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Online dating Safety tips

Its not often that I ask my readers to pass on a blog article to their friends, but here’s an exception, if you know anyone who’s online dating then forward them this article or post it on your FaceBook Wall….It might save a friend of yours from becoming shark-bait!

How to Land the Catch of Your Life… Without Becoming Shark-bait

However you like to do it, dating can be a dangerous game. Not talking to strangers might be sound advice to give to kids but as a strategy to stop being single, it has at least one obvious drawback. Unless you want to marry your cousin, finding someone to settle down with will involve making eye contact with total strangers, engaging them in conversation and meeting them one-on-one.

Two dangers

There are two obvious dangers here. The first is that your new friend might appear to be a complete charmer but could actually be a cold-blooded philanderer with a record of heart-breaking. They’ll think nothing of leading you on, playing games and trampling over your emotions. That’s bad enough and you’ve probable had enough of people like that already.

The second danger is even worse, even if it is a great deal rarer. The attractive stranger that you meet in the bar could actually be an escaped convict from the local sanatorium. Instead of finding someone who makes you feel safe and secure for the rest of your life, you pick someone up who’s going to put your safety at risk and require you to take out a series of court orders and new alarm systems.

Although the chances of meeting someone like this online is extremely small, it is worth making the effort to be cautious. In this chapter, we’re going to talk about how to steer clear of this second group and stay safe online.

Anonymity Cuts Both Ways

When you meet someone in a bar, the initial pick-up is as much a safety check as it is a check-out. If you spot someone attractive sitting alone at the table next to yours, before you even give them a look—before you make any kind of contact at all—you observe them for a few minutes to see how they behave with the waiters, by themselves or with people who pass by. If they are rude, arrogant or just downright unpleasant, it doesn’t matter how much of a looker they are, you’re still going to look right on by. Only if you’re sure they’re a normal, civilized human being do you try to make eye contact, pluck up the courage to face rejection and make your move.

And once you do make that move, you’re always looking out for little signals that tell you that the person you’re talking to is less than normal. There are all sorts of clues to help you do that: the way someone dresses, the way they talk and their body language to name but a few—and you notice all of them without even realizing that you’re looking for them.

A cowboy hat and a Texas drawl for example, tell you instantly where someone is from and where they stand in the country’s cultural divide. Bleached hair and sentences that end with ‘dude’ tell you much the same. Nervous twitches, roaming hands and peculiar scratching all say something about the person you’re sizing up and help you make a decision about whether you should make a date or make an excuse

Face-to-face, you’ve got a ton of different signals that tell you huge amounts about the person you’re thinking of chatting to.

Online, you’ve got nothing to go on but what the person puts on their profile and writes in their email.

“Unlike real-life relationships where you have some idea of what a person drives, what they really look like, how they live, etc., online you have none of that,” says Lisa Hupman, a veteran online dater.“You give more trust than is actually due because you have no choice.”

 Little Choice

And the reason you have no choice—or more accurately, little choice—about the level of trust you give is that the main tool that protects you online is the same thing that protects the occasional nutcase who roams the Web: anonymity.

There is no way for two people who exchange emails online to know the real identities of the people they’re writing to. The email you receive lands in an inbox located on the site.

Bear no relation

The name you choose is one you create and should bear no relation to your real identity.

As long as you don’t let your real, full name slip out before you’ve built up a certain amount of trust, you start an online relationship fully protected by the fact that the person who writes to you has no idea who you are, where you live or how they can get hold of you outside the site.

When you date online, the dating identity that’s doing the looking exists only on the Internet. There’s a complete barrier between your online self and the real you—and that barrier is your best protection against any wacko you might be unlucky enough to meet online.

If you have the bad luck to meet a loony at a dating site, as long as you’ve kept your identity a secret, there’s no way that they can bother you in real life.

Of course, that works for them too. Because there’s no way for you to check the identity of someone you meet online, you’ve got no idea whether the doctor who sent you an email got his or her degree certificate from Harvard, as they claim, or ordered it from a website in Romania. You’ve got no idea if they were really working for the Peace Corps for the last two years or spent that time sewing mailbags in a state penitentiary. And you’ve got no idea whether the person who described themselves as passionate will leave you alone once you tell them you’re not interested or hang around outside your front door waiting for you to come home from work.

If only there was a checklist

It would be nice if there were a checklist that you could go through when you meet someone online. If they mentioned ‘knives’ more than three times in the first email, you could tick a box. If they mentioned that they served multiple sentences for violent crimes, that would lead you to tick another box, or if they talked about their friendship with Osama Bin Laden that would strike them out.

But it’s not that easy.

The best way to keep yourself safe online is to follow three simple rules: keep your anonymity as long as possible; remember that if something feels wrong, it probably is; and cut them out quick and completely as soon as you smell something fishy.

1. Keeping Your Name (And Everything Else) To Yourself

There’s no reason at the beginning of an online relationship for you to say who you are, where you work, where you live, what your telephone number is or any other identifying detail that you might later regret.

When you start exchanging emails, you can chat about your hobbies. You can talk in general about the kind of work you do. You can say that you like walking in Central Park or heading out to Sequoia. But tell someone you’ve never seen, never met and whose real name you don’t know that you live at 123 Killmenow Road, Apt. 103 and it’s certainly possible that you’ll have reason to regret it when you find yourself looking for a new apartment.

It’s enough to say that what they’re not supposed to do is draw out personal information that would allow your new pal to find you offline.

If they ask exactly where you work, you can just say a big law firm in the city or a clothes store in town.

2. If Something Looks Wrong, It Probably Is…

That’s because on the Internet, it pays to be suspicious.
The vast majority of the people you meet online will be as honest, direct and truthful as the people you meet offline. It’s unlikely that you’ll come across many angels who will lay out their entire life histories, warts and all, right at the beginning, but it’s also very unlikely that you’ll be unfortunate enough to come across any axe-wielding psychopaths or the stereotypical man masquerading as a woman—or vice-versa (most of those seem to have run off since the early days of the Internet).

For the most part, you’ll find that the vast majority of fibs you encounter on dating sites tend to concern age, weight, income and of course photo, with ten-year-old graduation photos passing as up-to-date snaps.

That’s certainly bad enough but it’s not a threat and you can decide, when you uncover the real story, whether the truth has been stretched beyond the bounds of forgiveness.

You can also get a feel for when someone’s lying online—even if you can’t see the way they behave when they’re spinning you a story and you can’t hear in their voice that not even they believe what they’re saying. It’s hard to keep a story straight and there are often little inconsistencies the tell you that something isn’t quite right.

If someone born in 1974 for example, talks about having been in their current job for twelve years and their previous job for fifteen, then that should set alarm bells ringing. If a potential date who claims on their profile never to have been married mentions a stay with ex-in-laws, that should raise a red flag. And if someone says they don’t like spending time with the police that should send out a serious warning.

These are exactly the kind of tell-tale signs that tell you that something isn’t quite right. And when you get those signs, it’s always a good idea to trust your instincts.

3. Cut Them Out Quick

We’ve already mentioned that you might come across two different kinds of deception online: the more common truthful economies that exaggerate positive qualities such as youth or wealth at the expense of complete honesty; and the total lies that obscure a character that likes to stalk, harass or otherwise make life miserable for their unfortunate victim.
When you come across the first type—and there’s a fair chance that you will come across the first type online, just as you’ll come across milder forms offline too—you can decide what you want to do. If you’re dealing with just a mild little exaggeration you might be willing to forgive them their trespasses (just you might be hoping that people will forgive you yours).

But if you get the feeling that the person you’re dealing with is even close to being on the dangerous side, the best thing to do is cut them out quickly.

Just about all dating sites allow you to block emails from members who are bothering you. Add them to your blocked list and if you’ve managed to keep your identity details secret, that should be the last you hear from them.

Don’t think twice

Don’t even think twice about it. With millions of people searching for singles online, with such a huge reservoir of people to choose from, there’s absolutely no reason for you to take any risks at all on the Internet. The dangers are just too great and the alternatives too many for you to bother with them.

Red flag waving

The moment you see even the slightest hint of a red flag waving, cut, run and move on to the next likely prospect. There are far too many fish in the sea for you to waste your time and your safety swimming with the sharks.

Millions of people have used online dating sites without ever coming across the slightest hint of danger, risk or deception. If you do see a flag, it’s more likely to be the light pink of a couple of years shaved off a birth date than the throbbing red of a psycho looking for a victim. While it’s perfectly possible—and even easy—for someone to misrepresent their qualifications online, it’s no less easy for you to protect yourself from any danger and look for someone more honest.

To keep safe online, and to protect yourself from nasty surprises such as lying Lotharios and deceptive divas, you’ll need little more than common sense and a sensitive nose for the whiff of deceit.

 

Another important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great dating profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating profile photo tips from a top Beverly Hills photographer.

Interview with a top Beverly Hills photographer

As we get lots of requests from people who want online dating photos in the Beverly Hills and Los Angeles areas, I thought I’d showcase one of our talented photographers in  Beverly hills, ask a her a few questions on preparing for a photo-session so that you can get the best dating profile photos possible!

los angeles photographers dating photo article 001

Meet Charlotte and her impressive resume.

With a background as an international photographer, Charlotte travels between Europe and the U.S. shooting people from all walks of life. She is equally enthusiastic photographing mega celebrities as she is regular folks.

Charlotte knows a thing or two about being in front of the camera herself and is always happy to guide you through the session and make it an altogether positive, relaxed and fun experience. Especially if you think you are the world’s least photogenic person and you absolutely loathe having your picture taken. She takes great pride in helping you present the best possible face to the world.

Some Questions for Photographer Charlotte

How should someone pose for online dating profile photos?
The customer’s only job is to show up and leave the rest to the photographer! Unless you are, in fact, a professional model, you are not required or expected to know any modeling poses at all, or know which one is your “best angle”. If you are fretting over real or imaginary flaws and how they will look on camera, just let your photographer know so that they have a chance to work around them during your shoot.

If we are doing a natural light session, don’t be alarmed if you get asked to pose in the most mundane location, like a doorway, back alley or garage entrance. The background won’t be noticeable in your headshot. It’s all about the best lighting for your face and what light makes your eyes “pop”

Remember that, by the time you arrive for your shoot, if you’ve decided what to wear and  done your grooming – there’s really nothing else to worry about. The only thing for you to do now is be yourself in front of the camera. So relax and have fun!

What should people do before the shoot?
Get everything together for the shoot well in advance, so you don’t have to worry about it on the day of the shoot. Put your freshly pressed clothes on hangers – not in a bag.
And Get a good night’s sleep. Stay off the alcohol. It will show on your face, the last thing you want to look is tired on your dating profile photos!

Any advice for the day of the photo-session?
Don’t wear any eye or sunglasses for a few hours prior to your photo session as they tend to leave marks on the bridge of your nose that even make-up can’t hide.

If you normally wear regular eye glasses, and would like to wear them in your pictures, it is very important that you bring a plain pair without photo-chromatic (darkening) coating, so that the camera can see your eyes. On the other hand, anti-reflective coating works well to cut flare.

Make sure you know how to get to the location where we will be shooting. Give yourself plenty of time in case of traffic. The last thing you want is to arrive late, flustered and in a hurry, since you need to be as relaxed as possible for the shoot. Arriving late, or not quite ready to start shooting, will cut into your session time, and chances are, there are other clients scheduled right after your session. So be punctual and we will utilize the time we have set aside to the fullest.

What would you say to people who know that they need great online dating photos, but aren’t sure if they are photogenic!
“If you have beautiful eyes, we”ll make them sparkle. If your mega-watt smile is what draws people in, we’ll make sure to capture that. You might not even know what your best features are – but we will find them! Everyone has something that is worth playing up in pictures, to capture the true essence of who they are. Never cheesy or contrived; we will simply concentrate on bringing out the very best of you.”

And it really works. As you look at the sample pictures here above, you might be surprised to learn that only ONE person had had any prior modeling experience. All the others were first-timers in front of the camera!

To see more of Charlotte’s work or book a photo session with her please visit
http://www2.lookbetteronline.com/Photographer_Beverly-Hills_3521_90210.html

 

Outstanding Dating profile photos for New Yorkers.

An Online dating photographer, a few questions and a tip

As we get lots of requests from people who want online dating photos in New York, I thought I’d showcase one of our talented photographers in New York, ask a her a few questions about dating profile photos and get you a tip on preparing for a photo-session so that you can get the best dating profile photos possible!

dating photographer melody 003

Meet Melody and her impressive resume

Melody is a native New Yorker, a fine art and portrait photographer, she regularly exhibits in galleries in NYC and currently has a one-woman-show at Pratt called “Beauty in the Beast”.

For the last two years she’s produced a cable TV show on MNN called Melody’s Media Mix. And in 2005, she won the award for outstanding photography and graphics instructor of the year from the Association of Graphic Communicators.

Melody has been a photographic and digital graphic instructor at Pratt Institute for 18 years, and teaches photography and the “digital darkroom” at CUNY.

An “on Location” Photographer

Melody is an “on location” photographer. “On location” means that rather than go to a photography studio that you meet the photographer in a relaxed out of studio location.

Some Questions for Photographer Melody

What Locations are perfect for taking Dating photos in New York City?
I have scouted many locations so that I have the perfect place no matter what the weather is doing! I love Interesting indoor/outdoor hotel lobbies, urban retail centers, private pocket parks, galleries, the Met, Central Park of course, Riverside Drive Park, by the Hudson River, and most recently, The High Line, a public park built on an historic freight rail line elevated above the streets on Manhattan’s West Side. Also I am always open to a suggestion of a special place you might like or feel comfortable.

Why do you prefer creating online dating photos for people on location?
I think that shooting outside of the studio environment get s people remarkable results when it comes to online dating photos. I think people can be more spontaneous, relaxed and at the same time stimulated by a non-studio environment for natural unposed expressions …often studio shots end up looking tense and posed and actually backfires on peoples wish to have a natural real and flattering photo of them when they choose an on location venue.

How do you make people feel comfortable when you take online dating photos?
I make people comfortable with relaxed humor. I will talk to you while I am shooting, like a director might, trying to evoke that special expression. I try for that you’re-at-a-party-and-someone’s-called-your-name-and-you’re-looking-over-and- laughing look.

Even if you never had professional photos taken, (and most people have not) you will have a relaxing and fun experience while getting to discover your best, and sometimes hidden,

A Tip for preparing for a photo-session from Melody
One tip I have is that prior to a photo session is to take the time to wear the clothes that you want to be photographed in front of your mirror! Find out which clothes make you feel more confident when you’re wearing them, don’t wear new clothes for the first tie when at a photo-session, look at yourself wearing them in the mirror. Your photos are important so take the time to prepare and bring a compact mirror and lint roller with you, but most of all bring a smile and know that I’ll be helping you relax and bring out the real you!

To see more of Melody’s work or book a photo session with her please visit
http://www2.lookbetteronline.com/Photographer_New-York_1615_10003.html

The easy way to enjoy online dating

I’ll keep this post short and useful!

I’ve talked to many people who hate online dating!

The Story

The usual story goes like this:

“I’m way too busy at work to meet many new people,  so I decided that online dating would be a good idea, but now I hate going on so many dates with strangers who are definitely not who I’m looking for! I wish I wasn’t single and I could meet the one for me and stop dating”

Endless date after date…hoping that the next person will be the special one doesn’t sound like much fun!

Remember all the dates you felt disappointed when things didn’t work out the way you expected? when you thought that he or she could be the right one and 10 minutes into your date you were so disappointed?

A different story

Here’s an easier way to look at online dating

“I’m way too busy at work to meet many new people,  so I decided that meeting people online would be a good idea, I know that I might have to meet a lot of people to find someone special but I’m in no rush and in the meantime I can meet lots of people and hear lots of different perspectives on the world. Eventually I’ll find someone special even if it takes a while”

Chill out

When tell ourselves a better “Story” about our dating then we can finally “chill out” and relax a little.
Going on a date now has no pressure, no expectations, you can simply get to know another human being.

Letting life unfold

letting life unfold gracefully for us is an art, yet the more we practice it the happier we’ll be.

Think About This!

13Before you get a date you need to attract someone special!
Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, we all look at the photos first! so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Meet to Marry Book…Well worth a read

Book

LookBetterOnline.com
Book Review:

I liked Bari Lyman before reading her “Meet to Marry Book”.

Both Bari and her Husband Michael (Well you wouldn’t want to take advice from an expert who wasn’t happily married) are smart, easy going individuals who have a great way of looking at life…when it comes to finding love they tell people to “Become the person you’d like to meet”.

It’s about YOU being the one

meet to mary dating adviceBari teaches that the first step in finding love is to start acting like someone who both deserves and wants a life full of love, someone who’s ready to give and receive love.

In other words, it’s not about you finding the right person; it’s about YOU being the right person.  In Bari’s words

“Someone who is busy ‘being the one’ knows that he or she has the power to change his/her dating reality and then takes powerful steps to do so,”

Mixed messages

Bari goes on to say. “Write down how you want to feel in a relationship and then ask yourself: Am I treating myself the way that I want to feel?
If not, you’ve got to first change the way you treat yourself. For example: If you want to feel understood and accepted by a partner but don’t treat yourself with respect or accept who you really are, you’re sending out mixed messages… and that alone will attract people who don’t value you. “See what happens when you treat yourself the same way you want to be treated by your perfect match,” advises Lyman.

Bari’s Passion

Speaking with Bari it’s clear that helping people to “be the one to find the one” is her passion.
So when Bari and her Husband  Michael offered to send me a copy of their Book “Meet to Marry” I waited eagerly for it to arrive in the mail.

First impressions

I love the book cover, OK, OK I know this isn’t super important but it’s fun and definitely made me want to dive in and get reading!

This book is written around the idea that you can:

1. ASSESS your marriage readiness.
2. ATTRACT the kind of person you desire.
3. ACT in the present to attract the future

What I like about it is that it’s a book that’s not designed for insights or intellectual conversations…its designed to get results.
Let’s look at the 3 steps in a little more detail.

STEP 1: ASSESS.

This involves taking a “Marriage readiness” quiz, then having a “Reality check” and then “Challenging your thinking”

A quiz with different answers
Now we’ve all taken quick tests where you answer A, B, C or D. Then you’ll add up all the A’s, B’s C’s or D’s and find your score and read the answer to the test. While this test does just that it also provides the reader with deeper answers to each question answered, I found this method very effective and helpful-it’s an easy way to provide the reader with clear and meaningful answers.

A reality Check.

Then the book took an important direction to focus on “Blind spots” and dating, Blind spots in dating are the things that stop people from finding love. And Bari uses real life examples to challenge the way that you’ll think about yourself. I really liked this section.

Blind spots love

A different way of thinking.

In the third part of step 1 Bari offers great insight on not living in reality when it comes to dating, on Carrying around negative associations when it comes to dating, on not being true to yourself, on being over critical when it comes to yourself and dating and on being unavailable.

Bari goes on to talk about Good Advice and Bad advice, I like this hard hitting chapter Bari gives an example of another Dating coaches advice, and why she disagrees with it and finished this step by examining some dating myths and stereotypes.

STEP 2: ATTRACT.

Mari starts with a section called Why Marry.
The following part of this step helps the reader get clear about exactly what they want.
Mari does this by helping the reader create a “Happiness and finding my life partner journal”, a “Dream board” and a “Marriage vision”

STEP 3: ACT. (In the present)

This chapter is all about Action.

I’ve always agreed with the concept of Acting in the present to attract the future. There are way too many people who don’t enjoy the lives that they deserve simply because they fail to take action!

This chapter is the perfect end to any book written to help you make change.

In summary.

Well written and easy to follow its obvious Bari and her husband have spent a significant amount of time, love and energy on creating a system that will help many people find the love that they deserve!

This is a GREAT book, well thought out and well written. I’ve given this book 4.5 out of 5 stars…because I NEVER give anything 5 stars and I found the forward a little difficult (and to be fair I’ve said this before I’m not into reading the introductions of ANY book)
Here’s a link to buy your copy!  Don’t delay…order yourself a copy and start moving towards the love you deserve( Click here )

5 Dating Strategies for the Single Entrepreneur

My friend says she’s too busy to date.

As an owner of a couple of businesses she recently asked  me “I spend a lot of time at work, making it difficult to meet the right man…so how exactly am I supposed to meet the right man”.

I didn’t have an answer…

Until yesterday when my Friend (And Dating expert) Amy Schoen shared an article that she’s written called “5 Dating Strategies for the Single Entrepreneur”.

A dating expert

Let me introduce you to Amy

For those of you who read my posts you’ll know that I’ve featured my friend Amy’s expert advice…

Amy Schoen motivatedtomarry.com has been transforming people to be their best for over 20 years.  Amy has the gift of visualization and uses this gift to ask the right life and relationship questions to visualize the kind of life they truly desire.  To move clients towards positive action, Amy draws upon her vast life experiences, business experiences and keen knowledge of people.

5 Dating Strategies for the Single Entrepreneur

My friend Jonathan is self-employed and single.  He talks about how it would be so nice to have a relationship in his life and yet I do not see him making the time for the process of dating.  He tells me that his work is very demanding and that he is barely keeping up with his clients.

Having your own business or being self-employed is very challenging, as well as rewarding.  Add being single to the equation and it can be a very lonely place to be.  I was single while I ran a women’s clothing boutique.  Although I worked incredible hours and had a 7 day a week operation, I made a concerted effort to date and meet people which eventually led me to meeting my husband.  This is how I recommend you fit in dating into your hectic work schedule:

Get Clear on What your Life Goals and Priorities Are

What are your goals and priorities in life?

–          Work

–          Family

–          Finding a life partner and getting married

–          Community service

–          Athletic activities

–          Personal/ social activities

Rank them from 1 to 6, 1 being the most important.  What came up for you during this exercise?

Next, where do you see yourself in 5 years?  Would you be happy being single at that time?  It’s time to be honest with your-self.

Just like you have a business plan for your business, you need to develop a life plan for your life.  When you focus on obtaining and having the important things in life, things will happen for you.

Put your Personal Time on Your calendar and Stick to it!

When you decide to carve out some time for your personal life which may include the pursuit of meeting someone for a relationship, make an appointment with yourself on your calendar.  How many hours a week are you willing to commit to this endeavor?

You need to apply the same time management skills to your personal time as you do to your work time.  Do you consider the event or activity for meeting people to date urgent, desirable or eventually need to do?

Go ahead, put this date in your calendar and commit to keeping this appointment with yourself!

Decide on What Trade Offs You Are Willing To Make

Life is often about trade-offs.  What are you willing to sacrifice to have what you want?  It may be for a short time or a long time depending on your success on meeting the right person for you.

Are you willing to work some less hours and make less money?  Perhaps you would be willing to hire someone to do the work that is least desirable to you.  I hired a book-keeper even though I was very capable of doing the work myself.  I ended up using a mailing service for my promotional materials when I did the labels for mailing myself at early on in my business.  I thought it was more important to free up my time for what I enjoyed rather doing the detailed, repetitive tasks.  I hired smart college students to do some of the busy work for me.

Even if you bring in help seasonally, it may free you up for a vacation or a long weekend!

Consider hiring an assistant to help you with writing letters, making appointments and following up with phone calls to your clients. Now virtual assistants are becoming very popular with business owners.

Use Efficient Dating Techniques

There is a time cost and benefit to every singles event and dating service available to you.  Once you have a handle how much time a week you want to put towards dating, and then you need to decide how much financial resources you want to devote to these endeavors.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to get a real clear picture of your values.  Your values are what’s most important to you in life.For instance, kindness and compassion may be very important to you. Therefore, this is what you would want in a mate, as well. Once you have your valued constructed, then you have a guideposts for which you can evaluate your potential partner.

Next, it’s important to get clear on what you want in life.  Do you want a children? If not, you need to be clear with your potential dates that you are not interested in children.  You may not even want to date divorced people with kids.  Then opposite may be true as well. If you want children and someone doesn’t then there is no point pursing a relationship with this person.  This will save you much time and anguish!

Now you are ready to see who is out there and who will be best suited for you.  If you are willing to spend the money, you may consider a reputable matchmaker or dating service.  The internet can be a good way to meet people to date.  You can search the net at all hours of the day or night. However, it may take a lot of searching and weeding out. It can be very frustrating when people do not return your emails. Try more than one site.  Different sites will produce different results.

Last, ask friends, family or perhaps business associates who know you well to introduce you to people to date.  Tell them what you are looking for in a mate so they can be helpful to you.  Don’t be shy to ask them to you up. One of my clients was very good about getting the word out that she was looking to meet someone to date.  She eventually got fixed up with someone she really likes.

Combine Fun and Recreation with Meeting People

What is fun and relaxing for you?   It is not healthy to work all the time and not have any play! If you enjoy socializing, then the singles events may help you get out and be with people.  Who knows, you may pick up a client if not a date! For the athletic types, sports activities such as biking groups or tennis parties may be a way to have fun and meet someone to date. If you are into working out to keep your shape and stamina, then the gym can be a place to meet those of the opposite sex who also share this desire to keep fit.  Perhaps you will entertain taking a ski trip or a hiking trip with a singles group.
Taking vacations are critical to maintaining sanity for an entrepreneur.
If you love traveling, you may consider joining a singles travel group to see various parts of the world.  There are even singles cruises for those who enjoy traveling by sea.  I know a woman who loved yoga and found a travel group that incorporated daily yoga into the trip. Imagine finding your soul-mate while doing what you truly love!

As an entrepreneur, you have already experienced what happens when you have a vision of what you want and focus on that goal.  You have built your thriving business with your drive and determination.  You can also have a fulfilling relationship if you apply your same drive and determination to that area of your life.  It may just take some re-balancing of your energy and focus.  Nonetheless, the benefits of finding that rewarding romantic relationship can last a lifetime!

More about Amy

Coach Amy Schoen helps marriage minded individuals who are ready to take action to find true love with a values based approach that has proven results, especially online.  Learn more about Coach Amy and her coaching system go to http://www.MotivatedtoMarry.com.

Also think about this!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating tips for Guys who have been dumped (Dump the drama and Grow some balls)

Wow that’s a harsh Blog title isn’t it! Sorry if it seems harsh I just wanted to get your attention and help you get to a happier place

A True Story

Let me tell you a true story about a friend of mine!

My friend (Let’s call him Dave) was going through a messy divorce..he had married the girl of his dreams only to find out that a few years later his dream had died and she was leaving him and wanted a divorce. Now Dave was a wreck, he was pleading with his wife to try and work things out, grasping at anything he could to try to make his marriage work.

What was painfully obvious to all his guy friends was that she’d met a new guy and was cheating on him (She’s been posting pictures of her new boyfriend on Facebook and it seemed that everyone but Dave knew what was going on!)

I wanted to help Dave

I wanted to help Dave and I knew a man that could help him…

Let me introduce my great friend Anthony Clark…he’s a former professional male escort and dating coach, he’s a great friend to me, a loveable, Authentic character who walks his talk!

I thought that if I could persuade Dave to talk to Anthony and read his book- so that he could begin the process of picking himself up from his messy divorce.

The name of his book…

He met Anthony and immediately liked him…then Anthony told him to read a copy of his book, the book is called

“How to Get Over That Bitch and Grow Balls They Can’t Resist”

ballsNow let’s be clear from the very beginning…Anthony says:

“This book was not written to degrade or humiliate women. I use the term “Bitch,” to express the anger and frustration that men feel towards the women who dumped them, or have broken their hearts.
The “Bitch,” whom I am referring to in the title… can also pertain to a man, a boss, or anyone who treats you with disrespect!”

Written by relationship expert and former male escort, Anthony Clark “The Game Dr.” Co-written by Melanie Kira Clark.
This is a 196 page fast, easy and hilarious read that will forever change the way you love & date.Perfect for men of all ages…and perfect to read if you’ve just been dumped!

Dave refused to read the book

What was frustrating to me was that Dave refused to read the book properly, he read a few pages and angrily told me that the book was written for “Meat-heads”.

I think that Dave didn’t read the book fully because if he did it would mean that he had to grow some balls and change! (Sorry Dave if you’re reading this you know I love you man)

I also think (And while I’m no expert just a regular guy I’m not stupid) that Dave was trying so hard to make things right in his failing marriage that he ended up behaving in a desperate, needy and submissive relationship with his soon to be ex wife.

His Ball-less behavior made her lose passion, admiration, and respect for him.

A year and a half later

Now this blog post isn’t designed to bash Dave (In fact a year and a half later he’s learning once again to grow some balls, step up and I see that he’s becoming a happier guy).
What amazes me is just how much time he wasted crying in his beer!

If  he’s just read the book I’m TOTALLY CONVINCED  that he would have save himself a year of unhappiness!

SO guys if you are reading this and you’ve been dumped OR you know a friend who’s a mess and who’s crying in his beer after his lady has dumped him for the sake of $20 get this book! It’ll save you a ton of wasted time and drama!

And then  read it!….

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Why do I continue to attract the same guy in a different pair of pants?

Meet Marla,
She’s a professional matchmaker working in Los Angeles who definitely knows her stuff! She helped countless couples connect with their soul mates and go on to marriage.

Helping others find that someone special

Marla is a certified life/dating coach, author and motivational speaker and has appeared on the Today Show, WGN Chicago Morning News, San Diego Living, KUSI San Diego Morning, Better TV, Urban Rush and over 40 radio shows including Coast to Coast AM, Playboy Radio and The Cooper Lawrence Show. Marla is passionate about helping others find that special someone to go through life with, someone that makes life sparkle.To learn more about Marla CLICK HERE

As an expert Matchmaker Marla undwerstands the value of good photos, She told me “You are so right about having good photos for online dating..and even when using a matchmaker, because I also have to send pics to my clients and they have the right to turn someone down and often do because of a photo”.

Expert advice

But today I’d like to share with you Marla’s insight on Why many women attract the same guy over and over again. Many women complain that they just can’t seem to find the right man, that they always end up with the wrong guy!

Same guy in a different pair of pants

When we think about love, our soul mate, settling down and getting married, and so on, we often go back to our childhood thoughts on this subject. These thoughts condition how we think, and what we expect our relationships to look like.

Are you seeing anyone?

Many women think they should be in a relationship, not because they really want one or are ready for one, but because it’s just the thing to do. The pressure to be in a relationship is so automatic at times that we don’t even think about it. Do you ever notice that when you are single, friends and family are always asking you, “Are you seeing anyone?” or “How’s your love life?” If you say you’re not seeing anyone, they all want to fix you up. Your friends all think that you are such a catch, so how can you be single? On the other hand, if you are in a lousy relationship, they want to know, “Why are you with that loser?” The quest to find Mr. or Ms. Right has become so popular that there seem to be a million online dating sites, matchmaking services, books and talk radio shows on the subject. Everywhere you look, there is some reference to finding the love of your life.
Unfortunately, when you jump from guy to guy without analyzing why you want to be in a relationship, what your needs are and where your self esteem falls in the range between lower than an ant or as high as the sky, you will tend to fall right back with the same ole’ same ole’ …. Different guy, in the same pair of pants!

Take stock

I suggest that you take stock and decide why you want a relationship right now. Do any of these reasons ring true?

– I am lonely.
– All of my friends are in a relationship.
– I can’t afford to go to nice restaurants unless a man invites me.
– I feel like a loser without a man in my life.
– My mother keeps asking me when I’m going to get married.
– My biological clock is ticking.
– I want to get over my divorce or last relationship.
– I want a man to support me so that I don’t have to work anymore.
– I want to get even with someone or make someone jealous.

It’s better than being alone

Many times people just jump right into a relationship or stay in one with the wrong person because they feel that it’s better than being alone. Jenny, a twice-divorced mother of two has a good job and wonderfully supportive girlfriends, but she repeatedly gets into relationships that are not good for her. She is currently in a relationship with a man who beats her and puts her down because “it’s better than being alone.”
Watching the news lately, it seems like every day I see a story about someone (usually a woman) who is missing or found dead, killed by an ex-lover or spouse. Even if we are lonely, the people we choose to let into our lives need to be chosen carefully.
That’s why I am inviting you to really look at whether or not you are ready for a relationship right now. Maybe you just got out of a bad relationship, are recently divorced, or had a death in the family and need to heal. There is nothing wrong with being alone and working on yourself to make sure that you are a complete, whole and healthy person who is ready to give your all with the right person. I’ve always liked the saying, “I’d rather be healthy and alone than sick with someone else.”

The right reasons

If you agree with any of these statements, you want to be in a relationship for the right reasons.

– I love my life, and I want to share my happiness with someone.
– I feel totally ready to find my soul mate and start a family.
– I have so much to give to the right person.

Don’t waste your time

Another reason we may stay too long in a relationship is that we hope the person will change. We tell ourselves, “I’ve found the perfect person for me. If only he, or she, could change this or that, we would be incredible together.” Listen up. This is really quite dangerous! You cannot change someone. It is very important to realize this. It is so tempting to try to do so when we find someone that seems so irresistible. I have heard too many people, especially women, say something like, “He has such potential. I can change him.”

Here’s a great tip: don’t waste your time attracting potential. Spend your energy attracting the person who is already right to you! Find someone who already has the qualities that you are looking for in another person. No one wants to be changed or nagged or disapproved of. Yes, once two people are in a committed relationship, there are things that each might have to bend a bit or compromise on to live together harmoniously, but in general, you can’t change someone, so don’t even try! If you don’t like the qualities that your partner possesses, either accept him or her the way they are or break up and find a partner who already has those qualities that you are seeking, and you will be on the path to meeting Mr. Right in a whole new pair of pants!

Dating online? Something to think about…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating tips for women over 65!

For those of you who don’t know her yet, let me introduce my friend Joann Cohen

Meet Dating Expert Joann Cohen

Joann has Master’s in Education with a concentration in Human Relations and Counseling and had been featured by TV guide, Fox news, USA today, TLC, ABC and many others ( To find out more about her visit www.joanncohen.com/ )

A couple of weeks ago we were talking about the subject of older women and some of the challenges that they face…here’s what Joann had to say

Some seniors are in great shape

My mom is pretty awesome. She still goes to the gym three times a week and does weights/cardio, is taking sign language, volunteers at the airport and is in better health than all her kids! “

Looking good in dating photos….This can be more of a challenge for seniors.

Women have more a challenge

As you said,  women have more a challenge. As they become over 65 years, there are tons to women and few men. Of the men who are single,  there are few  healthy, financially ok,  relationship minded men. Women who want these men –  have lots of competition. Those men  almost always want to go for younger and they definitely go for youthful appearance. A woman can go online and search for women in her age category and search for men to see the numbers for herself.

I don’t make the rules

I don’t make the rules but I do communicate them to clients. Therefore most of these points below are for senior women.

Old Hair Styles

Women – keep old hair styles that age them. It’s the bouffant/puffy look. They can stay grey/white but add a contemporary edge. There are several senior women models that they can take some photos to their hairdresser and try something different.

Not too Blond

Women go too blonde. It washes them unless they are super careful with makeup. Blonde is a color that hides the grey better (greying roots are more observable on dark color hair) but it’s a double edged sword. Women’s coloring naturally fades as we get older and really light hair, makes us washed out.  Women need to be careful and look for adding darker blondes perhaps with a few blonde highlights.

Color Helps

Men/Women – seem they  wear lots of blacks, whites, grey. On seniors – I think color really helps to make them youthful. The black just seems to wash them out. Color seems and feels more vibrant = youthful.  (there’s actually a study that wearing color and good fitting clothes can alter a bad mood to a positive one!). Blues, teals (look good on almost any skin shade), purples (that’s a go to color for men – there’s always a shade that looks good on a man), etc.

 

Smile please

Smiling is even more important – it diminishes the jowling.

Even more important

Posture is even more critical. While it’s a problem for anyone not to stand up straight – when they’re seniors, things have really sagged. This sagging really ages them and makes them look older and heavier. This results in women having less definition in their curves. It’s important women wear good bras (yes-  I will tell women of any age that.)

Show who you are

There’s numerous studies that men are attracted to curves so it’s crucial women show them. Women make a mistake that men want skinny ladies – big mistake. I had a senor client (80 something) and if a woman was 5’4”, she better by at least 165 pounds. So whatever women have – make sure they show it!

Women try to hide the weight (of all ages) by wearing loose billowy clothes. This always adds weight to everyone but really bad for older women. They are more likely than younger women to wear baggier clothes – it’s a safe way of disappearing. But it disappearing doesn’t work online to capture a man.

Don’t try too

Some women go the opposite and try to dress too youthful or wear too much makeup. They’ll try to capture the men’s attention with some outfit that would look best on their granddaughters. The color is too dramatic for This will actually make them look older and more desperate.

Classy and contemporary

I recommend to my senior clients style to go for classy and contemporary. They don’t have to dress in the latest Vogue fashion but show that they know classic style.  For example – my mom’s dress ( I bought it for her). It’s classic, Ralph Lauren.

Seniors’ skin has sagged and gotten spotty so a deep cut (even v neck) may not be their best look. So a Boat neck (straight across like my Mom’s), round collar can be flattering. I don’t usually like turtlenecks as most women (unless they had work done) is jowly and the turtleneck emphasizes it.

And most (not all) arms have really gotten saggy. So wear clothes that go to the elbow, ¾ sleeves or long sleeves is a more flattering look. Of course, men over 50 without shirts isn’t going to work but they still try. If you’re someone that has toned arms (I do have 1 senior female client with amazing toned arms) than she’ll want to flaunt them. But that’s 1 out of a thousand.

Shoes are huge. In  photos many will wear clunky orthopedic looking things which is again. I always  have women wearing a spikey (even if it’s a small heel) to make their ankles and legs look slimmer. I have women of all ages wear spikes because wedges, chunky heels make legs look bigger. If they can’t wear heels, then a ballet slipper or similar simple flat. IF that fails – don’t take any photos showing the feet.

Take the time

I also recommend to all clients that they have photo shoots that are at least 30 minutes (even if it’s a family member). Because they start to relax and then the best photos are taken. What I do with my clients is have the photographer shoot about 5 shots and then show the client how marvelous they look. Once they see that, they feel more comfortable and we get better photos. This process can be repeated throughout the shoot to make sure the client feels like a super model.

From the Heart, Joann Cohen

 

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Let’s Get Physical…or Should We?

My friend Bobbi Palmer is a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date Like a Grownup. She is not just a dating coach; she’s a dating success story! Bobbi became a first time bride at age 47 and has helped countless women around the world do what she did: find lasting love after 40. She describes her marriage as “the yummy icing on her already great cake” and prides herself on practicing what she preaches and teaches every single day.
Bobbi is the author of Confessions of the World’s Worst Dater: Her 7 Secrets to Finally Finding Love after 40 and has lent her expertise to countless media including NPR, eHealth Radio, LATalkRadio.  She is a regular contributor to multiple go-to resources for midlife daters and those searching for love including Huffington Post, Match.com, Yahoo Shine, Chemistry.com, YourTango and eHarmony.com.

Let’s talk about sex

Here’s what Bobbi has to say about sex…

The idea of sex in your 40s, 50s and beyond can make a gal run for the hills. You crave intimacy, but the last thing you want is to sleep with him and get hung up like an 18 year old. There is also that body image thing, that disease thing…lots of concerns that can drive you to simply opting-out of dating and looking for love.

As a dating and relationship coach for single women over 40, I often get asked to help my clients decide when they can safely slide between the sheets. Here are 5 tips to help you retain your honor and self respect, yet have a nice time dating and getting to know those fabulous men out there.

  1. Accept that you are responsible for yourself.

You are a mature woman who most likely steers your own ship in all other areas of your life. He isn’t in charge of what you do and when you do it; you are, sister.

You can weigh options, make complex decisions and exercise your assertiveness. You probably do this every day with your career, your family, even with the dry cleaner; dealing with single men should be no exception.

  1. Set your intentions and stick with them.

Set your intention and stick with it.

What do you want from a man and a relationship? Do you want a rollicking roll in the hay or a lifelong relationship? Decide what your goal is and work toward it, just like you do with everything else in life.

  1. Lay off the liquor.

Think back to when you would frequent bars or college parties. Alcohol doesn’t make you more attractive or charming, and it doesn’t ease the pain the morning after when you realize you made a terrible decision.

Play it smart and stay sober. Stick with a glass of wine with dinner and leave the shot glasses on the bar.

  1. Decide whether he’s a hottie or a hubby.

If you’re looking for someone who’s going to be with you for the long haul, understand that a man who is a good date will not necessarily be a good partner. He may be chock-full of charm and make your stomach somersault, but he may still lack relationship potential.

When you’re feeling that flutter, stop and ask yourself: does he have potential to be the man I adore, admire and depend on? If the answer is “no, he’s just hot” then apply the brakes. Sleeping with this man could lead to disaster.

  1. Learn a Love Lesson from the Dalai Lama

In The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living, the Dalai Lama ponders pleasure versus happiness. He reminds us that pleasure feels good at the moment; happiness fulfills you for the long-term.

When you are considering intimacy, take a breath, separate yourself from the immediacy of the moment, and ask, “Will this make me feel good about myself and get me closer to my goal of finding love?”

Partaking in physical pleasure is a wonderful part of a powerful, loving relationship. With a little healthy lust and a lot of sensibility and self-awareness, you can have a vigorous, fun and satisfying sex life that leads you to the happiness you deserve.

If you want to find that man who loves and adores you for the rest of your life, join Bobbi for her Grownup Girls’ Night Out FREE monthly webcasts. Get a ton of expert, juicy, must-have information and advice about men, dating, sex and relationships…all free and from the comfort of your own home. Click here to learn more and register.

Think About This too!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!