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3 Things that Men Need to Know (and Women Need to look for)

As I write this post I realize there may be a few folks who disagree with what I say and that’s OK!

Confidence

1. Be Authentic and Confident in who you are

Confidence is key! Women love confidence. And I don’t mean cockiness…I mean the confidence to be authentic!
If you’re nervous about a first date then you might want to try some exercise an hour or two prior to getting ready and going out (Often being in your body will get you “Out” of your nervous mind)


And when it comes to talking- stay in the comfort zone by coming up with a few subjects that won’t get you into trouble (And AVOID at all costs Politics or Religion!…I know obvious eh!)
If you’re not sure what to talk about then  ask your date about their life, listen and go from there.

Also don’t forget there’s is a fine line between being confidence and cocky – nobody likes a cocky guy who is too cool, so keep it real

Ways to feel more confident:

Don’t slouch!
Take a couple of deep breaths and Stand or sit  tall! Pull your shoulders back  and pick your chin up No one looks confident if they are always looking down!
Slow down and take a breath
When you get nervous, your voice goes up and you’ll talk faster than you realize.  These are two dead giveaways for lack of confidence…so breathe deeply and relax…It’s not a race to impress her!

Don’t be needy

Drinks are fine for a first date. But don’t order a 6 course meal just to impress her…it won’t (Unless she’s just after your money in which case you’re better off ditching her)

Now I’m all about making a girl feel special…in fact your date should be planned with 2 things n mind

1. Make her feel special
2. Get to know her a bit better

But you don’t need to spend a ton of money on a first date; It just looks flashy, needy or both
(And if you have a beautiful car don’t feel obligated to tell her…that smells of deep neediness people who have money and tell everyone about it or people who pretend to have money are needy and rather boring)

3. Be a gentleman

2 words on this subject guys (MAN-UP)
Chivalry and honor aren’t dead, but most guys don’t get it and act like schmucks. Conduct yourself like a Gentlemen and you’ll gain a woman’s respect. Open her doors, Pay the check,  Be nice…Plus, you’ll feel better about yourself

Think About This!

Before you get a date you need to attract someone special!
Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, we all look at the photos first! so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

3 Stupid Things to STOP Doing If You Want to find Love after 40

I heard somewhere that its the walls we build around ourselves that stop US finding LOVE!

This morning I read this Blog post (That I’d like to share) from my friend Bobbi Palmer…it was called  “3 Stupid Things to Stop Doing If You Want to Be In Love” it made me pause and think about the things that people do to prevent them from finding love….now for those of you who read my posts you’ll know I’m a HUGE fan of Bobbi!

For thiose who don’t…first let me tell you a little about Bobbi

Bobbi Palmer. is a 50-year-old, blissfully married, talented, funny, honest and kind relationship EXPERT and trusted guide who helps smart, grownup women find that someone special! And Bobbi really knows what it feels like to become a first-time bride at age 47 and experience real deep love when it seemed impossible (She met her dream husband online after getting new photos from LookBetterOnline.com).
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I found love at age 47. That means I spent about 30 years flailing away at dating before I met and married my spectacular man. I feel special and loved every single day, and our time together has been the best of my life.

How did I do this? In my early 40s I decided I had to figure out the man-thing. I began a journey of education. I learned more about myself, men and relationships. And here’s what I came to find out:

The challenge isn’t the NEW things we have to learn, but the OLD stuff we have un-learn!

Let’s face it: we’re kinda old. We’ve been doing, thinking and believing things about ourselves and men for a very long time. I’m here to help you do what I finally did: let go of the old crap that has been getting in your way of what you probably want most in your life: a loving, committed man.

Here are The 3 Stupid Things You Should STOP Doing If You Want to Fall in Love after 40:

#1: Dump Your Desire to Be Dazzled.

We all have different things that do it for us. You know, that thing that gives you butterflies when you finally meet a guy who has it. Maybe he has that special sense of humor, maybe it’s his intellect or his looks. This is the thing that when you find THIS in a guy you get giddy and start projecting into the future…YOUR future…together.

Whatever your thing is, even though you are over 40 or in your boomer or senior years, it’s likely coming from your 18 year old. When you meet a man with The Thing, you feel instant chemistry. You also often overlook other things that may make him a complete putz!

If you are still basing your dating choices or you’re staying in a relationship simply because you laugh together, you’re awed by his brilliance, or you think you look great together – and that’s about all you can say about it – then you are not a grownup woman looking for a good husband – you’re an 18 year old looking for a BUZZ.

The grownup woman who picks a good man as her partner gets her buzz based on observing a series of his actions and attitudes. She gets dazzled because he makes her HAPPY, not because he gives her a buzz.

Think about what dazzles you. Is it something that has to do with him being the guy who has your back and makes you feel loved and safe? Or is it about immediate gratification and feeling good in the moment?

Here’s an example of what I think is the Real Thing: When my husband Larry agrees to answer the phone when my mother calls, and when he is so freaking nice to her she forgets about talking to me all together. My 18 year old couldn’t give a shit about that, but my 53 year old digs it. He has my back. That dazzles me every freakin’ time.

#2 Stop expecting men to take all the risks.

Here is what that looks like when we’re making the man do all the work:

  • “If he’s interested he’ll show it and I’ll know it.”
  • “If he really cares about me he’ll know what I want.”
  • “I’m not going to tell him that I care about him until he says it first.”
  • “I never make the first move.”

Well, let me tell you about grownup men. These guys (the ones you want!) have achieved success in life know how to get what they want. If they think you are unattainable or uninterested they will quickly move on. They won’t waste their time on something (or someone) they can’t win. And they certainly aren’t interested in doing all the work. Are you?

What does that mean to your grownup girl? It means not walking around with your head down and your wall up. It means talking to men anywhere and everywhere. It means being willing and able to initiate open and honest conversation about yourself and about things that count when getting to know one another.

“The Rules” are out, sister. Making him chase you not only doesn’t fly with grownup dating, it turns off the smart, commitment-minded men you are probably trying to meet. These men are not into playing games or climbing your “wall of I dare you.” (That was the name of my wall.

Like you, men who are dating in their midlife want to meet someone nice and have an easy time getting to know her. And like you, most hope to meet a partner who will share the rest of their great life. But they don’t want to – nor do they have to – work like a dog to get it.

Now I want you to ask yourself a couple questions:

  1. Do I expect men to do all or most of the work?
  2. Could I be using this belief as an excuse to not put myself out there and risk rejection?

#3: Stop doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

I’m going to assume that you’ve been dating the same way and having the same type of relationships with men for years and years. Why? Maybe you’re not trying to do things differently because you’re you just don’t know what else to do. Maybe it’s because it feels safe and familiar. Maybe you’re just stuck in a been-there-done-that rut.

Doing things the same way IS standing still…or actually worse because it seems you’re working really hard and getting nowhere. Right? Well that is a feeling I knew well for many years, and it sucks!

If you enjoyed these tips:

If you’re a woman who’ve enjoyed these tips then most likely you’ll love Bobbi’s Webcast that’s called Grownup Girls’ Night Out
The good news is its FREE and you can register by simply clicking HERE:

  • Discover why you have every right to feel 100% hopeful and confident that you will find and keep the lifelong, loving relationship you’ve always wanted.
  • Understand how grownup men REALLY think and feel so you can connect on a deep level – creating truly loving and meaningful partnerships.
  • Access powerful but simple skills to start attracting the right men, everywhere you go, right away. (And have fun doing it!)

Building A Relationship Online

When you begin a relationship with someone you’ve met offline, you can often have a pretty good idea of how things are going to develop.

The first stage

step1It usually starts with physical attraction. That could be a look across a crowded room, a double-take as you’re crossing the street, a sideways glance on the subway or any of the other million ways of making eye contact and hoping it leads to a conversation.

That’s the first stage.

Then there’s the getting-to-know-you stage: the first date, the second date, the weekend dates and eventually, the first all-night date. Those are the weeks and months when you try to figure out how much you like each other, whether you’d be prepared to make the sort of changes that every individual has to make when they become part of a couple, and whether you really do have a future as a pair. It’s a time of adjustment and doubt, but also of hope and expectation. And yes, often of disappointment too. That’s the second stage.

Finally, if all goes well, there’s the shift into permanent couplehood. This is the third, final and longest lasting stage of the relationship when you begin to see the future in terms of “us” and “we” instead of “I” and “me.” That’s the third stage.

A little different

Online, relationships develop a little differently.

First of all, love at first sight is even rarer online than it is offline. While it’s not impossible for you to feel a quick thrill when you spot a pic of a great-looking hottie who lives near you and meets your criteria, it’s not quite the same feeling as suddenly seeing a drop-dead gorgeous person standing next you on the bus or alongside you at the bar. You only get to see fireworks when you meet in the flesh.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Often the relationships that start with the biggest bang can burn themselves out pretty quickly. If online relationships tend to have cooler beginnings that only gives them the opportunity to warm up slowly and develop a heat that burns longest.

It also means you’re less likely to put all your eggs in one basket.

Hundreds of emails

When you spot someone truly fantastic on a dating sitea, your first thought is likely to be that that person must get hundreds of emails.

You’re probably right. They probably do. But that certainly shouldn’t stop you from writing as well. You’ve got nothing to lose except the few minutes it takes to scoot out a quick email—and a lifetime of happiness to gain.

But knowing that you’re certainly not the only person to have seen that profile—and written to the person behind it—will mean that you’re not going to rely on that one option in the same way that you might have done if you’d met them on the bus. What it will do though is free you up to send lots more emails out to lots of other people. If it’s considered bad form to hit on more than one person at a time offline, online it’s the best strategy for lining up successful dates. With less early passion, you don’t just get longer-lasting passion, you also get more chances at a life of passion.

Second stage

That first look and first email marks the end of the first stage of online dating. The second stage is online flirting. This isn’t quite the same as dating. Dating means going out, having fun, meeting in person and checking out the chemistry. Online flirting is nothing more than the quick flurry of short emails that lets you both get a slight feel for each other’s personalities.

Normal and compatible

For the most part, this stage is about not making any mistakes. You each want to make sure that you’re normal people with the kind of compatible social skills that lets you make a go of it. You want to be certain that your new pal—a new pen-pal at this stage—is capable of holding a conversation, shows curiosity about the kinds of things you put on your profile, is genuinely interested in the same things that you are and is capable of communicating. If someone sends you a series of giant emails stuffed with family photos, filled with their entire life history and laying out their opinion on everything from the state of Africa to the sex life of Zebras before you even get a chance to reply to their first effort, then you might think they’re a bit weird.

Similarly, if they take a month to send a reply to your “I’m fine, thanks for writing. How are you?” it’s a fair bet that they’re going to be too flaky to build a reliable relationship.

Once you’ve both decided that you can each write a normal email as well as create an inviting profile, you can then begin to move the relationship offline.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Tracey Steinberg’s FLIRTING PARTIES in New York City

Meet Tracey
I like Tracey, She’s the real deal, her story is authentic and she knows her stuff!

Tracey began her career at the age of 24 as a successful civil litigation trial attorney. At that time she had a very active social life as a single woman in New York City and she thought she was as happy as she possibly could be.

On September 14, 2001 Tracey’s father was diagnosed with a serious illness and she began spending a lot of time with her parents. They are a fantastic team and watching them cope with that ordeal reminded Tracey how incredible it is to go through life with someone who deeply loves you. She was very affected by this time and it made her realize two things:

1. she deeply wanted the type of healthy marriage her parents have and
2. She deeply wanted it for everyone else who wants it.

After a lot of introspection, learning, and hard work, Tracey’s efforts paid off. Tracey met an amazing man who would later become her happy husband. She also completed her life coaching training with the Coach Training Alliance and then went on to complete both The Sage and Scholar’s Program for Coaching Singles and the Sage and Scholar’s Program for Career Coaching and built her unique brand of “Dateology” helping people find that someone special!


The concept of flirting Party

Flirting Parties® s were started by “Dateologist” Tracey.

I agree with Tracey “If you are not 100% comfortable meeting attractive single men or women, Flirting Parties were made for you”

In addition to being a lot of fun, everyone who attends these unique events are guaranteed to meet new people and walk away with valuable dating knowledge.

No more uncomfortable evenings
Tracey begins the evening by greeting you at the door making, helping you to relax and introducing you to other singles. Then, Tracey will share with everyone tips on how you can meet that interesting man or woman, how you can flirt with them in a sexy and confident way, and what you can do to ensure your exciting new friend wants to see you again. Of course Tracey shares all of this information in her playful way with lots of happy jokes thrown in to keep everyone smiling.

Dating Knowledge

Tracey will then walk around the room and encourage everyone to engage with everyone else.  She’ll also answer your questions, be your wing-woman, and offer you on-the-spot flirting tips regarding what you are doing right and what you may want to try in the future.

The next Flirting Party
The next Flirting Party in NYC will be at the gorgeous lounge located at 230 5th Avenue on November 7, 2013.  The event is just $65 to attend and everyone who joins will receive an amazing bag of gifts! For more details go to http://traceysteinberg.com/flirting-parties/

GlutenFreeSingles.com Great news for 3,000,000 Online Daters who are Gluten intolerant!

According to the University of Chicago’s “Celiac Disease Center” 3 million people in the USA alone are Gluten intolerant or “Celiac”.

In Perspective

Now let’s put this number into perspective…

The number of people with celiac disease in the U.S. is roughly equal to the number of people living in the state of Nevada.

People who have Celiac disease cannot tolerate gluten, and even the smallest exposure to Gluten makes them sick.

So what’s this got to do with Dating? I hear you ask yourself.

Imagine

Well imagine having to do be aware of your intolerance to Gluten while dating, Imagine that first date proving to be a real challenge as you try to explain in that romantic moment how sick you’ll get if the restaurant isn’t super careful with your meal

Imagine getting sick after that first kiss…and you realize your date’s drunk beer. (Gluten can be found in a number of less obvious foods — things like pickles, candy and even meat) …Perhaps now you’ll get a picture of what many Celiac’s suffer.

Be mindful of that first kiss

What would you do if I told you there could be no kissing unless you brushed your teeth, flossed, and then rinsed with mouthwash?

GlutenFreeSingles.com started when two health conscious friends, one with Celiac disease and the other gluten-intolerance recognized the need for a gluten-free dating community that focused on singles with similar dietary needs. By creating GlutenFreeSingles.com they’ll help
the 3 million people who have Celiac disease and those who are gluten intolerant find valuable information, self-improvement, and long fulfilling gluten-free relationships.

“Being diagnosed with Celiac disease myself, I know that there can be a host of embarrassing situations that arise when dealing with special dietary needs on a date – especially when you are meeting someone new and going out to restaurants often. GlutenFreeSingles is a unique place where you can socialize and find gluten-free dating partners – or friends who share the same health goals,” said Marcella Romaya, co-founder GlutenFreeSingles

GlutenfreeSingles’ website also says that their goal is to create a community where users, “never have to feel alone, awkward, or a burden because you are gluten-free.”

Media comments

As this Dating website emerges and gets media Exposure I’ve heard journalists say that

“It remains questionable whether one’s dietary preferences or requirements are a useful basis for finding a romantic partner”.

Yet after looking online at the many Forums and groups for Celiacs to join…when I looked at the conversations around dating I saw that for many people who are Gluten intolerant that dating could be a nightmare and I couldn’t help but think that these words were written by someone who’d never suffered from Celiac Disease. I think that if I was Gluten intolerant that I’d sign up

Dating online? Regardless of your age, an important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

First date tips

Make the leap

Once you’ve made the leap and asked the question—or been asked the question—there’s always the problem of where you go for that crucial first date.

Picking the right location

Ideally, an idea for a great place will have popped up during your first little email exchange. If you know the person you’ve been chatting with likes the beach then a beachfront café is likely to be a good choice. If they said on their profile that they’re into salads and sushi then proposing a veggie bar or a Japanese restaurant will make it hard for your new friend to say no.

Be safe

Wherever you choose, the crucial rule is to make sure that you meet in a public place.

There’s no getting around this one. Even if you’ve been talking for a couple of weeks about how great the hiking route you’ve discovered is and how much your new pal will enjoy it—and even if they’re as enthusiastic as you are to check it out—the first date should still be in a spot where other people can see you.

Remember, you still don’t know the person you’re planning to meet, however long you’ve been swapping messages across the ether. It always pays to be cautious, especially on that first meeting.

Relaxed environment

For some people Cafes are good choices for dates because they’re relaxed, laid back and much less formal than dinner for two—which can feel a bit like a job interview. And activity dates are usually safe bets as well. If you run out of things to say about yourselves or each other, you can always talk about what you’re seeing or doing.

You could also take a historical walking tour of your local town, pay a visit to a museum, even take a spin on a rollercoaster. You could also make it a group thing and join two sets of pals together to take some of the pressure off that first meeting.

Remember

The first date isn’t just about whether or not you both walk away feeling as though you’ve been struck by lightning. Not all great relationships start with a bolt from the blue. It’s about whether you feel comfortable in each other’s company, can make each other laugh and find that you’d like to see each other again and get to know each other better. Many of the best relationships are those that grow out of friendship and a first date should always be seen as the first meeting with a new friend.

If that turns out to be a friend with benefits—and then a great deal more—so much the better.

And if not, maybe your new friend has friends…

Don’t sweat it

There’s always a huge amount of pressure on a first date. Don’t sweat it. Just think of it as a couple of hours with a new friend and if it doesn’t work out, just remember: there’s a dating site full of better options.
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Think About This too!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

How to overcome dating rejection and rebuild your self-esteem.

99.9% of people who date online will at some point feel rejection. Perhaps it’s an unanswered email, or you have a wonderful first date and then never hear from the person again, or perhaps you have a few dates and the person decides that you’re simply not a good match for them

For most people this really hurts! And many people are left miserable with a feeling of lower self-esteem, questioning whether that are smart, or rich or beautiful or good enough to find someone special!

“There must be something wrong with me” they often say.

The answer to overcome dating rejection is actually quite simple! After rejection you need to rebuild your self-esteem! OK let’s get started

Step 1: Make a list

Make a list of 50 qualities you have that are important in a partner such as being loving, kind, considerate, a great lover, a great friend, a great sense of humor…now this may take a while but don’t stop until you have at least 50 good things about you

Step 2: Do something you love

Take a day off and do something that you  love. Whether its golfing for a day, watching movies while eating Ice-cream or going skydiving take some time to treat yourself to show yourself that you’re worthy of some good times

Step 3: Change the way you think!

Change the way you think of the dating process! Meeting someone special can take a while so remember there’s nothing wrong with you! If you go into dating with the belief that you’ll meet people who don’t think you’re a match and meet people you don’t think are a match before you meet your “someone special” then  dating can be way more fun.

Another important thing you need to know…get good dating profile pictures

Having  great dating profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Profile of a Jewish Matchmaker

Meet my friend Anna

Anna comes from a large family of what she calls “facilitated marriages”.
Her parents met through a New York City based dating service in 1986, her Aunt and Uncle met using the first computer dating system in 1969, numerous family members and friends met using online dating sites; and all have successful marriages with many children.

A Jewish Dating Expert
Anna helps many Jewish singles find their perfect match through her matchmaking business Chai Connections (Pronounced “HAI” in Hebrew as “HAI” means life, life connections)

A phone call with Anna

A few days ago I was talking on the phone with Anna and I asked her  why she became a matchmaker? I also asked her for a some advice that she could share with people looking to hire a matchmaker.

…here is Anna’s expert reply

Matchmaking: An Age Old Career Resurfaced

When I was in college, I found myself studying a particular subject, not often found in the University Course Catalog. I was naturally drawn to courses in Judaism; and I found myself fascinated by the subject of Jewish dating. In each of my Jewish Studies Courses, I was fascinated by stories about romantic relationships. While this may sound common for a young Jewish woman, I was intrigued by the intricacies of the relationships. How did they meet? What kept them together, or what brought them apart? How were they so certain that this was the right person? It became like an anthropological study of Jewish dating.

One year after my initial interest was sparked, I met with my Judaic Studies Professor to discuss the topic of my final paper for a Cultural Judaism class. My proposed topic was Jewish dating in conjunction with assimilation in the modern era. When I presented my thesis, my professor looked at me quizzically and asked, “Isn’t this the same topic as your paper from last semester’s course?” “Of course not! That was totally different. That was on romantic relationships in Orthodox communities, this is on Jewish dating in the modern era. They are totally different.” I responded. My professor hesitated, yet ultimately let me write the paper. I imagine her hesitation resulted from having never had a student write so much on this particular subject matter. As the years went on, my intrigue only grew stronger, and I continued to study the field.

Matchmaking

Most think of the practice as an age old tradition, popularized by films like “Fiddler on the Roof”.

The tradition of matchmaking goes as far back as the Bible, when Eliezer, servant of Abraham, was instructed to find a match for Abraham’s son Isaac. In fact, the Talmud states that the head Rabbi could give corporal punishment to a man who was married without a shiddchan, or matchmaker.

Nowadays, the idea that one would be required by law to have an intermediary facilitate their marriage seems ludicrous. However, if we take the time to really think about the logic, does it seem so preposterous?

Consider this

In modern America we have coaches for nearly everything we do. Financial consultants, athletic coaches, college counselors, spiritual guides, IT consultants academic advisers, the list goes on. Yet when it comes to choosing a partner, perhaps one of the most critical decisions we make in our lives, we rely primarily on ourselves to be the experts. On the surface, this makes sense. As human beings, we can pinpoint exactly what we want in life; what kind of career, where to live, how to raise a family, etc.. Therefore, we should be able to spot a desirable partner based on our own specific wants and needs. But when we want to find that partner, how do we go about it? And moreover, if we are lucky enough to find that perfect partner, how do we know they are the one? And finally, once we determine that that special person is in fact the one, how do we get them to stick around once they discover all of our minute idiosyncrasies? With all of the intricacies of dating, how can we truly be the expert in the game of love?

Who is the expert?

In Academia, we look to those who study a particular field as the experts. Scholars hone in on a specific subject matter: History, Philosophy, Religion, Political Science, Medicine etc… After a dictated period of time of study, they are awarded a degree, deeming them an expert; one to turn to when questioning a matter in that field. Yet when it comes to love, oftentimes we deem ourselves the expert. When I was in college, I studied Religion, one of my favorite professors always became infuriated when people insisted that one had to be religious to be an expert on Religion. He would make the analogy, that one doesn’t study Biology because they are biological; they study because they are interested in the science as a subject matter. So too could Religion be studied as a subject, not necessarily in conjunction with following it as a practice.

The subject of Love

Likewise, I’ve found that Love can be viewed as a subject matter; something that people can study, a Social Science perhaps, and become an expert in. Thus if becoming an expert requires study, rather than personal practice, how can we rely solely on ourselves the experts in our own love life? I think singles owe it to themselves to give in, and accept help from the experts.

Growing up, I never dreamed of becoming a matchmaker. While my interest in Jewish Dating as a subject matter grew in college, I never associated it with a career. In fact, I always dreamed of becoming a dentist, a field totally incongruous with Jewish Dating (unless you consider the many Jewish mothers who dream of their daughter marrying a doctor, and then settle when she finds a nice Jewish Dentist). It wasn’t until earlier this year that I realized I could actually make a career out of my passion. After my initial epiphany that matchmaking was in fact a modern practice, I met with my Rabbi to inquire about it. As a fellow Jewish Dating enthusiast, he was tremendously supportive of my venture, and thus Chai Connections was born (To see Anna’s blog click here)

Advice on hiring a Matchmaker.

The most important thing is making sure that the matchmaker you hire is compatible with your personality-spend a few minutes talking with them to see if your personalities and ideology are a good fit! (Otherwise it’ll be a painful waste of time.

Also don’t be afraid when choosing a matchmaker to ask them “What’s your track record” you want to feel confident in their ability to find you that someone special!

Something else to consider

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

8 Essential First Date Tips for Men

So guys maybe it’s been forever since you went on a date! -Don’t blow it! Here’s some tips to follow!

1. Don’t have any expectations

This tip applies to BOTH men and women Let any relationship unfold naturally instead of trying to force it where you want it to go.
You have no way of knowing how things will happen…just your mind in the present moment and enjoy things.

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2.Man up

I’m “Old school” and unrepentant-so here’s my advice!
Open the door, take her coat, pullout her chair, fill her glass and pay the check!

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3. Dress for the date

Pick clothes that make you feel great and dress for the date, what else can I say “Every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed men”

4. Be on time

Every woman wants to feel special, turning up late doesn’t make her feel special, allow for traffic and parking.

5. Relax and keep it real

Don’t put pressure on yourself to be sexy, smart or charming. Remember she wants to meet the real man, not who you wish you were…tryin to be the man you’re not (yet) will only stress you out and take away the fun of a date!

6.Turn off your phone

You are on a date! Do I really have to explain why?

7. Listen and talk

remember that the date is all about you both having an opportunity to get to know each other, try to listen as much as you talk. And don’t “over-share” on your first date…no-one wants to hear about Ex relationships or bad dates on the first date.

8. Don’t drink too much.

A drink or two is fine, just don’t get “messed up”.

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Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!
Online dating profile photos before and after (17)

Online dating Safety tips

Its not often that I ask my readers to pass on a blog article to their friends, but here’s an exception, if you know anyone who’s online dating then forward them this article or post it on your FaceBook Wall….It might save a friend of yours from becoming shark-bait!

How to Land the Catch of Your Life… Without Becoming Shark-bait

However you like to do it, dating can be a dangerous game. Not talking to strangers might be sound advice to give to kids but as a strategy to stop being single, it has at least one obvious drawback. Unless you want to marry your cousin, finding someone to settle down with will involve making eye contact with total strangers, engaging them in conversation and meeting them one-on-one.

Two dangers

There are two obvious dangers here. The first is that your new friend might appear to be a complete charmer but could actually be a cold-blooded philanderer with a record of heart-breaking. They’ll think nothing of leading you on, playing games and trampling over your emotions. That’s bad enough and you’ve probable had enough of people like that already.

The second danger is even worse, even if it is a great deal rarer. The attractive stranger that you meet in the bar could actually be an escaped convict from the local sanatorium. Instead of finding someone who makes you feel safe and secure for the rest of your life, you pick someone up who’s going to put your safety at risk and require you to take out a series of court orders and new alarm systems.

Although the chances of meeting someone like this online is extremely small, it is worth making the effort to be cautious. In this chapter, we’re going to talk about how to steer clear of this second group and stay safe online.

Anonymity Cuts Both Ways

When you meet someone in a bar, the initial pick-up is as much a safety check as it is a check-out. If you spot someone attractive sitting alone at the table next to yours, before you even give them a look—before you make any kind of contact at all—you observe them for a few minutes to see how they behave with the waiters, by themselves or with people who pass by. If they are rude, arrogant or just downright unpleasant, it doesn’t matter how much of a looker they are, you’re still going to look right on by. Only if you’re sure they’re a normal, civilized human being do you try to make eye contact, pluck up the courage to face rejection and make your move.

And once you do make that move, you’re always looking out for little signals that tell you that the person you’re talking to is less than normal. There are all sorts of clues to help you do that: the way someone dresses, the way they talk and their body language to name but a few—and you notice all of them without even realizing that you’re looking for them.

A cowboy hat and a Texas drawl for example, tell you instantly where someone is from and where they stand in the country’s cultural divide. Bleached hair and sentences that end with ‘dude’ tell you much the same. Nervous twitches, roaming hands and peculiar scratching all say something about the person you’re sizing up and help you make a decision about whether you should make a date or make an excuse

Face-to-face, you’ve got a ton of different signals that tell you huge amounts about the person you’re thinking of chatting to.

Online, you’ve got nothing to go on but what the person puts on their profile and writes in their email.

“Unlike real-life relationships where you have some idea of what a person drives, what they really look like, how they live, etc., online you have none of that,” says Lisa Hupman, a veteran online dater.“You give more trust than is actually due because you have no choice.”

 Little Choice

And the reason you have no choice—or more accurately, little choice—about the level of trust you give is that the main tool that protects you online is the same thing that protects the occasional nutcase who roams the Web: anonymity.

There is no way for two people who exchange emails online to know the real identities of the people they’re writing to. The email you receive lands in an inbox located on the site.

Bear no relation

The name you choose is one you create and should bear no relation to your real identity.

As long as you don’t let your real, full name slip out before you’ve built up a certain amount of trust, you start an online relationship fully protected by the fact that the person who writes to you has no idea who you are, where you live or how they can get hold of you outside the site.

When you date online, the dating identity that’s doing the looking exists only on the Internet. There’s a complete barrier between your online self and the real you—and that barrier is your best protection against any wacko you might be unlucky enough to meet online.

If you have the bad luck to meet a loony at a dating site, as long as you’ve kept your identity a secret, there’s no way that they can bother you in real life.

Of course, that works for them too. Because there’s no way for you to check the identity of someone you meet online, you’ve got no idea whether the doctor who sent you an email got his or her degree certificate from Harvard, as they claim, or ordered it from a website in Romania. You’ve got no idea if they were really working for the Peace Corps for the last two years or spent that time sewing mailbags in a state penitentiary. And you’ve got no idea whether the person who described themselves as passionate will leave you alone once you tell them you’re not interested or hang around outside your front door waiting for you to come home from work.

If only there was a checklist

It would be nice if there were a checklist that you could go through when you meet someone online. If they mentioned ‘knives’ more than three times in the first email, you could tick a box. If they mentioned that they served multiple sentences for violent crimes, that would lead you to tick another box, or if they talked about their friendship with Osama Bin Laden that would strike them out.

But it’s not that easy.

The best way to keep yourself safe online is to follow three simple rules: keep your anonymity as long as possible; remember that if something feels wrong, it probably is; and cut them out quick and completely as soon as you smell something fishy.

1. Keeping Your Name (And Everything Else) To Yourself

There’s no reason at the beginning of an online relationship for you to say who you are, where you work, where you live, what your telephone number is or any other identifying detail that you might later regret.

When you start exchanging emails, you can chat about your hobbies. You can talk in general about the kind of work you do. You can say that you like walking in Central Park or heading out to Sequoia. But tell someone you’ve never seen, never met and whose real name you don’t know that you live at 123 Killmenow Road, Apt. 103 and it’s certainly possible that you’ll have reason to regret it when you find yourself looking for a new apartment.

It’s enough to say that what they’re not supposed to do is draw out personal information that would allow your new pal to find you offline.

If they ask exactly where you work, you can just say a big law firm in the city or a clothes store in town.

2. If Something Looks Wrong, It Probably Is…

That’s because on the Internet, it pays to be suspicious.
The vast majority of the people you meet online will be as honest, direct and truthful as the people you meet offline. It’s unlikely that you’ll come across many angels who will lay out their entire life histories, warts and all, right at the beginning, but it’s also very unlikely that you’ll be unfortunate enough to come across any axe-wielding psychopaths or the stereotypical man masquerading as a woman—or vice-versa (most of those seem to have run off since the early days of the Internet).

For the most part, you’ll find that the vast majority of fibs you encounter on dating sites tend to concern age, weight, income and of course photo, with ten-year-old graduation photos passing as up-to-date snaps.

That’s certainly bad enough but it’s not a threat and you can decide, when you uncover the real story, whether the truth has been stretched beyond the bounds of forgiveness.

You can also get a feel for when someone’s lying online—even if you can’t see the way they behave when they’re spinning you a story and you can’t hear in their voice that not even they believe what they’re saying. It’s hard to keep a story straight and there are often little inconsistencies the tell you that something isn’t quite right.

If someone born in 1974 for example, talks about having been in their current job for twelve years and their previous job for fifteen, then that should set alarm bells ringing. If a potential date who claims on their profile never to have been married mentions a stay with ex-in-laws, that should raise a red flag. And if someone says they don’t like spending time with the police that should send out a serious warning.

These are exactly the kind of tell-tale signs that tell you that something isn’t quite right. And when you get those signs, it’s always a good idea to trust your instincts.

3. Cut Them Out Quick

We’ve already mentioned that you might come across two different kinds of deception online: the more common truthful economies that exaggerate positive qualities such as youth or wealth at the expense of complete honesty; and the total lies that obscure a character that likes to stalk, harass or otherwise make life miserable for their unfortunate victim.
When you come across the first type—and there’s a fair chance that you will come across the first type online, just as you’ll come across milder forms offline too—you can decide what you want to do. If you’re dealing with just a mild little exaggeration you might be willing to forgive them their trespasses (just you might be hoping that people will forgive you yours).

But if you get the feeling that the person you’re dealing with is even close to being on the dangerous side, the best thing to do is cut them out quickly.

Just about all dating sites allow you to block emails from members who are bothering you. Add them to your blocked list and if you’ve managed to keep your identity details secret, that should be the last you hear from them.

Don’t think twice

Don’t even think twice about it. With millions of people searching for singles online, with such a huge reservoir of people to choose from, there’s absolutely no reason for you to take any risks at all on the Internet. The dangers are just too great and the alternatives too many for you to bother with them.

Red flag waving

The moment you see even the slightest hint of a red flag waving, cut, run and move on to the next likely prospect. There are far too many fish in the sea for you to waste your time and your safety swimming with the sharks.

Millions of people have used online dating sites without ever coming across the slightest hint of danger, risk or deception. If you do see a flag, it’s more likely to be the light pink of a couple of years shaved off a birth date than the throbbing red of a psycho looking for a victim. While it’s perfectly possible—and even easy—for someone to misrepresent their qualifications online, it’s no less easy for you to protect yourself from any danger and look for someone more honest.

To keep safe online, and to protect yourself from nasty surprises such as lying Lotharios and deceptive divas, you’ll need little more than common sense and a sensitive nose for the whiff of deceit.

 

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