself. They may even ask you for your honest opinion about them. You have both established you are not a match, so you longer need to try and impress one another. Join forces and use your honest feedback to make your next encounter a better one.

The fact that you are asking for honest feedback and willing to make the necessary changes to become more desirable, says a lot about you as a person. It could be just a simple adjustment that you are not aware of, like a hygiene issue. Although this may be embarrassing, it could change your results if only you knew.

Or what if you are being overly aggressive or opinionated? By having your dates give you honest feedback – you can watch for trends and make the necessary adjustments easily, and painlessly. Remember you can only change yourself and by doing so – you can finally get off of the dating roller coaster.

The most important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great dating profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

The online dating confessions of a nice guy: Part4

Welcome to part 4 of “The online dating confessions of a nice guy”, where I interview dating expert Phil Torcivia.

A man’s perspective on dating for women.

Here’s a man’s perspective on dating, in today’s discussion we will be talking about what exactly is love, how men choose women on dating websites, speed dating, getting out of unhealthy relationships and more.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…get great online dating photos

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

The online dating confessions of a nice guy: Part3

Welcome to part 3 of “The online dating confessions of a nice guy”, where I’m interviewing dating expert Phil Torcivia.

A man’s perspective on dating for women

Here’s a man’s perspective on dating,  In today’s discussion we will be talking about online dating websites, speed dating and more.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…get great online dating photos

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

The online dating confessions of a nice guy: Part2

Welcome to part 2 of “The online dating confessions of a nice guy”, where I’m interviewing dating expert Phil Torcivia.

A humorous struggle

As dating is a humorous struggle for Phil as he approaches his fifties he writes humorous essays about his experiences. Phil has a following of nearly 100,000 people (Mostly women who are interested about learning about dating from a man’s perspective).

In today’s discussion we will be talking about first date tips.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

The online dating confessions of a nice guy: Part1

Meet my new friend Phil Torcivia.

One relationship disaster away from a third cat.

Phil is a divorced guy, who in his words, “Transplanted himself from Pennsylvania into the treacherous dating pool in Southern California”. His feline companions, Syd and Symon, share his home in San Diego and an occasional dish of leftover tuna. Phil loves nothing better than bellying up to the bar with his favorite social lubrication (wine) and watching the bizarre mating rituals of the locals, which he translates into humorous essays. He has been single long enough to be involved in a few train-wrecks of his own, admitting that he’s “one relationship disaster away from a third cat.”

100,000 Women want to see things like a man!

What I found fascinating is that 34,306 people follow Phil on Facebook and 56,385 follow him on Twitter!
What makes nearly 100,000 people (mostly women between the ages of 30-50), follow Phil?

Women it seems often don’t understand men, so they read Phil’s blog to see things from a man’s perspective!

A fun interview

I thought it might be fun to interview Phil, and have some conversations about online dating, love and life.

Here’s part 1 of a few confessions of a nice guy; I hope you’ll enjoy his common sense, wisdom and humor!

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lixe2cOGyUs

Click Here  to buy Phil’s excellent,(and pretty funny) books

The most important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

The Aurora killer had a Match.com profile. What does that tell you?

James Holmes The Match.Com Profile

James Holmes
The Match.Com Profile

The Aurora killer had a Match.com profile. What does that tell you?

TMZ has reported recently that James Holmes, who killed twelve people in the Batman premiere last week, had a Match.com profile. He described himself as an agnostic student looking for a “sexy time.” Match.com removed his profile as soon as they learned about it but you can see a screen capture of it here.

I’m sure Match is sweating over this PR disaster. They’re probably having strategy meetings right now about how to recover from this. But is it the site’s fault? Would it have helped if they had had background checks in place?

Match.com doesn’t screen its members, and even if they did, they couldn’t guarantee that psychopaths wouldn’t make the cut.

Background checks can help eliminate people with a criminal background but they can’t stop people with no criminal history like this murderer. How can Match.com possibly know what someone will do in the future? If someone can get a gun, he can get a dating site profile.

You and only you are in charge of your destiny.

It’s up to online daters to read between the lines of a dating site profile. We have to use our gut feelings and our instincts. In this particular case, it was easy! James Holmes’ profile headline was:

“Will you visit me in prison?”

He knew he was about to do something that would put him behind bars.

So tip #1 is: Don’t ignore suspicious headlines.

Sure, you could dismiss a headline like that as a sign of a kooky sense of humor. But he could be serious and with so many other options online, why take a chance? This kind of a headline is a HUGE red flag.

(And on the flip side, when you’re creating your own profile, don’t use a headline that could raise eyebrows. Create curiosity. Summarize your life. But don’t wave a bright red flag.)

Here’s another example of a headline that should raise your suspicions. This is a real headline that… ahem, a “friend” of mine answered:

“One in a million.”

That headline could simply indicate confidence. In this case though it turned out to be a sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. People with this psychiatric problem often have grandiose tendencies. They tend to overplay their accomplishments and think very highly of themselves. (You can read more about dating a narcissist and how to avoid it here.)

So while you’re keeping an eye out for mass murderers and wannabe jailbirds, pay attention to signs of an arrogant attitude or people who claim they are the best thing in the universe. They could end up being the worst thing you ever dated.

Headlines aren’t the only place you should look for red flags though…

Tip #2: Read the rest of the profile carefully. ALL of it!

Pay attention to:

  • Baggage – Does the profile mention how hard it was to get divorced or what a psycho their ex wife was or how hard it is to date or how all women are gold diggers? Run, baby run! It’s too much baggage for anyone to handle!
  • Life attitude – What’s their take on life? Do they complain and blame everybody else for their problems? Are they pessimistic? Do they feel limited in what they can accomplish?  Or are they upbeat, optimistic and responsible? Those are views on life; make sure they match yours.
  • Values – What kind of values does the profile show? What do they care about most? If they emphasis that they are looking for someone “fit” or someone who “models” or “used to model” you can see that appearance is very important to them. What would happen if you were to gain a few extra pounds and a couple of wrinkles? There is more to someone than just how they look. Can they see it? Will they see it in you?
  • Occupation – This is a lifestyle issue. If the person behind the profile works 9-to-5 in a cubicle and you’re a free-spirited entrepreneur, you could have a lifestyle conflict. You might want to go for someone who is as free as you are. If they do art and are a bit on the dreamy side, but you’re super logical, you could run into frustration down the road. You might want someone more grounded.
  • Income – if you’re hoping for plenty of vacations and five-star hotels, don’t pick the guy or gal who makes less than $15,000 a year — unless of course, you don’t mind paying for everything. It’s not about being shallow; it’s about compatibility. You should find someone who matches your spending power.
  • Pets – Notice what they write about their furry, feathered or scaly friends. Is their dog their best pal who sleeps with them in the same bed? Do they have more than two cats… as well as twenty birds and a neckload of snakes? If you feel the same way, you’re match. Otherwise…

Reading someone’s profile can’t tell you everything about them but it can reveal a lot. Read the profile a few times. Pay attention to everything they write and even more importantly, notice how the profile feels in your gut. Your intuition can say NO even when their profile is perfectly written. It can also say YES when the profile doesn’t match your expectations.

If you find this article helpful, please share it with your friends, it can help them avoid meeting the wrong person online.

 

The most important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great dating profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

A letter to women over 40 who haven’t found love yet!

Dear Woman over 40 who hasn’t found love yet,

I want you to Meet my friend Bobbi, she’s a dating coach and I think she has a VERY important message to share with you.

I like Bobbi because just like my other dating coach friends “The Amazing Clarks” she IS the real thing, she’s happy, has met her true life partner and she’s a dating coach who genuinely loves helping people. (Tip for anyone reading this, if you want to marry the man of your dreams then listen carefully to dating coaches with happy marriages who literally married the men of their dreams.)

“So whats so important about Bobbi”? I hear you say…What’s important about Bobbi is that she found love at 47.

If you are a single woman over forty, who is still hoping to meet the man of your dreams… If you’re tired of disappointing dates and feeling like it’s too late or too difficult…then please read on.

Put aside your fears.

Put aside your fears that it might be too late for you to discover love that will nourish you for the rest of your life.

I know, in those quiet moments…you feel sad thinking you will never enjoy the love and affection of a truly great man, you feel needy because a strong women like you shouldn’t feel like she needs anyone to be happy and you feel alone even though you have loving friends and family surrounding you because you feel like the only one who can’t find a man.

Listen to what Bobbi says.

“I know you and so many women like you. I was you not very long ago. You have a lovely and loyal circle of friends and you’re surrounded by nice things. Sometimes you even succeed in convincing yourself that it would be okay living the rest of your life without the love of a man-you’ve had to.
But we know the real truth, we know that all you have just isn’t enough. And when you think of sharing the great life you’ve created with someone you love — and who loves you — you know that could take your life to a whole new level of fulfillment and joy.”

How did Bobbi find (& keep) her dream man?

Well as an outsider I can tell you half the story. Half the story is how she found her man, the other half of her story is how she succeeded in dating him and keeping him!

In Bobbi’s words

When it came to finding her “dream man” let’s hear Bobbi’s words.

“I can honestly say that I wouldn’t have found and married the man of my dreams if it weren’t for my profile pictures. Literally within minutes of posting my new dating profile photos I started getting winks and emails—LOTS and LOTS of them, at least 5 times the number I had been receiving over the previous months.

The best part is that “Larry” was one of them. He winked at me within the first week after I posted my new pics; I winked back; he emailed me and told me that he loved my eyes and my smile. We emailed a few times, and finally met a couple weeks later. Within 6 WEEKS of meeting we planned our wedding. (To put this in perspective: I was 47 when we met and had never been married. I was truly waiting for my perfect match… and there he was!) On September 23rd, 2006, Larry and I got married. These have been the happiest times of our lives. I know from talking to him that it was the pictures that initially captured his interest. (Of course it’s my sparkling personality that also came through!) But honestly, Larry says he never would have even read my profile if it wasn’t for my “beautiful pictures.” I’ve read things like this for years and thought it would never happen to me. But it did!

Online dating does work and there is no question that having professional pictures taken is 100% critical to opening up the most possibilities, and the ultimate success: true love!

PS I finally talked my girlfriend into getting online and having you take her pics. Sure enough, she met the man of her dreams! The four of us spend time together and I can tell you that they, too, are another success story!)”

– Bobbi, Long Beach, CA

Bobbi’s dating profile photos

Here are Bobbi’s “before and after” dating profile photos for you to see for yourself!

The other half of the story

The other half of the Story is how Bobbi succeeded in dating and keeping her dream man. I’ll let her tell this side of the story (visit her website and she’ll give you all the tips and advice you need) Her expertise comes from decades of teaching, consulting, managing and mentoring people.  More importantly, it comes from becoming a first-time bride at age 47.

I hope you find the love you deserve
Warmest  regards

The most important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great dating profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

New Online dating website for Women!

A lot of women join an online dating website, put up their profile and online dating photos and then get literally flooded with emails!

For many women it’s an overwhelming experience, often getting hundreds of emails each day from interested men most of who they have no interest in ever dating!

A new solution

www.checkhimout.com is the very first Internet dating website that allows women to make the decisions in their search for the perfect man
CheckHimOut prevents the ladies from getting an unwanted stream of emails and messages from guys they’re simply not interested in. At CheckHimOut it’s the women who initiate contact with the guys! (Guys can’t send messages to women  until they’ve been selected by a woman first)

The idea is that they will have a mix of 60% women and 40% men, that men will flock to join, since they can we sure that the women who contact them will be interested! CheckHimOut aim to have a million members by Valentine’s day 2013.

A Bad Date Video just to make you smile

Here’s a video that I saw recently on YouTube! I know its unrelated to the post above, but it was such a bad date story that I thought it would make you smile and wanted to share it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUmDgKiP36s

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having  great profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!