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The easy way to enjoy online dating

I’ll keep this post short and useful!

I’ve talked to many people who hate online dating!

The Story

The usual story goes like this:

“I’m way too busy at work to meet many new people,  so I decided that online dating would be a good idea, but now I hate going on so many dates with strangers who are definitely not who I’m looking for! I wish I wasn’t single and I could meet the one for me and stop dating”

Endless date after date…hoping that the next person will be the special one doesn’t sound like much fun!

Remember all the dates you felt disappointed when things didn’t work out the way you expected? when you thought that he or she could be the right one and 10 minutes into your date you were so disappointed?

A different story

Here’s an easier way to look at online dating

“I’m way too busy at work to meet many new people,  so I decided that meeting people online would be a good idea, I know that I might have to meet a lot of people to find someone special but I’m in no rush and in the meantime I can meet lots of people and hear lots of different perspectives on the world. Eventually I’ll find someone special even if it takes a while”

Chill out

When tell ourselves a better “Story” about our dating then we can finally “chill out” and relax a little.
Going on a date now has no pressure, no expectations, you can simply get to know another human being.

Letting life unfold

letting life unfold gracefully for us is an art, yet the more we practice it the happier we’ll be.

Think About This!

13Before you get a date you need to attract someone special!
Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, we all look at the photos first! so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

5 Things NOT To Do On a First Date (For Men)

On a first date, while most men are happy to be going out on a date with a girl and are hoping that they impress her. She will be quietly trying to figure out what kind of person you are, whether you’re worthy of her time and whether she sees a future with you.

There are many small things that may seem like nothing to you but will be deal-breakers for her. For men, the main aim of a first date is not to make her fall head over heels in love with you or to tell her everything about you. it’s to intrigue her enough to secure a second date.

Get clued up on these deal-breakers and you won’t be left wondering why you’ve just received a rejection text the next day or why she no longer returns your calls.

1.       Don’t fiddle with the phone

It’s so annoying when you’re putting in the effort to talk to someone and they’re more interested in replying to their friend’s trivial text about the crazy thing they did last night or where they are at the moment. Stop fiddling around with whatever you have in your pocket and show your date that you’re genuinely interested in her by giving her your full attention. You can call or text your friends any time but you’re not going to get another chance to make a positive first impression on this woman. The only time you can use your phone is when you’re involving her as well by showing her a picture of you or a funny text conversation you had with a friend. It may even help to spark a conversation.

2.       Don’t talk about your last relationship

There are few things that can put a woman off on a first date than having to listen to you talk about your last relationship and how it ended so badly. In her head, the first date could be the start of something new and exciting and although she no doubt knows that you will have had past relationships, it’s not the first thing she wants to think of when she thinks of and whether she has a future with you. There will be plenty time to talk about how badly your past relationships were on the fourth or fifth date when you know each other a lot better but for now, the aim is to tell her something about you that sets you apart from the rest of the bunch and sparks her interest in you. Also, women prefer guys who come across as positive and optimistic. It allows them to be happy around you to and enjoy themselves with you. Talking about how something ended badly for you on the first date will banish any chances you have of making her enjoy herself and instead will create a dull, uncomfortable atmosphere that most likely will not end well for you.

3.       Don’t dress too formal or too informal

What you wear is important. You don’t need to dress in the most expensive clothing or wear something that the music artists are wearing these days but you should wear something that you personally look good in and feel comfortable in. Unless the situation warrants it, a suit on a first date is probably a little too formal. Over dressing on the first date when you barely know your date may make you seem too clingy or desperate and could scare her away. On the flip side, dressing too informal or looking scruffy will make her think you don’t care. While everyone has their own style, if you’re struggling to think of what to wear, opt for a nice, well ironed shirt with the top button open and some casual looking chinos. You can always find a good selection of shirts here. Your hair doesn’t need to be heavily gelled or styled but it should look neat. You need to look good but you don’t want to give her the impression that you spend longer getting ready than she does.

4.       Don’t forget the chivalry

Chivalry is very important, for some reason we are seeing a lot less of it these days.  On a first date, she will be wondering what you want from her in terms of where you want this date to end up. She doesn’t know whether you’re interested in a long term relationship or whether you’re just after a one night stand. Regardless of what you’re after, chivalry makes a woman feel special and wanted without making you seem needy or desperate – a very attractive trait in a man. Although many women may not admit it, they like to be pampered by a man at least a little bit and like to have moments when they feel admired or feminine. So open the door for her and pull up a chair for her – she’ll appreciate it and so will her friends when she tells them.

5.       Don’t forget to let her talk

Have you noticed how women can’t seem to stop talking when they’re with their girlfriends but when they meet a guy they barely know, they sometimes struggle to start a conversation?

If your date isn’t talking to you a lot, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t like you, it could be that she is shy or afraid to open up to you. One of the best ways to determine whether the first date was a success or not is to look at how much she spoke on the date. She’s a woman so rest assured she can talk and hold a conversation so start asking her open ended questions without it becoming an interview and try to make her feel comfortable.

Start the date by talking about something light. If you’re struggling to think of something to talk about then make a funny comment about something around you. Ask her open ended questions on topics that she is interested in and then give your own take on her reply. If you can’t think of something to say then just regurgitate what she has said. It will make her think that you are listening to her and she will appreciate this. The aim is to have her talking most of the time but for you to steer the conversation into a direction which you feel comfortable talking about.

 

Think About This!

Before you get a date you need to attract someone special!
Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, we all look at the photos first! so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

Meet to Marry Book…Well worth a read

Book

LookBetterOnline.com
Book Review:

I liked Bari Lyman before reading her “Meet to Marry Book”.

Both Bari and her Husband Michael (Well you wouldn’t want to take advice from an expert who wasn’t happily married) are smart, easy going individuals who have a great way of looking at life…when it comes to finding love they tell people to “Become the person you’d like to meet”.

It’s about YOU being the one

meet to mary dating adviceBari teaches that the first step in finding love is to start acting like someone who both deserves and wants a life full of love, someone who’s ready to give and receive love.

In other words, it’s not about you finding the right person; it’s about YOU being the right person.  In Bari’s words

“Someone who is busy ‘being the one’ knows that he or she has the power to change his/her dating reality and then takes powerful steps to do so,”

Mixed messages

Bari goes on to say. “Write down how you want to feel in a relationship and then ask yourself: Am I treating myself the way that I want to feel?
If not, you’ve got to first change the way you treat yourself. For example: If you want to feel understood and accepted by a partner but don’t treat yourself with respect or accept who you really are, you’re sending out mixed messages… and that alone will attract people who don’t value you. “See what happens when you treat yourself the same way you want to be treated by your perfect match,” advises Lyman.

Bari’s Passion

Speaking with Bari it’s clear that helping people to “be the one to find the one” is her passion.
So when Bari and her Husband  Michael offered to send me a copy of their Book “Meet to Marry” I waited eagerly for it to arrive in the mail.

First impressions

I love the book cover, OK, OK I know this isn’t super important but it’s fun and definitely made me want to dive in and get reading!

This book is written around the idea that you can:

1. ASSESS your marriage readiness.
2. ATTRACT the kind of person you desire.
3. ACT in the present to attract the future

What I like about it is that it’s a book that’s not designed for insights or intellectual conversations…its designed to get results.
Let’s look at the 3 steps in a little more detail.

STEP 1: ASSESS.

This involves taking a “Marriage readiness” quiz, then having a “Reality check” and then “Challenging your thinking”

A quiz with different answers
Now we’ve all taken quick tests where you answer A, B, C or D. Then you’ll add up all the A’s, B’s C’s or D’s and find your score and read the answer to the test. While this test does just that it also provides the reader with deeper answers to each question answered, I found this method very effective and helpful-it’s an easy way to provide the reader with clear and meaningful answers.

A reality Check.

Then the book took an important direction to focus on “Blind spots” and dating, Blind spots in dating are the things that stop people from finding love. And Bari uses real life examples to challenge the way that you’ll think about yourself. I really liked this section.

Blind spots love

A different way of thinking.

In the third part of step 1 Bari offers great insight on not living in reality when it comes to dating, on Carrying around negative associations when it comes to dating, on not being true to yourself, on being over critical when it comes to yourself and dating and on being unavailable.

Bari goes on to talk about Good Advice and Bad advice, I like this hard hitting chapter Bari gives an example of another Dating coaches advice, and why she disagrees with it and finished this step by examining some dating myths and stereotypes.

STEP 2: ATTRACT.

Mari starts with a section called Why Marry.
The following part of this step helps the reader get clear about exactly what they want.
Mari does this by helping the reader create a “Happiness and finding my life partner journal”, a “Dream board” and a “Marriage vision”

STEP 3: ACT. (In the present)

This chapter is all about Action.

I’ve always agreed with the concept of Acting in the present to attract the future. There are way too many people who don’t enjoy the lives that they deserve simply because they fail to take action!

This chapter is the perfect end to any book written to help you make change.

In summary.

Well written and easy to follow its obvious Bari and her husband have spent a significant amount of time, love and energy on creating a system that will help many people find the love that they deserve!

This is a GREAT book, well thought out and well written. I’ve given this book 4.5 out of 5 stars…because I NEVER give anything 5 stars and I found the forward a little difficult (and to be fair I’ve said this before I’m not into reading the introductions of ANY book)
Here’s a link to buy your copy!  Don’t delay…order yourself a copy and start moving towards the love you deserve( Click here )

5 Dating Strategies for the Single Entrepreneur

My friend says she’s too busy to date.

As an owner of a couple of businesses she recently asked  me “I spend a lot of time at work, making it difficult to meet the right man…so how exactly am I supposed to meet the right man”.

I didn’t have an answer…

Until yesterday when my Friend (And Dating expert) Amy Schoen shared an article that she’s written called “5 Dating Strategies for the Single Entrepreneur”.

A dating expert

Let me introduce you to Amy

For those of you who read my posts you’ll know that I’ve featured my friend Amy’s expert advice…

Amy Schoen motivatedtomarry.com has been transforming people to be their best for over 20 years.  Amy has the gift of visualization and uses this gift to ask the right life and relationship questions to visualize the kind of life they truly desire.  To move clients towards positive action, Amy draws upon her vast life experiences, business experiences and keen knowledge of people.

5 Dating Strategies for the Single Entrepreneur

My friend Jonathan is self-employed and single.  He talks about how it would be so nice to have a relationship in his life and yet I do not see him making the time for the process of dating.  He tells me that his work is very demanding and that he is barely keeping up with his clients.

Having your own business or being self-employed is very challenging, as well as rewarding.  Add being single to the equation and it can be a very lonely place to be.  I was single while I ran a women’s clothing boutique.  Although I worked incredible hours and had a 7 day a week operation, I made a concerted effort to date and meet people which eventually led me to meeting my husband.  This is how I recommend you fit in dating into your hectic work schedule:

Get Clear on What your Life Goals and Priorities Are

What are your goals and priorities in life?

–          Work

–          Family

–          Finding a life partner and getting married

–          Community service

–          Athletic activities

–          Personal/ social activities

Rank them from 1 to 6, 1 being the most important.  What came up for you during this exercise?

Next, where do you see yourself in 5 years?  Would you be happy being single at that time?  It’s time to be honest with your-self.

Just like you have a business plan for your business, you need to develop a life plan for your life.  When you focus on obtaining and having the important things in life, things will happen for you.

Put your Personal Time on Your calendar and Stick to it!

When you decide to carve out some time for your personal life which may include the pursuit of meeting someone for a relationship, make an appointment with yourself on your calendar.  How many hours a week are you willing to commit to this endeavor?

You need to apply the same time management skills to your personal time as you do to your work time.  Do you consider the event or activity for meeting people to date urgent, desirable or eventually need to do?

Go ahead, put this date in your calendar and commit to keeping this appointment with yourself!

Decide on What Trade Offs You Are Willing To Make

Life is often about trade-offs.  What are you willing to sacrifice to have what you want?  It may be for a short time or a long time depending on your success on meeting the right person for you.

Are you willing to work some less hours and make less money?  Perhaps you would be willing to hire someone to do the work that is least desirable to you.  I hired a book-keeper even though I was very capable of doing the work myself.  I ended up using a mailing service for my promotional materials when I did the labels for mailing myself at early on in my business.  I thought it was more important to free up my time for what I enjoyed rather doing the detailed, repetitive tasks.  I hired smart college students to do some of the busy work for me.

Even if you bring in help seasonally, it may free you up for a vacation or a long weekend!

Consider hiring an assistant to help you with writing letters, making appointments and following up with phone calls to your clients. Now virtual assistants are becoming very popular with business owners.

Use Efficient Dating Techniques

There is a time cost and benefit to every singles event and dating service available to you.  Once you have a handle how much time a week you want to put towards dating, and then you need to decide how much financial resources you want to devote to these endeavors.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to get a real clear picture of your values.  Your values are what’s most important to you in life.For instance, kindness and compassion may be very important to you. Therefore, this is what you would want in a mate, as well. Once you have your valued constructed, then you have a guideposts for which you can evaluate your potential partner.

Next, it’s important to get clear on what you want in life.  Do you want a children? If not, you need to be clear with your potential dates that you are not interested in children.  You may not even want to date divorced people with kids.  Then opposite may be true as well. If you want children and someone doesn’t then there is no point pursing a relationship with this person.  This will save you much time and anguish!

Now you are ready to see who is out there and who will be best suited for you.  If you are willing to spend the money, you may consider a reputable matchmaker or dating service.  The internet can be a good way to meet people to date.  You can search the net at all hours of the day or night. However, it may take a lot of searching and weeding out. It can be very frustrating when people do not return your emails. Try more than one site.  Different sites will produce different results.

Last, ask friends, family or perhaps business associates who know you well to introduce you to people to date.  Tell them what you are looking for in a mate so they can be helpful to you.  Don’t be shy to ask them to you up. One of my clients was very good about getting the word out that she was looking to meet someone to date.  She eventually got fixed up with someone she really likes.

Combine Fun and Recreation with Meeting People

What is fun and relaxing for you?   It is not healthy to work all the time and not have any play! If you enjoy socializing, then the singles events may help you get out and be with people.  Who knows, you may pick up a client if not a date! For the athletic types, sports activities such as biking groups or tennis parties may be a way to have fun and meet someone to date. If you are into working out to keep your shape and stamina, then the gym can be a place to meet those of the opposite sex who also share this desire to keep fit.  Perhaps you will entertain taking a ski trip or a hiking trip with a singles group.
Taking vacations are critical to maintaining sanity for an entrepreneur.
If you love traveling, you may consider joining a singles travel group to see various parts of the world.  There are even singles cruises for those who enjoy traveling by sea.  I know a woman who loved yoga and found a travel group that incorporated daily yoga into the trip. Imagine finding your soul-mate while doing what you truly love!

As an entrepreneur, you have already experienced what happens when you have a vision of what you want and focus on that goal.  You have built your thriving business with your drive and determination.  You can also have a fulfilling relationship if you apply your same drive and determination to that area of your life.  It may just take some re-balancing of your energy and focus.  Nonetheless, the benefits of finding that rewarding romantic relationship can last a lifetime!

More about Amy

Coach Amy Schoen helps marriage minded individuals who are ready to take action to find true love with a values based approach that has proven results, especially online.  Learn more about Coach Amy and her coaching system go to http://www.MotivatedtoMarry.com.

Also think about this!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating tips for Guys who have been dumped (Dump the drama and Grow some balls)

Wow that’s a harsh Blog title isn’t it! Sorry if it seems harsh I just wanted to get your attention and help you get to a happier place

A True Story

Let me tell you a true story about a friend of mine!

My friend (Let’s call him Dave) was going through a messy divorce..he had married the girl of his dreams only to find out that a few years later his dream had died and she was leaving him and wanted a divorce. Now Dave was a wreck, he was pleading with his wife to try and work things out, grasping at anything he could to try to make his marriage work.

What was painfully obvious to all his guy friends was that she’d met a new guy and was cheating on him (She’s been posting pictures of her new boyfriend on Facebook and it seemed that everyone but Dave knew what was going on!)

I wanted to help Dave

I wanted to help Dave and I knew a man that could help him…

Let me introduce my great friend Anthony Clark…he’s a former professional male escort and dating coach, he’s a great friend to me, a loveable, Authentic character who walks his talk!

I thought that if I could persuade Dave to talk to Anthony and read his book- so that he could begin the process of picking himself up from his messy divorce.

The name of his book…

He met Anthony and immediately liked him…then Anthony told him to read a copy of his book, the book is called

“How to Get Over That Bitch and Grow Balls They Can’t Resist”

ballsNow let’s be clear from the very beginning…Anthony says:

“This book was not written to degrade or humiliate women. I use the term “Bitch,” to express the anger and frustration that men feel towards the women who dumped them, or have broken their hearts.
The “Bitch,” whom I am referring to in the title… can also pertain to a man, a boss, or anyone who treats you with disrespect!”

Written by relationship expert and former male escort, Anthony Clark “The Game Dr.” Co-written by Melanie Kira Clark.
This is a 196 page fast, easy and hilarious read that will forever change the way you love & date.Perfect for men of all ages…and perfect to read if you’ve just been dumped!

Dave refused to read the book

What was frustrating to me was that Dave refused to read the book properly, he read a few pages and angrily told me that the book was written for “Meat-heads”.

I think that Dave didn’t read the book fully because if he did it would mean that he had to grow some balls and change! (Sorry Dave if you’re reading this you know I love you man)

I also think (And while I’m no expert just a regular guy I’m not stupid) that Dave was trying so hard to make things right in his failing marriage that he ended up behaving in a desperate, needy and submissive relationship with his soon to be ex wife.

His Ball-less behavior made her lose passion, admiration, and respect for him.

A year and a half later

Now this blog post isn’t designed to bash Dave (In fact a year and a half later he’s learning once again to grow some balls, step up and I see that he’s becoming a happier guy).
What amazes me is just how much time he wasted crying in his beer!

If  he’s just read the book I’m TOTALLY CONVINCED  that he would have save himself a year of unhappiness!

SO guys if you are reading this and you’ve been dumped OR you know a friend who’s a mess and who’s crying in his beer after his lady has dumped him for the sake of $20 get this book! It’ll save you a ton of wasted time and drama!

And then  read it!….

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Should you have sex on the first date?

If you’re a woman most dating coaches will tell you NOT to have sex on the first date.

Deep emotional ties=Bad choices?

Their reasoning is that sex creates deep emotional ties for women, and that when women have sex that they are highly likely to become emotionally attached to the man, and therefore make bad choices. The conclusion many coaches come to is that saving sex too soon might compel women to stay in relationships that are just not right for them.

The Amazing Clarks

Today I’d like to introduce you to my great friends Anthony and Melanie The Amazing Clarks, and let them tell you that its OK to have sex on the first date

The information for you

So why am I giving you both sides of the story? Well I want to give you the information, so that you can really think about what works for you and act according to what will bring you most joy!

2 short Videos

So lets look at 2 short videos, the first an introduction to the Clarks and then their thoughts about Sex on the first date

Introduction to the Amazing Clarks

what make us different

Sex on the first date

sex on first date

Why do I continue to attract the same guy in a different pair of pants?

Meet Marla,
She’s a professional matchmaker working in Los Angeles who definitely knows her stuff! She helped countless couples connect with their soul mates and go on to marriage.

Helping others find that someone special

Marla is a certified life/dating coach, author and motivational speaker and has appeared on the Today Show, WGN Chicago Morning News, San Diego Living, KUSI San Diego Morning, Better TV, Urban Rush and over 40 radio shows including Coast to Coast AM, Playboy Radio and The Cooper Lawrence Show. Marla is passionate about helping others find that special someone to go through life with, someone that makes life sparkle.To learn more about Marla CLICK HERE

As an expert Matchmaker Marla undwerstands the value of good photos, She told me “You are so right about having good photos for online dating..and even when using a matchmaker, because I also have to send pics to my clients and they have the right to turn someone down and often do because of a photo”.

Expert advice

But today I’d like to share with you Marla’s insight on Why many women attract the same guy over and over again. Many women complain that they just can’t seem to find the right man, that they always end up with the wrong guy!

Same guy in a different pair of pants

When we think about love, our soul mate, settling down and getting married, and so on, we often go back to our childhood thoughts on this subject. These thoughts condition how we think, and what we expect our relationships to look like.

Are you seeing anyone?

Many women think they should be in a relationship, not because they really want one or are ready for one, but because it’s just the thing to do. The pressure to be in a relationship is so automatic at times that we don’t even think about it. Do you ever notice that when you are single, friends and family are always asking you, “Are you seeing anyone?” or “How’s your love life?” If you say you’re not seeing anyone, they all want to fix you up. Your friends all think that you are such a catch, so how can you be single? On the other hand, if you are in a lousy relationship, they want to know, “Why are you with that loser?” The quest to find Mr. or Ms. Right has become so popular that there seem to be a million online dating sites, matchmaking services, books and talk radio shows on the subject. Everywhere you look, there is some reference to finding the love of your life.
Unfortunately, when you jump from guy to guy without analyzing why you want to be in a relationship, what your needs are and where your self esteem falls in the range between lower than an ant or as high as the sky, you will tend to fall right back with the same ole’ same ole’ …. Different guy, in the same pair of pants!

Take stock

I suggest that you take stock and decide why you want a relationship right now. Do any of these reasons ring true?

– I am lonely.
– All of my friends are in a relationship.
– I can’t afford to go to nice restaurants unless a man invites me.
– I feel like a loser without a man in my life.
– My mother keeps asking me when I’m going to get married.
– My biological clock is ticking.
– I want to get over my divorce or last relationship.
– I want a man to support me so that I don’t have to work anymore.
– I want to get even with someone or make someone jealous.

It’s better than being alone

Many times people just jump right into a relationship or stay in one with the wrong person because they feel that it’s better than being alone. Jenny, a twice-divorced mother of two has a good job and wonderfully supportive girlfriends, but she repeatedly gets into relationships that are not good for her. She is currently in a relationship with a man who beats her and puts her down because “it’s better than being alone.”
Watching the news lately, it seems like every day I see a story about someone (usually a woman) who is missing or found dead, killed by an ex-lover or spouse. Even if we are lonely, the people we choose to let into our lives need to be chosen carefully.
That’s why I am inviting you to really look at whether or not you are ready for a relationship right now. Maybe you just got out of a bad relationship, are recently divorced, or had a death in the family and need to heal. There is nothing wrong with being alone and working on yourself to make sure that you are a complete, whole and healthy person who is ready to give your all with the right person. I’ve always liked the saying, “I’d rather be healthy and alone than sick with someone else.”

The right reasons

If you agree with any of these statements, you want to be in a relationship for the right reasons.

– I love my life, and I want to share my happiness with someone.
– I feel totally ready to find my soul mate and start a family.
– I have so much to give to the right person.

Don’t waste your time

Another reason we may stay too long in a relationship is that we hope the person will change. We tell ourselves, “I’ve found the perfect person for me. If only he, or she, could change this or that, we would be incredible together.” Listen up. This is really quite dangerous! You cannot change someone. It is very important to realize this. It is so tempting to try to do so when we find someone that seems so irresistible. I have heard too many people, especially women, say something like, “He has such potential. I can change him.”

Here’s a great tip: don’t waste your time attracting potential. Spend your energy attracting the person who is already right to you! Find someone who already has the qualities that you are looking for in another person. No one wants to be changed or nagged or disapproved of. Yes, once two people are in a committed relationship, there are things that each might have to bend a bit or compromise on to live together harmoniously, but in general, you can’t change someone, so don’t even try! If you don’t like the qualities that your partner possesses, either accept him or her the way they are or break up and find a partner who already has those qualities that you are seeking, and you will be on the path to meeting Mr. Right in a whole new pair of pants!

Dating online? Something to think about…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Why many women never get a second date.

Meet my new friend Pamela. As a dating expert she is fascinated with relationships and has spent the last fifteen years of her life studying and observing relationships and human behavior.

In Pamela’s words “

“My dating experiences began after my ex-husband and I were divorced. Before I married, I was a serial monogamist, going from one relationship to another. When I met my ex-husband, we were good friends and he was good marriage material. But something was missing. After we divorced, I bought into all the stereotypical beliefs that I was too old, there are no good men out there, there are no single men where I live and I was afraid of getting hurt. I was afraid that I had made a huge mistake and lost my only chance for love. I was afraid I would be alone the rest of my life. When I realized that sitting home with dirty hair, Doritos, and ice cream was not getting me anywhere, I gathered the courage and decided to date.

Dating support community

Pamela started a “Dating Support Community” to help people find their ideal relationship by learning to date in a way that is fun, easy and works for them! To find out more about what  Pamela does click here

Single women

I often speak to single women who tell me that they have had a terrible time dating , and that often they meet a nice man who seems interested in them- only to go on a first date and then never hear from him again.

Meeting “The One”

They get all excited and think that perhaps they’ve met “The One” and then they feel super-disappointed after being dumped after just one date!

Expert advice from Pamela

Here’s what Pamela has to say about this important subject…

Dumped After Just One Date!

Here is my story of how i was dumped after the first date! How I met a man I really liked, who really liked me back and then after just one date called me to say “I just don’t want to waste your time….”! So here’s the low down of exactly what I did right and then my critical mistake that changed everything!!

So here we go…

One day out of the blue, I was contacted by a man on Facebook. I was busy and building my business so I did not give him much thought. He was ok looking but not great AND based on his Facebook page, I thought he was an unemployed handyman so I was just not interested in him. But for months he kept pursuing me and we seemed to have a lot in common so finally, I decided what the heck and gave him my phone number.

Well as it turns out, he was an engineer, NOT unemployed and we had a lot in common. We both loved animals, enjoyed the outdoors, he was spiritual and we had similar backgrounds.

Dating Mistake No 1:

Being too judgmental based on a profile. Many men do NOT write good profiles. Give them a chance!

So we began to talk on the phone and regularly exchanged flirty texts with fun pictures. I was having fun while getting to know him.

Great Dating Move No. 1:

Being patient and taking the time to get to know someone before going out on date. And having fun and flirting at the same time.

But after several weeks of texts and calling I began to wonder when was I ever going to meet this guy? So when he text me again I made a joke about when my handsome new friend who had been flirting with me for weeks was ever going to ask me out. And then I let him ask me out.

Great Dating Move No. 2:

If waiting for a date seems to drag on, instead of getting frustrated or confrontational, ask for what you want in a fun and light way, then let him take the initiative.

Finally, we had our first date and I was so disappointed. I did not like him! In fact he bugged me! We were walking around downtown, and he kept making me stand on the inside of the sidewalk. I had to keep changing sides over and over and moving my purse back and forth. I was so annoyed and I wanted the date to end SOON. I thought-where is the guy I have been talking to for weeks?

Dating Mistake No 2:

Being too critical and judgmental. Remember, most people are nervous on a first date! Cut them some slack. He was making an effort and being a gentleman. Instead of appreciating him, I was judging him!

But I remembered my own coaching and I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. He was holding my hand the whole time, and while he annoyed me, I did not feel repulsed by him. So I stopped being in my critical mind and paid attention to how I felt. I realized I was kind of attracted to him. So I decided to show interest in him, practice flirting and focus on just having fun.

Great Dating Move No. 3:

Being polite, focusing on making your date feel comfortable, having a good time and just being interested in getting to know someone as a person.

The second I changed my perspective the whole date changed. We sat down by a fountain and began to talk. Suddenly it was like our phone conversations again. We had tons of stuff to talk about and I began to really like him and feel really attracted to him.

It began to get late and he suggested we have dinner. He took me to sushi restaurant and we sat down to eat. At this point, I began thinking about how I could really like this guy. And that he may be the one. Before I had been holding back at bit, but I felt myself start to get excited.

Dating Mistake No. 3:

This was the beginning of the end. Thinking he may be The One on a first date is a huge mistake. The imaginary relationship had begun and was about to ruin EVERYTHING!

During dinner, temporary insanity took over and I began to confide in him some personal issues I was experiencing in my life.

Shortly after that he said “it is getting late we should be going”. He walked me to my car, kissed me on the cheek and gave me a warm hug.

Later, he text me to make sure I got home ok. I text him back that I was on the phone talking to a girlfriend about her break-up. Thanks for dinner, I had fun.

Two days later he called me and said it was not going to work out because “I was all over the place” and he was ready to settle down.

What the heck happened?

We had a four-hour first date. He was affectionate, took me out to dinner, text me that night? I was glowing, I thought the date was great.

CRITICAL DATING MISTAKE THAT KILLED THE ATTRACTION: The second I decided I really liked him and that he could be “The One,” I treated him differently. I changed!

Before that moment, he was the one who was really interested in me, he was the one pursuing me.

But the second I started to really like him, I began acting like we were already in a relationship ON OUR FIRST DATE! I confided in him as if he was already my boyfriend. I opened up too much!

I confided private information about my life. When he text me I rambled on about my girlfriend’s break up instead of a polite thank you for your dinner.

So this is the pattern that I see a lot

When you begin to actually like a man, you become too eager.

When you are not interested in a man, you hold back more and that holding back is what makes him more attracted to you.

John Gray of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus explains the first stage in dating is attraction. He says:

“When a man is attracted to a woman, he gets excited because he anticipates that he can make her happy. He wants the opportunity to pursue her. When a woman is too eager to please, a man doesn’t experience the distance he needs to pursue her. Without movement and the opportunity for more, a man can easily lose the interest necessary to move through all five stages of dating.”

So what about all the men you are not interested in?

When a man is interested in you, he tries to please you and impress you. Many times you find his eagerness repelling.

Take my date, when he was trying to be a gentleman and hold my hand, and “protect me” by walking on the street side of the sidewalk. I was totally annoyed.
When I stopped being judgmental and allowed myself to be taken care of my feelings toward him totally changed.

One of my VIP clients is gorgeous, successful, smart, sweet, adventurous and fun- a great catch. I had her keep a dating log of all the men she talked to and dated. The log was filled with a long list of he “never called back”, “never asked me out” except one man. She wrote: “I enjoyed talking with him and he seemed to want a relationship and talked about things openly. But he seemed “pushy” and wanted to take me out to a casino, give me money to gamble with and was into planning things but a little too much too soon. I felt uncomfortable.”

Newsflash- a man who is willing to make plans and wants to take care of you is a sign of a man who is interested you and is available for a commitment.

So if it is a turn off to you when a man shows his interest and it feels like he is “trying to hard” when he wants to take care of you, how are you going to ever get into a committed relationship?

I suggest that you give these men a chance. Go out with them a few times. Get to know them. Look beyond the fact that they have “no game”.

In the seduction community- men who teach other men how to sleep with women- one of the first tricks they teach is to insult women several times during the night. This, they say, is guaranteed to make her want to go home with them.

If you are interested in men who are “hard to get” and who “hold back”, then you are reversing the masculine/feminine dynamic and you are becoming the aggressor. Being the aggressor will not get you into the committed relationship you are looking for.

So be open minded to men who are interested in you and want to take care of you. If you really want to be in a committed relationship, these are the guys. And they will probably treat you much better than the men who “have game”. The reason some men are so good at dating is because they have done it a lot- they are players.

Stay Present

Learn how to date casually. Stay present. Take your time getting to know someone. Take it slow. Give him the space to pursue you. And when he does, show appreciation. Give him a chance and practice allowing yourself to be taken care of.

Before you know it you will find your true love, a man who loves you and NEVER disappears!

Think About This too!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating tips for women over 65!

For those of you who don’t know her yet, let me introduce my friend Joann Cohen

Meet Dating Expert Joann Cohen

Joann has Master’s in Education with a concentration in Human Relations and Counseling and had been featured by TV guide, Fox news, USA today, TLC, ABC and many others ( To find out more about her visit www.joanncohen.com/ )

A couple of weeks ago we were talking about the subject of older women and some of the challenges that they face…here’s what Joann had to say

Some seniors are in great shape

My mom is pretty awesome. She still goes to the gym three times a week and does weights/cardio, is taking sign language, volunteers at the airport and is in better health than all her kids! “

Looking good in dating photos….This can be more of a challenge for seniors.

Women have more a challenge

As you said,  women have more a challenge. As they become over 65 years, there are tons to women and few men. Of the men who are single,  there are few  healthy, financially ok,  relationship minded men. Women who want these men –  have lots of competition. Those men  almost always want to go for younger and they definitely go for youthful appearance. A woman can go online and search for women in her age category and search for men to see the numbers for herself.

I don’t make the rules

I don’t make the rules but I do communicate them to clients. Therefore most of these points below are for senior women.

Old Hair Styles

Women – keep old hair styles that age them. It’s the bouffant/puffy look. They can stay grey/white but add a contemporary edge. There are several senior women models that they can take some photos to their hairdresser and try something different.

Not too Blond

Women go too blonde. It washes them unless they are super careful with makeup. Blonde is a color that hides the grey better (greying roots are more observable on dark color hair) but it’s a double edged sword. Women’s coloring naturally fades as we get older and really light hair, makes us washed out.  Women need to be careful and look for adding darker blondes perhaps with a few blonde highlights.

Color Helps

Men/Women – seem they  wear lots of blacks, whites, grey. On seniors – I think color really helps to make them youthful. The black just seems to wash them out. Color seems and feels more vibrant = youthful.  (there’s actually a study that wearing color and good fitting clothes can alter a bad mood to a positive one!). Blues, teals (look good on almost any skin shade), purples (that’s a go to color for men – there’s always a shade that looks good on a man), etc.

 

Smile please

Smiling is even more important – it diminishes the jowling.

Even more important

Posture is even more critical. While it’s a problem for anyone not to stand up straight – when they’re seniors, things have really sagged. This sagging really ages them and makes them look older and heavier. This results in women having less definition in their curves. It’s important women wear good bras (yes-  I will tell women of any age that.)

Show who you are

There’s numerous studies that men are attracted to curves so it’s crucial women show them. Women make a mistake that men want skinny ladies – big mistake. I had a senor client (80 something) and if a woman was 5’4”, she better by at least 165 pounds. So whatever women have – make sure they show it!

Women try to hide the weight (of all ages) by wearing loose billowy clothes. This always adds weight to everyone but really bad for older women. They are more likely than younger women to wear baggier clothes – it’s a safe way of disappearing. But it disappearing doesn’t work online to capture a man.

Don’t try too

Some women go the opposite and try to dress too youthful or wear too much makeup. They’ll try to capture the men’s attention with some outfit that would look best on their granddaughters. The color is too dramatic for This will actually make them look older and more desperate.

Classy and contemporary

I recommend to my senior clients style to go for classy and contemporary. They don’t have to dress in the latest Vogue fashion but show that they know classic style.  For example – my mom’s dress ( I bought it for her). It’s classic, Ralph Lauren.

Seniors’ skin has sagged and gotten spotty so a deep cut (even v neck) may not be their best look. So a Boat neck (straight across like my Mom’s), round collar can be flattering. I don’t usually like turtlenecks as most women (unless they had work done) is jowly and the turtleneck emphasizes it.

And most (not all) arms have really gotten saggy. So wear clothes that go to the elbow, ¾ sleeves or long sleeves is a more flattering look. Of course, men over 50 without shirts isn’t going to work but they still try. If you’re someone that has toned arms (I do have 1 senior female client with amazing toned arms) than she’ll want to flaunt them. But that’s 1 out of a thousand.

Shoes are huge. In  photos many will wear clunky orthopedic looking things which is again. I always  have women wearing a spikey (even if it’s a small heel) to make their ankles and legs look slimmer. I have women of all ages wear spikes because wedges, chunky heels make legs look bigger. If they can’t wear heels, then a ballet slipper or similar simple flat. IF that fails – don’t take any photos showing the feet.

Take the time

I also recommend to all clients that they have photo shoots that are at least 30 minutes (even if it’s a family member). Because they start to relax and then the best photos are taken. What I do with my clients is have the photographer shoot about 5 shots and then show the client how marvelous they look. Once they see that, they feel more comfortable and we get better photos. This process can be repeated throughout the shoot to make sure the client feels like a super model.

From the Heart, Joann Cohen

 

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Let’s Get Physical…or Should We?

My friend Bobbi Palmer is a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date Like a Grownup. She is not just a dating coach; she’s a dating success story! Bobbi became a first time bride at age 47 and has helped countless women around the world do what she did: find lasting love after 40. She describes her marriage as “the yummy icing on her already great cake” and prides herself on practicing what she preaches and teaches every single day.
Bobbi is the author of Confessions of the World’s Worst Dater: Her 7 Secrets to Finally Finding Love after 40 and has lent her expertise to countless media including NPR, eHealth Radio, LATalkRadio.  She is a regular contributor to multiple go-to resources for midlife daters and those searching for love including Huffington Post, Match.com, Yahoo Shine, Chemistry.com, YourTango and eHarmony.com.

Let’s talk about sex

Here’s what Bobbi has to say about sex…

The idea of sex in your 40s, 50s and beyond can make a gal run for the hills. You crave intimacy, but the last thing you want is to sleep with him and get hung up like an 18 year old. There is also that body image thing, that disease thing…lots of concerns that can drive you to simply opting-out of dating and looking for love.

As a dating and relationship coach for single women over 40, I often get asked to help my clients decide when they can safely slide between the sheets. Here are 5 tips to help you retain your honor and self respect, yet have a nice time dating and getting to know those fabulous men out there.

  1. Accept that you are responsible for yourself.

You are a mature woman who most likely steers your own ship in all other areas of your life. He isn’t in charge of what you do and when you do it; you are, sister.

You can weigh options, make complex decisions and exercise your assertiveness. You probably do this every day with your career, your family, even with the dry cleaner; dealing with single men should be no exception.

  1. Set your intentions and stick with them.

Set your intention and stick with it.

What do you want from a man and a relationship? Do you want a rollicking roll in the hay or a lifelong relationship? Decide what your goal is and work toward it, just like you do with everything else in life.

  1. Lay off the liquor.

Think back to when you would frequent bars or college parties. Alcohol doesn’t make you more attractive or charming, and it doesn’t ease the pain the morning after when you realize you made a terrible decision.

Play it smart and stay sober. Stick with a glass of wine with dinner and leave the shot glasses on the bar.

  1. Decide whether he’s a hottie or a hubby.

If you’re looking for someone who’s going to be with you for the long haul, understand that a man who is a good date will not necessarily be a good partner. He may be chock-full of charm and make your stomach somersault, but he may still lack relationship potential.

When you’re feeling that flutter, stop and ask yourself: does he have potential to be the man I adore, admire and depend on? If the answer is “no, he’s just hot” then apply the brakes. Sleeping with this man could lead to disaster.

  1. Learn a Love Lesson from the Dalai Lama

In The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living, the Dalai Lama ponders pleasure versus happiness. He reminds us that pleasure feels good at the moment; happiness fulfills you for the long-term.

When you are considering intimacy, take a breath, separate yourself from the immediacy of the moment, and ask, “Will this make me feel good about myself and get me closer to my goal of finding love?”

Partaking in physical pleasure is a wonderful part of a powerful, loving relationship. With a little healthy lust and a lot of sensibility and self-awareness, you can have a vigorous, fun and satisfying sex life that leads you to the happiness you deserve.

If you want to find that man who loves and adores you for the rest of your life, join Bobbi for her Grownup Girls’ Night Out FREE monthly webcasts. Get a ton of expert, juicy, must-have information and advice about men, dating, sex and relationships…all free and from the comfort of your own home. Click here to learn more and register.

Think About This too!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!