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What Dating Is Like for Men: Part 3 of 8 (Women Please read this)

Click to see Part 1, and Part 2 of this Article.

Why Some Nice Guys Never Call Again
(FemiType #2: The 18 Year Old)

Developing empathy for men is crucial. Just like all your relationships, when you have the ability to step outside yourself and get into someone else’s head and heart,even just a little, your connections instantly improve.

We all carry baggage

Single men carry around old baggage and wounds just like we do. They’ve accumulated their fair share of dating and relationship bumps and bruises. In fact, they’ve probably had more. Think about it: they’ve been the ones responsible for putting themselves out there first since they were teenagers. Ouch. Talk about rejection. Along with all of the fun and great sex, men too have gotten dumped, misled, used and had their hearts broken by some challenging types of women.

Today we turn to another one of these women: The FemiType of the “18 year old”.

The 18 Year Old

The 18 Year Old dater doesn’t look 18 anymore, nor does she act like it. She is glorious! She is smart, has created a wonderful life for herself and has developed great relationships; except when it comes to romantic relationships with men.

While she runs every other part of her life with confidence and finesse, she runs her love life as if she is still a teenager. She may be 50 or 60 but she still digs the guys who are fun, “get her” and give her butterflies. The 18 Year Old wouldn’t recognize a grownup nice guy (e.g. a man who would make a good husband) if she stepped on him! Or, in Fred’s case, if she dated him.

FRED’S STORY

“I met this woman online and she seemed amazing. The first time we met I drove two hours to meet her for coffee. I did the same for the next date. We had a great dinner and at the end of the date she told how much she enjoyed it and looked forward to seeing me again. I was pretty excited because I liked her. I thought there was potential.

Then she stopped returning my calls. After about the third call – which was going to be my last – she answered and told me that she couldn’t see me anymore because her friends (who I never met) “didn’t think I was a good match for her.”

It’s a good thing I learned this nonsense about her right up front and not after we were in a relationship. I thought that crap ended in high school!”

Fred Liked this woman

Fred liked this woman and was interested in getting to know her. He drove two freaking hours each way to spend time with her! Not only did she give him mixed signals and was childish by not answering the phone and talking to him; she actually let her friends influence her decision about whether to see him again. Really???

This woman does not know or trust herself. That’s why she overly relies on what her friends think. Sounds just an 18 year old, right?

100% Emotional reasoning

Though she is dating way past 40, The 18 Year Old lives in confusion and uncertainty when it comes to relating to men. She doesn’t have the skills or the knowledge of herself or men to be able to make good decisions. Like most 18 year olds, she acts and reacts almost solely based on her emotions.

The 18 year old has lots of first dates and when she does snag a guy, cycles in and out of relationships pretty quickly. (One might call them affairs.) At the first sign of trouble she probably overreacts, and then one of them ends it soon thereafter. (Usually him.)

Most often she feels bad about herself. She asks all her friends what they think of her situation, even though many are no better off than she. She makes bad choices and chooses men who do not make her happy. That ends, and then she repeats the cycle.

Clueless

The 18 Year Old hasn’t a clue as to what is going wrong. Because she isn’t introspective and hasn’t learned how to talk to grownup men and communicate maturely, she remains confused and disappointed.
The men she wants won’t commit (but they “click” and they turn her on!), and the good guys who come her way get kicked to the curb. About these guys, you’ll hear her say things like “I wish I liked him but he just doesn’t do it for me!”

He just can’t win!

Dating the 18 year old leaves a nice guy like Fred frustrated and feeling like he can’t win. He’s getting mixed messages. He’s irritated because he’s looking for something real and lasting.
He feels like he’s dating like a grownup, but not getting the same in return. Some of his past insecurities of “always being the nice guy” may be triggered by dating The 18 Year Old. He can’t believe that at his age he’s still living the old saying “Nice guys finish last.”

 

WHAT A GROWNUP DATER DOES

The compassionate and adult dater prepares herself and makes shifts as she ages. She knows what she needs to be happy and that she is deserving. She is not just looking for a good date; she is looking for a good husband. When she has decisions to make about whether to choose a man – either to date or with whom to enjoy a relationship – she has the self-confidence and the tools to make decisions that are not only good for her, but also respectful and kind to the gentleman she meets.

I confess that I held on to my 18 year old long after it was appropriate. Thus, I had more than my share of bad boys and dead-end relationships into my 30s and 40s. Getting out of this cycle took a good amount of introspection and growing up. I realized it couldn’t be that all men were jerks.

Finally I was able to recognize a good guy and attract him. I appreciate my husband every single day. But I also honor myself for becoming the woman who attracted him.

That ability to recognize, love and admire my man doesn’t come from my 18 year old (though she still lives).  It comes from the grownup woman part of me who finally realized that having fun and being with a cute guy was not what lifetime partnership was all about….and then learned how to live that belief.

Is there a tad-bit of the 18 year old “Femitype” in you? If so, I encourage you to bring your romantic notions and expectations up to date with the otherwise mature woman you are today.

And to get in touch with what you really want now and who will make you happy in the long run. Don’t let another nice, relationship-minded guy like Fred finish last.

In my next post we’ll ask the question “Are you scaring yourself out of love?”

Dating online? the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Online dating profile photos before and after (10)

A recommended Workshop by Bobbi

I know that Bobbi is the real deal, and so she is one of the Dating Coaches that  I love and  recommend, which is why I have no worries about telling you about what she does!

So If you’re living in California (Or just a plane flight away) she’s  teaching her breakthrough workshop Mastering the art of magnetizing men on Memorial Day Weekend 2013 – May 25-26, 2013 in Los Angeles, CA. Click here to learn more and reserve your seat.

What Dating Is Like for Men: Part 2 of 8 (Women Please read this)

Click to see Part 1 of this article

Regal or a Royal Pain? (FemiType #1: The Princess)

If you’re going to be a successful dater (which means you have fun and meet good men), an essential tool is the ability to empathize with the men you meet. Empathy is not feeling sorry for someone. It’s being able to put yourself in their shoes and understand their experience.

I believe that the only way women can truly do that with men is to hear their stories firsthand. In my years of coaching I have gathered thoughts, feelings and stories from men in their early 30s up to their 70s, and clear patterns have emerged.

Among those patterns is this: There are certain types of single women who grownup men looking for relationships hope NOT to meet.

In a previous article CLICK HERE TO VIEW I outlined the six types of women who are a challenge for men to date. They are The Princess, The 18 Year Old, The Scaredy Cat, The Wow-Me, The Bitter Gal and the Sex Pot.

Based on the number and intensity of comments this article received, I think I hit a nerve! Believe me, I am SO not judging. There are parts of these types in all of us. During my many years of dating, I leaned toward the Scardey Cat with a whopping dose of 18 year old. (And those gals still appear from time to time after years of marriage!)

I know of what I speak, and I also know that this is hard to shake. But I’m going to try to help you do just that.

Before you get all “what about all the types of men who are this and that?!”, please note: You will not find one instance of me saying that only women should work on themselves or that they should put up with jerky guys. Nowhere. But my job is to help women over 40 date successfully. So I speak to you; I help you understand and talk to men.

That does not mean men aren’t in need of tune-ups. It just means that I leave helping the men to other experts. Now we can move on. I’m going to shine a light on each of these “FemiTypes.”

Today’s spotlight

Today’s spotlight is on The Princess.  Maybe she grew up as a princess, or maybe her “I deserve it” attitude comes from being burned too many times and she uses it as a shield or a test. Either way, she needs to see what a man will give her before she gives anything in return. And maybe she never gives at all.

Men are initially attracted to her because she appears confident and well-put together. (Men love confident women!) But Miss Princess can soon turn out to be demanding, high maintenance and, in the extreme, a variation of a gold digger.

NORM’S STORY

Here’s what “Norm” has to say about his experience dating a Princess:

“I was going out with a woman recently who I was very attracted to, but she stood on principle and did not want to call me. I called every time and it bothered me. And at the end of each date all I got was a quick, emotionless “thank you.” But she still accepted more dates, so I thought maybe she needed time to feel comfortable with me.

For our third date I asked her where she would like to go, and she told me it was my job “since I was the man.” So I asked her to go to a restaurant in her neighborhood for dinner. When I did I got complete silence. Apparently she didn’t approve.

That date was our last date. I don’t know what she wanted, but there was no way I was going to please that woman. And I saw no sign of her trying to please me…so I ran for the hills.”

Norm was turned off by her insistence on seemingly playing by “The Rules.” He just wanted to be able to please her and to have some indication that she returned his interest.

Instead, her inflexibility and lack of reciprocity left him feeling like a failure and like it was a one-way transaction. Guessing what would make her happy frustrated him, and he felt unappreciated. A grownup man looking for a relationship is not going to tolerate this. He won’t last long with a Princess.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking….I do encourage you to let the man make the first move. But I also encourage you to let him know you’re interested and let him know what he can do to make you happy. Once the ball gets rolling you absolutely should reciprocate with phone calls and date planning.

WHAT A GROWNUP DATER DOES

Instead of holding on to the rules, the kind, grownup dater would take Norm’s cues, give him a call when he asked, and let him know what she’d like to do on the date. And when they had a great date, she’d let him know it made her happy and she appreciated whatever effort he made.

Grownup men are usually not chasers. They want to know how to make you happy and to be rewarded when they do. And when you like a guy, this should be quite simple to do, right?

So if you have a touch of The Princess, please, take off your crown, loosen up your rules, and don’t let great guys like Norm pass you by.

In my next post we’ll talk about why some nice guys never call again!

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

A recommended Workshop by Bobbi

I know that Bobbi is the real deal, and so she is one of the Dating Coaches that  I love and  recommend.

For the record Bobbi really does care about her clients, which is why I have no worries about telling you about what she does!

So If you’re living in California (Or just a plane flight away) she’s  teaching her breakthrough workshop Mastering the art of magnetizing men on Memorial Day Weekend 2013 – May 25-26, 2013 in Los Angeles, CA. Click here to learn more and reserve your seat.

 

 

Run from any relationship that makes you question your sanity.

I talk to a LOT of Dating coaches.

Usually within about 5 minutes of looking at a dating coaches website or talking to them I can tell if they are authentic and care about their clients (Rather than seeing them a just dollars and cents!)

Meet Lisa Hayes (AKA the “Love Whisperer”)

She’s the genuine article…(to find out more about her CLICK HERE)

Talking to Lisa I immediately felt this authenticity and the care. When clients ask Lisa about finding love her response is:

“I know it’s hard to believe you can have the life and love of your dreams when you can’t remember what
those dreams even were.  However, you can.  You don’t have to know how.  You don’t even have to really believe it’s possible, because
I believe in you enough for both of us.”

Wisdom from Lisa
And Lisa has a successful marriage (An important quality in a “Love Whisperer” for sure) she met her husband on Match.com, so she knows it works.

Lisa says that “the single most important barometer of a healthy relationship is whether or not you like the person you become in it.”

A common question.

A question that I get asked a lot from Women is “how can I tell if a man really cares about me,” and as people show (or hide) their affection in so many different ways its often a difficult question to answer.

Expert Advice

When asked this question by a client of hers here is Lisa’s expert advice

Dear Lisa,

What I really want to know is how to tell if a man really cares about me. You’d think by this point in my life I’d have figured that one out, but it’s pretty clear, I’m not clear at all.  

I’m 38 years old and have never been married.  I’ve had three or four serious relationships and was even engaged once, but I called it off.  When it came right down to it I had to admit I didn’t think I was in love.  In fact, up until last summer I’m not sure if I ever had been.  Then last June I met Paul and I knew almost right away I was feeling what had been missing in every relationship before.

I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel the way he does.  We hit it off right away and he told me on our third date he felt like he was falling in love with me.  In some ways I’ve never been happier.  In others, I’ve never been more miserable.

Paul travels a lot for work.  In the last couple of months I’ve had some cause to think he might be seeing other women when he’s out of town.  Well, maybe I have reason to think that, I’m honestly not sure.  I sort of feel like I’m paranoid.  Although he tells me all the time he loves me, I’m seeing him less and less.  He missed my birthday and Valentine’s Day.  I think he was in town for both.  

A couple of weeks ago I jokingly brought up the possibility of moving in with him when my lease was up and I swear he acted like he didn’t even hear me.  Maybe he didn’t.  All I know is I’ve never been more in love, but I feel like he’s slowly pulling away and I don’t know what to do about it.

Please help.

Kara,Toledo

Dear Kara,

That’s a lot going on here.  However, a couple of things caught my attention.  First and foremost was your statement, “I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel the way he does.”  That my friend, is a slippery slope you’ve got yourself on.  No one, other than you, is responsible for making you feel anything.  Giving away that much power, is dangerous.  Paul cannot be the source of your happiness.  He simply can’t.  He really isn’t capable of filling you up emotionally.  That’s on you and you aren’t doing it.

Secondly,  the single most important barometer of a healthy relationship is whether or not you like the person you become in it. Your assessment that you might be paranoid is a pretty good indication you aren’t in a place where you trust yourself or like yourself.

I don’t know if Paul is seeing other women.  I don’t know if or why he’s pulling away.  I do know you aren’t happy in this relationship anymore.  I also know that love isn’t a feeling, it’s a behavior.  It’s pretty clear he isn’t behaving in a loving way, at least not consistently.  Missing your birthday says way more than him telling you he loves you.

The good news is you already do know how to tell if a guy cares about you.  You know this guy doesn’t care enough.  You already know it in your heart.  Do not walk away from this.  Run.  Run from any relationship that makes you question your sanity.  Run from any guy that doesn’t acknowledge your birthday or anyone you even think might be seeing other women.  I don’t care if he loves you or not.  You have to love yourself more than that.  It’s time for you to be the one pulling away.

Big hugs,
Lisa

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

5 Ways To Get Over Being Cheated On And Not Bring It Into Your Next Relationship

For anyone who reads my posts, you’ll already know that I love Dating coaches “The Amazing Clarks”

Anthony & Melanie Clark ( Click here to find out more about them )have a fresh, new REVOLUTIONARY approach to love and dating that I’ve seen change people’s lives…How’s that for a shameless plug?

clarks dating experts 001
The Clarks are spiritual, but not religious; straight, but not narrow, and have a success record that shows that they’re real, not fake.  They’ focus on real transformation, not the regurgitated fluff offered by a lot of relationship “experts”.

A Question and an answer.

A good friend of mine recently asked me the question of “How do I get over being cheated on”?

Here’s what the Clarks have to say about how to get over being cheated on.

1. No More Contact…

The first thing you need to do is to cut off all contact with your ex. No phone calls, no texting, and no driving by their house late at night. Right now you are both very emotional and any attempts to communicate will likely backfire and lead to even more pain and conflict. It’s not worth the risk!

2. No More Dating…

Even though you may be tempted, refrain from jumping back into the dating scene or into another romantic relationship at this time. Right now you are emotionally vulnerable. The last thing that you need is to find yourself back in another unwanted committed relationship or romantic predicament. Don’t worry, you’ll get back in the game again, but not just right now.

3. Give Yourself 2 Weeks to Be Upset:

After being cheated on, some friends and family members may try to discourage you from crying and being upset, but not us. When a loved one cheats on you, being angry and crying is a very natural response that can also be extremely therapeutic. The key is to not stay upset for too long. We recommend that you give yourself 2 weeks maximum to cry and get it all out of your system. And after the 2 weeks are up, wipe your tears and get back to your life.

4. Make Peace with Where You’re At…

The next step is for you to make peace with your situation and learn to forgive your ex. This is extremely vital because you cannot have a better romantic future unless you make peace with your romantic past. Below are 5 new perspectives you need to tell yourself in order to accomplish this:

• I did nothing wrong — my ex was the one with the dishonesty problem!
• I appreciate the good memories and hope the best for my ex!
• My ex was obviously not the one for me — I’m grateful it was revealed!
• All men/women are not cheaters — there are a lot of trustworthy men/women!
• I am grateful to be free and to have a second chance to find my real true love!

5. Step Up Your Game…

This is your opportunity to finally attract the amazing romantic partner that you’ve always wanted and deserved. But in order to do this you have to be the most amazing “you” possible. Take advantage of this new beginning by doing exciting things like getting a makeover, hitting the gym and creating a sexier body, meeting new friends and discovering new passions. Most importantly, have fun and enjoy being single. When you eventually meet your true love, you’ll realize that your cheating ex did you a huge favor.

Get Great Photos

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating after Divorce

For many people online dating after a divorce can be a daunting and scary experience, it’s often made more difficult for people because most  of them haven’t dated for 20 or 30 years!

Meet my friend  April Braswell:
Having written hundreds of dating profiles, written numerous singles articles, and contributing to books such as “Dating for Dummies”

As you can imagine, she’s quite an expert at helping people find love (click here to find out more about April)

 

Great dating advive

Here’s a great advice from dating guru April on dating after divorce…enjoy.

I was driving north on 101 recently on a Wednesday morning to my then office in Silicon Valley, land of Corporate Technology and the late Steve Jobs of Apple, late in June when I heard the DJs on the radio talking about some poor single lady who was recently divorced who had been on her very first date on a Saturday night after having been divorced for two years now.

Her first date, how had it gone? It had been a MISERY.

I’m thinking, “This dear lady needs some concrete help with dating after divorce tips.”  I really wanted just to pull over to the side of the road and phone the radio station and give the dear thing my email and phone number.  “Have her call me. I can help. Really. Please let me help her because she needs building up after an experience like that.”

Divorce is a misery to begin with. Divorced singles will often feel rejected and dejected. It’s such a mess and a mess emotionally, most of the time.

And now you’re back facing the modern singles scene. Wouldn’t YOU want to know some dating after divorce tips before re-launching yourself into the meet and meat market of dating? Who wouldn’t!

Well, here goes.

Dating After Divorce Tip #1. GO SLOW!

Take it easy with yourself. Try some coffee with others. Think of what the dating scene was like back in high school and college when quite often singles get together and hang out casually together in the evening before they make the concerted effort to pair off into romantic couples. Do aim for a casual social life with meeting other singles. Aim for casual first dates like a lunch date, some very casual get-togethers, and consider perhaps a singles activity group. Please go slowly with yourself and build up some re-venturing social skills.

Dating After Divorce Tip #2. BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF!

Give yourself time and space to ease back into this. Go simple and easy for your first several dates. Yes DO dress up nicely and look your best, just remember this is not the Opening Night Gala at the San Francisco Opera. Leave your ball gown at home this time. You don’t have to dress up to THAT extent. Nor should you be wearing just your jeans, t shirt and Merrels. Something in between. Dressing up and looking your best is part of the practice which you are practicing feeling comfortable doing. Don’t stint yourself. Look fabulous. Studies demonstratate you will FEEL fabulous when you do so.

Dating After Divorce Tip #3. DO DATE LOTS!

OK, when you fall off of a horse, what do they recommend you do? Get right back on. Same thing with dating. When you are looking to learn a new skill, what is one of the most effective learning methodologies? Repetition of fundamentals. Do you just throw the ball one time and think you are now good at football? Or do you throw, and throw, and throw, and throw, and THROW! Yes. Precisely. You PRACTICE.

Same principle in dating. Go on a LOT of first dates when you first get back in the dating game. You are simply looking to meet some lovely people and to practice feeling comfortable confident and poised meeting and making small talk with strangers and friends of friends.

Dating After Divorce Tip #4. KEEP IT BRIEF!

You are re-launching yourself socially so with those early “re-launch” dates? Keep them to about 60-90 minutes. Drinks. Appetizers. Coffee.

And if it MUST be coffee, just be sure to select a really FABULOUS ambiance location like The Four Seasons or Trump Tower. LOVELY.

Dating After Divorce Tip #5. SIZE MATTERS!

Early on in your re-launch mode, you need to aim for QUANTITY of DATES over QUALITY of DATES. You need to go on about 20 dates just to get back in the swing of things with the current Dating World and practice your social poise and presentation.

If your date asks you, “What are you looking for?” you might respond with something like, “I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them. I want to be in a relationship again, but it’s too early for me to decide quite yet. I’m looking to meet new people and see where it goes.” While you are keeping all of these many initial dates short – 1-2 hours – as a habit, you might be wondering why. Keep them all short, avoiding those 4-6 hours dates so you refrain from inadvertently treating your date as a “Divorce Grief Support Group”. Your first date small talk conversations are not the place to heal your heart after your divorce. That’s what I’m for as a Dating and Relationship Coach with extensive training in Grief and Loss support

Dating After Divorce Tip #6. AVOID DATE NIGHT!

When you are just starting out dating again, on your first 3-5 dates, do specifically avoid the TRADITIONAL DATE NIGHTS of Saturday and Friday nights. Do NOT go out on a Saturday night or a Friday night date to begin with. Those are like PROM night. There is so much pressure at the beginning. You haven’t been on a date in years. You will first need to rebuild your dating skill set before venturing out on a Friday or Saturday night date. This is just to begin with during your first few months of dating again after your divorce.

Instead, do go out on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Sunday night date. I do recommend evening dates for other reasons for a FIRST DATE to create and foster a romantic and flirtatious ambiance. Flirtation is part of your practice regime. So, remember, evening dates for early dates.

Dating After Divorce Tip #7. GO!

Yes, you MUST relaunch yourself. Indeed, give yourself some time to grieve and heal after your divorce, but I would recommend that within 3-12 months after a divorce, BY THEN, you need to venture back out into the Dating World and GO ON DATES.

    • When you’re ready to get going online and find love and the romantic relationship you crave….
    • When you want to supercharge your internet dating search and courtship to find real love….
    • When you’re sick of the sea of sameness swirling about the dating sites and lackluster result you’re getting….
    • When you’re sick and tired of one more Saturday night wasted meeting someone who doesn’t match you whatsoever…

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having  great profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Getting out there and meeting other singles

As a new American Citizen I’ve been trying to learn a little US history each week (Much to my amusement I often find that I know more about US History than my American friends!)In my study of famous historical people from the USA I Came across Ralph Waldo Emerson…or more specifically a quote of his

“Passion rebuilds the world. It makes all things alive and significant”.

“So what’s this got to do with a BLOG about online dating or profile photos?” I hear you say? “Get to the point!”

While talking with my new friend Lisa she said that “Relationship coaching” isn’t just what she does for a living; it’s her passion.

Meet Lisa

Lisa’s immediately likeable and authentic…Her Bio reads:

“I know that nothing else we do in life can feel as frustrating, confusing, and disheartening as dating or being in a disappointing relationship. But I also know that love is worth everything we must go through in order to find it”.

Wise words indeed…

Another thing I like about Lisa is that she’s humble…when I first spoke with her on the telephone she never even mentioned that she’s been featured by Patti Stanger on the Millionaire matchmaker TV show as Patti’s “Number one Life Coach”…to find more about Lisa and see her at work on the Millionaire matchmaker TV show CLICK HERE

A question I get asked a lot

A question that I get asked a lot by people is “How exactly can I get out there and meet other singles”
My answer is usually that online dating should be just part of your strategy to meet people.

Here’s Lisa’s expert advice on this subject!

Getting out there and meeting other singles

Do you ever sit around on your couch and wonder why the universe hasn’t delivered you a date in ages? You think, “How come my dating life isn’t going anywhere?” Well, maybe, just maybe you need to get up, get out, and give the universe a bit of help. I am willing to bet that if you got off your cute little butt and put some effort into meeting other singles, the universe would reciprocate by giving you some dates. It’s just a hunch, but it’s a good one. Seeing as it’s nearly January 1st, you might even want to make a commitment to going out and meeting more singles one of your New Years resolutions.
Get out your calendar and schedule in at least three activities or events a month. To insure the greatest chance of getting actual dates, choose at least two events that are specifically geared towards singles. Many people make the mistake of attending a group only once, but you want to frequent the same group over and over again so that people begin to recognize you. Finally, go alone so that you will have to get out of your shell and meet more people.

Some suggested places to meet people:

1. Go to a bar or pub.(Only if it’s your thing!)
One of the easiest places to meet people is at a neighborhood bar or pub. Do not have more than one drink. In fact, it would be better to sip a club soda so that you are totally present. Witness your fears and inhibitions as they arise. Do you go for the person you are most attracted to or shy away? Do you wait to be noticed by others or do you send out signals that you are interested? Are you judging people and looking for their flaws? What if you looked around the room and focused on what was attractive about each person?

2. Join a dance class.
Salsa and ballroom dancing classes are an especially good way to meet people. When you get moving, you naturally are in a better mood. Dancing is also a great way connect with your body and your sensuality. As a metaphor for relationships, dancing teaches men how to take the lead and it helps women feel more comfortable letting a man take the lead. Dancing will also get you out of your head and help you flow with the moment, skills that come in handy when you’re on an actual date.

3. Go for a hike.
You can join a group like Sierra Club Singles or go alone and see if you can engage other people on the trail. Hiking is a great way to combine exercising with meeting other people. For some people, parties and Meetup groups can feel too sterile. Doing an activity can create an environment where meeting people feels more natural. Start by just smiling and saying hello to people. Eventually, you might say, “Mind if I walk with you awhile?” If you like someone, you might ask if they would like to meet again for another hike.

4. Go to a networking meeting.
Networking meetings give you a built in excuse to walk up to someone attractive in the room and strike up a conversation. Check Meetup.com for singles-related networking groups. Wear something that stands out—a piece of jewelry, a colorful scarf, or a striking pair of glasses—or notice something someone else is wearing that you can comment on. “I love those retro eyeglasses you’re wearing…” Ask what kinds of clients they are looking for so you can refer to them. If you’re bold, suggest getting together for lunch or a drink to discuss how you can help each other.

5. Sit in a coffee shop.
Grab a cup of coffee and a chair by the door. Don’t read a book or the paper. Instead, smile at people as they walk in. See if you can get someone to stop and talk to you. Maybe comment on something someone is wearing or on the weather, anything to strike up a conversation.

6. Go to a supermarket.
Go at the busiest time of the day and see if you can engage people at the vegetable department or in deli section. Be playful and flirtatious. Try challenging yourself to talk to the cutest person you can find. Ask for help getting something off the top shelf or inquire if that person has ever tried a certain product. Get comfortable talking to everyone, especially people you find attractive.

7. Go to a park or a dog park.(only if it’s your thing!)
Nothing attracts attention like a dog. A friend of mine was having a terrible time getting dates. Then, she got a dog. The dog got her to get out and about and, lo and behold, she met a guy. A REALLY cute guy. Now she has a dog and a boyfriend. Talk about a happy camper. If you meet another dog owner you like, suggest a “doggie” play date.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating On a Budget

For many people times are tough!

Today’s post is kindly written by my friend Dave…if you are feeling the downturn, have lost your job, or house or just haven’t the money you used to then I hope in some small way that reading it will help you.

Dating On a Budget

Many men think that having money, power and influence are the most important attributes we need to attract and hold onto that special member of the opposite sex. While I can honestly say that those things contribute to our overall sex appeal, they are not, in and of themselves, the most important ones for a lasting relationship, or for starting one you want to pursue. First, you should know that I have occupied both ends of the “money, power and influence” scale. I know exactly what it feels like to live on both ends and the impact that living on either end has on the opposite sex.

I can tell you without blanching that being attentive, supportive, a good listener and being romantic are far and away more important than being rich, powerful and influential alone. That said, it certainly wouldn’t hurt your cause to be attentive, supportive, a good listener and romantic and rich and powerful, but let’s not go there today. What we want to discuss is just how important those alleged “lesser” attributes count, and in particular how they apply to the rituals of dating and how you can successfully date on a budget.

The first thing you want to get out of your head

The first thing you want to get out of your head is the idea of making yourself appear more rich, powerful or influential than you are. You’ll do this at your own risk. Such a charade is rife with pending failure. It’s a train wreck waiting to happen. Don’t do it.  You can do this accidentally by trying too hard to “big time” her on that first date. Believe me it will show. You will embarrass yourself and her, too. So get it out of your head that you have to take her to the most expensive restaurant in town on that first date. Let those lesser attributes shine through and take her somewhere modest if that’s all you can afford. It will work to your advantage to be honest.

Find Somewhere Different and New – and Inexpensive to Take Her

Dating on a budget takes some planning and research. Start by going online and finding truly interesting or unusual places to go or eat in – that are not expensive. That’s a simple idea that you can leverage the hell out of. I’ve never met a woman yet that will turn down an invitation to eat in some unusual venue. Trust me. Women like new and different. The newer and more different the establishment is, the better. You can find such places in your geographical area on Google quite easily. They do not have to be expensive. They often are expensive, but we don’t need those to make a good impression; we’re clever and attentive and romantic.

If You Don’t’ Know How, Learn to Cook and Eat In

There’s not a better way in the world to impress your heart’s desire than to cook for her. I can’t tell you how valuable this attribute is. Mix “good
cook” with attentive, romantic and good listener and you’ve got the holy grail of valuable attributes right there ready to work for you. Cooking and eating in is the most inexpensive date there is. Learn to do this and you’ve learned a skill for life.

 

Imagine This

Imagine that you are very rich, powerful, influential and also extremely dull and unromantic and can’t cook. Get the idea now? So don’t be too discouraged that you can’t afford the most expensive places to eat. Focus on developing those other “lesser” attributes; the ones that count. Money can’t buy feminine interest. Well, it can – but that’s another issue altogether. That discussion would revolve around the idea of renting, not dating.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

12 Reasons Why Women Prefer Bad Boys

My friend Jane (We’ll call her Jane) was totally smitten with her new boyfriend John .

They met at a wine tasting party, he possessed all the qualities that she had dreamed of in her knight in shining armor—except for him being a Partier! John loves to visit dive bars with the guys.

Cindy didn’t mind him hanging out with his guy friends. However more than occasionally John gets slammed drunk and behaves like an ass (behaving badly to Jane when he’s drunk)…while all Jane’s friends know he’s a train wreck and not good for her…she can’t seem to break off this toxic relationship.

And Jane’s not the only one for sure!

Meet my friend Lucia

Lucia is an internationally known dating/relationship expert and TV personality. She hosts “The Art of Love” on L.A. Talk Radio, is the author of “Lucia’s Lessons of Love”, a keynote speaker and syndicated columnist.

She has been on over 100 national and international radio and TV Shows as an expert, including “Dr. Phil”, “The CBS Early Show”, “60 Minutes Australia”, “The Tyra Banks Show”, “E! Entertainment”, “The KTLA Morning Show”, “Fox 5 News”, “Playboy Radio” and “Cosmo Radio”.
(To find out more about Lucia Click here)

 

Elegant and Authentic

I like Lucia because she’s both elegant and authentic! She’s both sensitive and not afraid to “tell it as it is!”

So here’s Lucia’s expert Advice on why women prefer Bad boys-And don’t forget to read all the way to the end to get her comment on the ideal man!

Why Women Prefer Bad Boys

Women say they want a nice guy, yet usually end up dating bad boys.  Here’s why:

Not real:  Nice guys are too nice.  No one can always be that nice unless they’re a saint. They are busy being nice instead of being real and women instinctually don’t trust that.  Bad boys “keep it real”.  Nice guys don’t want to upset the apple cart.

Respect:  No one respects a doormat.  Nice guys don’t set boundaries or make any real demands.  A bad boy doesn’t let a woman walk all over him or control him.  Women can’t respect a man they can control.  No respect = No attraction.

Predictable:   Most people lead boring, predictable lives, so they’re attracted to people who are exciting and unpredictable.   Bad boys are always a challenge. Nice guys are never a challenge.  Predictable = No excitement = No challenge = I prefer a bad boy.

Mother Nature:  Women are designed to nurture.  However, instead of doing this with children, they often end up doing it with bad boys.  They think their love will save them.  Nice guys rarely need to be saved.

Fixer-Upper:  Nice guys don’t usually need to be fixed.   Bad boys usually do, so they become a project.  Women think if they can “create” the perfect man, he will never leave them.  Also, if they’re busy fixing someone else, they don’t have to look at what needs to be fixed in their own lives.

Sperm wars:  Women are designed to procreate with the strongest possible genes.  Bad boys are sending an unconscious message that they have great genes, so they’re not afraid of losing the woman by misbehaving.  Nice guys are sending a message that they don’t think their genes are good enough, so they won’t misbehave.

Fear of intimacy:  If a woman is afraid of intimacy, she subconsciously knows she can avoid it with a bad boy, since she can never get close enough to him to have to go there.  A nice guy will eventually want a commitment, and that’s scary.

 Low self-esteem:   We don’t feel comfortable with people who treat us better than we treat ourselves.  If you don’t think much of yourself, the bad boy is simply reinforcing your negative belief.  A nice guy is treating you in a way you’re unfamiliar with.

Sex:  Women feel a nice guy won’t be good in bed.  They like to be manhandled sometimes and think a nice guy won’t be able to take control and get the job done.  A bad boy comes across as being able to get the job done, even though that may not always be the case.

 Hot:  Have you ever seen a bad boy who wasn’t hot?  I’m sure there are a few, but they wouldn’t be able to get away with half the stuff they did if they didn’t look so good.  Meanwhile, when a woman describes someone as a nice guy, she means, “He’s not hot”.

Charm:   Nice guys don’t always know what to say, and are sometimes at a loss for words.  Bad boys can be very charming and know exactly what women want to hear. However, they eventually switch over to being selfish.  By the time they reveal their true colors, the woman has fallen for them and has a hard time letting go.

Protection:  Historically, men have protected women – physically and otherwise.  Bad boys give the illusion of being able to protect women, while with nice guys, women aren’t so sure.

Life is about balance.

Most men fall into either the bad boy or the nice guy category.   The ideal man is neither, but walks that fine line between the two.  Until men learn how to do this, more often than not, women will choose the bad boy, until they realize that his bad qualities outweigh his good ones.

 

Online Dating? Without a good profile photo no-one’s going to reply.

Having great online dating photos is the MOST important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and see how

 

When Should You Ask A Girl Out Online?

Let me introduce you to Scott Valdez…

Scott’s a highly respected expert in the dating industry, who’s been featured in Forbes, BBC, Washington Post, Men’s health, CNN, Urban Daddy and MSBCN.
Recently, AOL’s Asylum.com wrote “Scott Valdez can attract hundreds of women each month in his boxers.”…Scott’s reply…Usually, I put on pajamas

Your own personal marketing when you’re looking for love

Scott’s also the head of  Virtual Dating Assistants, a service devoted to doing all that pesky online wooing for you. Think of it as your own personal marketing campaign for when you’re looking for love…they’ve crunched the numbers, and they know what drives traffic to the product (i.e. you). They provide you with an Assistant to help you schedule dates and they’ll also run telephone conversation scenarios—anything to get you to dinner and drinks with minimal effort… they literally do it all: write your profile, pick out potential matches, send introductory e-mails and message back and forth until your date is confirmed. Then they turn over the correspondence and tell the lucky fellow where and when he’s meeting Madame X.

Here’s what Scott has to tell you about When To Ask For The Date At JUST The Right Time…

Online dating: When Should You Ask A Girl Out Online?

I’m about to show you what to know before you ask a woman out, so that you can quickly transition from the online world to the real one, without any awkward rejection emails in your inbox…

First of all… it is CRITICAL that you know exactly how and when to ask a woman out on a date.

If you know when to ask for the date, you have POWER. You can relax and take control of the situation, and feel confident that you will date most of the women that reply to your first message, because you know what’s coming next…

But if you ask too soon… you will KILL your ability to influence and attract women. They will literally shut off their responsiveness and ignore your messages – and recovering will not be easy (without my help, anyway)…

Knowing how to prevent women from stalling opens up a huge influx of dates in your online love life, and you don’t even have to work any harder. It’s automatic…

Don’t wait too long

…But if you ask too late, women will not want to meet and date you, because you will fall victim to the only thing in the UNIVERSE worse than the “friend zone” – the online dating friend zone…

And of course, learning the simple skill of asking a woman out online can make the difference in the quality of the love life that led you to online dating in the first place. All of your time, energy, and money can be put to good use…to finally date the beautiful women you deserve… It’s that important.

Not figuring out the right way to ask a woman out is like getting rejected by every girl in your high school… because you will be wasting your time, and you might as well GIVE UP…

When’s The Right Time To Ask A Woman Out?

My team at ViDA analyzed hundreds of emails that we’d sent to women our clients ended up meeting to discover the answer to this very question.

After spending countless hours collecting and dissecting all the data, we found that the ideal time to ask for the date is after she has sent you between 2 and 3 emails.

Sometimes, you may need to wait until she’s sent you 4 emails (or even a couple more), but you usually don’t want to wait this long.

So how do you know exactly when to go for it?

The key is to gauge the rapport and attraction that you’ve built by paying close attention to her level of engagement and interest. The simplest single indicator is the length of her emails, but there are others…

If you wait any longer than it takes to receive a few inbound emails, she will start to lose interest because the excitement and mystery of meeting you will fade away, and it will be more comfortable for her to keep you online than off…

But remember that the rule is not ‘the faster, the better.’ You do not want to ask her out in your first email. She hasn’t gotten to know, like and trust you yet. The only time that you can get away with asking her out in the first email you send her is when she contacts you first and says something to let you know that she wants you BADLY.

…which will happen from time to time when you learn how to be attractive to women online…

…But even then, you can make her work harder for you… especially if you really want to get her on “lock down.”

Tips For Asking Her Out

Don’t say anything self-defeating like, “You wouldn’t want to meet up with me, would you?”

Try to overcome possible objections if you think there will be some. You can say something like:

“I’ve found that it’s impossible to predict chemistry online, even if you exchange endless back-and-forth emails…”

or say “Talking seems, to me, like a much better way to get to know someone than emailing.”

By saying things you KNOW she’ll agree with, you get small yeses that help lead to the bigger yes.

Always suggest the first meeting as something that’s harmless and a low investment. A quick cup of coffee sounds much less time-consuming and potentially painful than the Japanese steakhouse.

Typically, you just want to get an agreement to meet “sometime soon” in the email where you ask for the date. You want to make it as easy as possible for her to say “yes” to the idea of meeting up… and then handle the details later.

Once she confirms, you should give her two options for when (i.e. Sunday afternoon or Tuesday evening). This keeps it very easy for her to decide while simultaneously using the “scarcity principle” to your advantage. What is scarce seems more valuable…

When the time is confirmed you suggest the perfect meeting place (you are the man so you make this decision firmly)… and then in one final email you will send her your number “in case something last minute comes up” and ask her to send hers over as well…

Dating online…Get great dating photos.

You’ll need some dating profile photos when you date online.
Having  great dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, visit LookBetterOnline and find out why our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

You don’t have to be gorgeous to benefit from good photography

Over the years I’ve photographed hundreds of people who felt that they just weren’t very photogenic. And the fact of the matter is that not everyone looks like a model in front of the camera. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you stop using photos that make you look less attractive than you are. Everyone can look open, approachable and friendly. Sometimes, with a good photographer behind the camera, even the most camera-shy and photo-averse subjects can look approachable.  And that’s the key.

Have you ever seen a photo of what is an otherwise attractive person with some very odd, enigmatic, strange or off-putting expression and thought “Yeeesh…what an ugly look. Good luck.” We all have. Believe me, that unfortunate photo, often taken of themselves in the bathroom mirror, creates exactly the same lack of interest in the dating community for the attractive as it does for those of us less favorably endowed. My point is that how we look online matters and the qualities of approachability, friendliness, openness and warmth are qualities we all possess. Don’t hide them or obscure them by photographing yourself in the mirror or by taking some goofy arm’s-length self portrait of yourself at the beach.

Using a skilled photographer, who makes his or her living by bringing out your best qualities, is some of the best money you’ll ever spend.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!