Over the last months I’ve had the good fortune to be able to talk to many of our customers, this has given me a the huge opportunity to get a burning question answered that I’ve had for a while! The question is simply this:
“What’s the most important quality you like in a potential partner?
The answer I got from at least a hundred people was this when dating on or offline “Confidence is key” now this doesn’t come as a surprise…it’s a common sense answer!
So Confidence is key, that’s not rocket science we all probably agree…so the next question is this:
“How can I be confident on every date?”
Imagine being confident on every date! And having more confidence wouldn’t just help in your love life, it would help you in every other area of your life! How would you act if you were always confident? How different would your life be? My guess is that life would be very different!
Confidence really matters
So in all life’s ups and downs and twists and turns, how can we maintain the confidence level we need in order to be successful? How can we keep our confidence consistent? (even on a bad day!) Some experts talk and blog about how keeping confidence up is difficult (not a very confident way of behaving is it!). But confidence really matters, in our dating life, in our work life…in every aspect of our lives! People will always be able at some level to feel how other people feel, our confidence is revealed in the way we talk, the way we walk and the way we move, and even the way we dress!
When we’re confident, it shows and when you’re not confident, it shows even more!
In my last post I said that one of the reasons people like online dating so much is because they are shy or lack confidence and dating can seem a bit scary and overwhelming.
Online dating can give us all a chance to meet someone special in the comfort of your home, making it much, much easier to start the process of dating ( Instead of having to meet someone in a bar and summon up the courage to walk over and offer them a drink, we can write an interesting profile, post some great shots and meet online first!)
Eventually though you’ll need to go a date and meet in person, and this is where you really need this confidence thing!
Tip number 1. Keep it real
Some people create an image of themselves online that is impossible to live up to in the real world so are unable to feel confident (For example imagine an online profile that presents them in a more affluent light and makes them feel obligated to perpetuate this image in the offline world. This can lead to extreme anxiety and nervousness for them, and because of that, a lack of confidence.
So why do people do this I hear you ask? Well I think that many people feel ashamed of who they really are! they feel as though they should be a different person, they feel like they’ve screwed up life!
My advice here is simple…keep it real! No one can be confident when it comes to a date they got from a slightly dishonest profile and e-mails.
We all want to present ourselves in a positive light but remember when you meet someone you’re no longer able to hide behind your computer – this is the reality.
The best thing you can do is to love who you are, be confident in the fact that you are unique and that you are ok the way you are, and that When you are on an online date don’t be afraid to open up and make yourself vulnerable. Let your date see what’s inside of you and show him or her who you really are right from the beginning. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not and don’t try to be politically correct. Be genuine, be yourself, this will help you a lot with your confidence
When you are your authentic self that’s when you are the most fun to yourself… as well as to others and when you’re the most confident. This will make your date feel at ease and will encourage them to be authentic and confident as too. And even if there is no romantic chemistry between you and your date, at least you will both still have an enjoyable time.
What if they don’t like you?
If your date dislikes you don’t take it personally. You can still be confident! This simply means that they are not the one for you, and that’s okay. Continue to be authentic and confident because it’s only a matter of time before you attract online dates that will love and appreciate the authentic you. And trust me you’ll be glad you did
Tip number 2. Dress for confidence.
The next step in confidence is dressing right for your date!
When customers ask me for dating advice and what to wear on a first date I tell them
First impressions matter.
The first thing that your date will see will be you — and your clothes. Your choice of threads won’t just tell him who you are — although it will do that. It will also reveal your level of interest in him. If you haven’t made an effort, he’s going to assume you don’t care and he’ll invest nothing in you either. You’ve got to dress right.
Dress to kill…and for confidence.
I get asked by so many women what to wear for both photos and a first dates, and here’s what I tell them every time!
“It’s better to show up in last year’s clothes with this year’s confidence, than last year’s confidence and this year’s clothes”
Think about it!
Confidence and sex appeal is owning who you.
Even if you have the most gorgeous Valentino dress, shoes by Jimmy Choo and half a million dollars’ worth of jewelry by Tiffany’s, if it doesn’t feel right or it just isn’t ‘you’ then it will never work, you’ll be uncomfortable and ill at ease — and nothing kills a date faster.
Find clothes that you feel confidence in you and you’ll be a knockout!
Tip number 3. Exercise
This tip definitely makes an impact on my self confidence. Regular exercise improves your energy levels and produces various chemicals – for example endorphins and serotonin that will put you in a more positive state- this automatically improve your confidence and outlook on life compared to sitting on the coach watching TV.
Also getting in shape and looking better can be a powerful confidence-booster.
So how does this relate to feeling more confident on a date, well if you’re going on a date at 7pm think about hitting the gym or walking for an hour then coming home to shower and prepare for your date. You’ll be amazed at what a HUGE difference this will make! You’ll arrive for your date feeling radiant and much happier than you’d normally be, and this WILL give you confidence you need!
Tip number 4. Use music
Ok so even the least confident among us have a song that makes them feel great!
Use uplifting music.
Use inspiring and motivating music to pump up yourself before leaving for a night out, play your favorite song in your car or ipod on your way to the date, sing, laugh feel good. This works pretty well as a temporary “confidence state-booster”.
Tip number 5. Ask what’s the worst that could happen?
When dating it’s easy to get lost in a vague fear of what might happen if you have a bad date. When you really ask yourself what’s the worst thing that could happen if you have a bad date you see that it’s just a date! A bit of fear vanishes and you discover that the potential consequences are never as frightening as you first thought. You’re able to feel confident and relax about the outcome!
Tip number 6. Use your body
If you start fidgeting with your leg you’ll soon feel anxious or nervous. If you start to walk slower you’ll soon start to feel more relaxed.
Take some deep breaths too! To feel more confident, use your body in more confident way. Walk, sit, stand and move in a more confident way. Use your body to change your mind!
Tip number 7. “Fake it until you make it”.
One way to create a higher level of confidence is to “Fake it til you make it”. This might sound like it couldn’t work. Like you are just making things up and lying to yourself. Well, that might be the case. But it still works. If you don’t feel confident, fake how you would think and behave if you were totally confident. Soon you’ll really start to feel confident. The act becomes real. Don’t ask me how or why this works, I’ll leave that for the psychologists..I just know it works!
Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…
Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!