Questions? 888.282.9777
Questions? 888.282.9777
Demo

When should I have sex with him for the first time?

Evan Marc Katz is one of the Big hitters of the Dating Industry…a “personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women,” dating coach Evan has been helping singles find love for over a decade! Dozens of his clients have gotten married, started families, and found happiness.

It’s an unlikely career for a man – much less a man who was called a “Serial dater” by CNN – yet that’s what makes Katz such a unique coach.

Helping women understand Men

By helping women understand men – what they think, how they act, and what they really want – he empowers them to make healthy, informed choices in love. To learn more about Evan click here

When it comes to the dating game many women often ask the question “When Should I Have Sex With Him For the First Time?”

An Expert Answer

Here’s Evan’s expert answer:

In the latest “Water is wet; News at 11? report, the Journal of Sex Research reports that – get this – having sex too early in a relationship is a bad idea. Shocking, I know.

And before thou dost protest too much because you’re the happily married woman who hopped into bed and are still in love 30 years later?

Chill. You’re the exception. Here’s the rule:

“Investigators surveyed roughly 11,000 people on when a couple first got frisky. Compared to couples who had sex before they started dating or during the first three weeks of their relationship, those who waited actually rated their current relationship as more satisfying and more stable. They also reported greater levels of positive communication.”

“Sexclusivity”: don’t sleep with a guy until he’s your boyfriend.

Wait for it!

You mean sleeping with an attractive stranger you’ve known for 3 hours and hoping that you’re compatible in the long run is a bad idea? REALLY?

“There is compelling evidence that waiting to have sex until later in the relationship is associated with better relationship dynamics and outcomes,” says study co-author Brian Willoughby, PhD, an associate professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University.

Not just BS.

This isn’t just conservative B.S. This correlates with what you know from reality.

He sleeps with you on the first date. You think it means he likes you or wants to be your boyfriend. In fact, all it means is that he wanted to have sex with you. He’ll figure out in a few weeks or months whether he actually likes you enough to commit to you. But why is sex too early so dangerous? According to the article:

Not surprisingly, having sex creates powerful emotional bonds. If those bonds are forged too early, they may saddle a relationship with baggage that can complicate the partnership before both partners are ready, Willoughby theorizes. Having sex sooner might also compel us to stay in relationships that we know aren’t built to last, the study suggests.

Finally, “women who delay sex are more driven to invest in their relationships,” says one researcher, adding that the research results were consistent across age groups, races, and religious affiliations.

Sexclusivity

The word I’ve coined for this is “sexclusivity”. Don’t sleep with a guy until he’s your boyfriend. Wait a month or so before you do so. And if/when you do finally have sex, you are guaranteed that it’ll be with a guy who you like, trust, and know enough to be worthy of commitment – as opposed to letting lust take over and then keeping your fingers crossed.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Modern Love!

Recently I was sent a book to review by  CIJA BLACK Author of “Modern Love-The grownup’s guide to relationships & online dating”

dating advice and great profile photos 001

I get to read and review a ton of books about online dating…

Why this book is different

This book is different from a lot of other books for one simple (And very important detail) that instead of diving straight into the world of online dating and the Do’s and Dont’s; Cija focuses on whether people are ready to date first!

I found myself thinking about a good friend of mine (and more than a few women that I dated) who were coming out of  messy divorces and insisted that they were OK to date! (they weren’t ready to even begin to start dating, yet loneliness and a desire to be loved prompted them to subscribe to an online dating website and go on date after date when they were simply not ready.)..the results were predictable and sad…jumping from bad date to bad date or even worse into incompatible relationships.

Relationship Archeology

I wish I’d read this book a year ago…I could have given my friend my copy and forced him to read the first section called “Relationship Archeology”.
I love Cija’s concept of digging up the past and learning from it before going on dates!

The book starts with a checklist “You might not be ready to date if…” good solid advice here that could save people a ton of heartache if they read this!

Another Checklist

There’s another useful checklist called “Why do you want to date” too

The theme of relationship Archeology continues with Cija giving her readers answers to questions like.
“How exactly does happily ever after work?”, “Ideals, standards and Boundaries”, “looking back to move forward”, “separating your issues from your partners” and more and also goes on to offer helpful advice on personality types to avoid the not to be missed “The most important questions you will ever answer”.

The next sections of the book Cija covers the topics of Getting your profile online and Going on Dates and more…She offers practical common sense advice that seems to me to work. (My only comment is that there are some things that could be added to the section on photos-of course being the CEO of a dating profile photo company that will come as no surprise)

In summary

I can hear a lot of you saying…yes, but what a lot of work…and yes if you read this book and listen and apply what Cija recommends then this will involve a fair amount of introspection. But the results you get in your life will be worth it!

I’ve given this book 4.5 out of 5 stars…because I NEVER give anything 5 stars and I found the introduction a little long for me (and to be fair I’m not into reading the introductions of any book) Here’s a link to buy your copy! ( Click here )

 

 

“There’s someone for everyone” & other ridiculous Dating Advice

Let me introduce you to Scot McKay.

Character based

Scot’s been helping men with his dating advice for nearly a decade with a unique approach he calls “character-based”.
Scot talks about how a masculine, confident man of true character and leadership skill is an authentic representation of the man the most desirable women want, obviating the need for “tricks” and “techniques”.
His concepts transcend mere pickup and seduction and describe a state of having control over one’s dating life, culminating in the ability to attract the highest quality women on Earth,

I’m not politically correct and proud of it! I’m an unrepentant fan of men being men and women being women so I like Scot’s no bullshit approach. (I also think that many of the “Pickup artist” techniques that some dating experts use has a “creepy vibe” and are a bit sad and needy) so feel that Scot’s character based advice will not only help men find great women, but they’ll also avoid the creepy vibe, gain more self respect and enjoy the process.

To find out more about Scot click here 

Here’s an article that Scot kindly wrote exclusively for us here at LookbetterOnline.com (Thanks Scot!)

“There’s someone for everyone”(And other ridiculous dating advice)

It never ceases to amaze me what passes for dating advice among the masses. Among dubious classics such as “just be yourself”,”friends first”, “be nice and comb your hair” and “women love jerks” is the particular gem we’re going to address today:


…”
There’s someone for everyone.”

 

No real steps

Now, it’s important to realize the mindset behind most “armchair” dating advice.  Basically, it’s given in hopes of making someone feel better about his or her situation without providing any real, substantial steps to actually improving anything.

Consider how many grandmas have told dateless college students, “Someone will come along and love you just the way you are, honey.”
Well, guess what?  I’m not your Grandma.  And after nearly eight years immersed in this stuff I’ve long since gotten up out of the “armchair” and into the saddle.

So it’s my solemn duty to inform you that just like whatever Grandma told you, resting your hope in a pie-in-the-sky notion like
“There’s someone for everyone” is a BAD IDEA.

A NON-strategy

Really, I can’t call it a poor strategy.  It’s actually a NON-strategy.

To be clear, I’m not disputing that there is someone for everyone. I absolutely do believe that every human being can and should find
love….The real problem is that the entire premise smacks of SETTLING, doesn’t it?

Let me spell it out for you:  If you’re passively hoping (another NON-strategy, by the way) for just ONE woman to fall into your life out of the blue, then you’re already completely off-track.

Simply stated, a decidedly more exciting reality awaits any “big four” man of strong character who is confident, masculine in the way women define it and able to make women feel safe and
comfortable in his presence.

Indeed, there may be “someone for everyone”, but there are UNLIMITED OPTIONS for that guy.

Don’t just wait…the time is now!

Wouldn’t you rather have your pick of LOTS of adoring women rather than waiting around for “someone”?

Think about it.  If there’s “someone” out there for you who you’re wishing upon a star in hopes of meeting someday, what kind of choice does that imply?
If you answered “zero”, you’re right on.
Passivity will DESTROY your level of success with women, assuming you’ve achieved any success thus far.
If you haven’t yet experienced success, then that same passivity will flatly PROHIBIT you from ever tasting it.

When you stop looking

Yes, I realize I’m making a strong statement. But you can’t simply wait around for “love to happen when you least expect it”.  Even worse shade tree advice than that is, “when you stop looking for love, love will find you”.

Man, that last one has to be the biggest “whopper” of all.  Why don’t we all just quit our jobs and start buying lottery tickets instead, too?
Yet again, all the examples of bad advice I’ve given here really do share that common theme, don’t they?  They’re all “fluff” and no substance.
Who can expect to accomplish ANYTHING in this life without proactively going about making it happen?
Love, or success with women if you prefer, is no exception.

I can promise you that if you’re on a surrealistically long “losing streak” right now–or have always struck out with every woman you’ve ever really wanted–then things aren’t going to “magically” change without any direct input from you. The perfect woman of your dreams isn’t going to suddenly descend from heaven one day with a halo in a beam of light.

Man up and go after what you want

You’re going to have to deserve what you want.  You have to be the man of HER dreams.
For better or worse, that means you’ll have to make an effort…not only to be that “big four” man, but to man up and go after who you want.

You have to conquer fear of “rejection” and/or that you’re “bothering” women by striking up a conversation with them.

Action

Yes…this all involves some real-world action on your part.  But it doesn’t have to be as hard or as complicated as you think.  Results can come quickly.
And the journey itself can even be exciting as you see your fortunes improve steadily.

Believe me when I tell you that there’s no better feeling than being able to CHOOSE the woman (or women) you want to be with.

Having options means making INFORMED choices.  And informed choices are BETTER choices.  Better choices lead to better RELATIONSHIPS…every time.

Be Good,
Scot McKay

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

What Dating Is Like for Men: Part 2 of 8 (Women Please read this)

Click to see Part 1 of this article

Regal or a Royal Pain? (FemiType #1: The Princess)

If you’re going to be a successful dater (which means you have fun and meet good men), an essential tool is the ability to empathize with the men you meet. Empathy is not feeling sorry for someone. It’s being able to put yourself in their shoes and understand their experience.

I believe that the only way women can truly do that with men is to hear their stories firsthand. In my years of coaching I have gathered thoughts, feelings and stories from men in their early 30s up to their 70s, and clear patterns have emerged.

Among those patterns is this: There are certain types of single women who grownup men looking for relationships hope NOT to meet.

In a previous article CLICK HERE TO VIEW I outlined the six types of women who are a challenge for men to date. They are The Princess, The 18 Year Old, The Scaredy Cat, The Wow-Me, The Bitter Gal and the Sex Pot.

Based on the number and intensity of comments this article received, I think I hit a nerve! Believe me, I am SO not judging. There are parts of these types in all of us. During my many years of dating, I leaned toward the Scardey Cat with a whopping dose of 18 year old. (And those gals still appear from time to time after years of marriage!)

I know of what I speak, and I also know that this is hard to shake. But I’m going to try to help you do just that.

Before you get all “what about all the types of men who are this and that?!”, please note: You will not find one instance of me saying that only women should work on themselves or that they should put up with jerky guys. Nowhere. But my job is to help women over 40 date successfully. So I speak to you; I help you understand and talk to men.

That does not mean men aren’t in need of tune-ups. It just means that I leave helping the men to other experts. Now we can move on. I’m going to shine a light on each of these “FemiTypes.”

Today’s spotlight

Today’s spotlight is on The Princess.  Maybe she grew up as a princess, or maybe her “I deserve it” attitude comes from being burned too many times and she uses it as a shield or a test. Either way, she needs to see what a man will give her before she gives anything in return. And maybe she never gives at all.

Men are initially attracted to her because she appears confident and well-put together. (Men love confident women!) But Miss Princess can soon turn out to be demanding, high maintenance and, in the extreme, a variation of a gold digger.

NORM’S STORY

Here’s what “Norm” has to say about his experience dating a Princess:

“I was going out with a woman recently who I was very attracted to, but she stood on principle and did not want to call me. I called every time and it bothered me. And at the end of each date all I got was a quick, emotionless “thank you.” But she still accepted more dates, so I thought maybe she needed time to feel comfortable with me.

For our third date I asked her where she would like to go, and she told me it was my job “since I was the man.” So I asked her to go to a restaurant in her neighborhood for dinner. When I did I got complete silence. Apparently she didn’t approve.

That date was our last date. I don’t know what she wanted, but there was no way I was going to please that woman. And I saw no sign of her trying to please me…so I ran for the hills.”

Norm was turned off by her insistence on seemingly playing by “The Rules.” He just wanted to be able to please her and to have some indication that she returned his interest.

Instead, her inflexibility and lack of reciprocity left him feeling like a failure and like it was a one-way transaction. Guessing what would make her happy frustrated him, and he felt unappreciated. A grownup man looking for a relationship is not going to tolerate this. He won’t last long with a Princess.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking….I do encourage you to let the man make the first move. But I also encourage you to let him know you’re interested and let him know what he can do to make you happy. Once the ball gets rolling you absolutely should reciprocate with phone calls and date planning.

WHAT A GROWNUP DATER DOES

Instead of holding on to the rules, the kind, grownup dater would take Norm’s cues, give him a call when he asked, and let him know what she’d like to do on the date. And when they had a great date, she’d let him know it made her happy and she appreciated whatever effort he made.

Grownup men are usually not chasers. They want to know how to make you happy and to be rewarded when they do. And when you like a guy, this should be quite simple to do, right?

So if you have a touch of The Princess, please, take off your crown, loosen up your rules, and don’t let great guys like Norm pass you by.

In my next post we’ll talk about why some nice guys never call again!

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

A recommended Workshop by Bobbi

I know that Bobbi is the real deal, and so she is one of the Dating Coaches that  I love and  recommend.

For the record Bobbi really does care about her clients, which is why I have no worries about telling you about what she does!

So If you’re living in California (Or just a plane flight away) she’s  teaching her breakthrough workshop Mastering the art of magnetizing men on Memorial Day Weekend 2013 – May 25-26, 2013 in Los Angeles, CA. Click here to learn more and reserve your seat.

 

 

What Dating Is Like for Men: Part 1 of 8 (Women Please read this)

My friend Bobbi is a wise woman for sure!

She believes that Empathy plays a big part in dating success…and I agree wholeheatedly, Empathy is the capacity or skill to recognize emotions that are being experienced by another person and with this skill we can build better and more fulfilling relationships, without Empathy it I think we become selfish and lonely people, unable to really attain the happiness we want and deserve.

So here’s what Bobbi says !

“I believe strongly that empathizing with men is absolutely essential to your dating and relationship success. The definition of empathy is “the power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another person’s feelings. So the only way you really can empathize is to know their side of the story.”

So Ladies in the spirit of empathy here’s an article on what dating is like for men….

I want to help you better understand the experience men have when they’re dating.

Men and women are different in many ways, but we’re more the same than you may think. And this is especially true as we get older. We all have dating disappointments and horror stories. Just like how you’ve dated your share of challenging types of men like the Couch Potato and the older-and-balder-than-his-profile-guy…men also meet and enter into relationships with less-than-impressive types of women.

I’ve talked to countless single men over the years about their experiences with women, especially those in their 40s, 50s and beyond. In the following days I’m going to give you some of their stories of dating and relationships. (Guys, if you’re reading this…get in touch if you want to share!)
Just like we can meet the same types of guy over and over, men can do the same with women. Here are some of the types of women men deal with as they date and relate.

 

The Princess

The Princess is confident, well put together, and very attractive. She easily lures in men. She still follows “The Rules” and requires that her man do what she wants, when she wants. He needs to make all the right moves. She’s a scorekeeper, and she alone decides when he’s given enough to satisfy her…or when he hasn’t and is history.

The Princess has an “I deserve it” attitude and has little or no concern for how she can make the other person happy. She insists he give and give with little or no reciprocity; after all, he’s the The Man and she’s his prize!

The 18 Year Old

The 18 year old dates – sometimes a lot – but she doesn’t have relationships because “she doesn’t want the men who want her, and the men she wants don’t want her.”  She doesn’t know what will make her happy and has not yet learned how to communicate and relate to grownup men. By default she clings to the same type of guy she wanted in high school or college. He’s often the “Bad Boy” because he excites her. (See the Wow Me Woman below.)

The nice, relationship-minded men get quickly discarded by the 18 year old. Try as he might, the 60-year-old fabulous guy can’t measure up to her expectations because she’s looking for a man who doesn’t exist. She gets stuck in affairs with men who never commit, and it’s often the nice guys who are interested in her who bear the brunt of her hurt and anger.

The Scaredy Cat

The Scaredy Cat has been emotionally wounded by men in the past, and she can’t let go of it. She mistrusts men and often blames herself for the rejection she’s felt, believing that she just wasn’t good enough. She says things like “I need him to say he wants a relationship, and then I’ll open up,” or “Once he gets to know me, he probably won’t like me.”
The Scaredy Cat may put her guy through lots of tests before she feels confident that he’s truly interested. When he passes those tests or shows he has feelings for her, she questions it and might up the ante. She picks fights, picks the wrong guys, or maneuvers relationships to end because it gives her control.

This “I’m never going to find a good relationship” gal leaves men unable to get any traction during courting or in a relationship. The wall she has erected is just too high for him to climb in order to get to the other side. Since trust and affection are what men yearn for from women, he usually does her a favor and leaves…hence rendering her “right” once again.

The Wow Me Woman

The Wow Me Woman is a midlife gal who still thinks that excitement is the key to judging if a guy is a good match.  She’s looking for her guy to be interesting, keep her laughing, ask her all about herself, and give her butterflies…all on the first date. If she’s not swept away, there won’t be a second.

The Wow Me Woman leaves many good men in her dust. Men sense her quick judgment, which leaves them feeling deflated, unattractive and powerless. That man then makes a poor impression (understandably), and the date is chalked up to another “he just wasn’t right for me” experience. The Wow Me Woman is often single for a very, very long time.

The Bitter Gal

The Bitter Gal is angry — usually about everything, but especially about men. She’ll find fault with every man she meets. A guy never has a chance, even he is the nicest guy in the world and really likes her. (Which usually doesn’t last very long since, no matter how pretty and smart she is, she is no fun to be around.)
The truth is that The Bitter Gal has been playing the victim for most (if not all) of her life. Her life isn’t going the way she wants and she just can’t figure out why. With men, she might complain that they just “don’t get her,” but the truth is that she’s giving them every reason to head for the hills with her off-handed comments and negativity. She hasn’t mastered the life skill of introspection, so she’s blinded by her bitterness. It doesn’t occur to her that she might be the problem even though every date and relationship seems to end the same way. Though a nice guy might try to break through

and prove her wrong about men, he will give up out of exhaustion.

The Sexpot

The Sexpot is all about putting out the sex vibe. She believes her sexuality is the only way she can attract a man, or she wants this point in her life to be a series of sexual experiences. Either way, she’s not connecting with men. She posts a provocative picture on her online dating profile, invites him over to her house on the first date, shows too much skin (especially for a woman over 40), and is overly familiar with her affection.

The Sexpot offers herself up on the first date and is offended if her date doesn’t partake. Men who are looking just for sex will say yes. Relationship-minded men may also say “yes” even though they may feel somewhat emasculated or turned off by her aggressiveness. (They are men, after all.) She won’t get a call from either of these guys and forever wonder why since she thinks she gave him what he wants.

You know that dating at this stage of life (Or any, for that matter!) is not exactly a rose garden every moment. When you appreciate the same is true for the men you date, it will go a long way toward building compassion and, therefore, building relationships.

Most Men

Most men has his set of dating bumps and bruises. Next post I will share more about the women they date along with some of their personal stories

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

A recommended Workshop by Bobbi

I know that Bobbi is the real deal, and so she is one of the Dating Coaches that  I love and  recommend.

For the record Bobbi really does care about her clients, which is why I have no worries about telling you about what she does!

So If you’re living in California (Or just a plane flight away) she’s  teaching her breakthrough workshop Mastering the art of magnetizing men on Memorial Day Weekend 2013 – May 25-26, 2013 in Los Angeles, CA. Click here to learn more and reserve your seat.

How to Text Men – Easy Tips

I was watching the news and there was a story about using cell phones while driving! The story went on to say that 1.3 million accidents a year are caused by texting and driving! And that Over 18.5 billion text messages are sent each month, while I don’t know whether that fact is true or not I do know that these days almost everyone on the planet uses text messages.

Many people get completely confused when texting and dating

Meet Dating Expert Joann Cohen

Joann has Master’s in Education with a concentration in Human Relations and Counseling and had been featured by TV guide, Fox news, USA today, TLC, ABC and many others ( To find out more about her visit www.joanncohen.com/  )

Joann’s easy tips

So you’ve got the number of a cute guy and you’re wondering about how to text men.  Maybe you’re texted and found he disappeared and you wondered if you didn’t know how to text men.  Here are some simple ways to how to text and keep it fun and interesting.

Turn off auto-correct

Perhaps the first tip to give on texting  is to turn off auto-correct.  There are several websites dedicated to the troubles with auto-correct and you’ll see funny examples where the intended message of “We hope” was auto-corrected first to “We hop,” “We hopping,” “We home” and “Wawa skittletits”. So you will easily see auto-correct is often more trouble than its worth.  Once you’ve done that, or have decided to embrace the randomness it can bring, I’ve got some other tips on how to text men.
So you’ve meet a guy, he seems nice, and you want to text him to see where that leads.  The question is, then, just how do you get the texting started?

Start a conversation with a question

One of the better ways to get a conversation started is with a question, but one that requires an actual answer.  ”Hey how are you?” will net a “Fine” at best.  Try instead something about himself.  Ask something like “Did you do well at your softball game last weekend?” and he’ll be ready to text for hours.

To keep the conversation going, make sure you are as engaged in the conversation as you want him to be.  You would find it a little difficult to text someone who is only saying “yes,” “no,” and “LOL!” so make sure you aren’t doing that too.  You may, in fact, be “laughing out loud,” but add something on top of that.  That will help keep interest piqued.

 

Communication is a 2 way street!

Remember too that it’s not all about him.  You may start the conversation with a question about his interests, but he should want to know more about you as well.  When you are texting, not only are you making sure he knows your interested in him, but you’re also trying to make sure that you are interesting to him.  Talk about recent events in your life or mention something you are passionate about; this way he’ll know just what sort of person you are.

Finally

When it’s time to draw the text conversation to a close, actually draw it to a close.  Unlike a phone conversation, there’s no audible “hanging up” with texting.  It’s better to text something like “This is so much fun, but I have to go (somewhere), so I’ll text you again later.”  That way neither of you are staring at the phone thinking “Where did they go?!?” and you can actually go on with your lives.  Be specific for your reasons for leaving, by the way; it’ll give him a chance to have something ask you about.

Dating online? Regardless of your age, an important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Mother’s day…and Dating for Single Moms

With Mother’s day coming up soon I’ve been thinking about some of the dating challenges single Moms face.

…I grew up in a single parent family for many years and know just how hard single Moms work; Often single Mom’s opt to not go on dates.

A single Mom’s perspective:

I was speaking with a single Mom recently who told me:

“It’s not that I don’t want to date…but with responsibilities as both “Bread-winner” and “Super-Mom” bringing up my children alone I just can’t seem to find any time for myself, and my divorce was hard on the Kids so I’m sure that they wouldn’t want to see me dating-while I love being a Mom, being single is a challenge, I hate being alone and I  want to find someone special”

Dating Expert Julie Spira

For those of you who follow this Blog, you’ll know I’m a fan of Online dating Expert Julie Spira (She’s a Los Angeles based dating coach with clientele located throughout the United States, (as well as in numerous countries around the world.) Julie’s also been named in the Top 10 Best Online Dating Experts by DatingAdvice.com so she knows her stuff

Julie’s articles and dating advice have appeared on relationship and online dating sites including HurryDate, Betty Confidential, Date Daily, eHarmony Advice, Galtime, GenConnect, JDate, Match.com, MSN-Glo, She Knows, Yahoo! Shine, YourTango, and Zoosk. (to find more about her click here)

Julie’s Tips

Here’s Julie’s expert adive on Dating for single Moms.

It’s May, and time to honor and toast to all the Single Mothers in the Cyber-Dating World.

You are a super mom. You love your kids. You would like to meet someone who acknowledges the fact that your children are a priority. Whether they are school-aged or fully grown up, blending a family can be tricky. When the kids go to sleep, you are alone and may wonder, how can I meet someone that can enhance my life, rather than being alone?

Here’s five helpful Cyber-Dating Tips for Mother’s Day.

Cyber-Dating Tip #1 Join an online dating site that caters to single parents.
Check out both SingleParentMatch.com

Cyber-Dating Tip #2 Join CafeMom.com
This site is a safe place to communicate with other singe mom’s about all issues including dating.

Cyber-Dating Tip #3  Keep the profile photos of you, alone.
Keep your children out of  your photo gallery online. While you may be proud of your beautiful kids, save the family photos for when the time is right and you have met in person.

Cyber-Dating Tip #4 Don’t hide the kids!
Be proud of the fact that you are a mom. Make sure you convey in your profile that you are a single parent and let the other party know right away how many children you have. You don’t have to share names or birthdays yet, but don’t spring the news on a date after you have met.

Cyber-Dating Tip #5 Meet my kids?
It’s hard enough to coordinate a time to meet an online date with your busy schedule juggling work, children, and dating.  I know it may seem like commonsense, but please don’t introduce your children early on in the dating process, until you know the relationship will stick.  It’s hard on the kids to have a revolving door of different dates every week.

And finally, Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. Enjoy this special day!

Dating online? The rule you can’t break…get great online dating photos

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Dating after Divorce

For many people online dating after a divorce can be a daunting and scary experience, it’s often made more difficult for people because most  of them haven’t dated for 20 or 30 years!

Meet my friend  April Braswell:
Having written hundreds of dating profiles, written numerous singles articles, and contributing to books such as “Dating for Dummies”

As you can imagine, she’s quite an expert at helping people find love (click here to find out more about April)

 

Great dating advive

Here’s a great advice from dating guru April on dating after divorce…enjoy.

I was driving north on 101 recently on a Wednesday morning to my then office in Silicon Valley, land of Corporate Technology and the late Steve Jobs of Apple, late in June when I heard the DJs on the radio talking about some poor single lady who was recently divorced who had been on her very first date on a Saturday night after having been divorced for two years now.

Her first date, how had it gone? It had been a MISERY.

I’m thinking, “This dear lady needs some concrete help with dating after divorce tips.”  I really wanted just to pull over to the side of the road and phone the radio station and give the dear thing my email and phone number.  “Have her call me. I can help. Really. Please let me help her because she needs building up after an experience like that.”

Divorce is a misery to begin with. Divorced singles will often feel rejected and dejected. It’s such a mess and a mess emotionally, most of the time.

And now you’re back facing the modern singles scene. Wouldn’t YOU want to know some dating after divorce tips before re-launching yourself into the meet and meat market of dating? Who wouldn’t!

Well, here goes.

Dating After Divorce Tip #1. GO SLOW!

Take it easy with yourself. Try some coffee with others. Think of what the dating scene was like back in high school and college when quite often singles get together and hang out casually together in the evening before they make the concerted effort to pair off into romantic couples. Do aim for a casual social life with meeting other singles. Aim for casual first dates like a lunch date, some very casual get-togethers, and consider perhaps a singles activity group. Please go slowly with yourself and build up some re-venturing social skills.

Dating After Divorce Tip #2. BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF!

Give yourself time and space to ease back into this. Go simple and easy for your first several dates. Yes DO dress up nicely and look your best, just remember this is not the Opening Night Gala at the San Francisco Opera. Leave your ball gown at home this time. You don’t have to dress up to THAT extent. Nor should you be wearing just your jeans, t shirt and Merrels. Something in between. Dressing up and looking your best is part of the practice which you are practicing feeling comfortable doing. Don’t stint yourself. Look fabulous. Studies demonstratate you will FEEL fabulous when you do so.

Dating After Divorce Tip #3. DO DATE LOTS!

OK, when you fall off of a horse, what do they recommend you do? Get right back on. Same thing with dating. When you are looking to learn a new skill, what is one of the most effective learning methodologies? Repetition of fundamentals. Do you just throw the ball one time and think you are now good at football? Or do you throw, and throw, and throw, and throw, and THROW! Yes. Precisely. You PRACTICE.

Same principle in dating. Go on a LOT of first dates when you first get back in the dating game. You are simply looking to meet some lovely people and to practice feeling comfortable confident and poised meeting and making small talk with strangers and friends of friends.

Dating After Divorce Tip #4. KEEP IT BRIEF!

You are re-launching yourself socially so with those early “re-launch” dates? Keep them to about 60-90 minutes. Drinks. Appetizers. Coffee.

And if it MUST be coffee, just be sure to select a really FABULOUS ambiance location like The Four Seasons or Trump Tower. LOVELY.

Dating After Divorce Tip #5. SIZE MATTERS!

Early on in your re-launch mode, you need to aim for QUANTITY of DATES over QUALITY of DATES. You need to go on about 20 dates just to get back in the swing of things with the current Dating World and practice your social poise and presentation.

If your date asks you, “What are you looking for?” you might respond with something like, “I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them. I want to be in a relationship again, but it’s too early for me to decide quite yet. I’m looking to meet new people and see where it goes.” While you are keeping all of these many initial dates short – 1-2 hours – as a habit, you might be wondering why. Keep them all short, avoiding those 4-6 hours dates so you refrain from inadvertently treating your date as a “Divorce Grief Support Group”. Your first date small talk conversations are not the place to heal your heart after your divorce. That’s what I’m for as a Dating and Relationship Coach with extensive training in Grief and Loss support

Dating After Divorce Tip #6. AVOID DATE NIGHT!

When you are just starting out dating again, on your first 3-5 dates, do specifically avoid the TRADITIONAL DATE NIGHTS of Saturday and Friday nights. Do NOT go out on a Saturday night or a Friday night date to begin with. Those are like PROM night. There is so much pressure at the beginning. You haven’t been on a date in years. You will first need to rebuild your dating skill set before venturing out on a Friday or Saturday night date. This is just to begin with during your first few months of dating again after your divorce.

Instead, do go out on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Sunday night date. I do recommend evening dates for other reasons for a FIRST DATE to create and foster a romantic and flirtatious ambiance. Flirtation is part of your practice regime. So, remember, evening dates for early dates.

Dating After Divorce Tip #7. GO!

Yes, you MUST relaunch yourself. Indeed, give yourself some time to grieve and heal after your divorce, but I would recommend that within 3-12 months after a divorce, BY THEN, you need to venture back out into the Dating World and GO ON DATES.

    • When you’re ready to get going online and find love and the romantic relationship you crave….
    • When you want to supercharge your internet dating search and courtship to find real love….
    • When you’re sick of the sea of sameness swirling about the dating sites and lackluster result you’re getting….
    • When you’re sick and tired of one more Saturday night wasted meeting someone who doesn’t match you whatsoever…

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having  great profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Should I respond to someone without a photo?

Meet Julie Spira.

She’s known worldwide as a top online dating expert. She’s a Los Angeles based dating coach with clientele located throughout the United States, (as well as in numerous countries around the world.)

Julie’s the Publisher and Editor-in-Chief at Cyber-Dating Expert and is a frequent guest in the media with her expert dating and relationship advice. Julie coaches singles from college-age to the large population of baby-boomers who are looking for a chance at true love.

Julie’s articles and dating advice have appeared on relationship and online dating sites including HurryDate, Betty Confidential, Date Daily, eHarmony Advice, Galtime, GenConnect, JDate, Match.com, MSN-Glo, She Knows, Yahoo! Shine, YourTango, and Zoosk. (to find more about her click here)

She’s also been named in the Top 10 Best Online Dating Experts by DatingAdvice.com.

Many people have asked me the question of “Should I respond to someone who doesn’t have a photo?”

Should I respond to someone who doesn’t have a photo?

Here’s Julie’s expert answer to online dater who asked her the same question…

Dear Julie,
I met this guy online before the holidays and he seemed interested in me.
The conversation pleasant enough, but I’m a little creeped out about his recent message.
In this most recent one, he asked me, Have you been single long? What kind of men are you typically interested in?” He also never put up a photo of himself.
I’ve been single for longer than I really want to mention and I don’t really have a type, but I don’t want anyone super unattractive or unhealthy.

What do you think I should do?

~C

Julie’s expert answer

Dear C,

It’s great that you’re communicating with someone online.
When a guy posts a profile without a photo, he doesn’t really have all ten toes in.
While you’re concerned about how to respond to him, you actually don’t need to respond to him at all.
The questions he’s asked of you are generic questions. Sometimes guys just don’t know what to ask and are trying their best to open a digital dialog.

You don’t have to say how long you’ve been single to someone you’ve never met. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 3 months or 3 years. He’s single, you’re single and you’re both on a dating site.

If you feel uncomfortable, just don’t reply

no-profile-man-medium
If you feel uncomfortable, just don’t reply. If you’re still interested in getting to know him, ask him if he can post his photos so you can see who you are chatting with.

If he isn’t willing to do so, he just isn’t date ready. There are plenty of guys who are genuine and will post recent photos. Take your time and put your energies into a relationship that has the potential of turning into a pleasant date.

 

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.~Julie

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

When Should You Ask A Girl Out Online?

Let me introduce you to Scott Valdez…

Scott’s a highly respected expert in the dating industry, who’s been featured in Forbes, BBC, Washington Post, Men’s health, CNN, Urban Daddy and MSBCN.
Recently, AOL’s Asylum.com wrote “Scott Valdez can attract hundreds of women each month in his boxers.”…Scott’s reply…Usually, I put on pajamas

Your own personal marketing when you’re looking for love

Scott’s also the head of  Virtual Dating Assistants, a service devoted to doing all that pesky online wooing for you. Think of it as your own personal marketing campaign for when you’re looking for love…they’ve crunched the numbers, and they know what drives traffic to the product (i.e. you). They provide you with an Assistant to help you schedule dates and they’ll also run telephone conversation scenarios—anything to get you to dinner and drinks with minimal effort… they literally do it all: write your profile, pick out potential matches, send introductory e-mails and message back and forth until your date is confirmed. Then they turn over the correspondence and tell the lucky fellow where and when he’s meeting Madame X.

Here’s what Scott has to tell you about When To Ask For The Date At JUST The Right Time…

Online dating: When Should You Ask A Girl Out Online?

I’m about to show you what to know before you ask a woman out, so that you can quickly transition from the online world to the real one, without any awkward rejection emails in your inbox…

First of all… it is CRITICAL that you know exactly how and when to ask a woman out on a date.

If you know when to ask for the date, you have POWER. You can relax and take control of the situation, and feel confident that you will date most of the women that reply to your first message, because you know what’s coming next…

But if you ask too soon… you will KILL your ability to influence and attract women. They will literally shut off their responsiveness and ignore your messages – and recovering will not be easy (without my help, anyway)…

Knowing how to prevent women from stalling opens up a huge influx of dates in your online love life, and you don’t even have to work any harder. It’s automatic…

Don’t wait too long

…But if you ask too late, women will not want to meet and date you, because you will fall victim to the only thing in the UNIVERSE worse than the “friend zone” – the online dating friend zone…

And of course, learning the simple skill of asking a woman out online can make the difference in the quality of the love life that led you to online dating in the first place. All of your time, energy, and money can be put to good use…to finally date the beautiful women you deserve… It’s that important.

Not figuring out the right way to ask a woman out is like getting rejected by every girl in your high school… because you will be wasting your time, and you might as well GIVE UP…

When’s The Right Time To Ask A Woman Out?

My team at ViDA analyzed hundreds of emails that we’d sent to women our clients ended up meeting to discover the answer to this very question.

After spending countless hours collecting and dissecting all the data, we found that the ideal time to ask for the date is after she has sent you between 2 and 3 emails.

Sometimes, you may need to wait until she’s sent you 4 emails (or even a couple more), but you usually don’t want to wait this long.

So how do you know exactly when to go for it?

The key is to gauge the rapport and attraction that you’ve built by paying close attention to her level of engagement and interest. The simplest single indicator is the length of her emails, but there are others…

If you wait any longer than it takes to receive a few inbound emails, she will start to lose interest because the excitement and mystery of meeting you will fade away, and it will be more comfortable for her to keep you online than off…

But remember that the rule is not ‘the faster, the better.’ You do not want to ask her out in your first email. She hasn’t gotten to know, like and trust you yet. The only time that you can get away with asking her out in the first email you send her is when she contacts you first and says something to let you know that she wants you BADLY.

…which will happen from time to time when you learn how to be attractive to women online…

…But even then, you can make her work harder for you… especially if you really want to get her on “lock down.”

Tips For Asking Her Out

Don’t say anything self-defeating like, “You wouldn’t want to meet up with me, would you?”

Try to overcome possible objections if you think there will be some. You can say something like:

“I’ve found that it’s impossible to predict chemistry online, even if you exchange endless back-and-forth emails…”

or say “Talking seems, to me, like a much better way to get to know someone than emailing.”

By saying things you KNOW she’ll agree with, you get small yeses that help lead to the bigger yes.

Always suggest the first meeting as something that’s harmless and a low investment. A quick cup of coffee sounds much less time-consuming and potentially painful than the Japanese steakhouse.

Typically, you just want to get an agreement to meet “sometime soon” in the email where you ask for the date. You want to make it as easy as possible for her to say “yes” to the idea of meeting up… and then handle the details later.

Once she confirms, you should give her two options for when (i.e. Sunday afternoon or Tuesday evening). This keeps it very easy for her to decide while simultaneously using the “scarcity principle” to your advantage. What is scarce seems more valuable…

When the time is confirmed you suggest the perfect meeting place (you are the man so you make this decision firmly)… and then in one final email you will send her your number “in case something last minute comes up” and ask her to send hers over as well…

Dating online…Get great dating photos.

You’ll need some dating profile photos when you date online.
Having  great dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, visit LookBetterOnline and find out why our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!