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Seasons Greetings and an offer

Happy Christmas to all our readers…..I hope that you have a wonderful day!

Holiday online dating offer: Valid between Christmas day and the new year!
Simply enter promo code “holiday” and receive $30 off a dating profile photo session

(*Offer applies to full price photo session: exaple $197 package for just $167)

3 Stupid Things to STOP Doing If You Want to find Love after 40

I heard somewhere that its the walls we build around ourselves that stop US finding LOVE!

This morning I read this Blog post (That I’d like to share) from my friend Bobbi Palmer…it was called  “3 Stupid Things to Stop Doing If You Want to Be In Love” it made me pause and think about the things that people do to prevent them from finding love….now for those of you who read my posts you’ll know I’m a HUGE fan of Bobbi!

For thiose who don’t…first let me tell you a little about Bobbi

Bobbi Palmer. is a 50-year-old, blissfully married, talented, funny, honest and kind relationship EXPERT and trusted guide who helps smart, grownup women find that someone special! And Bobbi really knows what it feels like to become a first-time bride at age 47 and experience real deep love when it seemed impossible (She met her dream husband online after getting new photos from LookBetterOnline.com).
DateLikeAGrownUp_header_banner_840.cdr
I found love at age 47. That means I spent about 30 years flailing away at dating before I met and married my spectacular man. I feel special and loved every single day, and our time together has been the best of my life.

How did I do this? In my early 40s I decided I had to figure out the man-thing. I began a journey of education. I learned more about myself, men and relationships. And here’s what I came to find out:

The challenge isn’t the NEW things we have to learn, but the OLD stuff we have un-learn!

Let’s face it: we’re kinda old. We’ve been doing, thinking and believing things about ourselves and men for a very long time. I’m here to help you do what I finally did: let go of the old crap that has been getting in your way of what you probably want most in your life: a loving, committed man.

Here are The 3 Stupid Things You Should STOP Doing If You Want to Fall in Love after 40:

#1: Dump Your Desire to Be Dazzled.

We all have different things that do it for us. You know, that thing that gives you butterflies when you finally meet a guy who has it. Maybe he has that special sense of humor, maybe it’s his intellect or his looks. This is the thing that when you find THIS in a guy you get giddy and start projecting into the future…YOUR future…together.

Whatever your thing is, even though you are over 40 or in your boomer or senior years, it’s likely coming from your 18 year old. When you meet a man with The Thing, you feel instant chemistry. You also often overlook other things that may make him a complete putz!

If you are still basing your dating choices or you’re staying in a relationship simply because you laugh together, you’re awed by his brilliance, or you think you look great together – and that’s about all you can say about it – then you are not a grownup woman looking for a good husband – you’re an 18 year old looking for a BUZZ.

The grownup woman who picks a good man as her partner gets her buzz based on observing a series of his actions and attitudes. She gets dazzled because he makes her HAPPY, not because he gives her a buzz.

Think about what dazzles you. Is it something that has to do with him being the guy who has your back and makes you feel loved and safe? Or is it about immediate gratification and feeling good in the moment?

Here’s an example of what I think is the Real Thing: When my husband Larry agrees to answer the phone when my mother calls, and when he is so freaking nice to her she forgets about talking to me all together. My 18 year old couldn’t give a shit about that, but my 53 year old digs it. He has my back. That dazzles me every freakin’ time.

#2 Stop expecting men to take all the risks.

Here is what that looks like when we’re making the man do all the work:

  • “If he’s interested he’ll show it and I’ll know it.”
  • “If he really cares about me he’ll know what I want.”
  • “I’m not going to tell him that I care about him until he says it first.”
  • “I never make the first move.”

Well, let me tell you about grownup men. These guys (the ones you want!) have achieved success in life know how to get what they want. If they think you are unattainable or uninterested they will quickly move on. They won’t waste their time on something (or someone) they can’t win. And they certainly aren’t interested in doing all the work. Are you?

What does that mean to your grownup girl? It means not walking around with your head down and your wall up. It means talking to men anywhere and everywhere. It means being willing and able to initiate open and honest conversation about yourself and about things that count when getting to know one another.

“The Rules” are out, sister. Making him chase you not only doesn’t fly with grownup dating, it turns off the smart, commitment-minded men you are probably trying to meet. These men are not into playing games or climbing your “wall of I dare you.” (That was the name of my wall.

Like you, men who are dating in their midlife want to meet someone nice and have an easy time getting to know her. And like you, most hope to meet a partner who will share the rest of their great life. But they don’t want to – nor do they have to – work like a dog to get it.

Now I want you to ask yourself a couple questions:

  1. Do I expect men to do all or most of the work?
  2. Could I be using this belief as an excuse to not put myself out there and risk rejection?

#3: Stop doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

I’m going to assume that you’ve been dating the same way and having the same type of relationships with men for years and years. Why? Maybe you’re not trying to do things differently because you’re you just don’t know what else to do. Maybe it’s because it feels safe and familiar. Maybe you’re just stuck in a been-there-done-that rut.

Doing things the same way IS standing still…or actually worse because it seems you’re working really hard and getting nowhere. Right? Well that is a feeling I knew well for many years, and it sucks!

If you enjoyed these tips:

If you’re a woman who’ve enjoyed these tips then most likely you’ll love Bobbi’s Webcast that’s called Grownup Girls’ Night Out
The good news is its FREE and you can register by simply clicking HERE:

  • Discover why you have every right to feel 100% hopeful and confident that you will find and keep the lifelong, loving relationship you’ve always wanted.
  • Understand how grownup men REALLY think and feel so you can connect on a deep level – creating truly loving and meaningful partnerships.
  • Access powerful but simple skills to start attracting the right men, everywhere you go, right away. (And have fun doing it!)

3 Happy Holiday Dating tips

While many people feel that the holidays are a great time to connect with loved ones, for many people who are single it feels like a lonely time.

Some people feel like the Holidays can be a difficult time to plan a date…with gift shopping and planning many people feel burned out and too busy to go on a date.

But it doesn’t have to be like that! It can be a fantastic time for dating…and here are a few ideas to make dating over the Holidays way more fun!

1.Take time to Refresh your dating profile before the new year!

That means making sure that you have great a photos and a great profile…many other single people will be feeling the same way as you so make sure that you look the best you can online…

2.Accept every invitation you can to a party

Accept every single invitation you can to parties.  You’ll meet a lot of people and maybe one of them will be someone special- And if you don’t know anyone ask the hosts to introduce you to some people who they think you’ll get along with. And don’t forget to dress up and look like a million dollars! (Although don’t turn up too early or drink too much as drunk is NEVER sexy. Enjoy but pace yourself)

3.Think Creative Holiday dates

Now use your imagination here…think asking someone to meet you for a cup of steaming hot chocolate, or wrap up warm and look at the Christmas lights, or ice skating…a little creativity
is romantic and fun.

Also think about this!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

How to Catch a Catfish Online Dating Scam

The term Catfishing used to mean going fishing for a particular, bottom feeder with no scales. Now, in the digital revolution, it means setting up a fake, online profile to trick an unsuspecting person into a relationship. Many people catfish simply because they’re lonely but some people use the scam to get their victims to send them large sums of money.

How to protect yourself online

Nearly a quarter of all relationships begin online these days and it’s more convenient to meet people from the privacy of your living room than it is to go out to a crowded bar or night club. Unfortunately, this practice leaves you vulnerable to the Catfishing scam. Fortunately, there are a few ways to avoid being scammed.

Meet in person

First off, you should only start a relationship with people in your area. This way you can request to meet in person and if the other party persistently refuses, it should raise a red flag in your head. Another way to catch a Catfish is by requesting a session on Skype. This is the best alternative to actually meeting face-to-face and if the person you’re talking to refuses to Skype with you, they’re probably not the person in the pictures on their profile.

If the other party is refusing

You may already be emotionally involved with the other party and you feel they’re being honest but you have to think with your head and not your heart. If the other party is refusing to let you see them face-to-face then you’re more than likely dealing with a catfish and it’s better to find out sooner rather than later. Give the other party an ultimatum and let them know that you doubt they’re the person on their profile pictures. If they still refuse to meet or Skype with you, be strong and move on. It may be difficult initially but you’ll probably save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run.

An InfoGraphic to put things in perspective

Sandra from Instantcheckmate.com. kindly sent me this infographic on the phenomena of “Catfishing” I thought I’d share it with you to help you learn more about catfishing and Protect yourself.
To put things into perspective lots of people find love (Online dating is responsible for 120,000 marriages a year) so remember to follow these simple rules and you’ll have a better experience online.

catfishing-online-dating

Also think about this!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Online dating tips: How to write a first message that gets results (Part 2)

Writing a first email to someone with an interesting profile is dead easy. Follow either of the models we’ve supplied in our last article CLICK HERE, back it up with a well-written profile with an excellent picture, and you should get a positive response.

A few things you should NEVER say!

There are a few things that you should never say in a first email though.

First of all, never ask for personal details in a first email. That will automatically raise a red flag and toss you out of the game. You wouldn’t expect to walk up to someone in a bar and get a phone number right at the start of a conversation—and you won’t get it right at the beginning of an email conversation either.

At some point, when you’re both feeling comfortable, when you’ve sounded each other out and decided that you have enough in common to make meeting up worth the time, you can exchange details or at the very least arrange to meet in public.

But that kind of trust takes a little bit of time to develop. It certainly won’t come with your first email

Similarly, you shouldn’t ask for a date in your first email.

Your goal

The goal of your first message is simply to make contact, to persuade someone to look at your profile and write back with questions of their own. It’s a chance to get a feel for each other’s personality, to begin to see how compatible you are and to decide if you want to meet in the flesh and check out the chemistry. That doesn’t usually require a huge amount of time. A handful of emails zipping back and forth is often enough for you to figure out whether you find each other interesting enough to take it further. Ask for a date right at the beginning though and the answer is most likely to be a big fat no

Chat up lines

And finally, steer clear of corny chat-up lines.

Chat-up lines tend to have pretty limited success offline. Online they’re completely unnecessary. One of the biggest advantages of dating across the Web is that you get the time to think up something smart and witty to say. You don’t need to churn out some old cliché quick before your intended target leaves.

Online, chat-up lines just make you look a bit sleazy. Actually, they pretty much do the same offline too.

How To Reply When You’re In Demand

When you have a great profile with a professional picture and solid, original descriptions, there’s a good chance that you’re going to get a lot of emails. In fact, it’s not uncommon to find that your inbox picks up several hundred emails in the first few days.

That’s a good response and it gives you wide range of possible dates to choose from. The chances that not one of the emails that you receive is a good prospect to get to know a little better is pretty small. (And if you can’t find anyone out of several hundred applicants, it’s more likely that your criteria are too strict than that there’s no one on the site worth meeting.)

Obviously though, you won’t be able to write back to everyone so you’ll have to make selection. Not everyone writes a perfect first email, just as very few people produce the kind of outstanding profiles they really need to get results.  Many, if not most, of the emails you receive will say far more about the person doing the writing than the writer

More tips

Get more tips in our next post How to write a first message that gets results (Part 3)

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Online dating tips: How to write a first message that gets results (Part 1)

A properly-prepared profile will attract emails. It will persuade passing singles to drop you a line and it will give you the chance to pick the best of the bunch and choose the people you want to meet for a date.

But successful online daters don’t just wait for emails to come in. They also use their dating site membership to look for partners themselves. They plough through the profiles, take their pick and send out well-written messages that get responses.

How To Write A First message That Gets Results

Online dating has the great advantage of making your first approach easy. Offline, there’s nothing harder, nothing more nerve-wracking, more difficult or more downright embarrassing than walking up to a complete stranger, letting them know that you find them attractive and trying to strike up that initial conversation.

“It takes the nerves of a lion to cross the room—and skin as thick as a hippo’s to cope with the rejection”.

With online dating though, you don’t have to worry that the person who caught your eye will take one look at you and burst out laughing. There’s no scrabbling around for a way to save face, and no long walk back to face your friends. You don’t even need a chat-up line.

A Quick message

You just need a quick messagel—one short paragraph is plenty—that says “I’m interested. Let’s talk.” As long as that email gets you a reply, it’s done its job.

And the way to ensure that your message does its job is to make sure that it contains a combination of introduction, flattery and interrogation.

What To Say, What To Ask And What Not To Do During Your First Contact

If you meet someone attractive at a party, your first instinct is usually to introduce yourself. You want to walk over, say “Hi, I’m…” and find some way to keep the conversation rolling.

Online, that’s not such a great strategy.

One of the differences between the first approach you have to make in a bar or at a party and the first message you send to someone whose profile you’ve seen on the Web, is that online, the person you’re talking to already knows a little about you.

Remember, you also have a profile on the dating site and the first thing someone does when they get your email is to look at it. They’re going to know what you do for a living, where you live, how much of an education you have and even what kind of movies you like to watch.

That’s the sort of personal information that might take a date or two to discover offline. It would certainly take a conversation or two.

Don’t repeat

That means you don’t have to repeat it in your first email.

Your first email shouldn’t be considered an introduction. Instead, think of it as an invitation: an invitation to continue chatting, to get to know you, to see whether you have enough compatibility to take it further

You want to create the impression that you’re a fun, interesting person—who’s also genuinely interested in the person you’re writing to.


What Attracted you

That’s why it’s crucial to mention what attracted you on the profile.

It lets the reader know that you want to get to know that person in particular, not just someone in general. Far too many people on dating sites send out the same email to everyone they spot on the Web—and it’s a terrible idea. Canned responses can be spotted a mile away and they’re about as attractive as someone who walks through a party hitting on just about everyone they see.

Let someone know why you’re writing and you’ll increase the chances that they’ll write back.

Opening Email—Type 1: All About You

”Hi,
I saw your profile and just had to write. I love the way you look in your pictures. That’s a great, warm smile and your kids are really cute. The dog’s smile’s a bit strange though; I don’t think saying “cheese” works with dogs. I teach math in a high school just outside Ventura and I’m also into SCUBA diving. I’d love to know more about you. If you’d like to drop me a line, that would be great.
Best,
Bobbie”

That’s a dead easy email that won’t take you more than a minute to write.

It’s short, and you don’t want your email to be long. No one will want to read a huge message sent by someone they don’t yet know, and emails that go on for page after page just appear scary. They make you look far too intense and demanding for a first approach. When you’re trying to attract someone’s attention for the first time, less is more.

But this email is also a little bit flattering. It starts by explaining why you’re writing (because you saw their picture and were captivated), and then picks out a couple of points in the profile that caught your eye. That shows not just that you read the profile; it also lets you point out that you have something in common.

 Humor

And finally, it includes a touch of humor.

That’s important because you don’t want you first email too look too serious or formal. Dating is supposed to be fun. You’re not writing a cover letter for a job application. Your letter should reflect something of your personality and the way you talk.

Just relax, try not to worry about the format of the email and let the real you flow out.

To write an email like this, all you need is a reason for writing (and if you don’t want to focus on the photo, you can always pick out their taste in music, their occupation or just about anything else on the profile) and one or two things that you can hold a conversation about. That could be family life, sporting choice or anything else.

The biggest strength of emails like this is that they already emphasize that you can do things together and have fun together. On the other hand they don’t force the reader to respond. If the person you’re writing to looks at your profile and is less than curious, impressed or blown away, there’s still a chance that they won’t write back.

 

Opening Email—Type 2: Who Are You?

”Hi,
My name is Bobbie, and after seeing your picture, I just had to write. I know what you mean about diving letting you feel like you’re flying. Kind of strange, huh? You go underwater with a big heavy tank and as soon as you’re down there you’re completely weightless. It’s total freedom. I love it. I have some favorite spots out near the islands where you can get right into the kelp and watch the dolphins. Where do you like to dive, and how do you find the time between kids and school? I find I rarely have time to breathe! Write back, and tell me about yourself!
Best,
Bobbi”

This kind of email makes one important addition to the previous one: it asks questions.

Again, you can begin by introducing yourself, explain why you’re writing and pick out one or two points on the profile. But by asking questions about those points, you turn the email into a conversation. You make it easy for the person to write back—instead of having to think of something to say, they can start by answering your questions—and you even make it rude for them not to.

The easiest types of question to ask are those that refer back to the profile. If someone wrote that they like walking on redwood trails, you can ask them where else they like to go hiking. If they say they like visiting the Met, you can ask which is their favorite section. If they say they like photography, you can ask what they take pictures of.

You know that what you’re asking about is a subject that they enjoy so if you can show that you can hold a conversation about it, you’re already onto a winner. It’s a good sign that when you meet in person you’re going to be able to talk in comfort.

Another important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great dating profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating tips for the over 40’s: The Right Time To Move Things Offline

If online dating has a disadvantage, it’s that it takes much longer to go from first look to first date. Sure, that disadvantage is certainly outweighed by the fact there are so many people to choose from. It’s also outweighed by the fact that when you do meet, you’ll also know a little bit about them.

A time

But there’s always a time-lag between spotting someone’s profile photo, sending them an email, getting a feel for each others’ potential compatibility and meeting in the flesh for the first time.

It’s always tempting when you see someone who looks good on a dating site to meet them as quickly as possible. If you wait, you feel, there’s always a chance that someone else might snap them up before you get a chance to seal the deal.

And besides, when you’ve spotted someone who looks like they could be a huge amount of fun, you want to start having that fun right now.

….It still pays to wait a little (Please Wait).

If you’re over 40 When you ask to meet someone in the flesh too quickly you first run the risk of scaring your new friend off. (younger people these days don’t seem so scared!) They might feel that they want to check you out a little more. They want to get to know who are, make sure you’re honest, reliable—and really the person it says on your profile. If you come on too strong, you could send the message that you’re too keen, too entranced, or worse, too desperate. Nothing kills a potential new relationship faster than that.

Third Message?

There are no hard and fast rules about how long you should wait before working towards for the date but in general, the third message is often a good time. By then you’ll have already asked the first questions that were at the top of your mind, you’ll have figured out whether the person you’re writing to is impressed by the way you look on your profile and you’ll have a fairly good idea about the level of your compatibility.

Chemistry

By the time you reach that stage, the only way to check whether there’s any real chemistry is to meet in the flesh.

Now, that doesn’t mean that you can’t even mention a real date before the third message. You certainly can, and some people will find it reassuring to know that you’re serious about making a real go of a new relationship and won’t be satisfied by keeping it virtual. It is possible to hint at the date in the first email as long as you don’t push it too hard. You can say something like:

Hi
I just have to say that that’s a great picture of you on the beach — and a very cute dog. I’m a 31-year old teacher living just outside San Diego, and like you, I’m into horror flicks, Thai food and hiking. (Although I can probably skip the mountain climbing — it’s hard enough climbing out of bed in the morning.) Where do you like to hike? I’ve found a great route near the coast that runs alongside a couple of streams with fantastic views out to the sea. My dog certainly likes it…
You look like a great person and I’m sure you’d be a lot of fun to meet.
Jane

That shows that you’re genuinely interested

The alternative

The aternative to asking for a date too soon is to leave it too long. That can be just as bad, and sometimes even worse. Not only because the longer you leave it, the greater the odds that you’ll lose your chance, but also because you want to go into the first date vaguely familiar with the person you’re about to meet but still curious enough to have a string of questions.

Nothing to say

You don’t want to arrive at the first date and find that you’ve got nothing to say to each other because you’ve already said it all in the emails.

And you also don’t want to go with a giant bank of expectations.

The longer your email conversation and the more you enjoy reading and writing your messages, the greater the chance that you’ll absolutely believe that you’re going to hit it off right from the get-go. That’s certainly possible. It’s even likely. But it’s not guaranteed.

Virtual vs Real

Unfortunately, there’s not always a direct link between the warmth of a virtual relationship and the heat generated at the start of a real one. Three emails and out is a pretty good rule, but the best rules are made to be broken and ultimately the best time to move from a Web meeting to a real meeting is when you feel ready so trust your gut on this one.

If the question feels awkward to ask, there’s probably a good reason: you ain’t there yet. Keep chatting, keep writing and keep going until the real relationship develops…

 

Dating online? Regardless of your age, an important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Tracey Steinberg’s FLIRTING PARTIES in New York City

Meet Tracey
I like Tracey, She’s the real deal, her story is authentic and she knows her stuff!

Tracey began her career at the age of 24 as a successful civil litigation trial attorney. At that time she had a very active social life as a single woman in New York City and she thought she was as happy as she possibly could be.

On September 14, 2001 Tracey’s father was diagnosed with a serious illness and she began spending a lot of time with her parents. They are a fantastic team and watching them cope with that ordeal reminded Tracey how incredible it is to go through life with someone who deeply loves you. She was very affected by this time and it made her realize two things:

1. she deeply wanted the type of healthy marriage her parents have and
2. She deeply wanted it for everyone else who wants it.

After a lot of introspection, learning, and hard work, Tracey’s efforts paid off. Tracey met an amazing man who would later become her happy husband. She also completed her life coaching training with the Coach Training Alliance and then went on to complete both The Sage and Scholar’s Program for Coaching Singles and the Sage and Scholar’s Program for Career Coaching and built her unique brand of “Dateology” helping people find that someone special!


The concept of flirting Party

Flirting Parties® s were started by “Dateologist” Tracey.

I agree with Tracey “If you are not 100% comfortable meeting attractive single men or women, Flirting Parties were made for you”

In addition to being a lot of fun, everyone who attends these unique events are guaranteed to meet new people and walk away with valuable dating knowledge.

No more uncomfortable evenings
Tracey begins the evening by greeting you at the door making, helping you to relax and introducing you to other singles. Then, Tracey will share with everyone tips on how you can meet that interesting man or woman, how you can flirt with them in a sexy and confident way, and what you can do to ensure your exciting new friend wants to see you again. Of course Tracey shares all of this information in her playful way with lots of happy jokes thrown in to keep everyone smiling.

Dating Knowledge

Tracey will then walk around the room and encourage everyone to engage with everyone else.  She’ll also answer your questions, be your wing-woman, and offer you on-the-spot flirting tips regarding what you are doing right and what you may want to try in the future.

The next Flirting Party
The next Flirting Party in NYC will be at the gorgeous lounge located at 230 5th Avenue on November 7, 2013.  The event is just $65 to attend and everyone who joins will receive an amazing bag of gifts! For more details go to http://traceysteinberg.com/flirting-parties/

How to overcome dating rejection and rebuild your self-esteem.

99.9% of people who date online will at some point feel rejection. Perhaps it’s an unanswered email, or you have a wonderful first date and then never hear from the person again, or perhaps you have a few dates and the person decides that you’re simply not a good match for them

For most people this really hurts! And many people are left miserable with a feeling of lower self-esteem, questioning whether that are smart, or rich or beautiful or good enough to find someone special!

“There must be something wrong with me” they often say.

The answer to overcome dating rejection is actually quite simple! After rejection you need to rebuild your self-esteem! OK let’s get started

Step 1: Make a list

Make a list of 50 qualities you have that are important in a partner such as being loving, kind, considerate, a great lover, a great friend, a great sense of humor…now this may take a while but don’t stop until you have at least 50 good things about you

Step 2: Do something you love

Take a day off and do something that you  love. Whether its golfing for a day, watching movies while eating Ice-cream or going skydiving take some time to treat yourself to show yourself that you’re worthy of some good times

Step 3: Change the way you think!

Change the way you think of the dating process! Meeting someone special can take a while so remember there’s nothing wrong with you! If you go into dating with the belief that you’ll meet people who don’t think you’re a match and meet people you don’t think are a match before you meet your “someone special” then  dating can be way more fun.

Another important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great dating profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Profile of a Jewish Matchmaker

Meet my friend Anna

Anna comes from a large family of what she calls “facilitated marriages”.
Her parents met through a New York City based dating service in 1986, her Aunt and Uncle met using the first computer dating system in 1969, numerous family members and friends met using online dating sites; and all have successful marriages with many children.

A Jewish Dating Expert
Anna helps many Jewish singles find their perfect match through her matchmaking business Chai Connections (Pronounced “HAI” in Hebrew as “HAI” means life, life connections)

A phone call with Anna

A few days ago I was talking on the phone with Anna and I asked her  why she became a matchmaker? I also asked her for a some advice that she could share with people looking to hire a matchmaker.

…here is Anna’s expert reply

Matchmaking: An Age Old Career Resurfaced

When I was in college, I found myself studying a particular subject, not often found in the University Course Catalog. I was naturally drawn to courses in Judaism; and I found myself fascinated by the subject of Jewish dating. In each of my Jewish Studies Courses, I was fascinated by stories about romantic relationships. While this may sound common for a young Jewish woman, I was intrigued by the intricacies of the relationships. How did they meet? What kept them together, or what brought them apart? How were they so certain that this was the right person? It became like an anthropological study of Jewish dating.

One year after my initial interest was sparked, I met with my Judaic Studies Professor to discuss the topic of my final paper for a Cultural Judaism class. My proposed topic was Jewish dating in conjunction with assimilation in the modern era. When I presented my thesis, my professor looked at me quizzically and asked, “Isn’t this the same topic as your paper from last semester’s course?” “Of course not! That was totally different. That was on romantic relationships in Orthodox communities, this is on Jewish dating in the modern era. They are totally different.” I responded. My professor hesitated, yet ultimately let me write the paper. I imagine her hesitation resulted from having never had a student write so much on this particular subject matter. As the years went on, my intrigue only grew stronger, and I continued to study the field.

Matchmaking

Most think of the practice as an age old tradition, popularized by films like “Fiddler on the Roof”.

The tradition of matchmaking goes as far back as the Bible, when Eliezer, servant of Abraham, was instructed to find a match for Abraham’s son Isaac. In fact, the Talmud states that the head Rabbi could give corporal punishment to a man who was married without a shiddchan, or matchmaker.

Nowadays, the idea that one would be required by law to have an intermediary facilitate their marriage seems ludicrous. However, if we take the time to really think about the logic, does it seem so preposterous?

Consider this

In modern America we have coaches for nearly everything we do. Financial consultants, athletic coaches, college counselors, spiritual guides, IT consultants academic advisers, the list goes on. Yet when it comes to choosing a partner, perhaps one of the most critical decisions we make in our lives, we rely primarily on ourselves to be the experts. On the surface, this makes sense. As human beings, we can pinpoint exactly what we want in life; what kind of career, where to live, how to raise a family, etc.. Therefore, we should be able to spot a desirable partner based on our own specific wants and needs. But when we want to find that partner, how do we go about it? And moreover, if we are lucky enough to find that perfect partner, how do we know they are the one? And finally, once we determine that that special person is in fact the one, how do we get them to stick around once they discover all of our minute idiosyncrasies? With all of the intricacies of dating, how can we truly be the expert in the game of love?

Who is the expert?

In Academia, we look to those who study a particular field as the experts. Scholars hone in on a specific subject matter: History, Philosophy, Religion, Political Science, Medicine etc… After a dictated period of time of study, they are awarded a degree, deeming them an expert; one to turn to when questioning a matter in that field. Yet when it comes to love, oftentimes we deem ourselves the expert. When I was in college, I studied Religion, one of my favorite professors always became infuriated when people insisted that one had to be religious to be an expert on Religion. He would make the analogy, that one doesn’t study Biology because they are biological; they study because they are interested in the science as a subject matter. So too could Religion be studied as a subject, not necessarily in conjunction with following it as a practice.

The subject of Love

Likewise, I’ve found that Love can be viewed as a subject matter; something that people can study, a Social Science perhaps, and become an expert in. Thus if becoming an expert requires study, rather than personal practice, how can we rely solely on ourselves the experts in our own love life? I think singles owe it to themselves to give in, and accept help from the experts.

Growing up, I never dreamed of becoming a matchmaker. While my interest in Jewish Dating as a subject matter grew in college, I never associated it with a career. In fact, I always dreamed of becoming a dentist, a field totally incongruous with Jewish Dating (unless you consider the many Jewish mothers who dream of their daughter marrying a doctor, and then settle when she finds a nice Jewish Dentist). It wasn’t until earlier this year that I realized I could actually make a career out of my passion. After my initial epiphany that matchmaking was in fact a modern practice, I met with my Rabbi to inquire about it. As a fellow Jewish Dating enthusiast, he was tremendously supportive of my venture, and thus Chai Connections was born (To see Anna’s blog click here)

Advice on hiring a Matchmaker.

The most important thing is making sure that the matchmaker you hire is compatible with your personality-spend a few minutes talking with them to see if your personalities and ideology are a good fit! (Otherwise it’ll be a painful waste of time.

Also don’t be afraid when choosing a matchmaker to ask them “What’s your track record” you want to feel confident in their ability to find you that someone special!

Something else to consider

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