Questions? 888.282.9777
Questions? 888.282.9777
Demo

When should I have sex with him for the first time?

Evan Marc Katz is one of the Big hitters of the Dating Industry…a “personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women,” dating coach Evan has been helping singles find love for over a decade! Dozens of his clients have gotten married, started families, and found happiness.

It’s an unlikely career for a man – much less a man who was called a “Serial dater” by CNN – yet that’s what makes Katz such a unique coach.

Helping women understand Men

By helping women understand men – what they think, how they act, and what they really want – he empowers them to make healthy, informed choices in love. To learn more about Evan click here

When it comes to the dating game many women often ask the question “When Should I Have Sex With Him For the First Time?”

An Expert Answer

Here’s Evan’s expert answer:

In the latest “Water is wet; News at 11? report, the Journal of Sex Research reports that – get this – having sex too early in a relationship is a bad idea. Shocking, I know.

And before thou dost protest too much because you’re the happily married woman who hopped into bed and are still in love 30 years later?

Chill. You’re the exception. Here’s the rule:

“Investigators surveyed roughly 11,000 people on when a couple first got frisky. Compared to couples who had sex before they started dating or during the first three weeks of their relationship, those who waited actually rated their current relationship as more satisfying and more stable. They also reported greater levels of positive communication.”

“Sexclusivity”: don’t sleep with a guy until he’s your boyfriend.

Wait for it!

You mean sleeping with an attractive stranger you’ve known for 3 hours and hoping that you’re compatible in the long run is a bad idea? REALLY?

“There is compelling evidence that waiting to have sex until later in the relationship is associated with better relationship dynamics and outcomes,” says study co-author Brian Willoughby, PhD, an associate professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University.

Not just BS.

This isn’t just conservative B.S. This correlates with what you know from reality.

He sleeps with you on the first date. You think it means he likes you or wants to be your boyfriend. In fact, all it means is that he wanted to have sex with you. He’ll figure out in a few weeks or months whether he actually likes you enough to commit to you. But why is sex too early so dangerous? According to the article:

Not surprisingly, having sex creates powerful emotional bonds. If those bonds are forged too early, they may saddle a relationship with baggage that can complicate the partnership before both partners are ready, Willoughby theorizes. Having sex sooner might also compel us to stay in relationships that we know aren’t built to last, the study suggests.

Finally, “women who delay sex are more driven to invest in their relationships,” says one researcher, adding that the research results were consistent across age groups, races, and religious affiliations.

Sexclusivity

The word I’ve coined for this is “sexclusivity”. Don’t sleep with a guy until he’s your boyfriend. Wait a month or so before you do so. And if/when you do finally have sex, you are guaranteed that it’ll be with a guy who you like, trust, and know enough to be worthy of commitment – as opposed to letting lust take over and then keeping your fingers crossed.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Modern Love!

Recently I was sent a book to review by  CIJA BLACK Author of “Modern Love-The grownup’s guide to relationships & online dating”

dating advice and great profile photos 001

I get to read and review a ton of books about online dating…

Why this book is different

This book is different from a lot of other books for one simple (And very important detail) that instead of diving straight into the world of online dating and the Do’s and Dont’s; Cija focuses on whether people are ready to date first!

I found myself thinking about a good friend of mine (and more than a few women that I dated) who were coming out of  messy divorces and insisted that they were OK to date! (they weren’t ready to even begin to start dating, yet loneliness and a desire to be loved prompted them to subscribe to an online dating website and go on date after date when they were simply not ready.)..the results were predictable and sad…jumping from bad date to bad date or even worse into incompatible relationships.

Relationship Archeology

I wish I’d read this book a year ago…I could have given my friend my copy and forced him to read the first section called “Relationship Archeology”.
I love Cija’s concept of digging up the past and learning from it before going on dates!

The book starts with a checklist “You might not be ready to date if…” good solid advice here that could save people a ton of heartache if they read this!

Another Checklist

There’s another useful checklist called “Why do you want to date” too

The theme of relationship Archeology continues with Cija giving her readers answers to questions like.
“How exactly does happily ever after work?”, “Ideals, standards and Boundaries”, “looking back to move forward”, “separating your issues from your partners” and more and also goes on to offer helpful advice on personality types to avoid the not to be missed “The most important questions you will ever answer”.

The next sections of the book Cija covers the topics of Getting your profile online and Going on Dates and more…She offers practical common sense advice that seems to me to work. (My only comment is that there are some things that could be added to the section on photos-of course being the CEO of a dating profile photo company that will come as no surprise)

In summary

I can hear a lot of you saying…yes, but what a lot of work…and yes if you read this book and listen and apply what Cija recommends then this will involve a fair amount of introspection. But the results you get in your life will be worth it!

I’ve given this book 4.5 out of 5 stars…because I NEVER give anything 5 stars and I found the introduction a little long for me (and to be fair I’m not into reading the introductions of any book) Here’s a link to buy your copy! ( Click here )

 

 

What Dating Is Like for Men: Part 2 of 8 (Women Please read this)

Click to see Part 1 of this article

Regal or a Royal Pain? (FemiType #1: The Princess)

If you’re going to be a successful dater (which means you have fun and meet good men), an essential tool is the ability to empathize with the men you meet. Empathy is not feeling sorry for someone. It’s being able to put yourself in their shoes and understand their experience.

I believe that the only way women can truly do that with men is to hear their stories firsthand. In my years of coaching I have gathered thoughts, feelings and stories from men in their early 30s up to their 70s, and clear patterns have emerged.

Among those patterns is this: There are certain types of single women who grownup men looking for relationships hope NOT to meet.

In a previous article CLICK HERE TO VIEW I outlined the six types of women who are a challenge for men to date. They are The Princess, The 18 Year Old, The Scaredy Cat, The Wow-Me, The Bitter Gal and the Sex Pot.

Based on the number and intensity of comments this article received, I think I hit a nerve! Believe me, I am SO not judging. There are parts of these types in all of us. During my many years of dating, I leaned toward the Scardey Cat with a whopping dose of 18 year old. (And those gals still appear from time to time after years of marriage!)

I know of what I speak, and I also know that this is hard to shake. But I’m going to try to help you do just that.

Before you get all “what about all the types of men who are this and that?!”, please note: You will not find one instance of me saying that only women should work on themselves or that they should put up with jerky guys. Nowhere. But my job is to help women over 40 date successfully. So I speak to you; I help you understand and talk to men.

That does not mean men aren’t in need of tune-ups. It just means that I leave helping the men to other experts. Now we can move on. I’m going to shine a light on each of these “FemiTypes.”

Today’s spotlight

Today’s spotlight is on The Princess.  Maybe she grew up as a princess, or maybe her “I deserve it” attitude comes from being burned too many times and she uses it as a shield or a test. Either way, she needs to see what a man will give her before she gives anything in return. And maybe she never gives at all.

Men are initially attracted to her because she appears confident and well-put together. (Men love confident women!) But Miss Princess can soon turn out to be demanding, high maintenance and, in the extreme, a variation of a gold digger.

NORM’S STORY

Here’s what “Norm” has to say about his experience dating a Princess:

“I was going out with a woman recently who I was very attracted to, but she stood on principle and did not want to call me. I called every time and it bothered me. And at the end of each date all I got was a quick, emotionless “thank you.” But she still accepted more dates, so I thought maybe she needed time to feel comfortable with me.

For our third date I asked her where she would like to go, and she told me it was my job “since I was the man.” So I asked her to go to a restaurant in her neighborhood for dinner. When I did I got complete silence. Apparently she didn’t approve.

That date was our last date. I don’t know what she wanted, but there was no way I was going to please that woman. And I saw no sign of her trying to please me…so I ran for the hills.”

Norm was turned off by her insistence on seemingly playing by “The Rules.” He just wanted to be able to please her and to have some indication that she returned his interest.

Instead, her inflexibility and lack of reciprocity left him feeling like a failure and like it was a one-way transaction. Guessing what would make her happy frustrated him, and he felt unappreciated. A grownup man looking for a relationship is not going to tolerate this. He won’t last long with a Princess.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking….I do encourage you to let the man make the first move. But I also encourage you to let him know you’re interested and let him know what he can do to make you happy. Once the ball gets rolling you absolutely should reciprocate with phone calls and date planning.

WHAT A GROWNUP DATER DOES

Instead of holding on to the rules, the kind, grownup dater would take Norm’s cues, give him a call when he asked, and let him know what she’d like to do on the date. And when they had a great date, she’d let him know it made her happy and she appreciated whatever effort he made.

Grownup men are usually not chasers. They want to know how to make you happy and to be rewarded when they do. And when you like a guy, this should be quite simple to do, right?

So if you have a touch of The Princess, please, take off your crown, loosen up your rules, and don’t let great guys like Norm pass you by.

In my next post we’ll talk about why some nice guys never call again!

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

A recommended Workshop by Bobbi

I know that Bobbi is the real deal, and so she is one of the Dating Coaches that  I love and  recommend.

For the record Bobbi really does care about her clients, which is why I have no worries about telling you about what she does!

So If you’re living in California (Or just a plane flight away) she’s  teaching her breakthrough workshop Mastering the art of magnetizing men on Memorial Day Weekend 2013 – May 25-26, 2013 in Los Angeles, CA. Click here to learn more and reserve your seat.

 

 

What Dating Is Like for Men: Part 1 of 8 (Women Please read this)

My friend Bobbi is a wise woman for sure!

She believes that Empathy plays a big part in dating success…and I agree wholeheatedly, Empathy is the capacity or skill to recognize emotions that are being experienced by another person and with this skill we can build better and more fulfilling relationships, without Empathy it I think we become selfish and lonely people, unable to really attain the happiness we want and deserve.

So here’s what Bobbi says !

“I believe strongly that empathizing with men is absolutely essential to your dating and relationship success. The definition of empathy is “the power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another person’s feelings. So the only way you really can empathize is to know their side of the story.”

So Ladies in the spirit of empathy here’s an article on what dating is like for men….

I want to help you better understand the experience men have when they’re dating.

Men and women are different in many ways, but we’re more the same than you may think. And this is especially true as we get older. We all have dating disappointments and horror stories. Just like how you’ve dated your share of challenging types of men like the Couch Potato and the older-and-balder-than-his-profile-guy…men also meet and enter into relationships with less-than-impressive types of women.

I’ve talked to countless single men over the years about their experiences with women, especially those in their 40s, 50s and beyond. In the following days I’m going to give you some of their stories of dating and relationships. (Guys, if you’re reading this…get in touch if you want to share!)
Just like we can meet the same types of guy over and over, men can do the same with women. Here are some of the types of women men deal with as they date and relate.

 

The Princess

The Princess is confident, well put together, and very attractive. She easily lures in men. She still follows “The Rules” and requires that her man do what she wants, when she wants. He needs to make all the right moves. She’s a scorekeeper, and she alone decides when he’s given enough to satisfy her…or when he hasn’t and is history.

The Princess has an “I deserve it” attitude and has little or no concern for how she can make the other person happy. She insists he give and give with little or no reciprocity; after all, he’s the The Man and she’s his prize!

The 18 Year Old

The 18 year old dates – sometimes a lot – but she doesn’t have relationships because “she doesn’t want the men who want her, and the men she wants don’t want her.”  She doesn’t know what will make her happy and has not yet learned how to communicate and relate to grownup men. By default she clings to the same type of guy she wanted in high school or college. He’s often the “Bad Boy” because he excites her. (See the Wow Me Woman below.)

The nice, relationship-minded men get quickly discarded by the 18 year old. Try as he might, the 60-year-old fabulous guy can’t measure up to her expectations because she’s looking for a man who doesn’t exist. She gets stuck in affairs with men who never commit, and it’s often the nice guys who are interested in her who bear the brunt of her hurt and anger.

The Scaredy Cat

The Scaredy Cat has been emotionally wounded by men in the past, and she can’t let go of it. She mistrusts men and often blames herself for the rejection she’s felt, believing that she just wasn’t good enough. She says things like “I need him to say he wants a relationship, and then I’ll open up,” or “Once he gets to know me, he probably won’t like me.”
The Scaredy Cat may put her guy through lots of tests before she feels confident that he’s truly interested. When he passes those tests or shows he has feelings for her, she questions it and might up the ante. She picks fights, picks the wrong guys, or maneuvers relationships to end because it gives her control.

This “I’m never going to find a good relationship” gal leaves men unable to get any traction during courting or in a relationship. The wall she has erected is just too high for him to climb in order to get to the other side. Since trust and affection are what men yearn for from women, he usually does her a favor and leaves…hence rendering her “right” once again.

The Wow Me Woman

The Wow Me Woman is a midlife gal who still thinks that excitement is the key to judging if a guy is a good match.  She’s looking for her guy to be interesting, keep her laughing, ask her all about herself, and give her butterflies…all on the first date. If she’s not swept away, there won’t be a second.

The Wow Me Woman leaves many good men in her dust. Men sense her quick judgment, which leaves them feeling deflated, unattractive and powerless. That man then makes a poor impression (understandably), and the date is chalked up to another “he just wasn’t right for me” experience. The Wow Me Woman is often single for a very, very long time.

The Bitter Gal

The Bitter Gal is angry — usually about everything, but especially about men. She’ll find fault with every man she meets. A guy never has a chance, even he is the nicest guy in the world and really likes her. (Which usually doesn’t last very long since, no matter how pretty and smart she is, she is no fun to be around.)
The truth is that The Bitter Gal has been playing the victim for most (if not all) of her life. Her life isn’t going the way she wants and she just can’t figure out why. With men, she might complain that they just “don’t get her,” but the truth is that she’s giving them every reason to head for the hills with her off-handed comments and negativity. She hasn’t mastered the life skill of introspection, so she’s blinded by her bitterness. It doesn’t occur to her that she might be the problem even though every date and relationship seems to end the same way. Though a nice guy might try to break through

and prove her wrong about men, he will give up out of exhaustion.

The Sexpot

The Sexpot is all about putting out the sex vibe. She believes her sexuality is the only way she can attract a man, or she wants this point in her life to be a series of sexual experiences. Either way, she’s not connecting with men. She posts a provocative picture on her online dating profile, invites him over to her house on the first date, shows too much skin (especially for a woman over 40), and is overly familiar with her affection.

The Sexpot offers herself up on the first date and is offended if her date doesn’t partake. Men who are looking just for sex will say yes. Relationship-minded men may also say “yes” even though they may feel somewhat emasculated or turned off by her aggressiveness. (They are men, after all.) She won’t get a call from either of these guys and forever wonder why since she thinks she gave him what he wants.

You know that dating at this stage of life (Or any, for that matter!) is not exactly a rose garden every moment. When you appreciate the same is true for the men you date, it will go a long way toward building compassion and, therefore, building relationships.

Most Men

Most men has his set of dating bumps and bruises. Next post I will share more about the women they date along with some of their personal stories

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

A recommended Workshop by Bobbi

I know that Bobbi is the real deal, and so she is one of the Dating Coaches that  I love and  recommend.

For the record Bobbi really does care about her clients, which is why I have no worries about telling you about what she does!

So If you’re living in California (Or just a plane flight away) she’s  teaching her breakthrough workshop Mastering the art of magnetizing men on Memorial Day Weekend 2013 – May 25-26, 2013 in Los Angeles, CA. Click here to learn more and reserve your seat.

Good Online dating Photos that get results Part 2 of 3

This is part of a 3 part article written to help you get the best online dating profile photos possible (To read  part 1 click here)

4. Glamour Shots, Make-Up and Hair

A glamour shot is never about creating a photograph that shows your real personality. It’s about creating a shot the photographer finds the most pleasing. The photographer will often use heavy make-up, hair styling, unnatural lighting and lots of post-production retouching.

The result might be fantastic but it fails online.

People avoid these types of dating pictures because they know no one looks like that in real life — and if they do bite, they avoid them after the date because they didn’t measure up to the dating photos on the profile.

Here’s what eHarmony has to say about glamour shots:

“Come on. Do you really think we’re going to fall for that one? We’ve all seen too many makeover shows to believe that you look anything like this styled, photoshopped person before us. Please remember, we want to see what you’re going to look like on our first date. In fact, you can even wear the same clothes, ‘Hi, here’s my first date attire.’ Men like to move forward with solid information. Anything less feels disingenuous.

When it comes to using a make-up artist before having a picture taken, guys can do without. Women probably can too if they’re a dab hand with the mascara. One easy option is to stop off at the cosmetics counter at a nearby Sephora, MAC or department store for a free make-up session on the way to the shoot. Bear in mind that spending hundreds of dollars on hair and make-up can backfire. If you can’t re-create the same glammed-up, flawless look for your dates, you’ll disappoint.

When profile photos don’t look like you, they don’t serve their purpose.

If you’re doing your own make-up, keep it natural. Apply using natural window light even if that means using a room other than the bathroom. Good lighting is essential to a good, even application.

Lips should be shiny, either from transparent or colored lip gloss. (Matte, dark lipstick tends to have an aging effect in photos, so it’s best avoided.)

Face foundation and powder should be matte and exactly match neck and body skin tone, so that it becomes invisible. You’d be amazed at how many women think they are wearing a perfect skin tone color, when in reality the foundation is visibly darker or lighter than the true skin tone of their neck. The camera sees everything, so you might want to update your make-up supply before their session.

And forget about that “age-defying” mineral foundation that contains light reflecting particles to give a youthful look. While it might look great in real life, it’s not camera-friendly. Self-tanners and bronzers will invariably make skin look orange, and glittery body lotion or make-up tends to show up in pictures as little white flecks.

Shine is the enemy of photography. Dewy skin is attractive in real life, but in photos it looks like an oil slick, so skin should be matte.

Eye shadow can look darker in photos, so if you normally wear a dark color, think about using a lighter shade for their photo session. Mascara, though, will make eyes appear brighter.

Grey hairs and dark roots are also something the camera sees, so if you color your hair, try to have it done no more than a few days before the session.

Ultimately, you should style your hair the way you would normally wear it to a date. If the shoot will take place outdoors, hair spray will tame flyaway strands away from face and hair, hands and nails may also end up in the shot. A plain clear nail polish always works. For dry lips, bring Chap Stick and for dry eyes, there’s Visine.

Guys have it easier but it’s worth spending a few minutes the day before the shoot tweezing away facial hairs to eliminate nose hair or unibrow.

5. To Smile or not to smile?

We’ve mentioned that smiling is usually a good idea in a dating photo, but not all smiles are created equal.

There are the natural authentic smiles we display when we’re genuinely joyful… and then there are the forced smiles we endure for photos and polite social occasions.

Authentic smiles are marked by wrinkles in the eyes and differ from those flat mouth-only smiles.

It’s the real, happy grins that get results.

A recent study of authentic smiles, conducted at the University of California, Berkeley, demonstrated the impact of smiling. Researchers analyzed the yearbook pictures of 111 smiling women aged 21. Fifty of the pictures displayed authentic smiles. Participants expressing genuine positive emotions in their yearbook picture were more likely to be married and have higher well-being than their non-smiling classmates.

An experienced photographer will know that it’s never a good idea to force a smile out of a client. A forced smile isn’t genuine and nearly always looks fake and cheesy.

“The original photographer I used didn’t make me feel comfortable, she kept telling me to smile, when I’m not a smiling sort of person… I mean, I smile but not the “cheesy” grin that she wanted, I had a tooth repaired and I’m just not comfortable when forced to smile-and my photos showed it-I felt stupid when I saw them and never used the photos, they just sit on my laptop and every time I see them I groan”

“John,” 46, San Diego

When your photographer knows how to coax out a real smile, you’ll look much better. The muscles used to smile will lift the face, making you appear younger.

And most of us are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what’s making them so happy. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away but a smile draws them in

“You know how it feels when you’re out and someone smiles at you? It makes you more likely to approach that person or at least smile back, right? Well, it’s the same with online photos. People want to know what you look like when you’re happy. Why? Subconsciously, they’re also looking for someone who might make them happy. So save the tough — or pouty — face for an additional shot if you really want others to see it. Post a grin as your main shot and reel in a date!”

Match.com expert Kimberly Dawn Neumann.

So smile… but naturally.

6. Body Language

The smile is an important part of body language but it’s not the only part. How you sit, where you place your hands, how you hold yourself will all communicate a message to the viewer.

Some dating experts have recommended that singles look away from the camera on the grounds that it makes them look like someone whose attention the viewer needs to win.

We’ve seen that that look can work for some men, and a 45-degree angle might be worth experimenting with, but playing hard to get isn’t a winning strategy for everyone.

A more reliable approach is to stick to the simple stuff, and relax. Avoid crossed arms that can create a barrier, and use open friendlier gestures. An authentic look is way more important.

A lot of good body language lies in the ability of a talented and experienced photographer to help you relax and display your natural, positive expression. Photographers posing people often just makes them more tense.

 7.Face Shots, Body Shots and supporting photos

Your photographer should create a number of different images. The face is vital, obviously, and the photographer should produce a great portrait that you can use as your primary photo, the photographer should also take a variety of photos, including a few half-body and three-quarter body shots. The variety will help.

Supporting photos will reveal a little more about you. They depict your uniqueness, your personality and your life.

These photos could be a picture of you hiking the Grand Canyon, giving a speech at an event, diving in Belize, drinking a cocktail with friends, or even just walking the dog. It’s one thing for you to write in a profile that  you’re active and adventurous but a picture proves it.

But those pictures should be real. If you like golf then add pictures of you on the golf course, not pictures of you holding a golf club. When supporting photos are staged they don’t look natural. They look sad and needy.

Family, Friends and Furry Friends
Be careful about how many shots you post with friends or family. While a good photo might depict you as trustworthy and family-oriented, too many shots will portray you as the man or woman who can’t leave their mother for more than five minutes.

And while you may think your dog, cat, hamster or turtle is the cutest thing in the world, no one viewing your profile for the first time is looking to know your pet.

They want to see you.

Unless you’re looking cute with your pet, those photos are a waste of time. An action photo of you playing fetch with your dog at the park would be great here but a professionally taken picture of owner and pet together just makes you look a little too devoted.

Supporting Photos Tell Stories
A profile should tell a story. It should tell a story of you and your life. The supporting photos should illustrate that story.

If you are a pilot who flies at the weekends, goes to the gym every night and is passionate about cooking then we’ll want to see pictures of these activities. Congruency between the profile text and the photos creates an element of trust between you and future dates.

Altogether, your profile should have a few clear headshots, a couple of body shots and a few supporting photos about what makes you unique. And don’t forget to delete the old photos. A profile is only as good as its weakest image.

“If you don’t have a selection of great looking profile photos then it’s going to be much harder for us to get you the great results that you want. The bottom line is better photos will get you better dates – with better people. Unappealing photos will get you unappealing dates – with unappealing people!”
Dating Coaches “The Amazing Clarks”

 

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

Good Online dating Photos that get results Part 1 of 3

I’ve lost count of the times people ask me how to get great online dating photos!

Here’s part 1 of a series of 3 articles that’ll tell you exactly what to do to get great online dating photos-As this article is fairly comprehensive I’ll provide you a list of the subjects that we’ll cover:

 

1. Age Matters.

2. The Right Image Produces the Right Responses.

3. Clothes Count

4. Glamour Shots, Make-Up and Hair

5. To Smile or Not to Smile?.

6. Body Language.

7. Face Shots, Body Shots and Supporting Photos.

8. Dating Profile No-No’s.

9. Studio or Location?.

10. Two Things You Should Know When Taking Your Own Pictures.

11. The Night Before the Photo Session.

12. Handling Nerves.

13. After the Shoot: When to Retouch?.

You know that looks matter. Of course, personality and character and attitude are vital too.

But those first impressions are hugely important.

That’s especially true when you’re dating online.

Internet dates won’t even look at a profile unless the pictures have won their attention.

You do this yourself. You put so much effort into thinking about what you want from a partner, understanding what you really want and making yourself as friendly, upbeat and interesting as possible… and what do you do when you reach a dating site?

You look first at the pictures.

When you’re browsing the dating search results, the picture is the first thing you see. And if you don’t immediately like what you see, it will be the last you see of that single.

Exactly the same thing is happening to you.

You might have a sparkling personality and interests that match exactly those of the person checking out your picture, but if your photos aren’t as impressive as your character, you won’t get any more than a glance at your page.

That single — maybe your perfect partner — is just going to click on by.

Online dating profile photos before and after (10)
“In an online dating environment, photos are the lifeblood of the system. In real life, do you see people walking around with no faces? Of course not! So, your photo is your ID. It’s the first thing people see before they start reading and digging in for all the juicy details.”
Ourtime.com

“I cannot say this enough: Men are all about the photos. It hardly matters what you say in your profile. If you’re a knockout, you could describe yourself as an axe murderer and you’ll still hear from men. That’s because they’ll take one look at your photos and not even bother reading what you’ve written. Well, maybe I’m exaggerating, but not by much.”
Dale Koppel, Ph.D. Author of “The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Online Dating.”

Fortunately, creating wonderful dating photos is easy. It takes thought and a bit of expertise. But there are people who can help you — and that help starts here. In this guide, we’re going to show you how to get the pictures that will attract the partner you’re looking for.

1. Age Matters

Age is a consideration when you’re planning your photos.

In general, you should look relaxed, smiling, comfortable and at ease. You’ll want your photos to portray the kind of easy welcome you’d find if you were meeting someone who had heard great things about you, was looking forward to meeting you and was hoping to make a good impression.

That’s simple enough. But younger daters can get a little more creative.

In 2010, dating site OK Cupid looked at 7,000 different dating photos and tracked the results the different poses produced.

Some of the site’s results were surprising.

While smiling and making eye contact always produced better results for women, men received more messages with unsmiling photos and when they looked away from the camera. (Maybe the pose adds an air of mystery and lets women look without feeling they’re being looked at.) The “MySpace pose,” a flirty, cleavage-rich shot made by holding the camera above your own head, also produced good results for women.

But here’s the kicker.

OK Cupid only looked at singles in big cities aged 18-32. As the subjects aged, the kinds of images that generated the best results changed too:

“For women in their late teens and early twenties, body pictures are the most popular type of shot; outdoor pictures are second. This ordering is reversed by the mid-twenties.”

In other words, people who are young, slim and looking for a casual relationship can take a picture that highlights their shape. Singles who are older and more serious will want to think more about expression, setting and personality.

2. The Right Image Produces the Right Responses

There’s a difference between a photo that generates lots of responses and a photo that generates a life-long relationship.

A photo shouldn’t just show what you look like; it should also show who you are.

For example, if you’re a little edgy and rebellious then a preppy photo will attract responses from people who won’t be great matches. Conversely, nice guys don’t wear ripped tee-shirts and show attitude, even if their female friends swear those are the looks that get responses.

And while cleavage shots might bring women more messages, you know that quantity doesn’t mean quality.

Success in online dating isn’t based on the number of responses alone. The quality of those responses matter. You don’t need to bring in lots of replies; you need to bring in one good one.

3. Clothes Count

What you wear in your dating photo is as important as what you wear on the date.

You should look smart and casual at the same time.

You should show that you clean up well without looking stiff and formal. And remember that casual doesn’t mean a dirty shirt and baggy sweats. Too casual suggests that you don’t care what your partner thinks. That’s not a good message to send to someone you want to bring into a relationship.

Before heading to the shoot, pull together several different outfits in strong, solid colors that look good on you and that flatter you in your profile photos.

As you’re picking your clothes, try to put together more than one look for the profile. A dressy outfit would show you ready for a dinner date and a more laid back outfit would let the viewer imagine walking with you on the beach or sitting under a tree, enjoying a picnic.

Arrive for the photo session in the dressier look; it’s always easier to dress down as the photo session progresses than to try to dress up.

As a general rule, photographers recommend that people avoid busy patterns, prints, stripes, paisley, and elaborate designs. Stick to classic looks that won’t date and choose colors that look good with your skin tone. If you’re not sure what those are, there’s a ton of advice online that will help match shades to skin.

The outfits should be kept on hangers, not folded in a bag, so that they don’t wrinkle for the shoot, and a lint roller always comes in handy for removing those flecks of cat hair.
Finally, (and we might have to break this to you gently) before the shoot, ditch the sunglasses and take off the baseball cap. Here’s what Match.com expert Kimberly Dawn Neumann has to say about those:

“What’s with the sunglasses in photos, people? Don’t know you that the eyes are the window to your soul? You may think that wearing shades in a photo makes you look like a celebrity or adds an element of mystery, but in truth, most online daters see this photo and get frustrated by the inability to see your entire face. And if you’re wearing a baseball cap (this one is especially true for men), unless there is another photo showing what the top of your head looks like, most women will assume that cap is hiding a bald spot.”

Tips for Men:

  • A dress shirt will usually work great.
  • Wearing a tie and a suit is a bit much. Keep it dressy but casual.
  • No Hawaiian shirts! (This also applies to first dates.)
  • No t-shirts or tight shirts… unless you have the figure to carry it off.
  • Make sure shoes are stylish and clean.

Tips for Women:

  • Dress sexy but not skanky. (Even if you like to be a little revealing, it’s low cut or high thigh — never both.)
  • Dress comfortably.
  • Avoid dress shirts. They look too professional and not enough fun.
  • No big or busy patterns.
  • Soft, dark V-necks look great.
  • Black often works; white hardly ever.
  • Wear a strapless, skin color bra that is invisible under outfits.

In the next part of this article I’ll tell you all about makeup, hair and how to look your best and get great dating profile photos.

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

 

 

Why 90% of men don’t get any responses on dating sites

Most men who sign up to dating sites wind up flushing the money they were charged for membership right down the toilet. That sounds harsh, but life is sometimes harsh. Our “high level” contacts in the online dating industry have spent, perhaps, millions of dollars over the years trying to get to the bottom of the issue. It turns out to be fairly simple and boils down to just two fundamental failures on the part of men. (Incidentally, this advice is not only for men, but we’ll cover the dynamics behind the cause of online dating failures for women in a separate post.)

Both reasons for the failure have a deeper “root” cause we should talk about first. It will come as no surprise when I mention it because it is the root cause of oh-so-many things that don’t work out well for us. The root cause for failure to get attention online is simply not taking this online dating business seriously and making a half-assed attempt at it. Notice that I did not say that the root cause was that the men who don’t have success online were somewhere on the left of “3” on the physical beauty side of the universal beauty scale. It has nothing to do with that because there are as many “2’s” out there looking for “2’s” as there are “10’s” looking for “10’s”.

So the root cause is approaching the challenge of dating online like a flake. In the online dating world, being a flake manifests itself in two major ways:

1) Creating a too brief, or crappy, or silly, or just poorly written profile ( or worse, not writing a profile at all), and;

2) Not having a good photo (or almost-all-the-time-worse, having a crappy, silly, or poorly done photo)

Fail with either of them, and no matter what screen name you choose, women who view your profile (either on searches or in response to your first email) will append the prefix (or suffix, depending where it fits best grammatically…) “FLAKE” to your name and move on.  This is not hypothetical. That is precisely what they will do — each and every one of them each and every time.

And because you won’t want to blame yourself for the failure, you’ll blame the site, you’ll blame the women you wrote to, you’ll blame your brother for talking you into joining the site to begin with; you’ll blame  anyone else but yourself for taking a flake’s, half-assed approach to an effort that takes some thought, money and work to work and to not come off like flake. Does that sound harsh? Did I say life was harsh sometimes? Has anyone else told you this stuff before? No? They just let you stumble along with no results? Now that’s harsh!

To fix the first manifestation, spend some time really working on your written profile. If you don’t know how to write a good and compelling profile, hire someone to help you write it. There are many dating coaches and profile writers out there just waiting for your call or email.

To fix the second issue, ahem, schedule a photo shoot with a LookBetterOnline photographer. It’s the absolute easiest way to get great online dating photos and is best money you’ll ever spend. That sounds like an exaggeration, I know, but those thousands of people who have, and who’ve then had great success finding a date, or perhaps something more serious, might just agree with me.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

How to prepare for your online dating photo shoot

Preparing for your online dating photo shoot shares some common things with all photo shoots and also some very different things. The common things is that you want to look your best and you want to just look good. But it’s the different things we’ll talk about here because you want to pay attention to these qualities. Ignore them and you might just wind up with photos that just don’t work.

The cardinal rule: look casual, but not too casual

You should strive to look smart and casual at the same time. We all know what it means to “smarten up”, so do that. At the same time, avoid looking too stiff and formal and by all means avoid any visual cliches such as polo shirts, riding clothes or boots, sport coats with turtle-neck sweaters, seersucker jackets or bow ties. If you own nothing but a closet or drawers full of these items, best to make a trip to your clothing store for something new, simple, dark-colored and reserved.

Think for minute how egotistical it is to pose for the camera in dress that tries to say it all about what you think, do, or imagine about yourself. All you’ll do is self-filter large numbers of potential dates with your costumes. What if you meet someone you really want to spend more time with and you find out she hates polo later, if you haven’t scared her away in the first second or two with your riding chaps, you may be lucky enough to have built a nascent relationship that can weather that little incompatibility. The idea here is that you want to give yourself as many options as possible from the very beginning. Don’t advertise “Must Love Polo” in your online dating photos. Very large numbers of browsers will take you at your word, and the result: a click on “next!”

Looking too casual can have a detrimental impact, though. Standing there in your pink robe, sipping coffee, or wiping your hands on your dirty sweat shirt may sound romantic and perhaps clever but the truth is those shots are just barely on this side of respectful. How do we know this? We’re in the business, we talk to dating sites all the time who in turn talk to their dating site members. Look too “casual” and the main thing about you your browsers will come away with is: “I don’t give a shit what you think.”

Keep it simple to keep your appeal broader. No props

Keeping your appearance neat, clean, simple and relaxed has the broadest possible appeal and you’ll attract the largest potential interest.  Avoid props of any kind: tennis rackets, golf clubs, baseball mitts or bats, and surf boards unless you only want to be considered by those who play golf, baseball or surf. Don’t put another self-filter on your photos with corny props.

Rest up, light on the make up and hair

Get plenty of rest, that goes without saying. Light make up is best, even if you think you “need” a lot of it, don’t do it. No big wigs.

Above all strive to look relaxed and approachable with dress and an appearance that appeals to a broad cross-section. That’s the key to having the most options, and to having the most success dating online.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

How to choose a photographer for your online dating photos

The question of which online dating photographer to choose to take your dating photos can be difficult or easy to answer. It gets difficult when you go out on your own to find a photographer and get lost in the bewildering number of portrait and wedding photographers out there. It can get even more crazy when you begin to compare costs once you find the photographer(s) you want to talk seriously with about your photo needs. You’ll find enormous variation in cost. You’ll find enormous variation in photo styles. Perhaps worst of all, you’ll find enormous variation in opinion about just what kind of photography you need.

Most photographers have a style

Be it wedding photography or portraits or product photography or PR work, a photographer’s style is his or her signature, the brand that the photographer seeks to promote. Consequently, that branding, that style, will work its way into your online dating photos if you hire them, like it or not.

So what happens if the photographer you choose is a great portrait photographer, studio type. Without the proper orientation to the needs of online daters, I’ll venture to guess that the casual photos you asked for will wind up looking more like those formal studio portraits he has hanging all over his or her studio in spite of the fact that you asked for something different.  And because you weren’t able to communicate precisely what your requirements were for your successful online dating photos, the photographer’s branding took over the shoot. And then bid-a-bing — formal portrait shots — one of the worst kinds of online dating photos possible.  The photographer’s own needs to consistently promote his or her style has trumped your needs for a very specific kind of photography most photographers just don’t do. This happens.

At LookBetterOnline, we have a different approach and make the selection of a photographer to do your online dating photos very easy and hassle-free. LookBetterOnline only selects photographers that really, really, honestly understand the needs of online daters and who have had our training to ensure that the photos they render are “date worthy”.  It’s a different style and is very highly lacking in these characteristics: cheesy, formal, stiff, ridiculous.

When you choose a photographer on LookBetterOnline.com, the only decision you should have to make is “how far away are they”. The issues of cost, style, communication, or your online dating requirements will not be issues at all. Of course you’ll choose the one whose photos you like the best. But you’ll agree after you see our samples that all of our photographers are fantastic and all of them render only “date-worthy” photos for our customers. We go to great lengths to make sure they are the best we can find.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

What kind of dating photos turn people off

I never ceased to be amazed by the sheer number of poor dating photos I see online. After 8 years operating this business I’m still surprised by the number.  People who would never go out in public with a funny hat on do the equivalent every day by the tens of thousands when they post photos that just look ridiculous. There are web sites now that do nothing but collect silly or idiotic photos of people who put such photos online,  just to make fun of them.

It is utterly tragic. And as the saying goes, “it would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.”

I think such people think it won’t matter. Somewhere in the back of their minds they imagine that the love of their life will see past the funny hat, the sunglasses, the goofy shirt or idiotic pose and see the real them. This may sound harsh, but what browsers see in those useless photos is exactly what the people who put them up showed to them: funny hats, goofy shirts and silly poses. The real person behind those unfortunate attributes is still hidden.

So what exactly are the biggest turn offs in an online dating photo? Since we’re “in the business”  and connected to most of the major dating sites and talk about this stuff everyday, we’ll tell you.

1) The biggest single turn off in an online dating photo, the one that shows up the most, is the most ubiquitous and widespread is — wearing sunglasses. Sunglasses say precisely what you think: the wearer has something to hide. Browsers think that almost universally and skip right over every one of them. They don’t think the wearer is mysterious. They just think they are untrustworthy, and in the online dating world — doomed from the start.

2) Second are self-portraits taken in a bathroom mirror.  Just like wearing sunglasses, self-portraits in the john say precisely what you think it says: lonely, desperate, and cheap. No matter how dressed up you get (and perhaps worse if you are gussied up) you’re still photographing yourself in the bathroom mirror for godsakes. Sheesh…

3) Crazy, drunken expressions are next. Toast your prospective mate in your online dating photos with a crooked grin and all you’ll get in return is a click on “next”.

4) Having an arm around someone attractive of the opposite sex comes next. Don’t do it. Just don’t. No one cares if it’s your ex.  If it is, you just earned a “next”. Even if it’s your brother or sister — “next”, ‘cuz they’ll think it’s an ex.

5) Goofy or silly clothes or Halloween costumes don’t make for good online dating photos. Just ask the 10’s of thousands of browsers who skip over those types of photos every hour.

6) Leaning on your Testosterosa [sic]. Don’t do it, even if you have one.

7) Acting crazy, zany or weird with your crazy, zany or weird friends.  “nuf said.

8) This one I saved for last, but it really ought to be number one: looking sad or lonely. The best way to stay that way is to put up one of those photos that shows you at your sad and lonely best. Enormous numbers of photos on online dating sites have that unfortunate quality.

The list goes on forever, really.  To avoid all of them simply remember what those prospective love interests really want to see in your photos: they want the smartly dressed, honest, approachable smiling you looking your best for the camera with no cheese whatsoever.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures. We can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!