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Online Rejection: There’s No Such Thing!

Here’s what my friend Bobbi (Who just happens to be an online dating expert) has to say about online rejection.

“This is one skill I want you to master: Rejecting online rejection. Learning to accept rejection gracefully, with as few “dings” to your self-esteem as possible, is key to finding your true love.

As a dating coach, I’ve found the #1 reason you won’t have success online is giving up too soon. What you perceive as online rejection can exhaust you mentally and the positive attitude you started out with will quickly dwindle.

Here are 4 things to know to help you move forward in the online dating world with your self-esteem intact!

1) They don’t know you.

All a guy knows about you is 20 sentences and a crappy picture. If they don’t “pick” you, take a deep breath and remember: There are 1000 reasons a guy won’t be interested and most have nothing to do with YOU. They want a blonde, someone under 5’2″, someone who skis, someone without kids, etc… Better he NOT chose you and save you both heartache and disappointment later. And let’s be honest there are a myriad of reasons YOU reject guys online as well, you don’t know them and wouldn’t expect them to take it personally, right? (And believe me, they don’t). If you write 10 emails and hear back from 1 or 2 that’s good!

2) Let’s define rejection.

Let’s separate true rejection with online rejection;You have a right to cry in your wine if the guy you’ve been dating for 3 months, who has truly gotten to KNOW you, suddenly stops calling or breaks up with you. That is rejection. Some guy not responding to your “like” on Match doesn’t count as rejection – it counts as LIFE. Move on.

3) Men over 40 are like kids in a candy store.

Guys in their older years have the statistical advantage – there are more of us (women over 40 looking for love) and fewer of them (men over 40 doing the same). A lot of women are emailing the 60 year old man with a great head of hair, healthy, active life, etc.

Imagine it like this (I asked a client about this yesterday): “You meet a guy in Starbucks and after a very brief chat he takes your number and he never calls. Would this bother you?” I asked. “No”…she said “I’d figure he probably went off to live his busy life and, since he didn’t really know me, I just kind of dropped out of his mind, that wouldn’t bother me.” Well, imagine that he went home after Starbucks and there were 25 women waiting for him with open arms. Some even have candy for him and are wearing sexy outfits. That’s what it’s like for a guy online. Lots of choices. And we all know how easily men are distracted – especially by a pretty face.

4) Your age actually counts in your favor.

One advantage to being a woman over 40 is that you have the perspective of a life well lived. Instead of tapping into the insecure 18 year old who is biting her nails waiting for the phone to ring, you can “turn on” the confident, experienced woman who knows it’s a numbers game, it’s not personal, and all you need is 1 good man.

It takes time! I encourage you to meet as many guys as you can without losing your mind.

Mastering the art of accepting rejection gracefully will most certainly help you stay online long enough to find your true love. (Like I did!)”

The most important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible

The online dating confessions of a nice guy: Part4

Welcome to part 4 of “The online dating confessions of a nice guy”, where I interview dating expert Phil Torcivia.

A man’s perspective on dating for women.

Here’s a man’s perspective on dating, in today’s discussion we will be talking about what exactly is love, how men choose women on dating websites, speed dating, getting out of unhealthy relationships and more.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…get great online dating photos

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

The online dating confessions of a nice guy: Part3

Welcome to part 3 of “The online dating confessions of a nice guy”, where I’m interviewing dating expert Phil Torcivia.

A man’s perspective on dating for women

Here’s a man’s perspective on dating,  In today’s discussion we will be talking about online dating websites, speed dating and more.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…get great online dating photos

Having  great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

The Aurora killer had a Match.com profile. What does that tell you?

James Holmes The Match.Com Profile

James Holmes
The Match.Com Profile

The Aurora killer had a Match.com profile. What does that tell you?

TMZ has reported recently that James Holmes, who killed twelve people in the Batman premiere last week, had a Match.com profile. He described himself as an agnostic student looking for a “sexy time.” Match.com removed his profile as soon as they learned about it but you can see a screen capture of it here.

I’m sure Match is sweating over this PR disaster. They’re probably having strategy meetings right now about how to recover from this. But is it the site’s fault? Would it have helped if they had had background checks in place?

Match.com doesn’t screen its members, and even if they did, they couldn’t guarantee that psychopaths wouldn’t make the cut.

Background checks can help eliminate people with a criminal background but they can’t stop people with no criminal history like this murderer. How can Match.com possibly know what someone will do in the future? If someone can get a gun, he can get a dating site profile.

You and only you are in charge of your destiny.

It’s up to online daters to read between the lines of a dating site profile. We have to use our gut feelings and our instincts. In this particular case, it was easy! James Holmes’ profile headline was:

“Will you visit me in prison?”

He knew he was about to do something that would put him behind bars.

So tip #1 is: Don’t ignore suspicious headlines.

Sure, you could dismiss a headline like that as a sign of a kooky sense of humor. But he could be serious and with so many other options online, why take a chance? This kind of a headline is a HUGE red flag.

(And on the flip side, when you’re creating your own profile, don’t use a headline that could raise eyebrows. Create curiosity. Summarize your life. But don’t wave a bright red flag.)

Here’s another example of a headline that should raise your suspicions. This is a real headline that… ahem, a “friend” of mine answered:

“One in a million.”

That headline could simply indicate confidence. In this case though it turned out to be a sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. People with this psychiatric problem often have grandiose tendencies. They tend to overplay their accomplishments and think very highly of themselves. (You can read more about dating a narcissist and how to avoid it here.)

So while you’re keeping an eye out for mass murderers and wannabe jailbirds, pay attention to signs of an arrogant attitude or people who claim they are the best thing in the universe. They could end up being the worst thing you ever dated.

Headlines aren’t the only place you should look for red flags though…

Tip #2: Read the rest of the profile carefully. ALL of it!

Pay attention to:

  • Baggage – Does the profile mention how hard it was to get divorced or what a psycho their ex wife was or how hard it is to date or how all women are gold diggers? Run, baby run! It’s too much baggage for anyone to handle!
  • Life attitude – What’s their take on life? Do they complain and blame everybody else for their problems? Are they pessimistic? Do they feel limited in what they can accomplish?  Or are they upbeat, optimistic and responsible? Those are views on life; make sure they match yours.
  • Values – What kind of values does the profile show? What do they care about most? If they emphasis that they are looking for someone “fit” or someone who “models” or “used to model” you can see that appearance is very important to them. What would happen if you were to gain a few extra pounds and a couple of wrinkles? There is more to someone than just how they look. Can they see it? Will they see it in you?
  • Occupation – This is a lifestyle issue. If the person behind the profile works 9-to-5 in a cubicle and you’re a free-spirited entrepreneur, you could have a lifestyle conflict. You might want to go for someone who is as free as you are. If they do art and are a bit on the dreamy side, but you’re super logical, you could run into frustration down the road. You might want someone more grounded.
  • Income – if you’re hoping for plenty of vacations and five-star hotels, don’t pick the guy or gal who makes less than $15,000 a year — unless of course, you don’t mind paying for everything. It’s not about being shallow; it’s about compatibility. You should find someone who matches your spending power.
  • Pets – Notice what they write about their furry, feathered or scaly friends. Is their dog their best pal who sleeps with them in the same bed? Do they have more than two cats… as well as twenty birds and a neckload of snakes? If you feel the same way, you’re match. Otherwise…

Reading someone’s profile can’t tell you everything about them but it can reveal a lot. Read the profile a few times. Pay attention to everything they write and even more importantly, notice how the profile feels in your gut. Your intuition can say NO even when their profile is perfectly written. It can also say YES when the profile doesn’t match your expectations.

If you find this article helpful, please share it with your friends, it can help them avoid meeting the wrong person online.

 

The most important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great dating profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Men’s secrets to better dates: Date like a “Gentleman”

Women appreciate men with the manners of a gentleman…Behave like a gentleman and you’ll feel confident and be impressed by the results you get!

I’m “old School” and unashamed of it. Here are 7 simple rules to follow when taking a lady out on a date the proper way.

Rule 1: Put her first.

From the moment you pick her up she’s the first in the car because you’re holding the door for her, she’s the first in the restaurant, as you open the door, she’s also the first to take her coat off because you are helping if needed and she’s the first to sit down at the table as you pull her chair out for her.

OK. So you can choose the wine, but remember to offer her the the first piece of bread in the basket or whatever appetizer shows up before the entrée, and wait until she begins to eat before you do!

Rule 2: Dress like a gentleman.

You should be well dressed, dress well for her and she’ll appreciate you

Rule 3: Gentlemen don’t drink too much.

Don’t order more than a couple of drinks and don’t get drunk. It’s not impressive to your date. Drunk people often talk too much and too loud! And most importantly don’t drink if you will be driving yourself or your date home.

Rule 4: Put the phone away.

Turn your cell phone off and put it away. When you’re on a date, make an effort to give your date your attention, checking your phone for messages is simply rude!
If you’re having a bad date then accept it for what it is, be polite and respectful, finish your date and then leave.

Rule 5: Gentleman don’t talk Too much.

Nervous people often talk too much, be respectful of her and listen (even if you are not interested in what she says be polite and courteous)
And Don’t talk about your EX, its UN-gentlemanly to  talk about your ex on a first date, if she asks you questions about your Ex then gracefully sidestep the question without too much complaining!

Rule 6: Pay the bill.

Yes, you’re paying the bill, all the bill.

Rule 7: Walk her back

Walk her back, whether its to her car, her door or wherever take the time to make sure that she gets to her destination safely

A lighter look at being a Gentleman

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having  great profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating after divorce for men.

How do you jump back into the dating game after having a long and painful divorce?

Hopefully these tips will help make your transition a little easier.

Last painful days of the divorce.

The last days of divorce usually involve paperwork and getting things in order.

Dating during the last painful days of your divorce can have terrible consequences, so when you’re going through the divorce avoid dating altogether.

Save the awkward explanation in court as to why you were Mr. “Desperate-to-get-some, especially if she’s asking for the Mercedes, the house and half your future earnings.

Now it’s finally over.

Now that you’re officially single take a little time alone, to avoid starting dating when you’re in a “needy” mindset (you’ll know how much time you need~ Just be honest with yourself)
Moving on with your life does not mean forgetting about your past. After all, you probably had some good times with your Ex; don’t forget them just allow yourself a little time to “Process” your divorce. There’s no need to rush into the next new women.
The last thing you want is to go out and find a replica of your ex-wife, and repeat the same mistake all over again.

A new improved you.

Now, some physical changes may be in order. Join a gym, or start going regularly if you already have a membership.
(You know how most men let themselves go when they’re in a serious relationship.)

And guys, please…get some nice new Clothes, when you dress well you’ll feel confident
And now might be a good time to get new dating profile photos taken!

Forget about meeting miss perfect; just relax, date and meet new people.

The most common mistake newly divorced guys make is moving too quickly and trying to get into a new relationship, many middle-aged guys return to the  dating scene desperate to meet someone because they feel that their “time is running out” .

“The best advice is to relax. There are plenty of women out there”.

Don’t make finding the “love of your life” your immediate dating goal!
Don’t get us wrong, we are confident that you will inevitably attract the “love of your life” but this is a process that has to unfold naturally and can take days, weeks, or months. The danger is, if you try to rush the process you’re almost guaranteed to have a horrible online dating experience.

If you are honestly having fun with the process, then you literally won’t care about or even notice how long it is taking to attract the person of your dreams. And ironically, you will actually be able to attract that special person much faster and much easier.

more thoughts on dating after divorce!

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having a great profile photo is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

8 simple dating tips for men over 40!

Dating tip 1: Get Healthy.

Get toned and healthy; this will improve your self-confidence and overall health.

When you look good you’ll feel good!

Dating tip 2: Manscape.

The definition of “Manscaping” is a man grooming his body hair, like landscaping, but for the body.

Women don’t like excess hair! Trim your nose or ear hair if you need to, and if you’re losing your hair, don’t try to hide it, keep it short and neat or shave it all off – “embrace it, don’t try to replace it”.

Dating tip 3: Wear nice clothes that fit

Just because loose t-shirts and pants are more comfortable doesn’t mean that they look good on a date! Wearing fitted clothes will make you look 10 years younger! – A good fit will get you noticed more than expensive clothes. The first thing that your date will see will be you – and your clothes. Your choice of clothes will tell her who you are. It will also reveal your level of interest in her. If you haven’t made an effort, she’s going to assume you don’t care and she’ll invest nothing in you either. You’ve got to dress right.

And don’t forget that many women have a thing for shoes. They spend hours choosing their shoes, they judge other women’s shoes — and your date might just look at yours. Skip your smelliest sneakers and make an effort.

Dating tip 4: Smell right!

Wear cologne, but do not bathe in it…less scent is better than too much.

A touch of aftershave is fine but a tsunami rather than a splash is bad news for her nose.

Dating tip 5: Keep your car clean.

Nothing turns a girl off like getting into a car filled with trash!

Clean it inside and out, if can’t stand cleaning the car then pay someone else to do it!

Dating tip 6: Learn to listen

Pay attention to the small details and remember them.  If you want to really impress her, bring up a small detail she mentioned on the last date.

Dating tip 7: Be Discreet

Don’t talk about past relationships and their details.  She may act like she wants to know, but she really doesn’t want to know.  Trust me on this one!

Dating tip 8: Be a gentleman

Be chivalrous, hold doors open for her, pull her chair out at the restaurant, let her order first, when walking on the sidewalk a gentlemen should walk on the outside, whereas the lady should be on the inside, protected from oncoming traffic, Walk her to her door or car.
Conduct yourself like a gentleman and you’ll gain a woman’s respect as well as your own self-respect!

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having  great dating profile photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating after divorce for Women.

How do you jump back into the dating game after having a long and painful divorce?

Hopefully these tips will help make your transition a little easier.

Last painful days of the divorce.

The last days of divorce usually involve paperwork and getting things in order.

Dating during the last painful days of your divorce can have terrible consequences, so when you’re going through the divorce avoid dating altogether.

Save the awkward explanation in court as to why you were Miss. “Desperate-to-get-some, especially if he’s asking for the car, the house and half your future earnings.

Now it’s finally over.

Now that you’re officially single take a little time alone, to avoid starting dating when you’re in a “needy” mindset (you’ll know how much time you need~ Just be honest with yourself)

Moving on with your life does not mean forgetting about your past. After all, you probably had some good times with your Ex; don’t forget them just allow yourself a little time to “Process” your divorce. There’s no need to rush into the next new man.

The last thing you want is to go out and find a replica of your ex-husband, and repeat the same mistake all over again.

A new improved you.

Now, some physical changes may be in order. Join a gym, or start going regularly if you already have a membership. (You know how most women let themselves go when they’re in a serious relationship.)

And get some nice new Clothes, when you dress well you’ll feel confident (And get some new online dating photos taken too!)

Forget about meeting Mr.perfect; RELAX, date and meet new people.

The most common mistake newly divorced women make is moving too quickly and trying to get into a new relationship, many women return to the  dating scene desperate to meet someone because they feel that their “time is running out” .

“The best advice is to relax. There are plenty of men out there”.

Don’t make finding the “love of your life” your immediate dating goal!
Don’t get us wrong, we are confident that you will inevitably attract the “love of your life” but this is a process that has to unfold naturally and can take days, weeks, or months. The danger is, if you try to rush the process you’re almost guaranteed to have a horrible online dating experience.

If you are honestly relaxed about the process, then you literally won’t care about or even notice how long it is taking to attract the man of your dreams. And ironically, you will actually be able to attract that special man much faster and much easier.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having great dating profile photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with outstanding profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Stop suffering after a break-up or divorce

We’ve all heard the saying that “Time heals everything” and that’s certainly true.

But break ups and divorces are rough

What can you do when you’re heartbroken, and this advice seems empty? What can you do when all you can do is think of your Ex and you seem to be spending all your time wishing that life isn’t the way it is now?If you’re reading this and you’re suffering it’s my deepest wish that the words I’ve written here will help you feel better in some small way.

I know that I haven’t got all the answers for you, but here’s are a few tips to hopefully get you back on your feet.

1. Call your friends

When people are in a relationship they often tend to forget their circle of friends. Now’s the perfect time to start calling old friends. And that’s what friends are for (good times and bad) Go out with your friends even if you don’t feel like it. You’ll feel better and more “Normal” You want people around you who love you and who’ll help you feel good about yourself. Surround yourself with friends and family and begin to see yourself as a worthwhile person once more.

2. Accept that it’s over

Don’t try to call your Ex. Don’t try to drive by your Ex’s house. Don’t text your Ex. It’s over-accept it. Delete the phone number, rip up the love notes, and get yourself a new fresh online dating profile. You have to move on.

3. Tidy up your space

Let your divorce signify a start of a new beginning. Cleaning and organizing your personal space will leave you feeling prepared for the new things to come. A mess is usually overwhelming and depressing. Another bonus is that keeping busy tidying up your stuff doesn’t require a lot of brain cells, but does require focus to keep you from thinking about the past. Occupy yourself with tasks to keep your mind busy- and don’t forget to remove sentimental items from view ~ there are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex – the major ones are probably pictures, songs, furniture and clothes. There are probably things that are pushing your buttons without you knowing. Remove things that make you feel sad, It can work wonders to clear your space of all these “triggers”. If you have a keepsake, such as a watch or piece of jewelry that was given to you by your ex, there’s nothing wrong with keeping it, but for now put it away for later. When you’ve given yourself some time and space, then take it out.

4. Exercise eat well and get fresh air

Exercise improves your mood and alleviates depression, and the distraction will help keep your mind off your situation. Go jogging, join a gym or just go for a walk, maybe with a friend. And eat healthy too (I’m sure there is someone out there to prove me wrong, but I haven’t yet met someone who is depressed and eats a healthy diet and gets plenty of fresh air).

5. Watch comedy every day

Simply learn to laugh at yourself and life, laughter is the best medicine.

6. Get a hobby

I don’t care whether you take up fencing or boxing or stamp collecting or yoga, get yourself a hobby. A hobby will not only take your mind off your ex, it may also help you gain new skills and most importantly give you self-respect.

The most important tip I think I can ever give you:

7. Do something kind for others

Do something nice for someone today, whether its helping your kids, your sister or a stranger in Starbucks just do it! Directly stated doing nice things for others makes us happy, kindness creates a positive cycle that promotes happiness and peace.

In a study  published by the Journal of Social Psychology, researchers in the UK had volunteers take a test measuring satisfaction, then then assigned each of the participants into one of three groups.

Group One was told to perform a daily act of kindness for 10 days.
Group Two was told to do something new each day for 10 days.
Group Three was given nothing to do (Control group)

After 10 days researchers asked the volunteers to complete the satisfaction test again. The test revealed that both the groups that practiced kindness and did new things got a significant boost in feelings of happiness (The control group didn’t get any happier). The findings suggest a kind of “positive feedback loop” between kindness and happiness, and show that good deeds make people feel good.

Kindness makes you happy… and happiness makes you kind

Kindness broadens our perspective, to be kind, we have to pay attention to what’s going on around us, as we notice more things and help others, we get a glimpse of other ways of looking at things. A broader perspective helps us to keep things in context.

Kindness softens your heart.  When you look for kind deeds and the opportunity for kindness, we’ll find that we are more compassionate and more tolerant. As we practice empathy, it opens our heart to others.

Kindness brightens our world. When we are kind to people, it makes them happy. The more people who experience kindness from us, the more happy people will be in our lives. When those around us are happier, our world becomes a brighter, lighter place to live.

Kindness helps people feel respected and less alone. By recognizing someone’s need for help and acting on it in a compassionate manner, it makes the recipient feel valued. It also makes the giver feel better about themselves and more connected.

Kindness bears wonderful fruit. Kindness begets kindness, openness, health and reduces the effects of stress on our bodies and our hearts. In many ways, kindness is like Liquid Plumber for the soul: it opens us up, clears out the dross, and dwells lightly in our hearts.

Kindness begets kindness. When you are kind to others, the impact of your action doesn’t stop there. Many times the recipient of your kindness and others who see or hear about your kindness are inspired to be kinder. The ripples of kindness are truly endless.

Kindness makes people want to be around us. One of the most common responses to kindness is gratitude. People appreciate what we’ve done for them. Our kindness is very attractive, so they want to be around us and actually seek us out.

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…Online dating photos

Having great dating profile photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out  why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

Confidence~ the secret to better dates

Over the last months I’ve had the good fortune to be able to talk to many of our customers, this has given me a the huge opportunity to get a burning question answered that I’ve had for a while! The question is simply this:

“What’s the most important quality you like in a potential partner?

The answer I got from at least a hundred people was this when dating on or offline “Confidence is key” now this doesn’t come as a surprise…it’s a common sense answer!

So Confidence is key, that’s not rocket science we all probably agree…so the next question is this:

“How can I be confident on every date?”

Imagine being confident on every date! And having more confidence wouldn’t just help in your love life, it would help you in every other area of your life! How would you act if you were always confident? How different would your life be? My guess is that life would be very different!

Confidence really matters

So in all life’s ups and downs and twists and turns, how can we maintain the confidence level we need in order to be successful? How can we keep our confidence consistent? (even on a bad day!)  Some experts talk and blog about how keeping confidence up is difficult (not a very confident way of behaving is it!). But confidence really matters, in our dating life, in our work life…in every aspect of our lives! People will always be able at some level to feel how other people feel, our confidence is revealed in the way we talk, the way we walk and the way we move, and even the way we dress!

When we’re confident, it shows and when you’re not confident, it shows even more!

In my last post I said that one of the reasons people like online dating so much is because they are shy  or lack confidence and  dating can seem a bit scary and overwhelming.
Online dating can give us all a chance to meet someone special in the comfort of your home, making it much, much easier to start the process of dating ( Instead of having to meet someone in a bar and summon up the courage to walk over and offer them a drink, we can write an interesting profile, post some great shots and meet online first!)

Eventually though you’ll need to go a date and meet in person, and this is where you really need this confidence thing!

Tip number 1. Keep it real

Some people create an image of themselves online that is impossible to live up to in the real world so are unable to feel confident (For example imagine an online profile that presents them in a more affluent light and makes them feel obligated to perpetuate this image in the offline world. This can lead to extreme anxiety and nervousness for them, and because of that, a lack of confidence.
So why do people do this I hear you ask? Well I think that many people feel ashamed of who they really are! they feel as though they should be a different person, they feel like they’ve screwed up life!
My advice here is simple…keep it real! No one can be confident when it comes to a date they got from a slightly dishonest profile and e-mails.
We all want to present ourselves in a positive light but remember when you meet someone you’re no longer able to hide behind your computer – this is the reality.
The best thing you can do is to love who you are, be confident in the fact that you are unique and that you are ok the way you are, and that When you are on an online date don’t be afraid to open up and make yourself vulnerable. Let your date see what’s inside of you and show him or her who you really are right from the beginning. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not and don’t try to be politically correct. Be genuine, be yourself, this will help you a lot with your confidence

When you are your authentic self that’s when you are the most fun to yourself… as well as to others and when you’re the most confident. This will make your date feel at ease and will encourage them to be authentic and confident as too. And even if there is no romantic chemistry between you and your date, at least you will both still have an enjoyable time.

What if they don’t like you?

If your date dislikes you don’t take it personally. You can still be confident! This simply means that they are not the one for you, and that’s okay. Continue to be authentic and confident because it’s only a matter of time before you attract online dates that will love and appreciate the authentic you. And trust me you’ll be glad you did

Tip number 2. Dress for confidence.

The next step in confidence is dressing right for your date!
When customers ask me for dating advice and what to wear on a first date I tell them

First impressions matter.

The first thing that your date will see will be you — and your clothes. Your choice of threads won’t just tell him who you are — although it will do that. It will also reveal your level of interest in him. If you haven’t made an effort, he’s going to assume you don’t care and he’ll invest nothing in you either. You’ve got to dress right.

Dress to kill…and for confidence.

I get asked by so many women what to wear for both photos and a first dates, and here’s what I tell them every time!

“It’s better to show up in last year’s clothes with this year’s confidence, than last year’s confidence and this year’s clothes”

Think about it!

Confidence and sex appeal is owning who you.

Even if you have the most gorgeous Valentino dress, shoes by Jimmy Choo and half a million dollars’ worth of jewelry by Tiffany’s, if it doesn’t feel right or it just isn’t ‘you’ then it will never work, you’ll be uncomfortable and ill at ease — and nothing kills a date faster.

Find clothes that you feel confidence in you and you’ll be a knockout!

Tip number 3. Exercise

This tip definitely makes an impact on my self confidence. Regular exercise improves your energy levels and produces various chemicals – for example endorphins and serotonin that will put you in a more positive state- this automatically improve your confidence and outlook on life compared to sitting on the coach watching TV.

Also getting in shape and looking better can be a powerful confidence-booster.

So how does this relate to feeling more confident on a date, well if you’re going on a date at 7pm think about hitting the gym or walking for an hour then coming home to shower and prepare for your date. You’ll be amazed at what a HUGE difference this will make! You’ll arrive for your date feeling radiant and much happier than you’d normally be, and this WILL give you confidence you need!

Tip number 4. Use music

Ok so even the least confident among us have a song that makes them feel great!

Use uplifting music.

Use inspiring and motivating music to pump up yourself before leaving for a night out, play your favorite song in your car or ipod on your way to the date, sing, laugh feel good. This works pretty well as a temporary “confidence state-booster”.

Tip number 5. Ask what’s the worst that could happen?

When dating it’s easy to get lost in a vague fear of what might happen if you have a bad date. When you really ask yourself what’s the worst thing that could happen if you have a bad date you see that it’s just a date! A bit of fear vanishes and you discover that the potential consequences are never as frightening as you first thought. You’re able to feel confident and relax about the outcome!

Tip number 6. Use your body

If you start fidgeting with your leg you’ll soon feel anxious or nervous. If you start to walk slower you’ll soon start to feel more relaxed.

Take some deep breaths too! To feel more confident, use your body in more confident way. Walk, sit, stand and move in a more confident way. Use your body to change your mind!

Tip number 7. “Fake it until you make it”.

One way to create a higher level of confidence is to “Fake it til you make it”. This might sound like it couldn’t work. Like you are just making things up and lying to yourself. Well, that might be the case. But it still works. If you don’t feel confident, fake how you would think and behave if you were totally confident. Soon you’ll really start to feel confident. The act becomes real. Don’t ask me how or why this works, I’ll leave that for the psychologists..I just know it works!

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