Meet Dr Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW.
As one of the leading love coaches for the gay community, licensed dating and relationship coach Dr. Brian has over 18 years of experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT (Gay, lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender) individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships.
You can find out more about him at thegaylovecoach.com
Wisdom for everyone…”Love is more than your sexual preference“.
I want to share Brian’s expert advice on Dating a new guy, while his articles are written with a focus towards the GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender) Community, I think that there is great wisdom here for everyone…I hope you’ll agree.
Brian’s article called “Dating a New Guy…I Don’t Want to Blow It!” has been written to answer a question that many of us often ask ourselves:
Dear Dr. Brian:
I have met a guy that I really like, but I don’t know what to do because I’ve never really dated before. He is great and is someone I can see myself being with for a long time. I don’t want to mess this up…what should I do?
Dear Dating Virgin:
Congrats to you on meeting someone whom you share a strong connection with! You sound very excited about getting to know him better and my first word of advice is to relax and enjoy! This stage of your dating process is all about fun and getting to know your new prospect through shared experiences and recreation. By worrying about the future with this guy before it’s even had a chance to get off the ground will cause you to feel a lot of distracting anxiety that will rob you of the opportunity to have fun and be yourself. Such anxiety could also come across in your body language and your new guy might be able to see your tension; plus, you don’t want to feel like you have to be engaging in a performance every time you get together with him. So breathe, be your true self, and allow the relationship to evolve naturally.
There’s no specific formula for dating, but you can definitely increase your chances of success by taking the emphasis off of the other guy and what he might be thinking about you and instead place it on yourself. Make sure that you have a very clear vision of what you’re looking for in a potential partner and relationship and make a list of all your needs for each. Identify those needs that are negotiable (things you’d be willing to bend on) versus those that are non-negotiable (these are deal-breakers, those things you absolutely must have or cannot have to be in the relationship). Your deal-breaker needs represent your core values and these will be the qualities and characteristics that you’ll be using to screen your new guy to make sure he matches your vision for the ideal man.
No matter how hot he is or how much you have in common, if a dating prospect doesn’t align with your vision and needs, you’ll be setting yourself up for pain and disappointment the more you invest in a future with him. You don’t want just any guy; you want the right guy!
So as you’re getting to know this new guy you’re seeing, I encourage you to avoid fretting about whether it’s going to work out, and instead keep the focus on having fun and screening him to determine his goodness-of-fit with you. Good communication skills, positive self-esteem and confidence, savvy social skills, and identification of any self-defeating or sabotaging behaviors you might have and formulation of action strategies to overcome them are other key essentials you’ll want to master to maximize your chances of dating success.
So enjoy this special time of your dating relationship and make sure to show off your authentic, genuine self! You have nothing to prove, so relax and enjoy the moment. Please read the other dating articles on my website for some additional pointers and tips. Have a great time!
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
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