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5 Things NOT To Do On a First Date (For Men)

On a first date, while most men are happy to be going out on a date with a girl and are hoping that they impress her. She will be quietly trying to figure out what kind of person you are, whether you’re worthy of her time and whether she sees a future with you.

There are many small things that may seem like nothing to you but will be deal-breakers for her. For men, the main aim of a first date is not to make her fall head over heels in love with you or to tell her everything about you. it’s to intrigue her enough to secure a second date.

Get clued up on these deal-breakers and you won’t be left wondering why you’ve just received a rejection text the next day or why she no longer returns your calls.

1.       Don’t fiddle with the phone

It’s so annoying when you’re putting in the effort to talk to someone and they’re more interested in replying to their friend’s trivial text about the crazy thing they did last night or where they are at the moment. Stop fiddling around with whatever you have in your pocket and show your date that you’re genuinely interested in her by giving her your full attention. You can call or text your friends any time but you’re not going to get another chance to make a positive first impression on this woman. The only time you can use your phone is when you’re involving her as well by showing her a picture of you or a funny text conversation you had with a friend. It may even help to spark a conversation.

2.       Don’t talk about your last relationship

There are few things that can put a woman off on a first date than having to listen to you talk about your last relationship and how it ended so badly. In her head, the first date could be the start of something new and exciting and although she no doubt knows that you will have had past relationships, it’s not the first thing she wants to think of when she thinks of and whether she has a future with you. There will be plenty time to talk about how badly your past relationships were on the fourth or fifth date when you know each other a lot better but for now, the aim is to tell her something about you that sets you apart from the rest of the bunch and sparks her interest in you. Also, women prefer guys who come across as positive and optimistic. It allows them to be happy around you to and enjoy themselves with you. Talking about how something ended badly for you on the first date will banish any chances you have of making her enjoy herself and instead will create a dull, uncomfortable atmosphere that most likely will not end well for you.

3.       Don’t dress too formal or too informal

What you wear is important. You don’t need to dress in the most expensive clothing or wear something that the music artists are wearing these days but you should wear something that you personally look good in and feel comfortable in. Unless the situation warrants it, a suit on a first date is probably a little too formal. Over dressing on the first date when you barely know your date may make you seem too clingy or desperate and could scare her away. On the flip side, dressing too informal or looking scruffy will make her think you don’t care. While everyone has their own style, if you’re struggling to think of what to wear, opt for a nice, well ironed shirt with the top button open and some casual looking chinos. You can always find a good selection of shirts here. Your hair doesn’t need to be heavily gelled or styled but it should look neat. You need to look good but you don’t want to give her the impression that you spend longer getting ready than she does.

4.       Don’t forget the chivalry

Chivalry is very important, for some reason we are seeing a lot less of it these days.  On a first date, she will be wondering what you want from her in terms of where you want this date to end up. She doesn’t know whether you’re interested in a long term relationship or whether you’re just after a one night stand. Regardless of what you’re after, chivalry makes a woman feel special and wanted without making you seem needy or desperate – a very attractive trait in a man. Although many women may not admit it, they like to be pampered by a man at least a little bit and like to have moments when they feel admired or feminine. So open the door for her and pull up a chair for her – she’ll appreciate it and so will her friends when she tells them.

5.       Don’t forget to let her talk

Have you noticed how women can’t seem to stop talking when they’re with their girlfriends but when they meet a guy they barely know, they sometimes struggle to start a conversation?

If your date isn’t talking to you a lot, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t like you, it could be that she is shy or afraid to open up to you. One of the best ways to determine whether the first date was a success or not is to look at how much she spoke on the date. She’s a woman so rest assured she can talk and hold a conversation so start asking her open ended questions without it becoming an interview and try to make her feel comfortable.

Start the date by talking about something light. If you’re struggling to think of something to talk about then make a funny comment about something around you. Ask her open ended questions on topics that she is interested in and then give your own take on her reply. If you can’t think of something to say then just regurgitate what she has said. It will make her think that you are listening to her and she will appreciate this. The aim is to have her talking most of the time but for you to steer the conversation into a direction which you feel comfortable talking about.

 

Think About This!

Before you get a date you need to attract someone special!
Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, we all look at the photos first! so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

Meet to Marry Book…Well worth a read

Book

LookBetterOnline.com
Book Review:

I liked Bari Lyman before reading her “Meet to Marry Book”.

Both Bari and her Husband Michael (Well you wouldn’t want to take advice from an expert who wasn’t happily married) are smart, easy going individuals who have a great way of looking at life…when it comes to finding love they tell people to “Become the person you’d like to meet”.

It’s about YOU being the one

meet to mary dating adviceBari teaches that the first step in finding love is to start acting like someone who both deserves and wants a life full of love, someone who’s ready to give and receive love.

In other words, it’s not about you finding the right person; it’s about YOU being the right person.  In Bari’s words

“Someone who is busy ‘being the one’ knows that he or she has the power to change his/her dating reality and then takes powerful steps to do so,”

Mixed messages

Bari goes on to say. “Write down how you want to feel in a relationship and then ask yourself: Am I treating myself the way that I want to feel?
If not, you’ve got to first change the way you treat yourself. For example: If you want to feel understood and accepted by a partner but don’t treat yourself with respect or accept who you really are, you’re sending out mixed messages… and that alone will attract people who don’t value you. “See what happens when you treat yourself the same way you want to be treated by your perfect match,” advises Lyman.

Bari’s Passion

Speaking with Bari it’s clear that helping people to “be the one to find the one” is her passion.
So when Bari and her Husband  Michael offered to send me a copy of their Book “Meet to Marry” I waited eagerly for it to arrive in the mail.

First impressions

I love the book cover, OK, OK I know this isn’t super important but it’s fun and definitely made me want to dive in and get reading!

This book is written around the idea that you can:

1. ASSESS your marriage readiness.
2. ATTRACT the kind of person you desire.
3. ACT in the present to attract the future

What I like about it is that it’s a book that’s not designed for insights or intellectual conversations…its designed to get results.
Let’s look at the 3 steps in a little more detail.

STEP 1: ASSESS.

This involves taking a “Marriage readiness” quiz, then having a “Reality check” and then “Challenging your thinking”

A quiz with different answers
Now we’ve all taken quick tests where you answer A, B, C or D. Then you’ll add up all the A’s, B’s C’s or D’s and find your score and read the answer to the test. While this test does just that it also provides the reader with deeper answers to each question answered, I found this method very effective and helpful-it’s an easy way to provide the reader with clear and meaningful answers.

A reality Check.

Then the book took an important direction to focus on “Blind spots” and dating, Blind spots in dating are the things that stop people from finding love. And Bari uses real life examples to challenge the way that you’ll think about yourself. I really liked this section.

Blind spots love

A different way of thinking.

In the third part of step 1 Bari offers great insight on not living in reality when it comes to dating, on Carrying around negative associations when it comes to dating, on not being true to yourself, on being over critical when it comes to yourself and dating and on being unavailable.

Bari goes on to talk about Good Advice and Bad advice, I like this hard hitting chapter Bari gives an example of another Dating coaches advice, and why she disagrees with it and finished this step by examining some dating myths and stereotypes.

STEP 2: ATTRACT.

Mari starts with a section called Why Marry.
The following part of this step helps the reader get clear about exactly what they want.
Mari does this by helping the reader create a “Happiness and finding my life partner journal”, a “Dream board” and a “Marriage vision”

STEP 3: ACT. (In the present)

This chapter is all about Action.

I’ve always agreed with the concept of Acting in the present to attract the future. There are way too many people who don’t enjoy the lives that they deserve simply because they fail to take action!

This chapter is the perfect end to any book written to help you make change.

In summary.

Well written and easy to follow its obvious Bari and her husband have spent a significant amount of time, love and energy on creating a system that will help many people find the love that they deserve!

This is a GREAT book, well thought out and well written. I’ve given this book 4.5 out of 5 stars…because I NEVER give anything 5 stars and I found the forward a little difficult (and to be fair I’ve said this before I’m not into reading the introductions of ANY book)
Here’s a link to buy your copy!  Don’t delay…order yourself a copy and start moving towards the love you deserve( Click here )

5 Dating Strategies for the Single Entrepreneur

My friend says she’s too busy to date.

As an owner of a couple of businesses she recently asked  me “I spend a lot of time at work, making it difficult to meet the right man…so how exactly am I supposed to meet the right man”.

I didn’t have an answer…

Until yesterday when my Friend (And Dating expert) Amy Schoen shared an article that she’s written called “5 Dating Strategies for the Single Entrepreneur”.

A dating expert

Let me introduce you to Amy

For those of you who read my posts you’ll know that I’ve featured my friend Amy’s expert advice…

Amy Schoen motivatedtomarry.com has been transforming people to be their best for over 20 years.  Amy has the gift of visualization and uses this gift to ask the right life and relationship questions to visualize the kind of life they truly desire.  To move clients towards positive action, Amy draws upon her vast life experiences, business experiences and keen knowledge of people.

5 Dating Strategies for the Single Entrepreneur

My friend Jonathan is self-employed and single.  He talks about how it would be so nice to have a relationship in his life and yet I do not see him making the time for the process of dating.  He tells me that his work is very demanding and that he is barely keeping up with his clients.

Having your own business or being self-employed is very challenging, as well as rewarding.  Add being single to the equation and it can be a very lonely place to be.  I was single while I ran a women’s clothing boutique.  Although I worked incredible hours and had a 7 day a week operation, I made a concerted effort to date and meet people which eventually led me to meeting my husband.  This is how I recommend you fit in dating into your hectic work schedule:

Get Clear on What your Life Goals and Priorities Are

What are your goals and priorities in life?

–          Work

–          Family

–          Finding a life partner and getting married

–          Community service

–          Athletic activities

–          Personal/ social activities

Rank them from 1 to 6, 1 being the most important.  What came up for you during this exercise?

Next, where do you see yourself in 5 years?  Would you be happy being single at that time?  It’s time to be honest with your-self.

Just like you have a business plan for your business, you need to develop a life plan for your life.  When you focus on obtaining and having the important things in life, things will happen for you.

Put your Personal Time on Your calendar and Stick to it!

When you decide to carve out some time for your personal life which may include the pursuit of meeting someone for a relationship, make an appointment with yourself on your calendar.  How many hours a week are you willing to commit to this endeavor?

You need to apply the same time management skills to your personal time as you do to your work time.  Do you consider the event or activity for meeting people to date urgent, desirable or eventually need to do?

Go ahead, put this date in your calendar and commit to keeping this appointment with yourself!

Decide on What Trade Offs You Are Willing To Make

Life is often about trade-offs.  What are you willing to sacrifice to have what you want?  It may be for a short time or a long time depending on your success on meeting the right person for you.

Are you willing to work some less hours and make less money?  Perhaps you would be willing to hire someone to do the work that is least desirable to you.  I hired a book-keeper even though I was very capable of doing the work myself.  I ended up using a mailing service for my promotional materials when I did the labels for mailing myself at early on in my business.  I thought it was more important to free up my time for what I enjoyed rather doing the detailed, repetitive tasks.  I hired smart college students to do some of the busy work for me.

Even if you bring in help seasonally, it may free you up for a vacation or a long weekend!

Consider hiring an assistant to help you with writing letters, making appointments and following up with phone calls to your clients. Now virtual assistants are becoming very popular with business owners.

Use Efficient Dating Techniques

There is a time cost and benefit to every singles event and dating service available to you.  Once you have a handle how much time a week you want to put towards dating, and then you need to decide how much financial resources you want to devote to these endeavors.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to get a real clear picture of your values.  Your values are what’s most important to you in life.For instance, kindness and compassion may be very important to you. Therefore, this is what you would want in a mate, as well. Once you have your valued constructed, then you have a guideposts for which you can evaluate your potential partner.

Next, it’s important to get clear on what you want in life.  Do you want a children? If not, you need to be clear with your potential dates that you are not interested in children.  You may not even want to date divorced people with kids.  Then opposite may be true as well. If you want children and someone doesn’t then there is no point pursing a relationship with this person.  This will save you much time and anguish!

Now you are ready to see who is out there and who will be best suited for you.  If you are willing to spend the money, you may consider a reputable matchmaker or dating service.  The internet can be a good way to meet people to date.  You can search the net at all hours of the day or night. However, it may take a lot of searching and weeding out. It can be very frustrating when people do not return your emails. Try more than one site.  Different sites will produce different results.

Last, ask friends, family or perhaps business associates who know you well to introduce you to people to date.  Tell them what you are looking for in a mate so they can be helpful to you.  Don’t be shy to ask them to you up. One of my clients was very good about getting the word out that she was looking to meet someone to date.  She eventually got fixed up with someone she really likes.

Combine Fun and Recreation with Meeting People

What is fun and relaxing for you?   It is not healthy to work all the time and not have any play! If you enjoy socializing, then the singles events may help you get out and be with people.  Who knows, you may pick up a client if not a date! For the athletic types, sports activities such as biking groups or tennis parties may be a way to have fun and meet someone to date. If you are into working out to keep your shape and stamina, then the gym can be a place to meet those of the opposite sex who also share this desire to keep fit.  Perhaps you will entertain taking a ski trip or a hiking trip with a singles group.
Taking vacations are critical to maintaining sanity for an entrepreneur.
If you love traveling, you may consider joining a singles travel group to see various parts of the world.  There are even singles cruises for those who enjoy traveling by sea.  I know a woman who loved yoga and found a travel group that incorporated daily yoga into the trip. Imagine finding your soul-mate while doing what you truly love!

As an entrepreneur, you have already experienced what happens when you have a vision of what you want and focus on that goal.  You have built your thriving business with your drive and determination.  You can also have a fulfilling relationship if you apply your same drive and determination to that area of your life.  It may just take some re-balancing of your energy and focus.  Nonetheless, the benefits of finding that rewarding romantic relationship can last a lifetime!

More about Amy

Coach Amy Schoen helps marriage minded individuals who are ready to take action to find true love with a values based approach that has proven results, especially online.  Learn more about Coach Amy and her coaching system go to http://www.MotivatedtoMarry.com.

Also think about this!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating tips for Guys who have been dumped (Dump the drama and Grow some balls)

Wow that’s a harsh Blog title isn’t it! Sorry if it seems harsh I just wanted to get your attention and help you get to a happier place

A True Story

Let me tell you a true story about a friend of mine!

My friend (Let’s call him Dave) was going through a messy divorce..he had married the girl of his dreams only to find out that a few years later his dream had died and she was leaving him and wanted a divorce. Now Dave was a wreck, he was pleading with his wife to try and work things out, grasping at anything he could to try to make his marriage work.

What was painfully obvious to all his guy friends was that she’d met a new guy and was cheating on him (She’s been posting pictures of her new boyfriend on Facebook and it seemed that everyone but Dave knew what was going on!)

I wanted to help Dave

I wanted to help Dave and I knew a man that could help him…

Let me introduce my great friend Anthony Clark…he’s a former professional male escort and dating coach, he’s a great friend to me, a loveable, Authentic character who walks his talk!

I thought that if I could persuade Dave to talk to Anthony and read his book- so that he could begin the process of picking himself up from his messy divorce.

The name of his book…

He met Anthony and immediately liked him…then Anthony told him to read a copy of his book, the book is called

“How to Get Over That Bitch and Grow Balls They Can’t Resist”

ballsNow let’s be clear from the very beginning…Anthony says:

“This book was not written to degrade or humiliate women. I use the term “Bitch,” to express the anger and frustration that men feel towards the women who dumped them, or have broken their hearts.
The “Bitch,” whom I am referring to in the title… can also pertain to a man, a boss, or anyone who treats you with disrespect!”

Written by relationship expert and former male escort, Anthony Clark “The Game Dr.” Co-written by Melanie Kira Clark.
This is a 196 page fast, easy and hilarious read that will forever change the way you love & date.Perfect for men of all ages…and perfect to read if you’ve just been dumped!

Dave refused to read the book

What was frustrating to me was that Dave refused to read the book properly, he read a few pages and angrily told me that the book was written for “Meat-heads”.

I think that Dave didn’t read the book fully because if he did it would mean that he had to grow some balls and change! (Sorry Dave if you’re reading this you know I love you man)

I also think (And while I’m no expert just a regular guy I’m not stupid) that Dave was trying so hard to make things right in his failing marriage that he ended up behaving in a desperate, needy and submissive relationship with his soon to be ex wife.

His Ball-less behavior made her lose passion, admiration, and respect for him.

A year and a half later

Now this blog post isn’t designed to bash Dave (In fact a year and a half later he’s learning once again to grow some balls, step up and I see that he’s becoming a happier guy).
What amazes me is just how much time he wasted crying in his beer!

If  he’s just read the book I’m TOTALLY CONVINCED  that he would have save himself a year of unhappiness!

SO guys if you are reading this and you’ve been dumped OR you know a friend who’s a mess and who’s crying in his beer after his lady has dumped him for the sake of $20 get this book! It’ll save you a ton of wasted time and drama!

And then  read it!….

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Why do I continue to attract the same guy in a different pair of pants?

Meet Marla,
She’s a professional matchmaker working in Los Angeles who definitely knows her stuff! She helped countless couples connect with their soul mates and go on to marriage.

Helping others find that someone special

Marla is a certified life/dating coach, author and motivational speaker and has appeared on the Today Show, WGN Chicago Morning News, San Diego Living, KUSI San Diego Morning, Better TV, Urban Rush and over 40 radio shows including Coast to Coast AM, Playboy Radio and The Cooper Lawrence Show. Marla is passionate about helping others find that special someone to go through life with, someone that makes life sparkle.To learn more about Marla CLICK HERE

As an expert Matchmaker Marla undwerstands the value of good photos, She told me “You are so right about having good photos for online dating..and even when using a matchmaker, because I also have to send pics to my clients and they have the right to turn someone down and often do because of a photo”.

Expert advice

But today I’d like to share with you Marla’s insight on Why many women attract the same guy over and over again. Many women complain that they just can’t seem to find the right man, that they always end up with the wrong guy!

Same guy in a different pair of pants

When we think about love, our soul mate, settling down and getting married, and so on, we often go back to our childhood thoughts on this subject. These thoughts condition how we think, and what we expect our relationships to look like.

Are you seeing anyone?

Many women think they should be in a relationship, not because they really want one or are ready for one, but because it’s just the thing to do. The pressure to be in a relationship is so automatic at times that we don’t even think about it. Do you ever notice that when you are single, friends and family are always asking you, “Are you seeing anyone?” or “How’s your love life?” If you say you’re not seeing anyone, they all want to fix you up. Your friends all think that you are such a catch, so how can you be single? On the other hand, if you are in a lousy relationship, they want to know, “Why are you with that loser?” The quest to find Mr. or Ms. Right has become so popular that there seem to be a million online dating sites, matchmaking services, books and talk radio shows on the subject. Everywhere you look, there is some reference to finding the love of your life.
Unfortunately, when you jump from guy to guy without analyzing why you want to be in a relationship, what your needs are and where your self esteem falls in the range between lower than an ant or as high as the sky, you will tend to fall right back with the same ole’ same ole’ …. Different guy, in the same pair of pants!

Take stock

I suggest that you take stock and decide why you want a relationship right now. Do any of these reasons ring true?

– I am lonely.
– All of my friends are in a relationship.
– I can’t afford to go to nice restaurants unless a man invites me.
– I feel like a loser without a man in my life.
– My mother keeps asking me when I’m going to get married.
– My biological clock is ticking.
– I want to get over my divorce or last relationship.
– I want a man to support me so that I don’t have to work anymore.
– I want to get even with someone or make someone jealous.

It’s better than being alone

Many times people just jump right into a relationship or stay in one with the wrong person because they feel that it’s better than being alone. Jenny, a twice-divorced mother of two has a good job and wonderfully supportive girlfriends, but she repeatedly gets into relationships that are not good for her. She is currently in a relationship with a man who beats her and puts her down because “it’s better than being alone.”
Watching the news lately, it seems like every day I see a story about someone (usually a woman) who is missing or found dead, killed by an ex-lover or spouse. Even if we are lonely, the people we choose to let into our lives need to be chosen carefully.
That’s why I am inviting you to really look at whether or not you are ready for a relationship right now. Maybe you just got out of a bad relationship, are recently divorced, or had a death in the family and need to heal. There is nothing wrong with being alone and working on yourself to make sure that you are a complete, whole and healthy person who is ready to give your all with the right person. I’ve always liked the saying, “I’d rather be healthy and alone than sick with someone else.”

The right reasons

If you agree with any of these statements, you want to be in a relationship for the right reasons.

– I love my life, and I want to share my happiness with someone.
– I feel totally ready to find my soul mate and start a family.
– I have so much to give to the right person.

Don’t waste your time

Another reason we may stay too long in a relationship is that we hope the person will change. We tell ourselves, “I’ve found the perfect person for me. If only he, or she, could change this or that, we would be incredible together.” Listen up. This is really quite dangerous! You cannot change someone. It is very important to realize this. It is so tempting to try to do so when we find someone that seems so irresistible. I have heard too many people, especially women, say something like, “He has such potential. I can change him.”

Here’s a great tip: don’t waste your time attracting potential. Spend your energy attracting the person who is already right to you! Find someone who already has the qualities that you are looking for in another person. No one wants to be changed or nagged or disapproved of. Yes, once two people are in a committed relationship, there are things that each might have to bend a bit or compromise on to live together harmoniously, but in general, you can’t change someone, so don’t even try! If you don’t like the qualities that your partner possesses, either accept him or her the way they are or break up and find a partner who already has those qualities that you are seeking, and you will be on the path to meeting Mr. Right in a whole new pair of pants!

Dating online? Something to think about…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating tips for women over 65!

For those of you who don’t know her yet, let me introduce my friend Joann Cohen

Meet Dating Expert Joann Cohen

Joann has Master’s in Education with a concentration in Human Relations and Counseling and had been featured by TV guide, Fox news, USA today, TLC, ABC and many others ( To find out more about her visit www.joanncohen.com/ )

A couple of weeks ago we were talking about the subject of older women and some of the challenges that they face…here’s what Joann had to say

Some seniors are in great shape

My mom is pretty awesome. She still goes to the gym three times a week and does weights/cardio, is taking sign language, volunteers at the airport and is in better health than all her kids! “

Looking good in dating photos….This can be more of a challenge for seniors.

Women have more a challenge

As you said,  women have more a challenge. As they become over 65 years, there are tons to women and few men. Of the men who are single,  there are few  healthy, financially ok,  relationship minded men. Women who want these men –  have lots of competition. Those men  almost always want to go for younger and they definitely go for youthful appearance. A woman can go online and search for women in her age category and search for men to see the numbers for herself.

I don’t make the rules

I don’t make the rules but I do communicate them to clients. Therefore most of these points below are for senior women.

Old Hair Styles

Women – keep old hair styles that age them. It’s the bouffant/puffy look. They can stay grey/white but add a contemporary edge. There are several senior women models that they can take some photos to their hairdresser and try something different.

Not too Blond

Women go too blonde. It washes them unless they are super careful with makeup. Blonde is a color that hides the grey better (greying roots are more observable on dark color hair) but it’s a double edged sword. Women’s coloring naturally fades as we get older and really light hair, makes us washed out.  Women need to be careful and look for adding darker blondes perhaps with a few blonde highlights.

Color Helps

Men/Women – seem they  wear lots of blacks, whites, grey. On seniors – I think color really helps to make them youthful. The black just seems to wash them out. Color seems and feels more vibrant = youthful.  (there’s actually a study that wearing color and good fitting clothes can alter a bad mood to a positive one!). Blues, teals (look good on almost any skin shade), purples (that’s a go to color for men – there’s always a shade that looks good on a man), etc.

 

Smile please

Smiling is even more important – it diminishes the jowling.

Even more important

Posture is even more critical. While it’s a problem for anyone not to stand up straight – when they’re seniors, things have really sagged. This sagging really ages them and makes them look older and heavier. This results in women having less definition in their curves. It’s important women wear good bras (yes-  I will tell women of any age that.)

Show who you are

There’s numerous studies that men are attracted to curves so it’s crucial women show them. Women make a mistake that men want skinny ladies – big mistake. I had a senor client (80 something) and if a woman was 5’4”, she better by at least 165 pounds. So whatever women have – make sure they show it!

Women try to hide the weight (of all ages) by wearing loose billowy clothes. This always adds weight to everyone but really bad for older women. They are more likely than younger women to wear baggier clothes – it’s a safe way of disappearing. But it disappearing doesn’t work online to capture a man.

Don’t try too

Some women go the opposite and try to dress too youthful or wear too much makeup. They’ll try to capture the men’s attention with some outfit that would look best on their granddaughters. The color is too dramatic for This will actually make them look older and more desperate.

Classy and contemporary

I recommend to my senior clients style to go for classy and contemporary. They don’t have to dress in the latest Vogue fashion but show that they know classic style.  For example – my mom’s dress ( I bought it for her). It’s classic, Ralph Lauren.

Seniors’ skin has sagged and gotten spotty so a deep cut (even v neck) may not be their best look. So a Boat neck (straight across like my Mom’s), round collar can be flattering. I don’t usually like turtlenecks as most women (unless they had work done) is jowly and the turtleneck emphasizes it.

And most (not all) arms have really gotten saggy. So wear clothes that go to the elbow, ¾ sleeves or long sleeves is a more flattering look. Of course, men over 50 without shirts isn’t going to work but they still try. If you’re someone that has toned arms (I do have 1 senior female client with amazing toned arms) than she’ll want to flaunt them. But that’s 1 out of a thousand.

Shoes are huge. In  photos many will wear clunky orthopedic looking things which is again. I always  have women wearing a spikey (even if it’s a small heel) to make their ankles and legs look slimmer. I have women of all ages wear spikes because wedges, chunky heels make legs look bigger. If they can’t wear heels, then a ballet slipper or similar simple flat. IF that fails – don’t take any photos showing the feet.

Take the time

I also recommend to all clients that they have photo shoots that are at least 30 minutes (even if it’s a family member). Because they start to relax and then the best photos are taken. What I do with my clients is have the photographer shoot about 5 shots and then show the client how marvelous they look. Once they see that, they feel more comfortable and we get better photos. This process can be repeated throughout the shoot to make sure the client feels like a super model.

From the Heart, Joann Cohen

 

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Let’s Get Physical…or Should We?

My friend Bobbi Palmer is a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date Like a Grownup. She is not just a dating coach; she’s a dating success story! Bobbi became a first time bride at age 47 and has helped countless women around the world do what she did: find lasting love after 40. She describes her marriage as “the yummy icing on her already great cake” and prides herself on practicing what she preaches and teaches every single day.
Bobbi is the author of Confessions of the World’s Worst Dater: Her 7 Secrets to Finally Finding Love after 40 and has lent her expertise to countless media including NPR, eHealth Radio, LATalkRadio.  She is a regular contributor to multiple go-to resources for midlife daters and those searching for love including Huffington Post, Match.com, Yahoo Shine, Chemistry.com, YourTango and eHarmony.com.

Let’s talk about sex

Here’s what Bobbi has to say about sex…

The idea of sex in your 40s, 50s and beyond can make a gal run for the hills. You crave intimacy, but the last thing you want is to sleep with him and get hung up like an 18 year old. There is also that body image thing, that disease thing…lots of concerns that can drive you to simply opting-out of dating and looking for love.

As a dating and relationship coach for single women over 40, I often get asked to help my clients decide when they can safely slide between the sheets. Here are 5 tips to help you retain your honor and self respect, yet have a nice time dating and getting to know those fabulous men out there.

  1. Accept that you are responsible for yourself.

You are a mature woman who most likely steers your own ship in all other areas of your life. He isn’t in charge of what you do and when you do it; you are, sister.

You can weigh options, make complex decisions and exercise your assertiveness. You probably do this every day with your career, your family, even with the dry cleaner; dealing with single men should be no exception.

  1. Set your intentions and stick with them.

Set your intention and stick with it.

What do you want from a man and a relationship? Do you want a rollicking roll in the hay or a lifelong relationship? Decide what your goal is and work toward it, just like you do with everything else in life.

  1. Lay off the liquor.

Think back to when you would frequent bars or college parties. Alcohol doesn’t make you more attractive or charming, and it doesn’t ease the pain the morning after when you realize you made a terrible decision.

Play it smart and stay sober. Stick with a glass of wine with dinner and leave the shot glasses on the bar.

  1. Decide whether he’s a hottie or a hubby.

If you’re looking for someone who’s going to be with you for the long haul, understand that a man who is a good date will not necessarily be a good partner. He may be chock-full of charm and make your stomach somersault, but he may still lack relationship potential.

When you’re feeling that flutter, stop and ask yourself: does he have potential to be the man I adore, admire and depend on? If the answer is “no, he’s just hot” then apply the brakes. Sleeping with this man could lead to disaster.

  1. Learn a Love Lesson from the Dalai Lama

In The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living, the Dalai Lama ponders pleasure versus happiness. He reminds us that pleasure feels good at the moment; happiness fulfills you for the long-term.

When you are considering intimacy, take a breath, separate yourself from the immediacy of the moment, and ask, “Will this make me feel good about myself and get me closer to my goal of finding love?”

Partaking in physical pleasure is a wonderful part of a powerful, loving relationship. With a little healthy lust and a lot of sensibility and self-awareness, you can have a vigorous, fun and satisfying sex life that leads you to the happiness you deserve.

If you want to find that man who loves and adores you for the rest of your life, join Bobbi for her Grownup Girls’ Night Out FREE monthly webcasts. Get a ton of expert, juicy, must-have information and advice about men, dating, sex and relationships…all free and from the comfort of your own home. Click here to learn more and register.

Think About This too!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

When should I have sex with him for the first time?

Evan Marc Katz is one of the Big hitters of the Dating Industry…a “personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women,” dating coach Evan has been helping singles find love for over a decade! Dozens of his clients have gotten married, started families, and found happiness.

It’s an unlikely career for a man – much less a man who was called a “Serial dater” by CNN – yet that’s what makes Katz such a unique coach.

Helping women understand Men

By helping women understand men – what they think, how they act, and what they really want – he empowers them to make healthy, informed choices in love. To learn more about Evan click here

When it comes to the dating game many women often ask the question “When Should I Have Sex With Him For the First Time?”

An Expert Answer

Here’s Evan’s expert answer:

In the latest “Water is wet; News at 11? report, the Journal of Sex Research reports that – get this – having sex too early in a relationship is a bad idea. Shocking, I know.

And before thou dost protest too much because you’re the happily married woman who hopped into bed and are still in love 30 years later?

Chill. You’re the exception. Here’s the rule:

“Investigators surveyed roughly 11,000 people on when a couple first got frisky. Compared to couples who had sex before they started dating or during the first three weeks of their relationship, those who waited actually rated their current relationship as more satisfying and more stable. They also reported greater levels of positive communication.”

“Sexclusivity”: don’t sleep with a guy until he’s your boyfriend.

Wait for it!

You mean sleeping with an attractive stranger you’ve known for 3 hours and hoping that you’re compatible in the long run is a bad idea? REALLY?

“There is compelling evidence that waiting to have sex until later in the relationship is associated with better relationship dynamics and outcomes,” says study co-author Brian Willoughby, PhD, an associate professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University.

Not just BS.

This isn’t just conservative B.S. This correlates with what you know from reality.

He sleeps with you on the first date. You think it means he likes you or wants to be your boyfriend. In fact, all it means is that he wanted to have sex with you. He’ll figure out in a few weeks or months whether he actually likes you enough to commit to you. But why is sex too early so dangerous? According to the article:

Not surprisingly, having sex creates powerful emotional bonds. If those bonds are forged too early, they may saddle a relationship with baggage that can complicate the partnership before both partners are ready, Willoughby theorizes. Having sex sooner might also compel us to stay in relationships that we know aren’t built to last, the study suggests.

Finally, “women who delay sex are more driven to invest in their relationships,” says one researcher, adding that the research results were consistent across age groups, races, and religious affiliations.

Sexclusivity

The word I’ve coined for this is “sexclusivity”. Don’t sleep with a guy until he’s your boyfriend. Wait a month or so before you do so. And if/when you do finally have sex, you are guaranteed that it’ll be with a guy who you like, trust, and know enough to be worthy of commitment – as opposed to letting lust take over and then keeping your fingers crossed.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Modern Love!

Recently I was sent a book to review by  CIJA BLACK Author of “Modern Love-The grownup’s guide to relationships & online dating”

dating advice and great profile photos 001

I get to read and review a ton of books about online dating…

Why this book is different

This book is different from a lot of other books for one simple (And very important detail) that instead of diving straight into the world of online dating and the Do’s and Dont’s; Cija focuses on whether people are ready to date first!

I found myself thinking about a good friend of mine (and more than a few women that I dated) who were coming out of  messy divorces and insisted that they were OK to date! (they weren’t ready to even begin to start dating, yet loneliness and a desire to be loved prompted them to subscribe to an online dating website and go on date after date when they were simply not ready.)..the results were predictable and sad…jumping from bad date to bad date or even worse into incompatible relationships.

Relationship Archeology

I wish I’d read this book a year ago…I could have given my friend my copy and forced him to read the first section called “Relationship Archeology”.
I love Cija’s concept of digging up the past and learning from it before going on dates!

The book starts with a checklist “You might not be ready to date if…” good solid advice here that could save people a ton of heartache if they read this!

Another Checklist

There’s another useful checklist called “Why do you want to date” too

The theme of relationship Archeology continues with Cija giving her readers answers to questions like.
“How exactly does happily ever after work?”, “Ideals, standards and Boundaries”, “looking back to move forward”, “separating your issues from your partners” and more and also goes on to offer helpful advice on personality types to avoid the not to be missed “The most important questions you will ever answer”.

The next sections of the book Cija covers the topics of Getting your profile online and Going on Dates and more…She offers practical common sense advice that seems to me to work. (My only comment is that there are some things that could be added to the section on photos-of course being the CEO of a dating profile photo company that will come as no surprise)

In summary

I can hear a lot of you saying…yes, but what a lot of work…and yes if you read this book and listen and apply what Cija recommends then this will involve a fair amount of introspection. But the results you get in your life will be worth it!

I’ve given this book 4.5 out of 5 stars…because I NEVER give anything 5 stars and I found the introduction a little long for me (and to be fair I’m not into reading the introductions of any book) Here’s a link to buy your copy! ( Click here )

 

 

“There’s someone for everyone” & other ridiculous Dating Advice

Let me introduce you to Scot McKay.

Character based

Scot’s been helping men with his dating advice for nearly a decade with a unique approach he calls “character-based”.
Scot talks about how a masculine, confident man of true character and leadership skill is an authentic representation of the man the most desirable women want, obviating the need for “tricks” and “techniques”.
His concepts transcend mere pickup and seduction and describe a state of having control over one’s dating life, culminating in the ability to attract the highest quality women on Earth,

I’m not politically correct and proud of it! I’m an unrepentant fan of men being men and women being women so I like Scot’s no bullshit approach. (I also think that many of the “Pickup artist” techniques that some dating experts use has a “creepy vibe” and are a bit sad and needy) so feel that Scot’s character based advice will not only help men find great women, but they’ll also avoid the creepy vibe, gain more self respect and enjoy the process.

To find out more about Scot click here 

Here’s an article that Scot kindly wrote exclusively for us here at LookbetterOnline.com (Thanks Scot!)

“There’s someone for everyone”(And other ridiculous dating advice)

It never ceases to amaze me what passes for dating advice among the masses. Among dubious classics such as “just be yourself”,”friends first”, “be nice and comb your hair” and “women love jerks” is the particular gem we’re going to address today:


…”
There’s someone for everyone.”

 

No real steps

Now, it’s important to realize the mindset behind most “armchair” dating advice.  Basically, it’s given in hopes of making someone feel better about his or her situation without providing any real, substantial steps to actually improving anything.

Consider how many grandmas have told dateless college students, “Someone will come along and love you just the way you are, honey.”
Well, guess what?  I’m not your Grandma.  And after nearly eight years immersed in this stuff I’ve long since gotten up out of the “armchair” and into the saddle.

So it’s my solemn duty to inform you that just like whatever Grandma told you, resting your hope in a pie-in-the-sky notion like
“There’s someone for everyone” is a BAD IDEA.

A NON-strategy

Really, I can’t call it a poor strategy.  It’s actually a NON-strategy.

To be clear, I’m not disputing that there is someone for everyone. I absolutely do believe that every human being can and should find
love….The real problem is that the entire premise smacks of SETTLING, doesn’t it?

Let me spell it out for you:  If you’re passively hoping (another NON-strategy, by the way) for just ONE woman to fall into your life out of the blue, then you’re already completely off-track.

Simply stated, a decidedly more exciting reality awaits any “big four” man of strong character who is confident, masculine in the way women define it and able to make women feel safe and
comfortable in his presence.

Indeed, there may be “someone for everyone”, but there are UNLIMITED OPTIONS for that guy.

Don’t just wait…the time is now!

Wouldn’t you rather have your pick of LOTS of adoring women rather than waiting around for “someone”?

Think about it.  If there’s “someone” out there for you who you’re wishing upon a star in hopes of meeting someday, what kind of choice does that imply?
If you answered “zero”, you’re right on.
Passivity will DESTROY your level of success with women, assuming you’ve achieved any success thus far.
If you haven’t yet experienced success, then that same passivity will flatly PROHIBIT you from ever tasting it.

When you stop looking

Yes, I realize I’m making a strong statement. But you can’t simply wait around for “love to happen when you least expect it”.  Even worse shade tree advice than that is, “when you stop looking for love, love will find you”.

Man, that last one has to be the biggest “whopper” of all.  Why don’t we all just quit our jobs and start buying lottery tickets instead, too?
Yet again, all the examples of bad advice I’ve given here really do share that common theme, don’t they?  They’re all “fluff” and no substance.
Who can expect to accomplish ANYTHING in this life without proactively going about making it happen?
Love, or success with women if you prefer, is no exception.

I can promise you that if you’re on a surrealistically long “losing streak” right now–or have always struck out with every woman you’ve ever really wanted–then things aren’t going to “magically” change without any direct input from you. The perfect woman of your dreams isn’t going to suddenly descend from heaven one day with a halo in a beam of light.

Man up and go after what you want

You’re going to have to deserve what you want.  You have to be the man of HER dreams.
For better or worse, that means you’ll have to make an effort…not only to be that “big four” man, but to man up and go after who you want.

You have to conquer fear of “rejection” and/or that you’re “bothering” women by striking up a conversation with them.

Action

Yes…this all involves some real-world action on your part.  But it doesn’t have to be as hard or as complicated as you think.  Results can come quickly.
And the journey itself can even be exciting as you see your fortunes improve steadily.

Believe me when I tell you that there’s no better feeling than being able to CHOOSE the woman (or women) you want to be with.

Having options means making INFORMED choices.  And informed choices are BETTER choices.  Better choices lead to better RELATIONSHIPS…every time.

Be Good,
Scot McKay

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!