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Bad dating advice to avoid

When it comes to dating everyone has an opinion.
Here are 2 of the WORST dating tips that I’ve heard!

1. Play hard to get

Don’t be available for a last minute dates…and wait before calling or texting him/her back.
Here’s the logic is to show them that you have a great life full of good things and great friends, who make you important and make them, want you. The problem with this advice is that you’ll risk missing some wonderful spontaneous moments and that you can miss quality people who just don’t like playing this game. Another version of this advice is the phrase “Treat em mean, keep em keen”-which is a guarantee to drive away anyone with good self-esteem

2. Don’t sleep with your date until “x” number of days

Some people advise that the longer you wait until you have sex the better relationship that you’ll have and then there are others who advise you to sleep with people more quickly (as if you’re not sexually compatible that it’s best to find out before you’re in love with someone.)
Now I’m not here to moralize, but what I do know is that you need to work out this number for yourself, for some people it may be no sex before marriage, for others it’ll work much faster…the key is to think about what works for you and avoid advice of others

Some Good Advice

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Seasons Greetings and an offer

Happy Christmas to all our readers…..I hope that you have a wonderful day!

Holiday online dating offer: Valid between Christmas day and the new year!
Simply enter promo code “holiday” and receive $30 off a dating profile photo session

(*Offer applies to full price photo session: exaple $197 package for just $167)

Profile of a Jewish Matchmaker

Meet my friend Anna

Anna comes from a large family of what she calls “facilitated marriages”.
Her parents met through a New York City based dating service in 1986, her Aunt and Uncle met using the first computer dating system in 1969, numerous family members and friends met using online dating sites; and all have successful marriages with many children.

A Jewish Dating Expert
Anna helps many Jewish singles find their perfect match through her matchmaking business Chai Connections (Pronounced “HAI” in Hebrew as “HAI” means life, life connections)

A phone call with Anna

A few days ago I was talking on the phone with Anna and I asked her  why she became a matchmaker? I also asked her for a some advice that she could share with people looking to hire a matchmaker.

…here is Anna’s expert reply

Matchmaking: An Age Old Career Resurfaced

When I was in college, I found myself studying a particular subject, not often found in the University Course Catalog. I was naturally drawn to courses in Judaism; and I found myself fascinated by the subject of Jewish dating. In each of my Jewish Studies Courses, I was fascinated by stories about romantic relationships. While this may sound common for a young Jewish woman, I was intrigued by the intricacies of the relationships. How did they meet? What kept them together, or what brought them apart? How were they so certain that this was the right person? It became like an anthropological study of Jewish dating.

One year after my initial interest was sparked, I met with my Judaic Studies Professor to discuss the topic of my final paper for a Cultural Judaism class. My proposed topic was Jewish dating in conjunction with assimilation in the modern era. When I presented my thesis, my professor looked at me quizzically and asked, “Isn’t this the same topic as your paper from last semester’s course?” “Of course not! That was totally different. That was on romantic relationships in Orthodox communities, this is on Jewish dating in the modern era. They are totally different.” I responded. My professor hesitated, yet ultimately let me write the paper. I imagine her hesitation resulted from having never had a student write so much on this particular subject matter. As the years went on, my intrigue only grew stronger, and I continued to study the field.

Matchmaking

Most think of the practice as an age old tradition, popularized by films like “Fiddler on the Roof”.

The tradition of matchmaking goes as far back as the Bible, when Eliezer, servant of Abraham, was instructed to find a match for Abraham’s son Isaac. In fact, the Talmud states that the head Rabbi could give corporal punishment to a man who was married without a shiddchan, or matchmaker.

Nowadays, the idea that one would be required by law to have an intermediary facilitate their marriage seems ludicrous. However, if we take the time to really think about the logic, does it seem so preposterous?

Consider this

In modern America we have coaches for nearly everything we do. Financial consultants, athletic coaches, college counselors, spiritual guides, IT consultants academic advisers, the list goes on. Yet when it comes to choosing a partner, perhaps one of the most critical decisions we make in our lives, we rely primarily on ourselves to be the experts. On the surface, this makes sense. As human beings, we can pinpoint exactly what we want in life; what kind of career, where to live, how to raise a family, etc.. Therefore, we should be able to spot a desirable partner based on our own specific wants and needs. But when we want to find that partner, how do we go about it? And moreover, if we are lucky enough to find that perfect partner, how do we know they are the one? And finally, once we determine that that special person is in fact the one, how do we get them to stick around once they discover all of our minute idiosyncrasies? With all of the intricacies of dating, how can we truly be the expert in the game of love?

Who is the expert?

In Academia, we look to those who study a particular field as the experts. Scholars hone in on a specific subject matter: History, Philosophy, Religion, Political Science, Medicine etc… After a dictated period of time of study, they are awarded a degree, deeming them an expert; one to turn to when questioning a matter in that field. Yet when it comes to love, oftentimes we deem ourselves the expert. When I was in college, I studied Religion, one of my favorite professors always became infuriated when people insisted that one had to be religious to be an expert on Religion. He would make the analogy, that one doesn’t study Biology because they are biological; they study because they are interested in the science as a subject matter. So too could Religion be studied as a subject, not necessarily in conjunction with following it as a practice.

The subject of Love

Likewise, I’ve found that Love can be viewed as a subject matter; something that people can study, a Social Science perhaps, and become an expert in. Thus if becoming an expert requires study, rather than personal practice, how can we rely solely on ourselves the experts in our own love life? I think singles owe it to themselves to give in, and accept help from the experts.

Growing up, I never dreamed of becoming a matchmaker. While my interest in Jewish Dating as a subject matter grew in college, I never associated it with a career. In fact, I always dreamed of becoming a dentist, a field totally incongruous with Jewish Dating (unless you consider the many Jewish mothers who dream of their daughter marrying a doctor, and then settle when she finds a nice Jewish Dentist). It wasn’t until earlier this year that I realized I could actually make a career out of my passion. After my initial epiphany that matchmaking was in fact a modern practice, I met with my Rabbi to inquire about it. As a fellow Jewish Dating enthusiast, he was tremendously supportive of my venture, and thus Chai Connections was born (To see Anna’s blog click here)

Advice on hiring a Matchmaker.

The most important thing is making sure that the matchmaker you hire is compatible with your personality-spend a few minutes talking with them to see if your personalities and ideology are a good fit! (Otherwise it’ll be a painful waste of time.

Also don’t be afraid when choosing a matchmaker to ask them “What’s your track record” you want to feel confident in their ability to find you that someone special!

Something else to consider

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

The easy way to enjoy online dating

I’ll keep this post short and useful!

I’ve talked to many people who hate online dating!

The Story

The usual story goes like this:

“I’m way too busy at work to meet many new people,  so I decided that online dating would be a good idea, but now I hate going on so many dates with strangers who are definitely not who I’m looking for! I wish I wasn’t single and I could meet the one for me and stop dating”

Endless date after date…hoping that the next person will be the special one doesn’t sound like much fun!

Remember all the dates you felt disappointed when things didn’t work out the way you expected? when you thought that he or she could be the right one and 10 minutes into your date you were so disappointed?

A different story

Here’s an easier way to look at online dating

“I’m way too busy at work to meet many new people,  so I decided that meeting people online would be a good idea, I know that I might have to meet a lot of people to find someone special but I’m in no rush and in the meantime I can meet lots of people and hear lots of different perspectives on the world. Eventually I’ll find someone special even if it takes a while”

Chill out

When tell ourselves a better “Story” about our dating then we can finally “chill out” and relax a little.
Going on a date now has no pressure, no expectations, you can simply get to know another human being.

Letting life unfold

letting life unfold gracefully for us is an art, yet the more we practice it the happier we’ll be.

Think About This!

13Before you get a date you need to attract someone special!
Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, we all look at the photos first! so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Meet to Marry Book…Well worth a read

Book

LookBetterOnline.com
Book Review:

I liked Bari Lyman before reading her “Meet to Marry Book”.

Both Bari and her Husband Michael (Well you wouldn’t want to take advice from an expert who wasn’t happily married) are smart, easy going individuals who have a great way of looking at life…when it comes to finding love they tell people to “Become the person you’d like to meet”.

It’s about YOU being the one

meet to mary dating adviceBari teaches that the first step in finding love is to start acting like someone who both deserves and wants a life full of love, someone who’s ready to give and receive love.

In other words, it’s not about you finding the right person; it’s about YOU being the right person.  In Bari’s words

“Someone who is busy ‘being the one’ knows that he or she has the power to change his/her dating reality and then takes powerful steps to do so,”

Mixed messages

Bari goes on to say. “Write down how you want to feel in a relationship and then ask yourself: Am I treating myself the way that I want to feel?
If not, you’ve got to first change the way you treat yourself. For example: If you want to feel understood and accepted by a partner but don’t treat yourself with respect or accept who you really are, you’re sending out mixed messages… and that alone will attract people who don’t value you. “See what happens when you treat yourself the same way you want to be treated by your perfect match,” advises Lyman.

Bari’s Passion

Speaking with Bari it’s clear that helping people to “be the one to find the one” is her passion.
So when Bari and her Husband  Michael offered to send me a copy of their Book “Meet to Marry” I waited eagerly for it to arrive in the mail.

First impressions

I love the book cover, OK, OK I know this isn’t super important but it’s fun and definitely made me want to dive in and get reading!

This book is written around the idea that you can:

1. ASSESS your marriage readiness.
2. ATTRACT the kind of person you desire.
3. ACT in the present to attract the future

What I like about it is that it’s a book that’s not designed for insights or intellectual conversations…its designed to get results.
Let’s look at the 3 steps in a little more detail.

STEP 1: ASSESS.

This involves taking a “Marriage readiness” quiz, then having a “Reality check” and then “Challenging your thinking”

A quiz with different answers
Now we’ve all taken quick tests where you answer A, B, C or D. Then you’ll add up all the A’s, B’s C’s or D’s and find your score and read the answer to the test. While this test does just that it also provides the reader with deeper answers to each question answered, I found this method very effective and helpful-it’s an easy way to provide the reader with clear and meaningful answers.

A reality Check.

Then the book took an important direction to focus on “Blind spots” and dating, Blind spots in dating are the things that stop people from finding love. And Bari uses real life examples to challenge the way that you’ll think about yourself. I really liked this section.

Blind spots love

A different way of thinking.

In the third part of step 1 Bari offers great insight on not living in reality when it comes to dating, on Carrying around negative associations when it comes to dating, on not being true to yourself, on being over critical when it comes to yourself and dating and on being unavailable.

Bari goes on to talk about Good Advice and Bad advice, I like this hard hitting chapter Bari gives an example of another Dating coaches advice, and why she disagrees with it and finished this step by examining some dating myths and stereotypes.

STEP 2: ATTRACT.

Mari starts with a section called Why Marry.
The following part of this step helps the reader get clear about exactly what they want.
Mari does this by helping the reader create a “Happiness and finding my life partner journal”, a “Dream board” and a “Marriage vision”

STEP 3: ACT. (In the present)

This chapter is all about Action.

I’ve always agreed with the concept of Acting in the present to attract the future. There are way too many people who don’t enjoy the lives that they deserve simply because they fail to take action!

This chapter is the perfect end to any book written to help you make change.

In summary.

Well written and easy to follow its obvious Bari and her husband have spent a significant amount of time, love and energy on creating a system that will help many people find the love that they deserve!

This is a GREAT book, well thought out and well written. I’ve given this book 4.5 out of 5 stars…because I NEVER give anything 5 stars and I found the forward a little difficult (and to be fair I’ve said this before I’m not into reading the introductions of ANY book)
Here’s a link to buy your copy!  Don’t delay…order yourself a copy and start moving towards the love you deserve( Click here )

Dating tips for Guys who have been dumped (Dump the drama and Grow some balls)

Wow that’s a harsh Blog title isn’t it! Sorry if it seems harsh I just wanted to get your attention and help you get to a happier place

A True Story

Let me tell you a true story about a friend of mine!

My friend (Let’s call him Dave) was going through a messy divorce..he had married the girl of his dreams only to find out that a few years later his dream had died and she was leaving him and wanted a divorce. Now Dave was a wreck, he was pleading with his wife to try and work things out, grasping at anything he could to try to make his marriage work.

What was painfully obvious to all his guy friends was that she’d met a new guy and was cheating on him (She’s been posting pictures of her new boyfriend on Facebook and it seemed that everyone but Dave knew what was going on!)

I wanted to help Dave

I wanted to help Dave and I knew a man that could help him…

Let me introduce my great friend Anthony Clark…he’s a former professional male escort and dating coach, he’s a great friend to me, a loveable, Authentic character who walks his talk!

I thought that if I could persuade Dave to talk to Anthony and read his book- so that he could begin the process of picking himself up from his messy divorce.

The name of his book…

He met Anthony and immediately liked him…then Anthony told him to read a copy of his book, the book is called

“How to Get Over That Bitch and Grow Balls They Can’t Resist”

ballsNow let’s be clear from the very beginning…Anthony says:

“This book was not written to degrade or humiliate women. I use the term “Bitch,” to express the anger and frustration that men feel towards the women who dumped them, or have broken their hearts.
The “Bitch,” whom I am referring to in the title… can also pertain to a man, a boss, or anyone who treats you with disrespect!”

Written by relationship expert and former male escort, Anthony Clark “The Game Dr.” Co-written by Melanie Kira Clark.
This is a 196 page fast, easy and hilarious read that will forever change the way you love & date.Perfect for men of all ages…and perfect to read if you’ve just been dumped!

Dave refused to read the book

What was frustrating to me was that Dave refused to read the book properly, he read a few pages and angrily told me that the book was written for “Meat-heads”.

I think that Dave didn’t read the book fully because if he did it would mean that he had to grow some balls and change! (Sorry Dave if you’re reading this you know I love you man)

I also think (And while I’m no expert just a regular guy I’m not stupid) that Dave was trying so hard to make things right in his failing marriage that he ended up behaving in a desperate, needy and submissive relationship with his soon to be ex wife.

His Ball-less behavior made her lose passion, admiration, and respect for him.

A year and a half later

Now this blog post isn’t designed to bash Dave (In fact a year and a half later he’s learning once again to grow some balls, step up and I see that he’s becoming a happier guy).
What amazes me is just how much time he wasted crying in his beer!

If  he’s just read the book I’m TOTALLY CONVINCED  that he would have save himself a year of unhappiness!

SO guys if you are reading this and you’ve been dumped OR you know a friend who’s a mess and who’s crying in his beer after his lady has dumped him for the sake of $20 get this book! It’ll save you a ton of wasted time and drama!

And then  read it!….

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

When should I have sex with him for the first time?

Evan Marc Katz is one of the Big hitters of the Dating Industry…a “personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women,” dating coach Evan has been helping singles find love for over a decade! Dozens of his clients have gotten married, started families, and found happiness.

It’s an unlikely career for a man – much less a man who was called a “Serial dater” by CNN – yet that’s what makes Katz such a unique coach.

Helping women understand Men

By helping women understand men – what they think, how they act, and what they really want – he empowers them to make healthy, informed choices in love. To learn more about Evan click here

When it comes to the dating game many women often ask the question “When Should I Have Sex With Him For the First Time?”

An Expert Answer

Here’s Evan’s expert answer:

In the latest “Water is wet; News at 11? report, the Journal of Sex Research reports that – get this – having sex too early in a relationship is a bad idea. Shocking, I know.

And before thou dost protest too much because you’re the happily married woman who hopped into bed and are still in love 30 years later?

Chill. You’re the exception. Here’s the rule:

“Investigators surveyed roughly 11,000 people on when a couple first got frisky. Compared to couples who had sex before they started dating or during the first three weeks of their relationship, those who waited actually rated their current relationship as more satisfying and more stable. They also reported greater levels of positive communication.”

“Sexclusivity”: don’t sleep with a guy until he’s your boyfriend.

Wait for it!

You mean sleeping with an attractive stranger you’ve known for 3 hours and hoping that you’re compatible in the long run is a bad idea? REALLY?

“There is compelling evidence that waiting to have sex until later in the relationship is associated with better relationship dynamics and outcomes,” says study co-author Brian Willoughby, PhD, an associate professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University.

Not just BS.

This isn’t just conservative B.S. This correlates with what you know from reality.

He sleeps with you on the first date. You think it means he likes you or wants to be your boyfriend. In fact, all it means is that he wanted to have sex with you. He’ll figure out in a few weeks or months whether he actually likes you enough to commit to you. But why is sex too early so dangerous? According to the article:

Not surprisingly, having sex creates powerful emotional bonds. If those bonds are forged too early, they may saddle a relationship with baggage that can complicate the partnership before both partners are ready, Willoughby theorizes. Having sex sooner might also compel us to stay in relationships that we know aren’t built to last, the study suggests.

Finally, “women who delay sex are more driven to invest in their relationships,” says one researcher, adding that the research results were consistent across age groups, races, and religious affiliations.

Sexclusivity

The word I’ve coined for this is “sexclusivity”. Don’t sleep with a guy until he’s your boyfriend. Wait a month or so before you do so. And if/when you do finally have sex, you are guaranteed that it’ll be with a guy who you like, trust, and know enough to be worthy of commitment – as opposed to letting lust take over and then keeping your fingers crossed.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Modern Love!

Recently I was sent a book to review by  CIJA BLACK Author of “Modern Love-The grownup’s guide to relationships & online dating”

dating advice and great profile photos 001

I get to read and review a ton of books about online dating…

Why this book is different

This book is different from a lot of other books for one simple (And very important detail) that instead of diving straight into the world of online dating and the Do’s and Dont’s; Cija focuses on whether people are ready to date first!

I found myself thinking about a good friend of mine (and more than a few women that I dated) who were coming out of  messy divorces and insisted that they were OK to date! (they weren’t ready to even begin to start dating, yet loneliness and a desire to be loved prompted them to subscribe to an online dating website and go on date after date when they were simply not ready.)..the results were predictable and sad…jumping from bad date to bad date or even worse into incompatible relationships.

Relationship Archeology

I wish I’d read this book a year ago…I could have given my friend my copy and forced him to read the first section called “Relationship Archeology”.
I love Cija’s concept of digging up the past and learning from it before going on dates!

The book starts with a checklist “You might not be ready to date if…” good solid advice here that could save people a ton of heartache if they read this!

Another Checklist

There’s another useful checklist called “Why do you want to date” too

The theme of relationship Archeology continues with Cija giving her readers answers to questions like.
“How exactly does happily ever after work?”, “Ideals, standards and Boundaries”, “looking back to move forward”, “separating your issues from your partners” and more and also goes on to offer helpful advice on personality types to avoid the not to be missed “The most important questions you will ever answer”.

The next sections of the book Cija covers the topics of Getting your profile online and Going on Dates and more…She offers practical common sense advice that seems to me to work. (My only comment is that there are some things that could be added to the section on photos-of course being the CEO of a dating profile photo company that will come as no surprise)

In summary

I can hear a lot of you saying…yes, but what a lot of work…and yes if you read this book and listen and apply what Cija recommends then this will involve a fair amount of introspection. But the results you get in your life will be worth it!

I’ve given this book 4.5 out of 5 stars…because I NEVER give anything 5 stars and I found the introduction a little long for me (and to be fair I’m not into reading the introductions of any book) Here’s a link to buy your copy! ( Click here )

 

 

“There’s someone for everyone” & other ridiculous Dating Advice

Let me introduce you to Scot McKay.

Character based

Scot’s been helping men with his dating advice for nearly a decade with a unique approach he calls “character-based”.
Scot talks about how a masculine, confident man of true character and leadership skill is an authentic representation of the man the most desirable women want, obviating the need for “tricks” and “techniques”.
His concepts transcend mere pickup and seduction and describe a state of having control over one’s dating life, culminating in the ability to attract the highest quality women on Earth,

I’m not politically correct and proud of it! I’m an unrepentant fan of men being men and women being women so I like Scot’s no bullshit approach. (I also think that many of the “Pickup artist” techniques that some dating experts use has a “creepy vibe” and are a bit sad and needy) so feel that Scot’s character based advice will not only help men find great women, but they’ll also avoid the creepy vibe, gain more self respect and enjoy the process.

To find out more about Scot click here 

Here’s an article that Scot kindly wrote exclusively for us here at LookbetterOnline.com (Thanks Scot!)

“There’s someone for everyone”(And other ridiculous dating advice)

It never ceases to amaze me what passes for dating advice among the masses. Among dubious classics such as “just be yourself”,”friends first”, “be nice and comb your hair” and “women love jerks” is the particular gem we’re going to address today:


…”
There’s someone for everyone.”

 

No real steps

Now, it’s important to realize the mindset behind most “armchair” dating advice.  Basically, it’s given in hopes of making someone feel better about his or her situation without providing any real, substantial steps to actually improving anything.

Consider how many grandmas have told dateless college students, “Someone will come along and love you just the way you are, honey.”
Well, guess what?  I’m not your Grandma.  And after nearly eight years immersed in this stuff I’ve long since gotten up out of the “armchair” and into the saddle.

So it’s my solemn duty to inform you that just like whatever Grandma told you, resting your hope in a pie-in-the-sky notion like
“There’s someone for everyone” is a BAD IDEA.

A NON-strategy

Really, I can’t call it a poor strategy.  It’s actually a NON-strategy.

To be clear, I’m not disputing that there is someone for everyone. I absolutely do believe that every human being can and should find
love….The real problem is that the entire premise smacks of SETTLING, doesn’t it?

Let me spell it out for you:  If you’re passively hoping (another NON-strategy, by the way) for just ONE woman to fall into your life out of the blue, then you’re already completely off-track.

Simply stated, a decidedly more exciting reality awaits any “big four” man of strong character who is confident, masculine in the way women define it and able to make women feel safe and
comfortable in his presence.

Indeed, there may be “someone for everyone”, but there are UNLIMITED OPTIONS for that guy.

Don’t just wait…the time is now!

Wouldn’t you rather have your pick of LOTS of adoring women rather than waiting around for “someone”?

Think about it.  If there’s “someone” out there for you who you’re wishing upon a star in hopes of meeting someday, what kind of choice does that imply?
If you answered “zero”, you’re right on.
Passivity will DESTROY your level of success with women, assuming you’ve achieved any success thus far.
If you haven’t yet experienced success, then that same passivity will flatly PROHIBIT you from ever tasting it.

When you stop looking

Yes, I realize I’m making a strong statement. But you can’t simply wait around for “love to happen when you least expect it”.  Even worse shade tree advice than that is, “when you stop looking for love, love will find you”.

Man, that last one has to be the biggest “whopper” of all.  Why don’t we all just quit our jobs and start buying lottery tickets instead, too?
Yet again, all the examples of bad advice I’ve given here really do share that common theme, don’t they?  They’re all “fluff” and no substance.
Who can expect to accomplish ANYTHING in this life without proactively going about making it happen?
Love, or success with women if you prefer, is no exception.

I can promise you that if you’re on a surrealistically long “losing streak” right now–or have always struck out with every woman you’ve ever really wanted–then things aren’t going to “magically” change without any direct input from you. The perfect woman of your dreams isn’t going to suddenly descend from heaven one day with a halo in a beam of light.

Man up and go after what you want

You’re going to have to deserve what you want.  You have to be the man of HER dreams.
For better or worse, that means you’ll have to make an effort…not only to be that “big four” man, but to man up and go after who you want.

You have to conquer fear of “rejection” and/or that you’re “bothering” women by striking up a conversation with them.

Action

Yes…this all involves some real-world action on your part.  But it doesn’t have to be as hard or as complicated as you think.  Results can come quickly.
And the journey itself can even be exciting as you see your fortunes improve steadily.

Believe me when I tell you that there’s no better feeling than being able to CHOOSE the woman (or women) you want to be with.

Having options means making INFORMED choices.  And informed choices are BETTER choices.  Better choices lead to better RELATIONSHIPS…every time.

Be Good,
Scot McKay

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

What Dating Is Like for Men: Part 3 of 8 (Women Please read this)

Click to see Part 1, and Part 2 of this Article.

Why Some Nice Guys Never Call Again
(FemiType #2: The 18 Year Old)

Developing empathy for men is crucial. Just like all your relationships, when you have the ability to step outside yourself and get into someone else’s head and heart,even just a little, your connections instantly improve.

We all carry baggage

Single men carry around old baggage and wounds just like we do. They’ve accumulated their fair share of dating and relationship bumps and bruises. In fact, they’ve probably had more. Think about it: they’ve been the ones responsible for putting themselves out there first since they were teenagers. Ouch. Talk about rejection. Along with all of the fun and great sex, men too have gotten dumped, misled, used and had their hearts broken by some challenging types of women.

Today we turn to another one of these women: The FemiType of the “18 year old”.

The 18 Year Old

The 18 Year Old dater doesn’t look 18 anymore, nor does she act like it. She is glorious! She is smart, has created a wonderful life for herself and has developed great relationships; except when it comes to romantic relationships with men.

While she runs every other part of her life with confidence and finesse, she runs her love life as if she is still a teenager. She may be 50 or 60 but she still digs the guys who are fun, “get her” and give her butterflies. The 18 Year Old wouldn’t recognize a grownup nice guy (e.g. a man who would make a good husband) if she stepped on him! Or, in Fred’s case, if she dated him.

FRED’S STORY

“I met this woman online and she seemed amazing. The first time we met I drove two hours to meet her for coffee. I did the same for the next date. We had a great dinner and at the end of the date she told how much she enjoyed it and looked forward to seeing me again. I was pretty excited because I liked her. I thought there was potential.

Then she stopped returning my calls. After about the third call – which was going to be my last – she answered and told me that she couldn’t see me anymore because her friends (who I never met) “didn’t think I was a good match for her.”

It’s a good thing I learned this nonsense about her right up front and not after we were in a relationship. I thought that crap ended in high school!”

Fred Liked this woman

Fred liked this woman and was interested in getting to know her. He drove two freaking hours each way to spend time with her! Not only did she give him mixed signals and was childish by not answering the phone and talking to him; she actually let her friends influence her decision about whether to see him again. Really???

This woman does not know or trust herself. That’s why she overly relies on what her friends think. Sounds just an 18 year old, right?

100% Emotional reasoning

Though she is dating way past 40, The 18 Year Old lives in confusion and uncertainty when it comes to relating to men. She doesn’t have the skills or the knowledge of herself or men to be able to make good decisions. Like most 18 year olds, she acts and reacts almost solely based on her emotions.

The 18 year old has lots of first dates and when she does snag a guy, cycles in and out of relationships pretty quickly. (One might call them affairs.) At the first sign of trouble she probably overreacts, and then one of them ends it soon thereafter. (Usually him.)

Most often she feels bad about herself. She asks all her friends what they think of her situation, even though many are no better off than she. She makes bad choices and chooses men who do not make her happy. That ends, and then she repeats the cycle.

Clueless

The 18 Year Old hasn’t a clue as to what is going wrong. Because she isn’t introspective and hasn’t learned how to talk to grownup men and communicate maturely, she remains confused and disappointed.
The men she wants won’t commit (but they “click” and they turn her on!), and the good guys who come her way get kicked to the curb. About these guys, you’ll hear her say things like “I wish I liked him but he just doesn’t do it for me!”

He just can’t win!

Dating the 18 year old leaves a nice guy like Fred frustrated and feeling like he can’t win. He’s getting mixed messages. He’s irritated because he’s looking for something real and lasting.
He feels like he’s dating like a grownup, but not getting the same in return. Some of his past insecurities of “always being the nice guy” may be triggered by dating The 18 Year Old. He can’t believe that at his age he’s still living the old saying “Nice guys finish last.”

 

WHAT A GROWNUP DATER DOES

The compassionate and adult dater prepares herself and makes shifts as she ages. She knows what she needs to be happy and that she is deserving. She is not just looking for a good date; she is looking for a good husband. When she has decisions to make about whether to choose a man – either to date or with whom to enjoy a relationship – she has the self-confidence and the tools to make decisions that are not only good for her, but also respectful and kind to the gentleman she meets.

I confess that I held on to my 18 year old long after it was appropriate. Thus, I had more than my share of bad boys and dead-end relationships into my 30s and 40s. Getting out of this cycle took a good amount of introspection and growing up. I realized it couldn’t be that all men were jerks.

Finally I was able to recognize a good guy and attract him. I appreciate my husband every single day. But I also honor myself for becoming the woman who attracted him.

That ability to recognize, love and admire my man doesn’t come from my 18 year old (though she still lives).  It comes from the grownup woman part of me who finally realized that having fun and being with a cute guy was not what lifetime partnership was all about….and then learned how to live that belief.

Is there a tad-bit of the 18 year old “Femitype” in you? If so, I encourage you to bring your romantic notions and expectations up to date with the otherwise mature woman you are today.

And to get in touch with what you really want now and who will make you happy in the long run. Don’t let another nice, relationship-minded guy like Fred finish last.

In my next post we’ll ask the question “Are you scaring yourself out of love?”

Dating online? the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Online dating profile photos before and after (10)

A recommended Workshop by Bobbi

I know that Bobbi is the real deal, and so she is one of the Dating Coaches that  I love and  recommend, which is why I have no worries about telling you about what she does!

So If you’re living in California (Or just a plane flight away) she’s  teaching her breakthrough workshop Mastering the art of magnetizing men on Memorial Day Weekend 2013 – May 25-26, 2013 in Los Angeles, CA. Click here to learn more and reserve your seat.