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8 Essential First Date Tips for Women

Perhaps it has been a long time since you’ve last been on a date, or perhaps you’ve been on many first dates yet can’t quite seem to meet that special man

Depending on who you meet, First dates can be REALLY awkward or Fun and exciting!
Here are some essential First date tips for women

1. Don’t have any expectations

Let any relationship unfold naturally instead of trying to force it where you want it to go.
You have no way of knowing how things will unfolds…so Keep your mind in the present moment and enjoy things as they happen!

2. Dress for the date

Pick clothes that make you feel great and dress for the date.

3. Be on time

Every man wants to feel special, turning up late doesn’t make a man feel important!

4. Relax and keep it real

Don’t put pressure on yourself to be sexy, smart or charming. Remember that your date wants to meet the real you, not a version of yourself you that you wish you…this will only stress you out and take away the fun of a date!

5.Turn off your phone

You are on a date! Do I really have to explain why?

6. Listen and talk

remember that the date is all about you both having an opportunity to get to know each other, try to listen as much as you talk. And don’t “over-share” on your first date…no-one wants to hear about Ex relationships or bad dates on the first date.

8 essential First date tips for women image 006

7. Don’t drink too much

A drink or two is fine, just don’t get “messed up”.

8. Sex on the first date Good or Bad?

Many dating gurus will tell you that sex on the first date is NEVER a good idea, that sex on the first date would never make you relationship material, they often use the phrase “”Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

The other side of the coin is the belief that times have changes and  it’s important to establish sexual compatibility early on, and that first date sex is fine. (Don’t buy the cow until you know you like the milk!)
There are no wrong answers here… both opinions here are valid for different people

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

The easy way to enjoy online dating

I’ll keep this post short and useful!

I’ve talked to many people who hate online dating!

The Story

The usual story goes like this:

“I’m way too busy at work to meet many new people,  so I decided that online dating would be a good idea, but now I hate going on so many dates with strangers who are definitely not who I’m looking for! I wish I wasn’t single and I could meet the one for me and stop dating”

Endless date after date…hoping that the next person will be the special one doesn’t sound like much fun!

Remember all the dates you felt disappointed when things didn’t work out the way you expected? when you thought that he or she could be the right one and 10 minutes into your date you were so disappointed?

A different story

Here’s an easier way to look at online dating

“I’m way too busy at work to meet many new people,  so I decided that meeting people online would be a good idea, I know that I might have to meet a lot of people to find someone special but I’m in no rush and in the meantime I can meet lots of people and hear lots of different perspectives on the world. Eventually I’ll find someone special even if it takes a while”

Chill out

When tell ourselves a better “Story” about our dating then we can finally “chill out” and relax a little.
Going on a date now has no pressure, no expectations, you can simply get to know another human being.

Letting life unfold

letting life unfold gracefully for us is an art, yet the more we practice it the happier we’ll be.

Think About This!

13Before you get a date you need to attract someone special!
Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, we all look at the photos first! so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

5 Things NOT To Do On a First Date (For Men)

On a first date, while most men are happy to be going out on a date with a girl and are hoping that they impress her. She will be quietly trying to figure out what kind of person you are, whether you’re worthy of her time and whether she sees a future with you.

There are many small things that may seem like nothing to you but will be deal-breakers for her. For men, the main aim of a first date is not to make her fall head over heels in love with you or to tell her everything about you. it’s to intrigue her enough to secure a second date.

Get clued up on these deal-breakers and you won’t be left wondering why you’ve just received a rejection text the next day or why she no longer returns your calls.

1.       Don’t fiddle with the phone

It’s so annoying when you’re putting in the effort to talk to someone and they’re more interested in replying to their friend’s trivial text about the crazy thing they did last night or where they are at the moment. Stop fiddling around with whatever you have in your pocket and show your date that you’re genuinely interested in her by giving her your full attention. You can call or text your friends any time but you’re not going to get another chance to make a positive first impression on this woman. The only time you can use your phone is when you’re involving her as well by showing her a picture of you or a funny text conversation you had with a friend. It may even help to spark a conversation.

2.       Don’t talk about your last relationship

There are few things that can put a woman off on a first date than having to listen to you talk about your last relationship and how it ended so badly. In her head, the first date could be the start of something new and exciting and although she no doubt knows that you will have had past relationships, it’s not the first thing she wants to think of when she thinks of and whether she has a future with you. There will be plenty time to talk about how badly your past relationships were on the fourth or fifth date when you know each other a lot better but for now, the aim is to tell her something about you that sets you apart from the rest of the bunch and sparks her interest in you. Also, women prefer guys who come across as positive and optimistic. It allows them to be happy around you to and enjoy themselves with you. Talking about how something ended badly for you on the first date will banish any chances you have of making her enjoy herself and instead will create a dull, uncomfortable atmosphere that most likely will not end well for you.

3.       Don’t dress too formal or too informal

What you wear is important. You don’t need to dress in the most expensive clothing or wear something that the music artists are wearing these days but you should wear something that you personally look good in and feel comfortable in. Unless the situation warrants it, a suit on a first date is probably a little too formal. Over dressing on the first date when you barely know your date may make you seem too clingy or desperate and could scare her away. On the flip side, dressing too informal or looking scruffy will make her think you don’t care. While everyone has their own style, if you’re struggling to think of what to wear, opt for a nice, well ironed shirt with the top button open and some casual looking chinos. You can always find a good selection of shirts here. Your hair doesn’t need to be heavily gelled or styled but it should look neat. You need to look good but you don’t want to give her the impression that you spend longer getting ready than she does.

4.       Don’t forget the chivalry

Chivalry is very important, for some reason we are seeing a lot less of it these days.  On a first date, she will be wondering what you want from her in terms of where you want this date to end up. She doesn’t know whether you’re interested in a long term relationship or whether you’re just after a one night stand. Regardless of what you’re after, chivalry makes a woman feel special and wanted without making you seem needy or desperate – a very attractive trait in a man. Although many women may not admit it, they like to be pampered by a man at least a little bit and like to have moments when they feel admired or feminine. So open the door for her and pull up a chair for her – she’ll appreciate it and so will her friends when she tells them.

5.       Don’t forget to let her talk

Have you noticed how women can’t seem to stop talking when they’re with their girlfriends but when they meet a guy they barely know, they sometimes struggle to start a conversation?

If your date isn’t talking to you a lot, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t like you, it could be that she is shy or afraid to open up to you. One of the best ways to determine whether the first date was a success or not is to look at how much she spoke on the date. She’s a woman so rest assured she can talk and hold a conversation so start asking her open ended questions without it becoming an interview and try to make her feel comfortable.

Start the date by talking about something light. If you’re struggling to think of something to talk about then make a funny comment about something around you. Ask her open ended questions on topics that she is interested in and then give your own take on her reply. If you can’t think of something to say then just regurgitate what she has said. It will make her think that you are listening to her and she will appreciate this. The aim is to have her talking most of the time but for you to steer the conversation into a direction which you feel comfortable talking about.

 

Think About This!

Before you get a date you need to attract someone special!
Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, we all look at the photos first! so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

Meet to Marry Book…Well worth a read

Book

LookBetterOnline.com
Book Review:

I liked Bari Lyman before reading her “Meet to Marry Book”.

Both Bari and her Husband Michael (Well you wouldn’t want to take advice from an expert who wasn’t happily married) are smart, easy going individuals who have a great way of looking at life…when it comes to finding love they tell people to “Become the person you’d like to meet”.

It’s about YOU being the one

meet to mary dating adviceBari teaches that the first step in finding love is to start acting like someone who both deserves and wants a life full of love, someone who’s ready to give and receive love.

In other words, it’s not about you finding the right person; it’s about YOU being the right person.  In Bari’s words

“Someone who is busy ‘being the one’ knows that he or she has the power to change his/her dating reality and then takes powerful steps to do so,”

Mixed messages

Bari goes on to say. “Write down how you want to feel in a relationship and then ask yourself: Am I treating myself the way that I want to feel?
If not, you’ve got to first change the way you treat yourself. For example: If you want to feel understood and accepted by a partner but don’t treat yourself with respect or accept who you really are, you’re sending out mixed messages… and that alone will attract people who don’t value you. “See what happens when you treat yourself the same way you want to be treated by your perfect match,” advises Lyman.

Bari’s Passion

Speaking with Bari it’s clear that helping people to “be the one to find the one” is her passion.
So when Bari and her Husband  Michael offered to send me a copy of their Book “Meet to Marry” I waited eagerly for it to arrive in the mail.

First impressions

I love the book cover, OK, OK I know this isn’t super important but it’s fun and definitely made me want to dive in and get reading!

This book is written around the idea that you can:

1. ASSESS your marriage readiness.
2. ATTRACT the kind of person you desire.
3. ACT in the present to attract the future

What I like about it is that it’s a book that’s not designed for insights or intellectual conversations…its designed to get results.
Let’s look at the 3 steps in a little more detail.

STEP 1: ASSESS.

This involves taking a “Marriage readiness” quiz, then having a “Reality check” and then “Challenging your thinking”

A quiz with different answers
Now we’ve all taken quick tests where you answer A, B, C or D. Then you’ll add up all the A’s, B’s C’s or D’s and find your score and read the answer to the test. While this test does just that it also provides the reader with deeper answers to each question answered, I found this method very effective and helpful-it’s an easy way to provide the reader with clear and meaningful answers.

A reality Check.

Then the book took an important direction to focus on “Blind spots” and dating, Blind spots in dating are the things that stop people from finding love. And Bari uses real life examples to challenge the way that you’ll think about yourself. I really liked this section.

Blind spots love

A different way of thinking.

In the third part of step 1 Bari offers great insight on not living in reality when it comes to dating, on Carrying around negative associations when it comes to dating, on not being true to yourself, on being over critical when it comes to yourself and dating and on being unavailable.

Bari goes on to talk about Good Advice and Bad advice, I like this hard hitting chapter Bari gives an example of another Dating coaches advice, and why she disagrees with it and finished this step by examining some dating myths and stereotypes.

STEP 2: ATTRACT.

Mari starts with a section called Why Marry.
The following part of this step helps the reader get clear about exactly what they want.
Mari does this by helping the reader create a “Happiness and finding my life partner journal”, a “Dream board” and a “Marriage vision”

STEP 3: ACT. (In the present)

This chapter is all about Action.

I’ve always agreed with the concept of Acting in the present to attract the future. There are way too many people who don’t enjoy the lives that they deserve simply because they fail to take action!

This chapter is the perfect end to any book written to help you make change.

In summary.

Well written and easy to follow its obvious Bari and her husband have spent a significant amount of time, love and energy on creating a system that will help many people find the love that they deserve!

This is a GREAT book, well thought out and well written. I’ve given this book 4.5 out of 5 stars…because I NEVER give anything 5 stars and I found the forward a little difficult (and to be fair I’ve said this before I’m not into reading the introductions of ANY book)
Here’s a link to buy your copy!  Don’t delay…order yourself a copy and start moving towards the love you deserve( Click here )

A Glance or Drooling, Where Do You Draw the Line?

Dating can be a challenge for us all.  Many of us struggle to find our perfect match.  As someone who has graduated with honors from life’s virtual University of Dating, Jonathon Aslay helps women in finding that seemingly elusive man with whom they can have both compatibility and passion. To find out more about him Click here

Jonathon knows the male brain. He listens to women and what they want. Most importantly, he is gifted at bridging the gap between the sexes.

Jonathan kindly allowed me to post  his article called- A Glance or Drooling, Where Do You Draw The Line?

When is looking at another woman acceptable or unacceptable behavior by your man?

You’re in a fantastic relationship, you both love each other and are in the beginning phases of building a life together. All is going great except, while out having dinner together, he casually glances at a beautiful woman while she walks by. Often I’ve heard men say they are naturally drawn to look at a beautiful woman (in fact they can’t help themselves), but is that a no-no in a monogamous relationship?

From the male perspective if questioned you might hear phrases like: “Well, I’m not dead,” or, “Just because I’m on a diet, doesn’t mean that I can’t look at the menu.”

Men can justify their reasons a hundred different ways and what really matters most is how you feel about the look. The reality is, healthy men and women can have an appreciation for beauty or what they find attractive. The old saying, ”Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”  and catching a glance can happen at a restaurant, in the movies or starring into your beloved’s eyes.  That glance might even be noticing toilet paper on her shoe.

Frankly, I don’t think a glance is that big of a deal.

Some say women who are insecure or controlling might take issue and challenge a man for such an action. Personally, I don’t think is makes a woman insecure or controlling if she wishes to engage in a dialogue. Healthy relationships should be able to talk about anything, even when her guy gets attracted and distracted by a beautiful woman.

Here’s is the thing, if a man is questioned for this action he might perceive it as controlling or insecurity. In addition, men don’t want to justify every little action. Therefore, ask yourself, was this an innocent glance or was he drooling and foaming at the mouth?  If he was foaming at the mouth you might have a bigger issue.

My Facebook friend Nicole J.’s husband shared his perspective and his feelings mirror my own:

‘He broke it down like this from a “man in love” perspective. He said, “Men may notice an attractive woman, however if they are in a happy relationship often the very next thought is of you and the genuine gratitude they have that they still, no matter what, would rather be with you over any other woman. And then there is gratitude that THEY are not out there anymore.”

So here is the bottom line: men will look at a beautiful women whether you are in the room or not, it’s gonna happen. For the men who are in an unhappy relationships, this might be the beginning of a bigger issue and you should observe his actions throughout your time together. If the signs are many (constant distractions and a feeling of distance), ask yourself, is this the right relationship for you?

Just know this, when a man is in love and grateful for the relationship he is in, these momentary glances are nature’s way of saying “hey, you’re still alive”.

Think About This too!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating tips for Guys who have been dumped (Dump the drama and Grow some balls)

Wow that’s a harsh Blog title isn’t it! Sorry if it seems harsh I just wanted to get your attention and help you get to a happier place

A True Story

Let me tell you a true story about a friend of mine!

My friend (Let’s call him Dave) was going through a messy divorce..he had married the girl of his dreams only to find out that a few years later his dream had died and she was leaving him and wanted a divorce. Now Dave was a wreck, he was pleading with his wife to try and work things out, grasping at anything he could to try to make his marriage work.

What was painfully obvious to all his guy friends was that she’d met a new guy and was cheating on him (She’s been posting pictures of her new boyfriend on Facebook and it seemed that everyone but Dave knew what was going on!)

I wanted to help Dave

I wanted to help Dave and I knew a man that could help him…

Let me introduce my great friend Anthony Clark…he’s a former professional male escort and dating coach, he’s a great friend to me, a loveable, Authentic character who walks his talk!

I thought that if I could persuade Dave to talk to Anthony and read his book- so that he could begin the process of picking himself up from his messy divorce.

The name of his book…

He met Anthony and immediately liked him…then Anthony told him to read a copy of his book, the book is called

“How to Get Over That Bitch and Grow Balls They Can’t Resist”

ballsNow let’s be clear from the very beginning…Anthony says:

“This book was not written to degrade or humiliate women. I use the term “Bitch,” to express the anger and frustration that men feel towards the women who dumped them, or have broken their hearts.
The “Bitch,” whom I am referring to in the title… can also pertain to a man, a boss, or anyone who treats you with disrespect!”

Written by relationship expert and former male escort, Anthony Clark “The Game Dr.” Co-written by Melanie Kira Clark.
This is a 196 page fast, easy and hilarious read that will forever change the way you love & date.Perfect for men of all ages…and perfect to read if you’ve just been dumped!

Dave refused to read the book

What was frustrating to me was that Dave refused to read the book properly, he read a few pages and angrily told me that the book was written for “Meat-heads”.

I think that Dave didn’t read the book fully because if he did it would mean that he had to grow some balls and change! (Sorry Dave if you’re reading this you know I love you man)

I also think (And while I’m no expert just a regular guy I’m not stupid) that Dave was trying so hard to make things right in his failing marriage that he ended up behaving in a desperate, needy and submissive relationship with his soon to be ex wife.

His Ball-less behavior made her lose passion, admiration, and respect for him.

A year and a half later

Now this blog post isn’t designed to bash Dave (In fact a year and a half later he’s learning once again to grow some balls, step up and I see that he’s becoming a happier guy).
What amazes me is just how much time he wasted crying in his beer!

If  he’s just read the book I’m TOTALLY CONVINCED  that he would have save himself a year of unhappiness!

SO guys if you are reading this and you’ve been dumped OR you know a friend who’s a mess and who’s crying in his beer after his lady has dumped him for the sake of $20 get this book! It’ll save you a ton of wasted time and drama!

And then  read it!….

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Should you have sex on the first date?

If you’re a woman most dating coaches will tell you NOT to have sex on the first date.

Deep emotional ties=Bad choices?

Their reasoning is that sex creates deep emotional ties for women, and that when women have sex that they are highly likely to become emotionally attached to the man, and therefore make bad choices. The conclusion many coaches come to is that saving sex too soon might compel women to stay in relationships that are just not right for them.

The Amazing Clarks

Today I’d like to introduce you to my great friends Anthony and Melanie The Amazing Clarks, and let them tell you that its OK to have sex on the first date

The information for you

So why am I giving you both sides of the story? Well I want to give you the information, so that you can really think about what works for you and act according to what will bring you most joy!

2 short Videos

So lets look at 2 short videos, the first an introduction to the Clarks and then their thoughts about Sex on the first date

Introduction to the Amazing Clarks

what make us different

Sex on the first date

sex on first date

Why do I continue to attract the same guy in a different pair of pants?

Meet Marla,
She’s a professional matchmaker working in Los Angeles who definitely knows her stuff! She helped countless couples connect with their soul mates and go on to marriage.

Helping others find that someone special

Marla is a certified life/dating coach, author and motivational speaker and has appeared on the Today Show, WGN Chicago Morning News, San Diego Living, KUSI San Diego Morning, Better TV, Urban Rush and over 40 radio shows including Coast to Coast AM, Playboy Radio and The Cooper Lawrence Show. Marla is passionate about helping others find that special someone to go through life with, someone that makes life sparkle.To learn more about Marla CLICK HERE

As an expert Matchmaker Marla undwerstands the value of good photos, She told me “You are so right about having good photos for online dating..and even when using a matchmaker, because I also have to send pics to my clients and they have the right to turn someone down and often do because of a photo”.

Expert advice

But today I’d like to share with you Marla’s insight on Why many women attract the same guy over and over again. Many women complain that they just can’t seem to find the right man, that they always end up with the wrong guy!

Same guy in a different pair of pants

When we think about love, our soul mate, settling down and getting married, and so on, we often go back to our childhood thoughts on this subject. These thoughts condition how we think, and what we expect our relationships to look like.

Are you seeing anyone?

Many women think they should be in a relationship, not because they really want one or are ready for one, but because it’s just the thing to do. The pressure to be in a relationship is so automatic at times that we don’t even think about it. Do you ever notice that when you are single, friends and family are always asking you, “Are you seeing anyone?” or “How’s your love life?” If you say you’re not seeing anyone, they all want to fix you up. Your friends all think that you are such a catch, so how can you be single? On the other hand, if you are in a lousy relationship, they want to know, “Why are you with that loser?” The quest to find Mr. or Ms. Right has become so popular that there seem to be a million online dating sites, matchmaking services, books and talk radio shows on the subject. Everywhere you look, there is some reference to finding the love of your life.
Unfortunately, when you jump from guy to guy without analyzing why you want to be in a relationship, what your needs are and where your self esteem falls in the range between lower than an ant or as high as the sky, you will tend to fall right back with the same ole’ same ole’ …. Different guy, in the same pair of pants!

Take stock

I suggest that you take stock and decide why you want a relationship right now. Do any of these reasons ring true?

– I am lonely.
– All of my friends are in a relationship.
– I can’t afford to go to nice restaurants unless a man invites me.
– I feel like a loser without a man in my life.
– My mother keeps asking me when I’m going to get married.
– My biological clock is ticking.
– I want to get over my divorce or last relationship.
– I want a man to support me so that I don’t have to work anymore.
– I want to get even with someone or make someone jealous.

It’s better than being alone

Many times people just jump right into a relationship or stay in one with the wrong person because they feel that it’s better than being alone. Jenny, a twice-divorced mother of two has a good job and wonderfully supportive girlfriends, but she repeatedly gets into relationships that are not good for her. She is currently in a relationship with a man who beats her and puts her down because “it’s better than being alone.”
Watching the news lately, it seems like every day I see a story about someone (usually a woman) who is missing or found dead, killed by an ex-lover or spouse. Even if we are lonely, the people we choose to let into our lives need to be chosen carefully.
That’s why I am inviting you to really look at whether or not you are ready for a relationship right now. Maybe you just got out of a bad relationship, are recently divorced, or had a death in the family and need to heal. There is nothing wrong with being alone and working on yourself to make sure that you are a complete, whole and healthy person who is ready to give your all with the right person. I’ve always liked the saying, “I’d rather be healthy and alone than sick with someone else.”

The right reasons

If you agree with any of these statements, you want to be in a relationship for the right reasons.

– I love my life, and I want to share my happiness with someone.
– I feel totally ready to find my soul mate and start a family.
– I have so much to give to the right person.

Don’t waste your time

Another reason we may stay too long in a relationship is that we hope the person will change. We tell ourselves, “I’ve found the perfect person for me. If only he, or she, could change this or that, we would be incredible together.” Listen up. This is really quite dangerous! You cannot change someone. It is very important to realize this. It is so tempting to try to do so when we find someone that seems so irresistible. I have heard too many people, especially women, say something like, “He has such potential. I can change him.”

Here’s a great tip: don’t waste your time attracting potential. Spend your energy attracting the person who is already right to you! Find someone who already has the qualities that you are looking for in another person. No one wants to be changed or nagged or disapproved of. Yes, once two people are in a committed relationship, there are things that each might have to bend a bit or compromise on to live together harmoniously, but in general, you can’t change someone, so don’t even try! If you don’t like the qualities that your partner possesses, either accept him or her the way they are or break up and find a partner who already has those qualities that you are seeking, and you will be on the path to meeting Mr. Right in a whole new pair of pants!

Dating online? Something to think about…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Why many women never get a second date.

Meet my new friend Pamela. As a dating expert she is fascinated with relationships and has spent the last fifteen years of her life studying and observing relationships and human behavior.

In Pamela’s words “

“My dating experiences began after my ex-husband and I were divorced. Before I married, I was a serial monogamist, going from one relationship to another. When I met my ex-husband, we were good friends and he was good marriage material. But something was missing. After we divorced, I bought into all the stereotypical beliefs that I was too old, there are no good men out there, there are no single men where I live and I was afraid of getting hurt. I was afraid that I had made a huge mistake and lost my only chance for love. I was afraid I would be alone the rest of my life. When I realized that sitting home with dirty hair, Doritos, and ice cream was not getting me anywhere, I gathered the courage and decided to date.

Dating support community

Pamela started a “Dating Support Community” to help people find their ideal relationship by learning to date in a way that is fun, easy and works for them! To find out more about what  Pamela does click here

Single women

I often speak to single women who tell me that they have had a terrible time dating , and that often they meet a nice man who seems interested in them- only to go on a first date and then never hear from him again.

Meeting “The One”

They get all excited and think that perhaps they’ve met “The One” and then they feel super-disappointed after being dumped after just one date!

Expert advice from Pamela

Here’s what Pamela has to say about this important subject…

Dumped After Just One Date!

Here is my story of how i was dumped after the first date! How I met a man I really liked, who really liked me back and then after just one date called me to say “I just don’t want to waste your time….”! So here’s the low down of exactly what I did right and then my critical mistake that changed everything!!

So here we go…

One day out of the blue, I was contacted by a man on Facebook. I was busy and building my business so I did not give him much thought. He was ok looking but not great AND based on his Facebook page, I thought he was an unemployed handyman so I was just not interested in him. But for months he kept pursuing me and we seemed to have a lot in common so finally, I decided what the heck and gave him my phone number.

Well as it turns out, he was an engineer, NOT unemployed and we had a lot in common. We both loved animals, enjoyed the outdoors, he was spiritual and we had similar backgrounds.

Dating Mistake No 1:

Being too judgmental based on a profile. Many men do NOT write good profiles. Give them a chance!

So we began to talk on the phone and regularly exchanged flirty texts with fun pictures. I was having fun while getting to know him.

Great Dating Move No. 1:

Being patient and taking the time to get to know someone before going out on date. And having fun and flirting at the same time.

But after several weeks of texts and calling I began to wonder when was I ever going to meet this guy? So when he text me again I made a joke about when my handsome new friend who had been flirting with me for weeks was ever going to ask me out. And then I let him ask me out.

Great Dating Move No. 2:

If waiting for a date seems to drag on, instead of getting frustrated or confrontational, ask for what you want in a fun and light way, then let him take the initiative.

Finally, we had our first date and I was so disappointed. I did not like him! In fact he bugged me! We were walking around downtown, and he kept making me stand on the inside of the sidewalk. I had to keep changing sides over and over and moving my purse back and forth. I was so annoyed and I wanted the date to end SOON. I thought-where is the guy I have been talking to for weeks?

Dating Mistake No 2:

Being too critical and judgmental. Remember, most people are nervous on a first date! Cut them some slack. He was making an effort and being a gentleman. Instead of appreciating him, I was judging him!

But I remembered my own coaching and I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. He was holding my hand the whole time, and while he annoyed me, I did not feel repulsed by him. So I stopped being in my critical mind and paid attention to how I felt. I realized I was kind of attracted to him. So I decided to show interest in him, practice flirting and focus on just having fun.

Great Dating Move No. 3:

Being polite, focusing on making your date feel comfortable, having a good time and just being interested in getting to know someone as a person.

The second I changed my perspective the whole date changed. We sat down by a fountain and began to talk. Suddenly it was like our phone conversations again. We had tons of stuff to talk about and I began to really like him and feel really attracted to him.

It began to get late and he suggested we have dinner. He took me to sushi restaurant and we sat down to eat. At this point, I began thinking about how I could really like this guy. And that he may be the one. Before I had been holding back at bit, but I felt myself start to get excited.

Dating Mistake No. 3:

This was the beginning of the end. Thinking he may be The One on a first date is a huge mistake. The imaginary relationship had begun and was about to ruin EVERYTHING!

During dinner, temporary insanity took over and I began to confide in him some personal issues I was experiencing in my life.

Shortly after that he said “it is getting late we should be going”. He walked me to my car, kissed me on the cheek and gave me a warm hug.

Later, he text me to make sure I got home ok. I text him back that I was on the phone talking to a girlfriend about her break-up. Thanks for dinner, I had fun.

Two days later he called me and said it was not going to work out because “I was all over the place” and he was ready to settle down.

What the heck happened?

We had a four-hour first date. He was affectionate, took me out to dinner, text me that night? I was glowing, I thought the date was great.

CRITICAL DATING MISTAKE THAT KILLED THE ATTRACTION: The second I decided I really liked him and that he could be “The One,” I treated him differently. I changed!

Before that moment, he was the one who was really interested in me, he was the one pursuing me.

But the second I started to really like him, I began acting like we were already in a relationship ON OUR FIRST DATE! I confided in him as if he was already my boyfriend. I opened up too much!

I confided private information about my life. When he text me I rambled on about my girlfriend’s break up instead of a polite thank you for your dinner.

So this is the pattern that I see a lot

When you begin to actually like a man, you become too eager.

When you are not interested in a man, you hold back more and that holding back is what makes him more attracted to you.

John Gray of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus explains the first stage in dating is attraction. He says:

“When a man is attracted to a woman, he gets excited because he anticipates that he can make her happy. He wants the opportunity to pursue her. When a woman is too eager to please, a man doesn’t experience the distance he needs to pursue her. Without movement and the opportunity for more, a man can easily lose the interest necessary to move through all five stages of dating.”

So what about all the men you are not interested in?

When a man is interested in you, he tries to please you and impress you. Many times you find his eagerness repelling.

Take my date, when he was trying to be a gentleman and hold my hand, and “protect me” by walking on the street side of the sidewalk. I was totally annoyed.
When I stopped being judgmental and allowed myself to be taken care of my feelings toward him totally changed.

One of my VIP clients is gorgeous, successful, smart, sweet, adventurous and fun- a great catch. I had her keep a dating log of all the men she talked to and dated. The log was filled with a long list of he “never called back”, “never asked me out” except one man. She wrote: “I enjoyed talking with him and he seemed to want a relationship and talked about things openly. But he seemed “pushy” and wanted to take me out to a casino, give me money to gamble with and was into planning things but a little too much too soon. I felt uncomfortable.”

Newsflash- a man who is willing to make plans and wants to take care of you is a sign of a man who is interested you and is available for a commitment.

So if it is a turn off to you when a man shows his interest and it feels like he is “trying to hard” when he wants to take care of you, how are you going to ever get into a committed relationship?

I suggest that you give these men a chance. Go out with them a few times. Get to know them. Look beyond the fact that they have “no game”.

In the seduction community- men who teach other men how to sleep with women- one of the first tricks they teach is to insult women several times during the night. This, they say, is guaranteed to make her want to go home with them.

If you are interested in men who are “hard to get” and who “hold back”, then you are reversing the masculine/feminine dynamic and you are becoming the aggressor. Being the aggressor will not get you into the committed relationship you are looking for.

So be open minded to men who are interested in you and want to take care of you. If you really want to be in a committed relationship, these are the guys. And they will probably treat you much better than the men who “have game”. The reason some men are so good at dating is because they have done it a lot- they are players.

Stay Present

Learn how to date casually. Stay present. Take your time getting to know someone. Take it slow. Give him the space to pursue you. And when he does, show appreciation. Give him a chance and practice allowing yourself to be taken care of.

Before you know it you will find your true love, a man who loves you and NEVER disappears!

Think About This too!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating tips for women over 65!

For those of you who don’t know her yet, let me introduce my friend Joann Cohen

Meet Dating Expert Joann Cohen

Joann has Master’s in Education with a concentration in Human Relations and Counseling and had been featured by TV guide, Fox news, USA today, TLC, ABC and many others ( To find out more about her visit www.joanncohen.com/ )

A couple of weeks ago we were talking about the subject of older women and some of the challenges that they face…here’s what Joann had to say

Some seniors are in great shape

My mom is pretty awesome. She still goes to the gym three times a week and does weights/cardio, is taking sign language, volunteers at the airport and is in better health than all her kids! “

Looking good in dating photos….This can be more of a challenge for seniors.

Women have more a challenge

As you said,  women have more a challenge. As they become over 65 years, there are tons to women and few men. Of the men who are single,  there are few  healthy, financially ok,  relationship minded men. Women who want these men –  have lots of competition. Those men  almost always want to go for younger and they definitely go for youthful appearance. A woman can go online and search for women in her age category and search for men to see the numbers for herself.

I don’t make the rules

I don’t make the rules but I do communicate them to clients. Therefore most of these points below are for senior women.

Old Hair Styles

Women – keep old hair styles that age them. It’s the bouffant/puffy look. They can stay grey/white but add a contemporary edge. There are several senior women models that they can take some photos to their hairdresser and try something different.

Not too Blond

Women go too blonde. It washes them unless they are super careful with makeup. Blonde is a color that hides the grey better (greying roots are more observable on dark color hair) but it’s a double edged sword. Women’s coloring naturally fades as we get older and really light hair, makes us washed out.  Women need to be careful and look for adding darker blondes perhaps with a few blonde highlights.

Color Helps

Men/Women – seem they  wear lots of blacks, whites, grey. On seniors – I think color really helps to make them youthful. The black just seems to wash them out. Color seems and feels more vibrant = youthful.  (there’s actually a study that wearing color and good fitting clothes can alter a bad mood to a positive one!). Blues, teals (look good on almost any skin shade), purples (that’s a go to color for men – there’s always a shade that looks good on a man), etc.

 

Smile please

Smiling is even more important – it diminishes the jowling.

Even more important

Posture is even more critical. While it’s a problem for anyone not to stand up straight – when they’re seniors, things have really sagged. This sagging really ages them and makes them look older and heavier. This results in women having less definition in their curves. It’s important women wear good bras (yes-  I will tell women of any age that.)

Show who you are

There’s numerous studies that men are attracted to curves so it’s crucial women show them. Women make a mistake that men want skinny ladies – big mistake. I had a senor client (80 something) and if a woman was 5’4”, she better by at least 165 pounds. So whatever women have – make sure they show it!

Women try to hide the weight (of all ages) by wearing loose billowy clothes. This always adds weight to everyone but really bad for older women. They are more likely than younger women to wear baggier clothes – it’s a safe way of disappearing. But it disappearing doesn’t work online to capture a man.

Don’t try too

Some women go the opposite and try to dress too youthful or wear too much makeup. They’ll try to capture the men’s attention with some outfit that would look best on their granddaughters. The color is too dramatic for This will actually make them look older and more desperate.

Classy and contemporary

I recommend to my senior clients style to go for classy and contemporary. They don’t have to dress in the latest Vogue fashion but show that they know classic style.  For example – my mom’s dress ( I bought it for her). It’s classic, Ralph Lauren.

Seniors’ skin has sagged and gotten spotty so a deep cut (even v neck) may not be their best look. So a Boat neck (straight across like my Mom’s), round collar can be flattering. I don’t usually like turtlenecks as most women (unless they had work done) is jowly and the turtleneck emphasizes it.

And most (not all) arms have really gotten saggy. So wear clothes that go to the elbow, ¾ sleeves or long sleeves is a more flattering look. Of course, men over 50 without shirts isn’t going to work but they still try. If you’re someone that has toned arms (I do have 1 senior female client with amazing toned arms) than she’ll want to flaunt them. But that’s 1 out of a thousand.

Shoes are huge. In  photos many will wear clunky orthopedic looking things which is again. I always  have women wearing a spikey (even if it’s a small heel) to make their ankles and legs look slimmer. I have women of all ages wear spikes because wedges, chunky heels make legs look bigger. If they can’t wear heels, then a ballet slipper or similar simple flat. IF that fails – don’t take any photos showing the feet.

Take the time

I also recommend to all clients that they have photo shoots that are at least 30 minutes (even if it’s a family member). Because they start to relax and then the best photos are taken. What I do with my clients is have the photographer shoot about 5 shots and then show the client how marvelous they look. Once they see that, they feel more comfortable and we get better photos. This process can be repeated throughout the shoot to make sure the client feels like a super model.

From the Heart, Joann Cohen

 

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!