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Top mistakes men make when sending that first email

You only have one chance to make a good impression. Nowhere is that more important than in the online dating environment. Miss the chance and you’ll never recover. There’s no going back and over the cliff you’ll go. So here’s some tough love regarding some of the best ways not to make a good impression. Or, to put it another way, how not to come off like an asshole.

Unwelcome sexual advances or comments.

Stay away from the flirty or bawdy comments until you are sure you can make them. It almost certainly isn’t in the first email.

Talking about yourself.

Spend too much time talking about yourself and you’ve done the worst job ever about that first impression business. Telling her how cool and suave you is just a waste of both your times.

Not asking questions.

This goes with the above. Find something, anything meaningful to ask her about and if you can’t do it, go home because you’re wasting your time trying to find a date. Oh, sorry, you are home.

Ignoring what’s in the woman’s profile or failure to comment on the woman’s profile.

If you can’t find something to comment on in her specific profile, you might as well be sending a form letter, and believe me, it will show.

Too much emphasis on the physical.

It’s OK to say how attractive you think she is, but don’t dwell on it too much. Do too much and you’ll come off creepy. See below.

Asking for a phone number.

It’s too early for this. Don’t do it. Creepy.

Mentioning how rich you are.

If you spend time telling her how rich you are, or even suggesting it in an effort to “big time” her, all you’ll do is turn off 99% of the ones you want to impress and attract the 1% you don’t. This is a scientific fact and the percentages have been independently verified by history.

Goofy, corny humor.

Humor is funny when two people “get” each other. If they don’t, the humor doesn’t work and instead of being a glue to hold your relationship together, it’ll dissolve it faster than turpentine. Be careful with that peculiar and quirky humor of yours.

Crazy, ass-clownish compliments, like: “You’d be perfect if you lost 15 pounds.”

Nuf’ said.

Sending your phone number in the first email.

If you say in your email: “Here’s my phone number, call me.” It really says, “Here’s my number, 1-800 277-25696 (1-800 ASS-CLOWN) Hit me up!” That’s what it really sounds like when read out loud.

Using bad grammar, or misspelling words:

Expressions such as, “I realy like you’re hare!”, or; “Your beautifull!” will kill your chances before you get started. Use a spell checker if you have an doubts about your ability to spell big words. If you can’t spell well and can’t manage a simple sentence without grammatical errors you’re [sic] chances are simply not good. Using a bunch of texting abbreviations won’t help you either. All you’ll do is come off as dim, silly or lasy [sic].

Creepy talk.

We’re not talking about your odd love of small animals here. It’s hard to believe but expressions such as “I like kissing”, or “I like apples with peanut butter” can be risky in the first email. Even something as seemingly innocuous as “I like pie”, taken out of context or misinterpreted, can be a real turn off. If you think what you might be saying can be taken as creepy, it probably is. Avoid odd, strange, unconnected expressions at all costs.

Self deprecation or sycophantic speech .

Saying things such as “I’m probably too old/young for you.”, “I’ll do anything to meet you! Anything!” will kill you, too. Come off too weak in your first email and you’ll never recover from it. Never.

Telling her you don’t have a photo – yet.

If you have say something like, “I don’t have a photo up on the site yet,” you might as well have said, “I’m an ass-clown with something to hide but I’ll send you a secret, creepy photo if you beg me for it.”  Go home.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What kind of dating photos turn people off

I never ceased to be amazed by the sheer number of poor dating photos I see online. After 8 years operating this business I’m still surprised by the number.  People who would never go out in public with a funny hat on do the equivalent every day by the tens of thousands when they post photos that just look ridiculous. There are web sites now that do nothing but collect silly or idiotic photos of people who put such photos online,  just to make fun of them.

It is utterly tragic. And as the saying goes, “it would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.”

I think such people think it won’t matter. Somewhere in the back of their minds they imagine that the love of their life will see past the funny hat, the sunglasses, the goofy shirt or idiotic pose and see the real them. This may sound harsh, but what browsers see in those useless photos is exactly what the people who put them up showed to them: funny hats, goofy shirts and silly poses. The real person behind those unfortunate attributes is still hidden.

So what exactly are the biggest turn offs in an online dating photo? Since we’re “in the business”  and connected to most of the major dating sites and talk about this stuff everyday, we’ll tell you.

1) The biggest single turn off in an online dating photo, the one that shows up the most, is the most ubiquitous and widespread is — wearing sunglasses. Sunglasses say precisely what you think: the wearer has something to hide. Browsers think that almost universally and skip right over every one of them. They don’t think the wearer is mysterious. They just think they are untrustworthy, and in the online dating world — doomed from the start.

2) Second are self-portraits taken in a bathroom mirror.  Just like wearing sunglasses, self-portraits in the john say precisely what you think it says: lonely, desperate, and cheap. No matter how dressed up you get (and perhaps worse if you are gussied up) you’re still photographing yourself in the bathroom mirror for godsakes. Sheesh…

3) Crazy, drunken expressions are next. Toast your prospective mate in your online dating photos with a crooked grin and all you’ll get in return is a click on “next”.

4) Having an arm around someone attractive of the opposite sex comes next. Don’t do it. Just don’t. No one cares if it’s your ex.  If it is, you just earned a “next”. Even if it’s your brother or sister — “next”, ‘cuz they’ll think it’s an ex.

5) Goofy or silly clothes or Halloween costumes don’t make for good online dating photos. Just ask the 10’s of thousands of browsers who skip over those types of photos every hour.

6) Leaning on your Testosterosa [sic]. Don’t do it, even if you have one.

7) Acting crazy, zany or weird with your crazy, zany or weird friends.  “nuf said.

8) This one I saved for last, but it really ought to be number one: looking sad or lonely. The best way to stay that way is to put up one of those photos that shows you at your sad and lonely best. Enormous numbers of photos on online dating sites have that unfortunate quality.

The list goes on forever, really.  To avoid all of them simply remember what those prospective love interests really want to see in your photos: they want the smartly dressed, honest, approachable smiling you looking your best for the camera with no cheese whatsoever.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures. We can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Getting back in the dating game: 4 Dating tips for seniors

Senior dating is a huge trend, thanks to online dating sites that cater for seniors such as “Ourtime.com

For those of you who don’t know what Ourtime.com is:
OurTime.com is a dating website for the over-50 crowd in the United States and Canada. Overall, this senior dating dating website site is simple and  very easy to use.

While Seniors may have more life experience, dating again after being widowed or divorced can seem overwhelming.

Here’s 4 simple tips to help Seniors get back in the dating game and find love

1.You are not too old

Don’t tell yourself that you’re too old to have a good time. You don’t have date like you did in your 20s, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to find someone who makes you happy and find love.

2.Don’t take it so seriousl

Getting back in the dating game can be totally nerve wracking to begin with, so just remember to have fun.

3.You’re not too old to look your best.

If you care enough about your date to take the time to look your best then your date will feel flattered. It doesn’t matter how old you are, its critical that you look your best on a date. Don’t feel silly getting your hair done or buying nice clothes.

4.Don’t let your grown up children hold you back

Many seniors hold off on dating because of their grown up children kids. Remember that your happiness is important and while adult children can often be protective, you are not a child.

Online Dating? It doesn’t matter how old you are: Without a good profile photo no-one’s going to reply.

Having great online dating photos is the MOST important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

15 Secrets of Online Dating for Grownup Women – Part 1

Many of you who’ve read this Blog before know that I featured my friend and dating coach  Bobbi Palmer. www.datelikeagrownup.com

For those of you who haven’t met Bobbi let I’ll re-introduce her as “The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40”.

I like Bobbi because she’s the real deal, someone who shares a positive message for women looking to find love, someone who genuinely loves helping people and someone who has met her true love.
(Tip for anyone reading this, if you want to marry the man of your dreams then listen carefully to dating coaches with happy marriages.)

“So why listen to Bobbi”? I hear you say…Listen because Bobbi found love at 47.

If you are a single woman over forty, who is still hoping to meet the man of your dreams… If you’re tired of disappointing dates and feeling like it’s too late or too difficult…then please read on. Here’s the start of a 3 part article called

15 online dating “Secrets” for Grownup Women !

You Can do it!

You can meet the spectacular, special man who is going to be your life partner using online dating. I met the love of my life online, so of course I recommend it to you.

I’m Bobbi Palmer, the dating and relationship coach for women over 40. I encourage my clients to get online to find the man who will love and adore them the rest of their lives.

My clients are using online dating to varying degrees of success. Pamela’s beau is the first man she met online; Heidi went out with about four men before she met Tom and started her (so far) 3 year relationship with him; Peggy is on Bachelor #26 and happy that she is just having a good time dating for the first time in her life.

It took me years of being online before I met Larry. That’s why I can give so much advice about what to do…and what not to do!

It can happen

It may not happen for you overnight, but like me…it can happen.

I want you to go online. But before you put yourself out there, I want to give you some advice about how to show up, set your expectations, stake your claim, have some fun, and ultimately find a loving partner.
And know this: just because you’re online, that doesn’t mean it’s the only way you can meet men. You can meet them in the grocery store, Sierra Club hikes, your friends’ parties, and blind dates set up by your friends and relatives. This just exponentially increases your chances.
So get out there, and have some fun! But read this first.

Here are five tips to consider as you get you started.

#1. Be the Boss

No, I don’t mean be bossy. I mean be in control of your experience. Online dating opens you up to thousands more possibilities, and it’s a completely new way of meeting people.
Make some decisions and set some personal guidelines about how you want to integrate it into your life. How many hours will you spend each day? (Warning: this can get addictive!) What things can you do to ensure your physical and emotional wellbeing as you talk to and meet people? What can you learn or change to be a successful dater?
Intuition and special situations will create forks in the road. And as time goes on, you’ll likely tweak some of these decisions. Considering some things up front, however, gives you a tentative roadmap and, more importantly, an expanded awareness. I want you to have fun, be open to new things, and enjoy the experience; just do it consciously and like the grownup woman that you are.

Remember those jerks you met in bars 30 years ago? Well a few are still out there; they just have gray hair now. You need to be able to deal with them in a classy you direct manner; the best way is to have a good sense of what you want and who you will “be’ out there.

#2.  Stand out

Plain and simple: you have competition girlfriend. As we age, the ratio of women to men grows further apart. Some statistics say it’s as much as 11 women to each man after 55. Yikes!

If you’re dating after 40, I want you to stand up and stand out. You’re reading this so you’re already ahead of the game. Make sure your pictures are great. Get them done professionally. (Come on a couple of hundred bucks is NOT too much to spend to attract a fabulous man??)

Your profile needs to be unique and speak to men. Here’s a tip: If your best girlfriend loves it; it probably sucks because it’s too girly. Every communication needs to scream how special you are, show your personality, and tell him you’re interested. (“Hi” on the subject line means you wait in line or get deleted. Flirt a little and have some fun.)

#3. Be honest

You are online, but your goal is to actually meet men, yes? One of the top complaints of men is that we post pictures that are…let’s say…out of date. Just don’t do it. Post lovely, yet current, pictures. It’s disingenuous and a waste of time to do otherwise.

Also, be clear about what you’re looking for. I find that at 40, 50, and beyond there is a wide spectrum of what type of partner men and women are looking for. Whether you want a dinner partner or a husband; put it out there. There’s no need to scream it, but weave it into your profile. If you want a life partner, you don’t attract that man who is out there “just having fun.”  (Trust me, with Viagra and a computer…a man can have a lot of fun these days!)

#4. Consider a makeover

When is the last time you updated your look? Have you changed the way you apply your makeup or wear your hair? Have you bought any new styled clothes?

Doing this is as much about looking good for a man, as it is about feeling good for yourself. A confident woman who takes care of herself and looks healthy is a man magnet.

Go to your local department store and have a free makeup session. All the lines do this, did you know? Splurge for a fancy hair style. Check out catalogs~you don’t have to necessarily buy — but check out what’s hot (and what’s not).

#5. Check your baggage

Yes, I do mean don’t drag your nasty divorce, money troubles, or last case of gout into the conversation. (At least not anywhere near the beginning of getting to know someone.)

But, as important, don’t drag in all those beliefs and decisions you made 20 years ago. The woman you are today is nowhere near the girl who dated way back when.

It’s time to review all your checklists. Check the one that defines “the perfect man” and what he must do or not do to get to the next date.

Check the one that has all your “truths” about yourself, about dating, and about men.

It’s important to take time to ground yourself in who you are and what you want in your life today. Do this by yourself, with a friend, or with a coach. But do it.

Remember, stay the same means staying single, sister.

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

 

New Online Dating book “Ace the chase” and Launch of the “Authentic Gentleman” website.

Let me introduce you to me new friend Jiron.

Jiron is an easy to chat to, successful guy who lives in Singapore.
Recently he contacted me to tell me about his new dating book “Ace the chase”, it’s aimed at guys who need help with online dating.

He kindly sent me a copy of his book “Ace the chase” to review.

When I started to read his book I was skeptical…boy was I wrong!

OK, so let’s put this in perspective, Jiron has written this book for men who are online dating in their 20’s and 30’s…and many of LookBetterOnline’s customers are in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s.

But “Ace the chase” has some  information  relevant to ALL men who are online dating; Think “Being real, being congruent, Dress sense, Body language”

Jiron made me laugh out loud when he wrote:

“I have always loved online dating. It’s like passive income – while you sleep, you earn. With online dating, when you wake up, you get a new email in your inbox.”

Jiron admits that he came from “That position where I was socially awkward with the ladies. So I know how difficult it can be for some men to go out there and approach random women on the streets”.

A lot of men fail miserably at online dating, and a lot of men spend hard earned dollars on dating coaches who promise them a “system” to attract women online.

Avoid the “Creepy dating vibe”.

The problem with many of these so called “Systems’ is that they often resort to tips and techniques that make guys look weird, and give off a “Creepy dating vibe”.

What Jiron promises (And Delivers) is good commonsense advice to help guys realize how online dating really works and he helps people let their natural best selves shine without having to resort to tips and techniques that feel odd.

Simply Authentic.

What I LOVE about Jiron is that he’s authentic!

When we were chatting he told me that He was “Unsure whether his material would appeal to older men…as in, the conversational parts”.

If you’re under 30 years old then BUY this book! If you’re older  and not offended by a younger message then read between the lines and adapt what he says to work for you.

http://authenticgentleman.com/

Thanks Jiron for a refreshingly honest read.

 

 

Dating online? The rule you can’t break…get great online dating photos.

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Sometimes it’s OK to forget “first date rules”

You’ve met someone online, you can’t wait to meet them and you want everything to go perfectly on your first date. Where should you choose to go?

Now some so called “Dating experts” say that you should follow “First date rules” and you shouldn’t invite your date to a Concerts, club, movie or sporting events as these events don’t allow the quiet time you need to get to know each other.

I agree to a certain point, the purpose of a first date is definitely to see if you and your date are well suited and if there’s any chemistry.

But let’s also not fall into the “first date rules” trap that a date is “all about deep conversations”, I’ve seen people meet for a quiet, romantic dinner date and this option can be overwhelming for some, it can seem forced and unnatural.

The key in planning a great first date is in thinking about the type of person you are dating…advice about avoiding noisy places or only going to clubs and movies after you’ve broken the ice and are comfortable in each others company are rules that work for some people and don’t work for others.

For example: If you meet someone online, email them a few times, chat with them on the telephone and find out that they’ve been waiting all year to watch a particular movie, then taking them to see this movie followed by a coffee or glass of wine shows them that you cared enough to listen to them and plan something special for them.

Forget all this nonsense about first dates being make-it-or-break-it time, relax a little, focus on the fun and know that you can let things unfold naturally if they are the right one for you.

And remember that words are not the only form of communication, If someone truly gets joy from dancing then is it wrong to take them to a club to dance the night away? Sometimes our actions speak louder than words. Do you need to spend hours in a quiet location asking them endless interview questions about who they are? Would you rather just relax, do something fun, and if a relationship develops then great and if not, well there are plenty more fish in the sea and hopefully you’ve had a nice time anyway!

My advice for a first date; Plan something special, fun and thoughtful and forget the “first date rules” that don’t serve you…

Dating online? The rule you can’t break…get great online dating photos

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

4 Simple tips to help make dating more fun

Here are 4 super simple tips to make dating more fun

Relax.

Simply stated, you need a relaxed, carefree attitude when it comes to dating; If you can’t do this then you’ll almost certainly not enjoy the dating process and perhaps even end up feeling “needy”. If you go out on a date with someone you like and then don’t hear from them then instead of stressing over why – just accept it wasn’t meant to be and move on, save yourself all that drama and get ready for the next exciting dating adventure.

Trust your gut.

Following your intuition is always a good idea, and when it comes to dating, no exceptions.

Accept people for who they are.

How many of us are guilty of thinking they could change something about a partner?
Remember how we learned the hard way that we couldn’t change them? Look for a partner who you don’t want to change and the odds are you’ll live a happier life; If you can’t accept some trait or habit in a potential partner then simply move on and spend your time looking for someone more suitable.

Remember bad dates make good stories.

We’ve all had bad dates…don’t let a bad date ruin your day! Simply open a bottle of wine afterwards with your friends and have a good laugh!

Dating online? Make dating more fun with the right dating profile pictures

Make dating more fun with the right profile pictures , Online dating photos that are approachable and attractive will get you attention from quality online daters! Our online dating photographers are trained to make your dating pic as appealing as it can be to the opposite sex, so visit our home page today and find out how we can help you get the best dating pictures possible!

3 Simple Dating tips for summer…

Summer is here, people are happier and looking for a little “summer loving”!  Check out these 3 dating tips to heat up your summer…

1.  Update your online dating profile.

With summer’s longer days, you’ll have more time to update your dating profile photos for the summer season and follow through by spending time each day online to finding that special person you can fall for this summer.

2. Plan a romantic picnic.

Summer picnics are romantic; Bread, cheese, a bottle of wine and a tablecloth make the perfect simple picnic!

And if it rains a picnic don’t cancel – a picnic can be just as much fun if it rains by moving to a covered area and enjoying the rain!

3. Book a restaurant with an outdoor patio or fireplace.

The patio gives you the freshness of eating outside, a fireplace is handy when the sun goes down. Imagine a gentle summer breeze as you sip your drinks slowly, spending hours talking. A romantic environment that melds the indoors and outdoors makes a meal more exciting and sexy.

The most important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great dating profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

The online dating confessions of a nice guy: Part4

Welcome to part 4 of “The online dating confessions of a nice guy”, where I interview dating expert Phil Torcivia.

A man’s perspective on dating for women.

Here’s a man’s perspective on dating, in today’s discussion we will be talking about what exactly is love, how men choose women on dating websites, speed dating, getting out of unhealthy relationships and more.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…get great online dating photos

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

The online dating confessions of a nice guy: Part3

Welcome to part 3 of “The online dating confessions of a nice guy”, where I’m interviewing dating expert Phil Torcivia.

A man’s perspective on dating for women

Here’s a man’s perspective on dating,  In today’s discussion we will be talking about online dating websites, speed dating and more.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…get great online dating photos

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!