Questions? 888.282.9777
Questions? 888.282.9777
Demo

3 Tips for Finding someone special in 2014

If you’re reading this then I hope you’ll have your best year ever and find someone special.
Here’s 2 simple tips to get you started

1. Make love a priority without urgency.

We’ve all heard: “When the time is right the right you’ll meet the right person.” But “we’ve also been told to “Go out and make it happen”

I think a balance between these 2 points of view is a healthy balance.
Resolve to go out and meet people AND look online so that you have a better chance of finding love, and don’t force it…(forcing things is way too needy) the trick is to take action and spend time letting things unfold

And when you go on a first date don’t already start examining if you could spend the rest of your life with them. Don’t go there!…There is way less pressure just getting to know your date…learn more about a new person, not just fall in love with a romantic fantasy.

2. First impressions count.

Before you get a date you need to attract someone special! What kind of first impression do you make, whether online or in-person?
Online, having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, we all look at the photos first! so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!And your profile is well written- If your personal look could use some improvement, then do it whether it’s new clothes or hairstyle..

2. Confidence is key

Confidence is key! And I don’t mean cockiness…I mean the confidence to be authentic!
If you’re nervous about a first date then you might want to try some exercise an hour or two prior to getting ready and going out (Often being in your body will get you “Out” of your nervous mind)
And when it comes to talking- stay in the comfort zone by coming up with a few subjects that won’t get you into trouble (And AVOID at all costs Politics or Religion!…I know obvious eh!)
If you’re not sure what to talk about then  ask your date about their life, listen and go from there.
Also don’t forget there’s is a fine line between being confidence and cocky – nobody likes a cocky guy who is too cool, so keep it real

Ways to feel more confident:

Don’t slouch!
Take a couple of deep breaths and Stand or sit  tall! Pull your shoulders back  and pick your chin up No one looks confident if they are always looking down!

Slow down and take a breath
When you get nervous, your voice goes up and you’ll talk faster than you realize.  These are two dead giveaways for lack of confidence…so breathe deeply and relax…It’s not a race to impress her!

Seasons Greetings and an offer

Happy Christmas to all our readers…..I hope that you have a wonderful day!

Holiday online dating offer: Valid between Christmas day and the new year!
Simply enter promo code “holiday” and receive $30 off a dating profile photo session

(*Offer applies to full price photo session: exaple $197 package for just $167)

3 Things that Men Need to Know (and Women Need to look for)

As I write this post I realize there may be a few folks who disagree with what I say and that’s OK!

Confidence

1. Be Authentic and Confident in who you are

Confidence is key! Women love confidence. And I don’t mean cockiness…I mean the confidence to be authentic!
If you’re nervous about a first date then you might want to try some exercise an hour or two prior to getting ready and going out (Often being in your body will get you “Out” of your nervous mind)


And when it comes to talking- stay in the comfort zone by coming up with a few subjects that won’t get you into trouble (And AVOID at all costs Politics or Religion!…I know obvious eh!)
If you’re not sure what to talk about then  ask your date about their life, listen and go from there.

Also don’t forget there’s is a fine line between being confidence and cocky – nobody likes a cocky guy who is too cool, so keep it real

Ways to feel more confident:

Don’t slouch!
Take a couple of deep breaths and Stand or sit  tall! Pull your shoulders back  and pick your chin up No one looks confident if they are always looking down!
Slow down and take a breath
When you get nervous, your voice goes up and you’ll talk faster than you realize.  These are two dead giveaways for lack of confidence…so breathe deeply and relax…It’s not a race to impress her!

Don’t be needy

Drinks are fine for a first date. But don’t order a 6 course meal just to impress her…it won’t (Unless she’s just after your money in which case you’re better off ditching her)

Now I’m all about making a girl feel special…in fact your date should be planned with 2 things n mind

1. Make her feel special
2. Get to know her a bit better

But you don’t need to spend a ton of money on a first date; It just looks flashy, needy or both
(And if you have a beautiful car don’t feel obligated to tell her…that smells of deep neediness people who have money and tell everyone about it or people who pretend to have money are needy and rather boring)

3. Be a gentleman

2 words on this subject guys (MAN-UP)
Chivalry and honor aren’t dead, but most guys don’t get it and act like schmucks. Conduct yourself like a Gentlemen and you’ll gain a woman’s respect. Open her doors, Pay the check,  Be nice…Plus, you’ll feel better about yourself

Think About This!

Before you get a date you need to attract someone special!
Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, we all look at the photos first! so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Building A Relationship Online

When you begin a relationship with someone you’ve met offline, you can often have a pretty good idea of how things are going to develop.

The first stage

step1It usually starts with physical attraction. That could be a look across a crowded room, a double-take as you’re crossing the street, a sideways glance on the subway or any of the other million ways of making eye contact and hoping it leads to a conversation.

That’s the first stage.

Then there’s the getting-to-know-you stage: the first date, the second date, the weekend dates and eventually, the first all-night date. Those are the weeks and months when you try to figure out how much you like each other, whether you’d be prepared to make the sort of changes that every individual has to make when they become part of a couple, and whether you really do have a future as a pair. It’s a time of adjustment and doubt, but also of hope and expectation. And yes, often of disappointment too. That’s the second stage.

Finally, if all goes well, there’s the shift into permanent couplehood. This is the third, final and longest lasting stage of the relationship when you begin to see the future in terms of “us” and “we” instead of “I” and “me.” That’s the third stage.

A little different

Online, relationships develop a little differently.

First of all, love at first sight is even rarer online than it is offline. While it’s not impossible for you to feel a quick thrill when you spot a pic of a great-looking hottie who lives near you and meets your criteria, it’s not quite the same feeling as suddenly seeing a drop-dead gorgeous person standing next you on the bus or alongside you at the bar. You only get to see fireworks when you meet in the flesh.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Often the relationships that start with the biggest bang can burn themselves out pretty quickly. If online relationships tend to have cooler beginnings that only gives them the opportunity to warm up slowly and develop a heat that burns longest.

It also means you’re less likely to put all your eggs in one basket.

Hundreds of emails

When you spot someone truly fantastic on a dating sitea, your first thought is likely to be that that person must get hundreds of emails.

You’re probably right. They probably do. But that certainly shouldn’t stop you from writing as well. You’ve got nothing to lose except the few minutes it takes to scoot out a quick email—and a lifetime of happiness to gain.

But knowing that you’re certainly not the only person to have seen that profile—and written to the person behind it—will mean that you’re not going to rely on that one option in the same way that you might have done if you’d met them on the bus. What it will do though is free you up to send lots more emails out to lots of other people. If it’s considered bad form to hit on more than one person at a time offline, online it’s the best strategy for lining up successful dates. With less early passion, you don’t just get longer-lasting passion, you also get more chances at a life of passion.

Second stage

That first look and first email marks the end of the first stage of online dating. The second stage is online flirting. This isn’t quite the same as dating. Dating means going out, having fun, meeting in person and checking out the chemistry. Online flirting is nothing more than the quick flurry of short emails that lets you both get a slight feel for each other’s personalities.

Normal and compatible

For the most part, this stage is about not making any mistakes. You each want to make sure that you’re normal people with the kind of compatible social skills that lets you make a go of it. You want to be certain that your new pal—a new pen-pal at this stage—is capable of holding a conversation, shows curiosity about the kinds of things you put on your profile, is genuinely interested in the same things that you are and is capable of communicating. If someone sends you a series of giant emails stuffed with family photos, filled with their entire life history and laying out their opinion on everything from the state of Africa to the sex life of Zebras before you even get a chance to reply to their first effort, then you might think they’re a bit weird.

Similarly, if they take a month to send a reply to your “I’m fine, thanks for writing. How are you?” it’s a fair bet that they’re going to be too flaky to build a reliable relationship.

Once you’ve both decided that you can each write a normal email as well as create an inviting profile, you can then begin to move the relationship offline.

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Facts You DONT WANT to know when dating (But need to know)

Imagine

Imagine walking into a room full of friendly people, there’s a great crowd, everyone’s smiling and you feel like this is a great place to find that someone special and start dating…

Now imagine that for each 3 people that 1 of them has a disease that could harm you.

While that might seem like an extreme situation According to US government Center for disease control….110 million people in the USA have an STD…

110,000,000….A number to blow your mind

If this number still hasn’t sunk in yet..imagine EVERYONE living is California, Texas, Florida, New York and Pennsylvania all having an STD….Does that put things in perspective for you! For me this number blows my mind just thinking about it!

This is a Fact You DONT WANT to know when dating (But need to know)

What you do as a result of knowing this information is a personal decision! I think anyone with a little common sense will think about this number? How will it affect the way you date? Whats the smart way to date? PLEASE if you have ANY feedback then leave me a comment at the end of this article!

One way of dealing with this information is to get tested yourself prior to dating and prior to having any intimate relations with anyone to see if they were tested! I know that this is the least romantic subject ever discussed, but sometimes we need to think smart and balance heart and head. You could ask that someone special discreetly to go to their doctor and get checked OR there’s another option…

Meet MateSafe

In response to these staggering figures comes a new business called “MateSafe” In their own words here’s how they describe themselves:

“MateSafe allows users to establish a Medically Verified Online Health Credential that they can control and share across various Dating and Technology platforms”

The concept

You Join Matesafe, get STD tested and can provide dates with this information that  you shows a level of personal responsibility that attracts others, and demands a higher level of safety. With a variety of safety measures, potential dates will feel confident that they chose someone who truly MatesSafe.

m8safe 001Click on the image below to see a MateSafe Video
m8safe youtube

To learn about Matesafe click HERE

Also think about this!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Tracey Steinberg’s FLIRTING PARTIES in New York City

Meet Tracey
I like Tracey, She’s the real deal, her story is authentic and she knows her stuff!

Tracey began her career at the age of 24 as a successful civil litigation trial attorney. At that time she had a very active social life as a single woman in New York City and she thought she was as happy as she possibly could be.

On September 14, 2001 Tracey’s father was diagnosed with a serious illness and she began spending a lot of time with her parents. They are a fantastic team and watching them cope with that ordeal reminded Tracey how incredible it is to go through life with someone who deeply loves you. She was very affected by this time and it made her realize two things:

1. she deeply wanted the type of healthy marriage her parents have and
2. She deeply wanted it for everyone else who wants it.

After a lot of introspection, learning, and hard work, Tracey’s efforts paid off. Tracey met an amazing man who would later become her happy husband. She also completed her life coaching training with the Coach Training Alliance and then went on to complete both The Sage and Scholar’s Program for Coaching Singles and the Sage and Scholar’s Program for Career Coaching and built her unique brand of “Dateology” helping people find that someone special!


The concept of flirting Party

Flirting Parties® s were started by “Dateologist” Tracey.

I agree with Tracey “If you are not 100% comfortable meeting attractive single men or women, Flirting Parties were made for you”

In addition to being a lot of fun, everyone who attends these unique events are guaranteed to meet new people and walk away with valuable dating knowledge.

No more uncomfortable evenings
Tracey begins the evening by greeting you at the door making, helping you to relax and introducing you to other singles. Then, Tracey will share with everyone tips on how you can meet that interesting man or woman, how you can flirt with them in a sexy and confident way, and what you can do to ensure your exciting new friend wants to see you again. Of course Tracey shares all of this information in her playful way with lots of happy jokes thrown in to keep everyone smiling.

Dating Knowledge

Tracey will then walk around the room and encourage everyone to engage with everyone else.  She’ll also answer your questions, be your wing-woman, and offer you on-the-spot flirting tips regarding what you are doing right and what you may want to try in the future.

The next Flirting Party
The next Flirting Party in NYC will be at the gorgeous lounge located at 230 5th Avenue on November 7, 2013.  The event is just $65 to attend and everyone who joins will receive an amazing bag of gifts! For more details go to http://traceysteinberg.com/flirting-parties/

Profile of a Jewish Matchmaker

Meet my friend Anna

Anna comes from a large family of what she calls “facilitated marriages”.
Her parents met through a New York City based dating service in 1986, her Aunt and Uncle met using the first computer dating system in 1969, numerous family members and friends met using online dating sites; and all have successful marriages with many children.

A Jewish Dating Expert
Anna helps many Jewish singles find their perfect match through her matchmaking business Chai Connections (Pronounced “HAI” in Hebrew as “HAI” means life, life connections)

A phone call with Anna

A few days ago I was talking on the phone with Anna and I asked her  why she became a matchmaker? I also asked her for a some advice that she could share with people looking to hire a matchmaker.

…here is Anna’s expert reply

Matchmaking: An Age Old Career Resurfaced

When I was in college, I found myself studying a particular subject, not often found in the University Course Catalog. I was naturally drawn to courses in Judaism; and I found myself fascinated by the subject of Jewish dating. In each of my Jewish Studies Courses, I was fascinated by stories about romantic relationships. While this may sound common for a young Jewish woman, I was intrigued by the intricacies of the relationships. How did they meet? What kept them together, or what brought them apart? How were they so certain that this was the right person? It became like an anthropological study of Jewish dating.

One year after my initial interest was sparked, I met with my Judaic Studies Professor to discuss the topic of my final paper for a Cultural Judaism class. My proposed topic was Jewish dating in conjunction with assimilation in the modern era. When I presented my thesis, my professor looked at me quizzically and asked, “Isn’t this the same topic as your paper from last semester’s course?” “Of course not! That was totally different. That was on romantic relationships in Orthodox communities, this is on Jewish dating in the modern era. They are totally different.” I responded. My professor hesitated, yet ultimately let me write the paper. I imagine her hesitation resulted from having never had a student write so much on this particular subject matter. As the years went on, my intrigue only grew stronger, and I continued to study the field.

Matchmaking

Most think of the practice as an age old tradition, popularized by films like “Fiddler on the Roof”.

The tradition of matchmaking goes as far back as the Bible, when Eliezer, servant of Abraham, was instructed to find a match for Abraham’s son Isaac. In fact, the Talmud states that the head Rabbi could give corporal punishment to a man who was married without a shiddchan, or matchmaker.

Nowadays, the idea that one would be required by law to have an intermediary facilitate their marriage seems ludicrous. However, if we take the time to really think about the logic, does it seem so preposterous?

Consider this

In modern America we have coaches for nearly everything we do. Financial consultants, athletic coaches, college counselors, spiritual guides, IT consultants academic advisers, the list goes on. Yet when it comes to choosing a partner, perhaps one of the most critical decisions we make in our lives, we rely primarily on ourselves to be the experts. On the surface, this makes sense. As human beings, we can pinpoint exactly what we want in life; what kind of career, where to live, how to raise a family, etc.. Therefore, we should be able to spot a desirable partner based on our own specific wants and needs. But when we want to find that partner, how do we go about it? And moreover, if we are lucky enough to find that perfect partner, how do we know they are the one? And finally, once we determine that that special person is in fact the one, how do we get them to stick around once they discover all of our minute idiosyncrasies? With all of the intricacies of dating, how can we truly be the expert in the game of love?

Who is the expert?

In Academia, we look to those who study a particular field as the experts. Scholars hone in on a specific subject matter: History, Philosophy, Religion, Political Science, Medicine etc… After a dictated period of time of study, they are awarded a degree, deeming them an expert; one to turn to when questioning a matter in that field. Yet when it comes to love, oftentimes we deem ourselves the expert. When I was in college, I studied Religion, one of my favorite professors always became infuriated when people insisted that one had to be religious to be an expert on Religion. He would make the analogy, that one doesn’t study Biology because they are biological; they study because they are interested in the science as a subject matter. So too could Religion be studied as a subject, not necessarily in conjunction with following it as a practice.

The subject of Love

Likewise, I’ve found that Love can be viewed as a subject matter; something that people can study, a Social Science perhaps, and become an expert in. Thus if becoming an expert requires study, rather than personal practice, how can we rely solely on ourselves the experts in our own love life? I think singles owe it to themselves to give in, and accept help from the experts.

Growing up, I never dreamed of becoming a matchmaker. While my interest in Jewish Dating as a subject matter grew in college, I never associated it with a career. In fact, I always dreamed of becoming a dentist, a field totally incongruous with Jewish Dating (unless you consider the many Jewish mothers who dream of their daughter marrying a doctor, and then settle when she finds a nice Jewish Dentist). It wasn’t until earlier this year that I realized I could actually make a career out of my passion. After my initial epiphany that matchmaking was in fact a modern practice, I met with my Rabbi to inquire about it. As a fellow Jewish Dating enthusiast, he was tremendously supportive of my venture, and thus Chai Connections was born (To see Anna’s blog click here)

Advice on hiring a Matchmaker.

The most important thing is making sure that the matchmaker you hire is compatible with your personality-spend a few minutes talking with them to see if your personalities and ideology are a good fit! (Otherwise it’ll be a painful waste of time.

Also don’t be afraid when choosing a matchmaker to ask them “What’s your track record” you want to feel confident in their ability to find you that someone special!

Something else to consider

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

Meet to Marry Book…Well worth a read

Book

LookBetterOnline.com
Book Review:

I liked Bari Lyman before reading her “Meet to Marry Book”.

Both Bari and her Husband Michael (Well you wouldn’t want to take advice from an expert who wasn’t happily married) are smart, easy going individuals who have a great way of looking at life…when it comes to finding love they tell people to “Become the person you’d like to meet”.

It’s about YOU being the one

meet to mary dating adviceBari teaches that the first step in finding love is to start acting like someone who both deserves and wants a life full of love, someone who’s ready to give and receive love.

In other words, it’s not about you finding the right person; it’s about YOU being the right person.  In Bari’s words

“Someone who is busy ‘being the one’ knows that he or she has the power to change his/her dating reality and then takes powerful steps to do so,”

Mixed messages

Bari goes on to say. “Write down how you want to feel in a relationship and then ask yourself: Am I treating myself the way that I want to feel?
If not, you’ve got to first change the way you treat yourself. For example: If you want to feel understood and accepted by a partner but don’t treat yourself with respect or accept who you really are, you’re sending out mixed messages… and that alone will attract people who don’t value you. “See what happens when you treat yourself the same way you want to be treated by your perfect match,” advises Lyman.

Bari’s Passion

Speaking with Bari it’s clear that helping people to “be the one to find the one” is her passion.
So when Bari and her Husband  Michael offered to send me a copy of their Book “Meet to Marry” I waited eagerly for it to arrive in the mail.

First impressions

I love the book cover, OK, OK I know this isn’t super important but it’s fun and definitely made me want to dive in and get reading!

This book is written around the idea that you can:

1. ASSESS your marriage readiness.
2. ATTRACT the kind of person you desire.
3. ACT in the present to attract the future

What I like about it is that it’s a book that’s not designed for insights or intellectual conversations…its designed to get results.
Let’s look at the 3 steps in a little more detail.

STEP 1: ASSESS.

This involves taking a “Marriage readiness” quiz, then having a “Reality check” and then “Challenging your thinking”

A quiz with different answers
Now we’ve all taken quick tests where you answer A, B, C or D. Then you’ll add up all the A’s, B’s C’s or D’s and find your score and read the answer to the test. While this test does just that it also provides the reader with deeper answers to each question answered, I found this method very effective and helpful-it’s an easy way to provide the reader with clear and meaningful answers.

A reality Check.

Then the book took an important direction to focus on “Blind spots” and dating, Blind spots in dating are the things that stop people from finding love. And Bari uses real life examples to challenge the way that you’ll think about yourself. I really liked this section.

Blind spots love

A different way of thinking.

In the third part of step 1 Bari offers great insight on not living in reality when it comes to dating, on Carrying around negative associations when it comes to dating, on not being true to yourself, on being over critical when it comes to yourself and dating and on being unavailable.

Bari goes on to talk about Good Advice and Bad advice, I like this hard hitting chapter Bari gives an example of another Dating coaches advice, and why she disagrees with it and finished this step by examining some dating myths and stereotypes.

STEP 2: ATTRACT.

Mari starts with a section called Why Marry.
The following part of this step helps the reader get clear about exactly what they want.
Mari does this by helping the reader create a “Happiness and finding my life partner journal”, a “Dream board” and a “Marriage vision”

STEP 3: ACT. (In the present)

This chapter is all about Action.

I’ve always agreed with the concept of Acting in the present to attract the future. There are way too many people who don’t enjoy the lives that they deserve simply because they fail to take action!

This chapter is the perfect end to any book written to help you make change.

In summary.

Well written and easy to follow its obvious Bari and her husband have spent a significant amount of time, love and energy on creating a system that will help many people find the love that they deserve!

This is a GREAT book, well thought out and well written. I’ve given this book 4.5 out of 5 stars…because I NEVER give anything 5 stars and I found the forward a little difficult (and to be fair I’ve said this before I’m not into reading the introductions of ANY book)
Here’s a link to buy your copy!  Don’t delay…order yourself a copy and start moving towards the love you deserve( Click here )

A Glance or Drooling, Where Do You Draw the Line?

Dating can be a challenge for us all.  Many of us struggle to find our perfect match.  As someone who has graduated with honors from life’s virtual University of Dating, Jonathon Aslay helps women in finding that seemingly elusive man with whom they can have both compatibility and passion. To find out more about him Click here

Jonathon knows the male brain. He listens to women and what they want. Most importantly, he is gifted at bridging the gap between the sexes.

Jonathan kindly allowed me to post  his article called- A Glance or Drooling, Where Do You Draw The Line?

When is looking at another woman acceptable or unacceptable behavior by your man?

You’re in a fantastic relationship, you both love each other and are in the beginning phases of building a life together. All is going great except, while out having dinner together, he casually glances at a beautiful woman while she walks by. Often I’ve heard men say they are naturally drawn to look at a beautiful woman (in fact they can’t help themselves), but is that a no-no in a monogamous relationship?

From the male perspective if questioned you might hear phrases like: “Well, I’m not dead,” or, “Just because I’m on a diet, doesn’t mean that I can’t look at the menu.”

Men can justify their reasons a hundred different ways and what really matters most is how you feel about the look. The reality is, healthy men and women can have an appreciation for beauty or what they find attractive. The old saying, ”Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”  and catching a glance can happen at a restaurant, in the movies or starring into your beloved’s eyes.  That glance might even be noticing toilet paper on her shoe.

Frankly, I don’t think a glance is that big of a deal.

Some say women who are insecure or controlling might take issue and challenge a man for such an action. Personally, I don’t think is makes a woman insecure or controlling if she wishes to engage in a dialogue. Healthy relationships should be able to talk about anything, even when her guy gets attracted and distracted by a beautiful woman.

Here’s is the thing, if a man is questioned for this action he might perceive it as controlling or insecurity. In addition, men don’t want to justify every little action. Therefore, ask yourself, was this an innocent glance or was he drooling and foaming at the mouth?  If he was foaming at the mouth you might have a bigger issue.

My Facebook friend Nicole J.’s husband shared his perspective and his feelings mirror my own:

‘He broke it down like this from a “man in love” perspective. He said, “Men may notice an attractive woman, however if they are in a happy relationship often the very next thought is of you and the genuine gratitude they have that they still, no matter what, would rather be with you over any other woman. And then there is gratitude that THEY are not out there anymore.”

So here is the bottom line: men will look at a beautiful women whether you are in the room or not, it’s gonna happen. For the men who are in an unhappy relationships, this might be the beginning of a bigger issue and you should observe his actions throughout your time together. If the signs are many (constant distractions and a feeling of distance), ask yourself, is this the right relationship for you?

Just know this, when a man is in love and grateful for the relationship he is in, these momentary glances are nature’s way of saying “hey, you’re still alive”.

Think About This too!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

What Dating Is Like for Men: Part 7 of 8 (Women Please read this)

Click to see Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 and Part 6 of this article.

Are You Attracting the wrong guys?
(FemiType #6: The Sexpot)

Let me start today by telling you how magnificent you are….

The fact that you are a woman over 40 and reading this tells me that you are all the more spectacular. Really, it does!

One of the reasons finding love over 40 can be the most gratifying time of all is that you know your sphere of power.
You’ve learned you are only in control of you, no one else. Life has taught you that you cannot control co-workers, friends, and especially the men you date…or marry, for that matter.
(Though I’m quite sure you occasionally try.)

With self control

You also know that with that self-control comes personal responsibility, and you know you have the power to create a happy and full life for yourself instead of living one of disappointment and scarcity. This is why I’ve written this series on FemiTypes.*

Hard as it is to take a close look at yourself, I know that you have a super-important goal you have not yet reached. As with all things in your life you have already achieved, you know that the way to get what you want is to learn, grow and work for it. So here you are.

But this only makes you human. Not wrong. Not bad. Not anywhere near unlovable. Changing behavior for most of us is about just that; it’s not about some fundamental flaw we have as a woman.

My Wish

My wish is for you to spend the rest of your life with a man who absolutely adores you and with whom you feel safe and understood. (Just as I am doing.) Solely in the interest of helping you find that love do I ask you to take a look at how the behaviors of these FemiTypes may mirror some of your bad love habits. This is likely what is standing in your way of getting what you want.

Knowledge is power. And if there is anything I’m, about it’s empowering you, my incredibly deserving sisters, to get what you want out of life. With self-knowledge comes more control over your behavior and, in turn, over the types of men you attract. With more power and clarity, you can steer your dating and relationship ship.

The Sex Pot

So, here we go. Today is the last of the 6 FemiTypes – The Sex Pot.

We all know her. She dresses a little too young. Her dress is a little too tight, too short, showing a tad too much cleavage and her lipstick is the brightest of reds. Each, on their own, is not a big deal.  Combined, it is just over the top, especially on a supposedly grownup woman.

While The Bitter Woman leads with her anger, this gal leads with her sexuality. She learned at an early age that sex was the way to attract a man. And it works! But she has not yet learned that it’s not the way to attract a relationship.

Listen, I’m all for women having fun in bed and enjoying all the sex they want. Some women want this time in their lives to explore and enjoy their sexuality. I say go for it! But be careful and know that luring men in using your sexuality will most likely NEVER lead you to love.
The Sex Pot is different than this gal. She wants a relationship and believes sex is the way to a man’s heart. She measures her self-worth by how men respond to her sexually. Her underlying belief is probably that she doesn’t have much else to offer to get attention from men. And she just doesn’t know any other way.

 As her wrinkles deepen

As her wrinkles deepen, her thighs sag and her waistline thickens, she becomes more sexually assertive. She needs confirmation that she still “has it.” It can be sad and seen by men as being desperate…and a little immature.

Tony’s Story

“We met online and her pictures were pretty hot. She was flirty in her emails, and I thought that was cute and exciting. When I picked her up for our first date, she put her hand on my leg as I drove to the restaurant. We had a pretty good time. When I went to drop her off, she invited me in and after a short time offered me a back rub. I was a little put off, but hey, I’m a guy so I said yes. The back rub soon became more, with her as the aggressor.

When I put on the brakes she was offended that I didn’t ‘go for it.’ As much as I’m a healthy red-blooded 64-year old guy, I just kept thinking that she didn’t really know me and wondered if she did this with every guy she meets. That was a big turn off. I suppose I could have had sex with her and then never called her again. But that’s just not me anymore.”

A good guy

Tony was a good guy who, to his surprise, was put off by this woman’s come-on. He sensed her desperation and knew instinctively she was not relationship material. Overall it was more a turn off than a turn on. It seems like this experience left him feeling emasculated and kind of used. His 18 Year Old was probably screaming “Go for it!” but his grownup self wanted nothing to do with it. Yes, men can feel like sex objects too.

The Sexpot’s Reality and Re-education

The Sex Pot attracts the wrong guys, they take her bait, use her and follow up only when they want more sex or maybe just a stroke of their egos. These users spot this FemiType a mile away. She makes excuses for them when they disappoint her. Because she is ever hopeful it may turn into a real relationship, she willingly accepts the next booty call.
When she stops to think about it, she feels used and empty. But she doesn’t often stop long since she is almost always on the hook with some guy she thinks has potential. She needs that to shore up her confidence. And when he dumps her, she feels used and blames him for being a liar and user.

Sex=Love?

Ultimately The Sexpot doesn’t change because she doesn’t know any other way to attract or maintain a relationship with a man. She equates sex with love, which is probably something she learned as a teenager and still believes as truth. She is clueless to the fact that men of any age do not equate sex and love and that sexual attraction is just that. Period.

Unlike The 18 Year Old, she doesn’t need to have butterflies nor feel the big Shazam like The Wow-Me Woman. She doesn’t even need a great first date. She is a little foggy as to what she wants in a man and doesn’t have much on her “list” other than mutual attraction. If he’s turned on to her, she’s usually turned on to him.
The Sexpot’s idea of intimacy has not been updated since her 20s. (Though she is more skilled, which the men surely appreciate!) She treats any performance issue as a huge deal. She is usually less than diplomatic with this sensitive, very common male issue.

Sexpot Rehab

Like all of us, The Sexpot wants true love and acceptance. She just doesn’t know how to attract and nurture it. Her first step toward this is finding her true self-worth beyond her sexuality, after she is clear on all the wonderful things she has to offer, she needs to step back from her 18-year-old version of what she wants in a guy.

When The Sexpot meets a grownup guy she likes, consciously holding off on initiating sex is important so she can start breaking her habits. One huge advantage of looking for love over 40 is that mature, grownup guys will wait to have sex if they are interested in you as a partner. I hear this constantly from men.
To reiterate: if you just want to enjoy sex at this time of your life, I say go for it! But if you’re looking for love, it’s not the place to start. Getting to know someone stimulates the biggest sex organ of all: the brain! When you start there, relationships are created…even with men.

In the next article We’ll talk about what we’ve learned (about Femi-types) and how to apply it!

Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

A recommended Workshop by Bobbi

If you’re living in California (Or just a plane flight away) she’s  teaching her breakthrough workshop Mastering the art of magnetizing men on Memorial Day Weekend 2013 – May 25-26, 2013 in Los Angeles, CA. Click here to learn more and reserve your seat.