Here’s the second article (Part 2 of 3) from my friend and top Dating coach Bobbi Palmer:
As a dating and relationship coach for women over 40, I encourage my clients to get online. If you are a woman over 40 looking for love I want you online too.
I met my husband online and got married for the first time at the age of 47! And you can too.
But before you put yourself out there, I’ve given you some advice about how to show up, set your expectations, stake your claim, have some fun, and ultimately find a loving partner
The new hot spot.
Online dating is the new hot spot for boomers and older adults. As a woman over forty, you need to do a little extra work. But like me, you can meet your dream man.
In Part 3 of: 15 Secrets to Successful Online Dating for Grownup Women here are 5 more things to know before you get started:
#11. Be in the moment.
Stop talking to yourself; you are there to talk and listen to him. It’s hard. But being aware is the first step.
When you notice yourself in an over-analytical mode, tell yourself to stop and pay attention to the man sitting in front of you. If you don’t, you may completely miss the man of your dreams.
#12. Don’t be a Fault Finder.
Be kind and practice empathy. He has fears and insecurities just like you. Don’t get hung up on some little thing he does that “you just can’t live with.”
Consider why he’s doing it, and if it truly is a deal breaker. Then look at him again with the kind eyes of a woman working hard to find a good man.
And regardless of how you end up judging him, always leave him feeling good about himself; even if you’re not going to see him again. You’ll be doing the next woman a favor; and sharing a true kindness to this nice man; even if you’re not planning on seeing him again. Consider it a deposit to your dating karma bank!
#13. Show up on time, looking great.
I know, this seems obvious. But many of us don’t do too well with our punctuality; we just focus on figuring out how to show up during our busy day. Many consider it rude for people to be late. And remember, this is your first and maybe only chance to get that great man to ask you on a date. Focus, and give it the attention it deserves.
Make a plan to be on time, and present yourself as the beautiful woman that you are. If you’re coming from work, leave a few minutes early so you can go home and change out of your power clothes.
If you’re taking a walk with him, don’t even think of wearing your fanny pack and sweats. Dress femininely, and give him your gift of a big open smile. (As a note: if you absolutely hate when people are late, let him know that so he can make an extra effort. That way your date isn’t a lost cause from the first moments.)
#14. Men want women.
Studies show that men are highly attracted to the feminine woman. That doesn’t mean you need to act like a damsel in distress. In fact, that isn’t at all attractive to real grown-up men. Mature men want a woman who is strong and is able to take care of herself; but also willing and able to receive from him.
On your meet date, let the man pay, accept his compliments graciously, and act with loving kindness. In studies, when men are asked why they chose their wives or girlfriends, they consistently identify her ability to receive and extend kindness as attractive feminine qualities.
#15. Have fun while you practice.
Every meeting and date is practice that brings you closer to Mr. I Love You. Statistically, your meet-date won’t turn out to be him. So what?
Enjoy the time and be open to what comes up. Don’t come in with an agenda, and don’t let it ruin your time if, in the first 10 minutes, he doesn’t appear to be your man. Just relax and let yourself enjoy. You never know; you may just let yourself relax into a very nice feeling.
You can also use this as a time to help boost the man’s self-esteem. (Yes, men are as nervous and insecure as we are.). He was nice enough to “pick you” and make the effort of meeting you. (Remember, as we get older the men have way more choices than we do.)
Unless he’s a real creep (which very very few men are), help him feel good about himself by giving him some compliments and thanking him graciously. Try to learn about him and find what’s unique and interesting. You can learn and gain something from just about anyone.
Ultimately, I learned that the only way to find a lasting and loving relationship is to become a smart, confident and complete woman who merits the love of a good man.
A large part of that journey is being open to learning and having the courage to do new things; even when they are difficult or scary.
If you’re not already online; get there. If you are online, and you haven’t met your special man yet (which I assume you haven’t because you are here), take my advice to heart.
Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…
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