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Finding the right date online (Part 1)

Dating Advice from the experts

I asked friends and dating experts “The Amazing Clarks” for advice for people who have an attractive online dating profile and can get dates but who are still in the process of finding the partner that they want. This is what they said:

“Be open!”

Usually when people go on online dates they become closed and guarded. They do this for a number of possible reasons:

  • They are afraid to make themselves vulnerable because they don’t want to get hurt.
  • They are afraid that they may say or reveal something that will turn their date off and scare them away.
  • They are just nervous and don’t know what to say or do.

Don’t be disappointed!

Being closed and guarded is guaranteed to ensure that you’ll have a disappointing dating experience. You have to open up on dates. You have to be prepared to make yourself vulnerable.
Think of yourself as a wonderful and entertaining book with pages and pages of interesting experiences, ideas, and dreams. If you only show your date the cover of your book (with cool profile pics) but prevent your date from experiencing the wonderful content inside… they’ll just put you back on the shelf.

And if you don’t let them read your book,  then why would they reveal the inside of their wonderful book to you? Everybody loses.

When you are on an online date don’t be afraid to open up and make yourself vulnerable. Let your date see what’s inside you and show him or her who you really are right from the beginning. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not.

Be genuine. Be yourself. Be an open book.

It’s when you are your authentic self that  you are the most fun to yourself… and to others. Your date will feel at ease and will reveal themselves too. And even if there is no romantic chemistry between you and your date, at least you will both have an enjoyable time.

What if they don’t like your book?

If you make yourself open and vulnerable and your date dislikes what they see, don’t take it personally. They’re not the one for you — and that’s okay. Continue to make yourself open and vulnerable because it’s only a matter of time before you attract online dates that will love and appreciate the authentic you (including your Mr or Mrs. Right.) Here are a few tips that can help:

Tips to help you remain open when online dating…

  • Remember that you are being open in order to be yourself and have a good time.
  • Don’t worry if your date is not into you; you wouldn’t have been a good match anyway.
  • Opening up will inspire your date to do the same.
  • Remaining open will enable your perfect partner to be able to immediately identify and find you.

Dating advice? The most important thing you need to know…

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

3 dating tips for EVERY women who’s EVER had a bad date! (And a very funny video too)

Ok so here’s the funny video watch it first to make you laugh,  then read the text below

Yes I know, your girlfriend probably told you to get a life, so you joined Match.com or eHarmony and after meeting sooooooo many people online and having met more than your fair share of men who just don’t interest you. You are “Burned out” with online dating and would rather spend your Saturday evenings alone with Ice-cream, a good bottle of wine and a movie than with the WRONG guy!

So firstly take a month off dating…spend time with friends, pets and alone, laugh about all the bad dates you had and see the funny side; (And also remember how bad it was at  the end of your last relationship, and how lucky you are to have escaped it!)

Here’s 3 things you can do to press the “Online Dating reset button” and make dating a positive experience once again!

  • Don’t think of it as dating. Most women put so much pressure on themselves and their date, DON’T!
    Think of this as an opportunity to meet a stranger, and enjoy learning about them, then you’ll not be needy and if there’s no chemistry you won’t be disappointed either
  • Get rid of the the “I hope he likes me” attitude. Never approach meeting men with the “I hope he likes me” feeling. Start with “I wonder if I’ll like him! This stops you from needy or trying to read his mind and helps you focus on whats important, how you feel when you are with him!
  • Stay Positive. It’s important to stay positive! avoid topics and questions that lead to negative conversations like “So how’s the online dating thing going for you?” Talk about things that you both like…it’s not that hard, and don’t be a bore work is off topic for the first date!

Online dating? The most important thing you need to know…get good profile photos

Having great profile photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, sovisit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Online Dating Safety Tip: Keeping Your Name (And Everything Else) To Yourself

Online dating safety tip: There’s no reason at the beginning of an online dating relationship to say who you are, where you work, where you live, what your telephone number is or any other identifying detail that you might later regret.

When you start exchanging emails, you can chat about your hobbies. You can talk in general about the kind of work you do. You can say that you like walking in Central Park or heading out to Sequoia. But tell someone you’ve never seen, never met and whose real name you don’t know that you live at 123 Killmenow Road, Apt. 103 and it’s certainly possible that you’ll have reason to regret it when you find yourself looking for a new apartment

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having a great photo is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Internet dating humor

How many times are you going to ask to see my webcam! I told you upteen times its not working!

And remember that having a great photo is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Avoiding online pseudo intimacy

If you had initially met someone in person prior to becoming geographically separated, then you would have some foundation from which to build your relationship by staying in contact virtually. However, if you instead met someone online first, then you need to be aware of the potential that dating virtually, i.e., via the internet and telephone only, can lead to the creation of a “pseudo-intimacy.” So here are a few tips to help you get the most out of virtual dating prior to meeting in person.

After exchanging a few emails to determine if you want to pursue the relationship, I suggest that you graduate to talking on the telephone pretty quickly. Once you feel the relationship is progressing, it’s important that you discuss when you’re going to meet in person.

If meeting in person isn’t possible for a number of weeks or months, then I suggest that you make a schedule as to when, and for how long, you’ll talk on the phone. You can supplement your phone calls with email or instant messaging, as well as with snail (postal) mail. Attempt to discuss current events, rather than “what it’ll be like when we’re together,” or bemoaning your separate geographical fate. Creating and maintaining this type of structure over your virtual contact should help you to feel more in control and comfortable in a situation where there really is no structure.

Now I can better explain what I mean when I say that dating virtually can lead to a “pseudo-intimacy.” If you haven’t met in person, it’s difficult to know if the chemistry you feel over the phone has any basis in reality. After all, you really only have a picture and voice to go on! Unfortunately, the internet and the telephone lend themselves to create environments where it is easier to let down your defenses, and say things without knowing how your message “lands” on another person.

My advice to singles who meet virtually is to ALWAYS do whatever it takes to meet in person, and as soon as possible. This way, you give your feelings a chance to “check in” with your dating partner in the real world, which is where you’re going to live together eventually anyway, right?!

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having a great photo is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

How To Hand Out Rejection

It’s no big deal to get heaps of emails on a dating site. With a good picture and a well-written profile, there’s no reason why your inbox shouldn’t see a steady stream of messages. But while all of those people might be interested in knowing more about you, it doesn’t follow that you’ll be interested in knowing much about them. Or anything at all for that matter.

In fact, you’ll probably find that most of the messages you receive in your mailbox will be from people who are a very long way from your idea of a perfect partner.

So what do you do with them?

The first thing to do is congratulate yourself. Your profile is working. Even if you haven’t caught the fish you’re aiming at, you know your hook is well-baited and you’re getting bites. There’s good reason to hope that it’s only a matter of time before something really exciting swims by.

But first you have to toss the minnows back. Winks you can ignore, canned messages you can can,  and super-brief emails that just say “Hi!” or “Hullo Gorgeous” you can send for recycling.  If the sender hasn’t put anything into a first contact, you don’t have to put anything into a reply.

But if someone has bothered to write a real email, one that refers to your profile and shows genuine interest in meeting you, then it’s common courtesy to drop them a line back.

The temptation though is often to lie, to thank them for their interest and say that you’ve met someone. No feelings are hurt and there’s little chance the person will persist. You can get away that if you’re 100 percent certain that you never want to date them. But lying is bad for the soul and if you just have the slightest doubt that you might want to go back and take another look, then it’s a definite no-no.

Instead, you can try softening the rejection. Say that you’re just browsing at the moment, that you’re not quite ready step back out there, but when that changes you’ll let them know. It’s you, not them… but without the cliché.

 

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having a great photo is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

CyberCheapskates and net gold diggers

The ONLY people on these online dating sites who are emailing anyone are the ones who have paid!

The ONLY people on these online dating sites who are emailing anyone are the ones who have paid!

Did you know that  Match.com has around twelve million members, but only a million or so of those listed have paid their dues?

The most asked questions from Romance Clients?  “Why don’t they answer my emails?”  Well, first off, you don’t know and never will.  But it’s a pretty good guess is that this guy or lady is cheap.

If you have had much experience as an Internet dater, you’ve undoubtedly had the experience of putting out first email contacts to prospective Sweetheart and then gotten no answer back.  A response rate of 30% to first emails is considered good!

On Match.com as well as many of the other Internet dating sites, you can post a profile for free, but you have to pay to email other listers or respond to emails sent to you.

You can’t tell the payers from the freeloaders.  And people who aren’t paid members can’t email, either to contact you first, or to answer when you write.  That means that a very high percentage of those people you are carefully looking over are too cheap to pay less than a dollar a day to be able to email you!

Maybe that’s a lot of what’s behind the 30% who do get back to you.  They’re the only ones who are paid up!

Though I live now in Mississippi with my new husband Drew, I’m from Maine.  I still own a house there on a beautiful island in the mid-coast area, so I get back to visit once or twice a year.  Every spring, after the snow melts, all the debris that has accumulated over the winter along the roadsides gets exposed to the light of day.  And along with tulips and daffodils, up spring the “For Sale” signs.

For years I wondered about why so many houses came up for sale every spring.  Every other house seems to be on the market.

Finally, someone explained to me that lots of folks just put out those “For Sale” signs sort of for sport.  All the locals know that summer people are heading this way, and those “city folks” have very distorted ideas about fair property values.  So the sport is to put out a “For Sale” sign, ask a very inflated price, and see if anyone will bite.  If you’re lucky and catch a rich one, you just may be able to fund your retirement.  Otherwise, life goes on, you get to stay in your house, and then try again next year.  Sounds like a form of digging for gold to me.

Believe it or not, lots of people who are listed on dating sites are doing just that:  They put out their “For Sale” sign with their profile and look like they are seriously “in the market” for a Sweetheart.  Really, they have a way over-inflated idea of what they can get and are waiting to see if some fool will bite.  These folks have stuck out their “For Sale” sign, but they aren’t seriously looking.  Except for the jackpot.

In the Internet dating world, this is deceptive advertising in the worse way, because the reader has no way of knowing if the profiler they are interested in is really serious and a paid-up member or not.  The ONLY people on these online dating sites who are emailing anyone are the ones who have paid!  All the others are freeloading teases.

If you are considering CyberRomance or are already posted on a site or two, pay your dues like a grown-up.  Do your part to contribute to the energy and integrity of this wonderful resource for singles.  If there’s a time to “put your money where your mouth is,” this is it.  If you’re serious, pay up. If you’re not serious, stay out of the game.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having a great photo is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Kathryn Lord ©  All Rights Reserved

How to Know if You’ve Been Sent a “Form Email”

How can you tell if the email you just received was sprayed from a hose or expresses real interest?

How can you tell if the email you just received was sprayed from a hose or expresses real interest?

On a dating site, any reasonably attractive woman with a decent picture and a half  decent profile will get emails. Guys? Not so much.

The same dynamic that makes women wait for men to hit on them in the real world works on the Web as well. If men want some attention they need to step up their game.

They need great photos and a compelling and unique profile.

The men who figure out this formula do extremely well online. They end up with a host of beautiful women to choose from.

But they’re rare. Most men on dating sites still haven’t figured out how to market themselves. They still use crappy photos and dull profiles. They get hardly any responses, and when they get ignored, some get desperate.

Instead of improving the way they look, they play the numbers. If only one woman in ten writes back to them and only one in ten of those produces a date, they assume they just need to write to more women.

So these guys send emails to EVERYBODY! They forget about being selective, write one email and spray it at everyone on the dating site.

They’re a kind of human “email hose.” And they’re the kind of guys you really want to avoid.

So how can you tell if the email you just received was sprayed from a hose or expresses real interest? There are few tell-tale signs:

They’re the first in line.

The first emails you receive on a dating site are likely to be hosed. Sprayers believe that new users are clueless and will be so happy to get an email that they’ll reply right away. They’ve also hit on everyone else already. So they monitor lists of “new members” and check “who’s online” carefully looking for new faces.

The email is impersonal.

“Form emails” are cut and pasted. They make no reference to anything in your profile.

Here’s a real example:

“You seem like you might be a lotta fun. We should grab a drink sometime.”

There’s no chance that this guy read the profile. He just pasted his message into the box and hit Send. If he didn’t give you the time of day, why should you give him any of your time?

The message contains a profile.

If the email repeats information from the profile, like his age, where he lives or the color of his eyes, there’s a good chance it’s a “form email.” It’s all about the sender (who doesn’t change) and nothing about the recipient (who does). Here’s another real example:

“My name is Michael. I am a 48 year old man near Del Mar. I am originally from England and came to San Diego 18 years ago for my work . I would love to chat with you Looking forward to hearing back from you”

It’s not hard to spot a “form email” — and it’s just as easy to delete them. Reply only to the personal emails that clearly indicate that the person has read your profile. You want someone who really wants to know you, not the kind of guy who approaches every woman at a bar.

Did you ever reply to a form email? Care to share?

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having a great photo is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!