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Seasons Greetings and an offer

Happy Christmas to all our readers…..I hope that you have a wonderful day!

Holiday online dating offer: Valid between Christmas day and the new year!
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When You Work With Him And He Just Broke Up With You

Meet Rori Raye!

Rori is a trained relationship coach, a former crisis counselor, and has a wonderful private practice helping women who are struggling in their love lives. She’s helped thousands of women experience success in their love live. To find out more about her Click here

Her biggest credential, however, is her personal story…let’s hear it from Rori’s perspective!

I’ve been married now 20 years – brilliantly- to a wonderful man. But it wasn’t always like that.
In fact, it was pretty horrible for the first five years, and horrible in the same way all my previous relationships were.
You see, before I met my husband, I was the Crumb-Taking Queen when it came to men.

I had so little self-esteem and practically no boundaries at all. The only thing I did well was to try to control and manipulate everyone and everything in my life – in a very sweet and smiling way.

I attracted losers and men who didn’t want me. I’d be in a “relationship” for more than a year, and when it suddenly ended, I’d found out he’d always felt we were just “friends”.

That was the story of my life – until I met my husband.

At first I didn’t want him

And at first, I didn’t want him. I didn’t recognize him for the diamond he was. I was looking for crumbs, and he was offering me the whole meal.

But he worked hard to get me. He won ME over, and we were married within a year.

And then it all went bad.

I was anxious and miserable, he was moody and mean, and I didn’t know what to do. It was horrible – I was sleepless night after night. During what I call those awful years, couple’s therapy just made me feel angrier and more helpless. There was no sex, no affection, and little communication. I was a wreck. And then, suddenly, a light went on in my head.

Same old story

I “got” that what was happening was ME – doing the same things, saying the same things I’d always done and said that never worked. So I started looking for new ideas. I got some offbeat inspiration from unlikely places – parenting books and articles that had nothing to do with “romance.” I started making small changes in what I said and didn’t say and what I did and didn’t do, and – amazingly – my marriage did a 180 practically overnight.

“Within a few weeks, the affection, the sex, the easy and fun companionship – it all returned. It dawned on me that what I was doing was working! And working brilliantly.”

Build on the good

So I just built on the good things I saw happening, as best I could, and that’s how I developed my own Tools. And now my husband and I have this phenomenal marriage and it gets better all the time. It’s given me a real sense of grounded-ness and inner strength. I feel lucky to say I have a fantastic marriage.

So – if I did it – I KNOW you can do it.

What a great Story…I love it when dating coaches and relationship experts “Walk their talk,” it gives them authenticity and experience in helping others find love!

Recently a LookBetterOnline.com customer asked me the question “What do I do…I just broke up with my boyfriend and we work together?”…I must confess I wasn’t sure how to answer her.

An expert Answer

Here’s Rori’s expert answer to this question! When one of her clients (Ashley wrote to her and asked  her the same question)

When You Work With Him And He Just Broke Up With You

Here’s a great letter from Ashley – and it’s something we’ve all faced:

“Rori, I realize that there are a million people out there especially if I am in the fashion and entertainment industry, but what do I do with this man if he calls me continuously, txt me, email me for work for personal to discuss about everything personal and professional at all hours of the day, but has told me he doesn’t want to be “seeing” each other?

How do I forget about him when even after work around the clock this man is still txting an calling me at all hours and always starting with a work issue then continues on with non work related?

I almost feel like he still expects the boyfriend privileges emotionally and thinks that is ok because we have stopped sleeping together. Do I just ignore him? Should i tell him to stop calling? What do I do say to him?

Also I cannot leave the company because i just recently came back into the work force because I just got divorced 8 months ago and I am now a single mother with a 3 year old daughter.

To have this opportunity as the head designer for this company is already a very fortunate opportunity.

Rori’s Answer:

Sit down and write out what this job entails – if you were working for ANYONE.

Appreciate the opportunity.

Set down the rules for calls and contact that you think would apply to anyone in your job.

Let him know when you’re NOT available to talk (“I’m going to church/ballet/opera/movies/nite with girlfriends tonight..if you need me, I’ll be here in the the morning…”).

Talk only business.

You know how to be businesslike.

Put on your boy hat and talk like the head designer you are….lift your head up – you’re doing FANTASTIC!!!

And now you’re in a situation where meeting other men will be EASIER!!

You have meaningful, creative and enjoyable work.

Lots and lots of women are working with exes out there.

You can DO this!

Just make it simple.

Decide to RESPECT this man by taking what he said seriously, and not questioning it.

Just ACCEPT it, trust that it’s for the best, and smile and do your job in the most enjoyable and efficient and creative way possible.

This is supposed to be FUN!!!

Sometimes things don’t work out – You’re okay no matter what. Really, you are, and you have to drill that into your head (where it doesn’t want to be).

Whatever perspective you need to adopt around this situation to make it GOOD for you – DO IT!!!! Just talk yourself into a GOOD story about the situation.

Love, Rori

Think About This too!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Break Ups: 7 Ways to Get Over Him and Move On

Ronnie Ann Ryan woke up on a cold January morning for her 40th birthday and realized she might be single for the rest of her life.

She thought she should get used to the idea since the situation wasn’t likely to change.  four months later, she’d had enough and she decided to turn things around.

After dating 30 men in 15 months, she met her husband Paul. Having successfully figured out the key to midlife dating, Ronnie wanted to help other women like her to find love too!

 

That’s why she became a Dating Coach and founded It’s Never Too Late for Love.

Her mission is to share her wisdom and proven dating advice with every single woman who has that strong desire and yearning to find love. (And she has a ton of experience and is certainly a “subject matter expert”

What Ronnie has to share

Here’s what Ronnie had to share with me about Break Ups and Heart Breaks (I’ve included a letter that one of her clients sent to her to give you the full story!)

Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,
It might be so naive of me, but the problem is I can’t get over this guy. I was really into him about four  years ago. Recently, I found out he is in a new relationship which seems serious. I keep comparing myself with his new woman and regret that our relation did not end up like his current one. This feels like such a losing a battle! How can I get rid of this awful feeling and get over this break up to find love again?
Please help Ronnie
Lost in Lafayette

Dear Lost,
Many women struggle with  break ups or devastating dating disappointment. My heart goes out to you for your loss. However, it has been four years now and so it’s definitely time to move on. When you hold on for years after a break up, you are giving your power away to that man. I know a lot about this since I lost 18 years over my college boyfriend!

Here are seven ways to get over break ups, recover and move on:

1. Build your self-esteem.

Change up your hair and makeup and get some new clothes. Maybe you need pampering to feel cared for and special again. Exercise or workout with a trainer. Whatever makes you feel beautiful and strong – that’s the way to go. You are an amazing woman. Let yourself shine once again. Building your confidence is one of the best ways overcome break ups.

2. He’s not the only man.

You may be operating under the idea that he was the only man for you, but this is not true. Remember there are other single men out there. I don’t believe there is only one perfect match and you have had your love.. That is total nonsense! There is definitely more than one love for every person or no one would ever find love again. After a break up, it may feel that he was the only one, but it’s time to realize that line of thinking is holding you back.

3. He wasn’t the right man for you.

If he was the right guy, things would have worked out. So, whatever is going on with him now doesn’t matter. There is no need to compare yourself to his new girlfriend because you don’t need to be anything like her. He’s not the right man for you so who cares about either of them? Time spent on that is wasted time which is true for all break ups.

4. Stop thinking about him.

When you catch yourself thinking about him, STOP IT! Think about something else – anything else. This is where distraction is so important. You need to practice shifting your thinking and if you struggle with that, then throw yourself into a new project. Start exercising. Take up a new hobby. Go out with friends. This is one of the best cures for break ups

5. Try positive self-talk.

Come up with what you want to say to yourself when you catch yourself thinking about him. Maybe you remind yourself that there are other men out there. Maybe you tell yourself that you are lovable. Or say, “My new boyfriend is on his way to me now.” With break ups, consciously say something positive that makes you feel good to shift those painful thoughts to be something happier.

6. Smile more.

This may sound too simple, but it really works. The more you smile, the happier you get. Then try smiling at other people too. This is a quick positive interaction that spreads good feelings! You also look prettier when you smile. Don’t hold back any longer – show those pearly whites and grin from ear to ear. It is absolutely contagious!

7. Go out to meet new men!

There’s nothing better for break ups than to meet new men. Start mingling and paying attention to how many men really are out there. I’ve had dating coaching clients tell me that before working with me, they really thought everyone was married. But that’s not true! There are lots of single men who would love to meet a woman like you. But you won’t meet them at home – you have to go out!

 That’s it – my seven tips to get over break ups and kick start your love life again. As a dating coach for women, one thing I have seen countless times is women recovering from break ups and finding love again. Try these powerful suggestions and move on to  better man who is right for you.

Dating online? some thing to consider

Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Run from any relationship that makes you question your sanity.

I talk to a LOT of Dating coaches.

Usually within about 5 minutes of looking at a dating coaches website or talking to them I can tell if they are authentic and care about their clients (Rather than seeing them a just dollars and cents!)

Meet Lisa Hayes (AKA the “Love Whisperer”)

She’s the genuine article…(to find out more about her CLICK HERE)

Talking to Lisa I immediately felt this authenticity and the care. When clients ask Lisa about finding love her response is:

“I know it’s hard to believe you can have the life and love of your dreams when you can’t remember what
those dreams even were.  However, you can.  You don’t have to know how.  You don’t even have to really believe it’s possible, because
I believe in you enough for both of us.”

Wisdom from Lisa
And Lisa has a successful marriage (An important quality in a “Love Whisperer” for sure) she met her husband on Match.com, so she knows it works.

Lisa says that “the single most important barometer of a healthy relationship is whether or not you like the person you become in it.”

A common question.

A question that I get asked a lot from Women is “how can I tell if a man really cares about me,” and as people show (or hide) their affection in so many different ways its often a difficult question to answer.

Expert Advice

When asked this question by a client of hers here is Lisa’s expert advice

Dear Lisa,

What I really want to know is how to tell if a man really cares about me. You’d think by this point in my life I’d have figured that one out, but it’s pretty clear, I’m not clear at all.  

I’m 38 years old and have never been married.  I’ve had three or four serious relationships and was even engaged once, but I called it off.  When it came right down to it I had to admit I didn’t think I was in love.  In fact, up until last summer I’m not sure if I ever had been.  Then last June I met Paul and I knew almost right away I was feeling what had been missing in every relationship before.

I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel the way he does.  We hit it off right away and he told me on our third date he felt like he was falling in love with me.  In some ways I’ve never been happier.  In others, I’ve never been more miserable.

Paul travels a lot for work.  In the last couple of months I’ve had some cause to think he might be seeing other women when he’s out of town.  Well, maybe I have reason to think that, I’m honestly not sure.  I sort of feel like I’m paranoid.  Although he tells me all the time he loves me, I’m seeing him less and less.  He missed my birthday and Valentine’s Day.  I think he was in town for both.  

A couple of weeks ago I jokingly brought up the possibility of moving in with him when my lease was up and I swear he acted like he didn’t even hear me.  Maybe he didn’t.  All I know is I’ve never been more in love, but I feel like he’s slowly pulling away and I don’t know what to do about it.

Please help.

Kara,Toledo

Dear Kara,

That’s a lot going on here.  However, a couple of things caught my attention.  First and foremost was your statement, “I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel the way he does.”  That my friend, is a slippery slope you’ve got yourself on.  No one, other than you, is responsible for making you feel anything.  Giving away that much power, is dangerous.  Paul cannot be the source of your happiness.  He simply can’t.  He really isn’t capable of filling you up emotionally.  That’s on you and you aren’t doing it.

Secondly,  the single most important barometer of a healthy relationship is whether or not you like the person you become in it. Your assessment that you might be paranoid is a pretty good indication you aren’t in a place where you trust yourself or like yourself.

I don’t know if Paul is seeing other women.  I don’t know if or why he’s pulling away.  I do know you aren’t happy in this relationship anymore.  I also know that love isn’t a feeling, it’s a behavior.  It’s pretty clear he isn’t behaving in a loving way, at least not consistently.  Missing your birthday says way more than him telling you he loves you.

The good news is you already do know how to tell if a guy cares about you.  You know this guy doesn’t care enough.  You already know it in your heart.  Do not walk away from this.  Run.  Run from any relationship that makes you question your sanity.  Run from any guy that doesn’t acknowledge your birthday or anyone you even think might be seeing other women.  I don’t care if he loves you or not.  You have to love yourself more than that.  It’s time for you to be the one pulling away.

Big hugs,
Lisa

Think About This!

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Dating after Divorce

For many people online dating after a divorce can be a daunting and scary experience, it’s often made more difficult for people because most  of them haven’t dated for 20 or 30 years!

Meet my friend  April Braswell:
Having written hundreds of dating profiles, written numerous singles articles, and contributing to books such as “Dating for Dummies”

As you can imagine, she’s quite an expert at helping people find love (click here to find out more about April)

 

Great dating advive

Here’s a great advice from dating guru April on dating after divorce…enjoy.

I was driving north on 101 recently on a Wednesday morning to my then office in Silicon Valley, land of Corporate Technology and the late Steve Jobs of Apple, late in June when I heard the DJs on the radio talking about some poor single lady who was recently divorced who had been on her very first date on a Saturday night after having been divorced for two years now.

Her first date, how had it gone? It had been a MISERY.

I’m thinking, “This dear lady needs some concrete help with dating after divorce tips.”  I really wanted just to pull over to the side of the road and phone the radio station and give the dear thing my email and phone number.  “Have her call me. I can help. Really. Please let me help her because she needs building up after an experience like that.”

Divorce is a misery to begin with. Divorced singles will often feel rejected and dejected. It’s such a mess and a mess emotionally, most of the time.

And now you’re back facing the modern singles scene. Wouldn’t YOU want to know some dating after divorce tips before re-launching yourself into the meet and meat market of dating? Who wouldn’t!

Well, here goes.

Dating After Divorce Tip #1. GO SLOW!

Take it easy with yourself. Try some coffee with others. Think of what the dating scene was like back in high school and college when quite often singles get together and hang out casually together in the evening before they make the concerted effort to pair off into romantic couples. Do aim for a casual social life with meeting other singles. Aim for casual first dates like a lunch date, some very casual get-togethers, and consider perhaps a singles activity group. Please go slowly with yourself and build up some re-venturing social skills.

Dating After Divorce Tip #2. BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF!

Give yourself time and space to ease back into this. Go simple and easy for your first several dates. Yes DO dress up nicely and look your best, just remember this is not the Opening Night Gala at the San Francisco Opera. Leave your ball gown at home this time. You don’t have to dress up to THAT extent. Nor should you be wearing just your jeans, t shirt and Merrels. Something in between. Dressing up and looking your best is part of the practice which you are practicing feeling comfortable doing. Don’t stint yourself. Look fabulous. Studies demonstratate you will FEEL fabulous when you do so.

Dating After Divorce Tip #3. DO DATE LOTS!

OK, when you fall off of a horse, what do they recommend you do? Get right back on. Same thing with dating. When you are looking to learn a new skill, what is one of the most effective learning methodologies? Repetition of fundamentals. Do you just throw the ball one time and think you are now good at football? Or do you throw, and throw, and throw, and throw, and THROW! Yes. Precisely. You PRACTICE.

Same principle in dating. Go on a LOT of first dates when you first get back in the dating game. You are simply looking to meet some lovely people and to practice feeling comfortable confident and poised meeting and making small talk with strangers and friends of friends.

Dating After Divorce Tip #4. KEEP IT BRIEF!

You are re-launching yourself socially so with those early “re-launch” dates? Keep them to about 60-90 minutes. Drinks. Appetizers. Coffee.

And if it MUST be coffee, just be sure to select a really FABULOUS ambiance location like The Four Seasons or Trump Tower. LOVELY.

Dating After Divorce Tip #5. SIZE MATTERS!

Early on in your re-launch mode, you need to aim for QUANTITY of DATES over QUALITY of DATES. You need to go on about 20 dates just to get back in the swing of things with the current Dating World and practice your social poise and presentation.

If your date asks you, “What are you looking for?” you might respond with something like, “I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them. I want to be in a relationship again, but it’s too early for me to decide quite yet. I’m looking to meet new people and see where it goes.” While you are keeping all of these many initial dates short – 1-2 hours – as a habit, you might be wondering why. Keep them all short, avoiding those 4-6 hours dates so you refrain from inadvertently treating your date as a “Divorce Grief Support Group”. Your first date small talk conversations are not the place to heal your heart after your divorce. That’s what I’m for as a Dating and Relationship Coach with extensive training in Grief and Loss support

Dating After Divorce Tip #6. AVOID DATE NIGHT!

When you are just starting out dating again, on your first 3-5 dates, do specifically avoid the TRADITIONAL DATE NIGHTS of Saturday and Friday nights. Do NOT go out on a Saturday night or a Friday night date to begin with. Those are like PROM night. There is so much pressure at the beginning. You haven’t been on a date in years. You will first need to rebuild your dating skill set before venturing out on a Friday or Saturday night date. This is just to begin with during your first few months of dating again after your divorce.

Instead, do go out on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Sunday night date. I do recommend evening dates for other reasons for a FIRST DATE to create and foster a romantic and flirtatious ambiance. Flirtation is part of your practice regime. So, remember, evening dates for early dates.

Dating After Divorce Tip #7. GO!

Yes, you MUST relaunch yourself. Indeed, give yourself some time to grieve and heal after your divorce, but I would recommend that within 3-12 months after a divorce, BY THEN, you need to venture back out into the Dating World and GO ON DATES.

    • When you’re ready to get going online and find love and the romantic relationship you crave….
    • When you want to supercharge your internet dating search and courtship to find real love….
    • When you’re sick of the sea of sameness swirling about the dating sites and lackluster result you’re getting….
    • When you’re sick and tired of one more Saturday night wasted meeting someone who doesn’t match you whatsoever…

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having  great profile pictures is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great online dating photos we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

How to “recenter” yourself after a breakup.

We’ve all had our hearts broken. Nobody gets out without that particular blow. The irony is that the more romantic opportunities one has, the higher the likelihood that one’s heart will eventually be broken. Sometimes we bring the blow on ourselves, not usually on purpose, but we can put ourselves squarely in the matrix of things and events that caused it. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, there’s just nothing to do but accept the fact that it’s over and suck it up.

So after one makes that uncomfortable admission, what should be the next step? I for one, having had my heart broken several times, am a firm believer in the “get back on the horse” cure for the despondency associated with a breakup. But rather than just start dating the closest warm body, I have a system.  It’s not perfect, but it does work. The key to all this is, rather than wallowing and spilling your guts to your friends about what happened and fishing for those hugs and pats on the head that don’t do all that much, to take real positive action to heal yourself. And for god’s sake, give up on the idea of dating for a while. Don’t pout. Don’t walk on the beach and “wonder”. Don’t read books to find out what you did wrong. You have to act. You have to do stuff. This is how we heal and how we move on.

The first thing you need to do is clean your house.  That’s right. Clean house. Spend a day or two days just cleaning your house. I’m talking about a “deep” cleaning: floors, dishes, dust thoroughly, clean the bathrooms top to bottom. While you’re at it, do the laundry. Do everything. Wash the windows. Clean the chicken coop if you have one. The point here is to occupy yourself with the simple cathartic act of cleaning. Do this for two or three days. Plan it out a section of your house or apartment at a time. Once all the cleaning is done, reorganize your closets, drawers, storage, garage. Throw shit away that you don’t need or don’t use anymore. Don’t try to sell it on eBay, even if it has value, just throw it away. Purge from your environment everything you don’t use or want. You’ll be surprised how much of that stuff you have around you. Toss it. Forget it. Whittle your possessions down to the basics. This, and the cleaning, are the first steps to your recovery and rebuilding and healing. Oh, did I mention detailing and waxing your car? Wash, detail and wax your car.

Once those things are done, the cleaning and purging, it’s time to start on you. Now go buy some new clothes, not a lot, but some, maybe some new shoes. Buy something you wouldn’t have bought before, something different, or something you really want to buy. Buy something expensive that looks great. Don’t go broke doing it, but you get my meaning.

If you can do it, pay all your bills. If you can’t, just spend some time organizing them. Sort them. Prioritize them. At the very least, pay the most pressing ones, even if it hurts.

Next, get a haircut, or visit a nail salon. Get a pedicure, manicure. Join a tanning salon and get a tan while you’re at it.

Oh, and what should you do at night, when the inevitable thoughts of your ex keep you awake. Take Advil PM. Take two tabs a half hour before bed. If not those, something you like that works for you. It’s simple. Sleeping well is a crucial component to healing.

So you’ve now spent as much time as you possibly can doing everything you can to stay busy and make the changes around you say one word — “reset”. You’ve reset your life. You’re not completely out of the woods, but you’ve made a good start of it. Your home is more comfortable, cleaner, well organized. You are better organized.  These simple exercises have allowed you to re-center yourself, re-balance yourself. You’ve given yourself the breathing room you need to re-calibrate your life.

The next step is to wait until the desire to date again prods you to do so. It might take a week, it might take a year. One never knows. But you will know when the time is right.

When the time is right, join that dating site you’ve been thinking about. Dating sites work as long as you follow the rules. And the first rule of dating site usage is to look your best, and put your best foot forward: get new photos that make you look your absolute best.

The stats are in on good dating photos. The more effort you put into looking your best, the more romantic options you’ll have and the better choices you have to avail yourself of. Don’t sell yourself short. You’ll want options going forward and whether you have one or two or dozens, you’ll want every one of them. Good photos give you options. Once you settle on one of your new options, the heartbreak you felt a month ago or a year ago will be a distant memory. Just like your ex…

Having great online dating photos is the most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

 

 

 

Dating after an unhealthy relationship

Unhealthy relationships are awful and getting free (after often way too much suffering) is usually a big relief.

Life can be tough after the breakup of a  “Healthy relationship” so how do you rebuild your life, and find love after you’ve been in an unhealthy or abusive relationship? How do you rebuild your self-worth and move into a new chapter of your life?

The challenge is that after being in an unhealthy relationship, it can make the idea of dating again can seem scary. Many people are unsure or feel insecure about dating after they have left an bad relationship and fear to entering a relationship again (Even casual dating) . This is understandable.

Self-esteem is the first step

The thing most damaged in a bad relationship is self-esteem, this needs to be repaired before you can date anyone. You need to be certain that you’re worthy of a good person and a healthy relationship.

Here’s a great exercise to begin building self-esteem. Make a list of all your good qualities, you’ll find there are lots of them, if you’re not sure where to start writing out all the compliments you’ve had in your life, this is a good way to start to seeing yourself in a more positive light and start believing in yourself again.
Another way to build self-confidence is to dress sharp. Use this to your advantage, while clothes don’t change who you are, they certainly affect the way you feel about yourself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are.
And this doesn’t mean you need to spend a ton of money on new clothes, a good rule is “spend twice as much and buy half as much”. Rather than buying cheap clothes, buy half as many items, reduce the clutter in your wardrobe and dress sharper!

Also your fitness can have a huge effect on your self-esteem. If you’re out of shape, you’ll may feel insecure. Work out and improve your appearance and you will feel better.

Get clear about what you want in a partner.

What exactly do you want in a partner ?
Take a few minutes to write it down. Get clear on what you want and what you don’t want, and don’t settle for less

When you go on a date.

1)learn to trust your gut, if a date feels wrong simply and politely leave.

2)Look for red flags and old patterns.
Pay attention to the details, you don’t want to begin dating  someone like your EX,

3)Try to relax, (I know it’s hard, because of past experiences-you may even  be waiting for something bad to happen) so remember that he past is the past so don’t project your paranoia onto your date, they have no idea about your past history.

Last thoughts

Take dating slow and at a comfortable pace for you.
There’s no reason to rush, let things unfold naturally for you and your date and remember that there are some wonderful people out there. It is easy to become afraid, and cynical after heartbreak. However, there are many loving and respectful people in the world – and one of them might be the one for you.

6 Signs that he’s really just not into you!

So ladies how do you know if he’s just not into you?
How do you know when it’s time to move on?

Sign 1: He says he’s just “Having fun”

If he says that he’s just “having fun,” then believe him and move on.
Many women who would dismiss this statement and keep chasing unavailable guys, these men will tell you outright that they don’t want to commit to you, but here you are, going out to dinner with him, enjoying late nights and telling to all your girlfriends what a great catch he is. The truth is- he doesn’t want a relationship and he just told you clearly. Don’t waste your time trying to convince him, his mind is already made up, save your time for someone who really cares about you.

Sign 2: He guards his cell phone when you’re around.

If your date takes his cell phone with him when he goes to the bathroom and always seems to leave the room when he gets calls, then you’re not being paranoid, if he has “phone issues” chances are, he’s hiding something  “sketchy”. The fact that he gets all defensive the moment you go near his phone or never answers the phone when you’re around then should be big red flags!

Sign 3: He won’t hold your hand.

Your dates are intimate, romantic and private, he loves to kiss you but he won’t even hold your hand in public?
Or perhaps you run into someone he knows and he introduces you as his “friend”.
Remember that you want to be with someone who’s proud to be with you~someone who wants his friends to see you with him.

Sign 4: He’s always busy at the weekends.

Unless your date works weekends, then this is a red flag.
Ok, so it’s normal for a guy to spend time on the weekends with the other guys, but if this happens more than a few times, then here’s another red flag!

Even if he tells you he’s a workaholic who gets out of work at midnight, don’t fall for it, don’t become his booty call, his backup plan. If he’s likes you, he’ll make you a top priority!

Sign5: He avoids introducing you to his friends and family.

If you’ve been dating him for more than six months and he always seems to have something happening when you mention your family or forgets to tell you his family is visiting then this is another red flag that he’s probably not into you!

A man who’s crazy about you will want his family and friends to know how great you are, too.

Sign6: He doesn’t return messages within 24 hours.

If your calls or texts aren’t getting answered within 24 hours then face it, he’s not into you.

When someone is a priority, you can easily find a minute to respond, even if it’s just to tell them that you’re busy and will call later

 

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

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Are you dating a Narcissist?

To most people, a “narcissist” is just someone vain and self-absorbed, a man or woman obsessed with their appearance and confident to the point of arrogance. But a narcissist can be a lot more than that. They might well be suffering from a psychiatric disorder called Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) — and to someone dating them and trying to win some of the love the narcissist keeps for him or herself, that can be a real problem.

This disorder is widespread. It’s estimated to affect at least one person in 100, both men and women. It’s not unreasonable to believe that the guy you (eventually) dismissed as an “asshole” or the girl who left you wondering about women’s reputation as the gentler sex was, in fact, suffering from a mental disorder.

There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there.

“…there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable… I simply am not there.” (American Psycho)

The beginning

A relationship with a narcissist usually starts well. Narcissists can look great on paper. They tend to be attractive, charming and really committed to meeting “the one.” A narcissistic man often tell his new girlfriend that she is “the woman of their dream”; women tell their boyfriends that they were “meant to be,” making him feel very special. They also tend to want to move fast in the relationship.

This honeymoon phase though ends quickly as they reveal their true self — and being with a narcissist soon turns from a thrill into an extremely painful experience. As one anonymous woman from Virginia put it in an Amazon review of Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, Recover and Move On by Cynthia Zane and M.S. Kevin Dibble:

“He went from loving, devoted, and committed to cold, critical, and most heartbreakingly, unfaithful, seemingly overnight. None of it made sense, and it was practically killing me waiting for him to return to the way it was.”

Because the relationship starts out so well, and because the ugliness seems to come out of nowhere, even the most grounded people can get caught by surprise. They might later admit to having seen plenty of red flags but because the illusion of the narcissist’s great qualities is so vivid, they tend to be ignored:

“[T]he normal mind cannot grasp that someone who showed so much love, affection, attention, and tenderness could turn so cruel and vicious under any circumstances let alone without provocation of any kind,” says Anonymous. “I had never before seen it. I couldn’t believe that what I was experiencing was real. The ugliness only came out after many, many months of no ‘red flags.’”

Who usually dates narcissists?

Although people with co-dependent tendencies are more likely to stay longer with a narcissist, even the most self-confident person can end up with one, if only for a short time. “mytvc15” of Cleveland, OH, described herself on Amazon as a “confident and happy person” until she dated a narcissist:

“I was reeling, sobbing, confused and humiliated at the hands of a classic narcissist. Having had good judgment and good fortune, my first encounter with someone with this disorder came at 44, and at a time when empathy and compassion are my focus. So, when the narcissist in my life did everything I explained would hurt me, and attempted to humiliate me, I just couldn’t make sense of it.”

For narcissistic men, victims tend to be beautiful, accomplished, trusting women who both mirror what they think they should have — someone beautiful in the mirror — and someone they feel they should be able to control.

It could be you, right now.

So, are you dating a narcissist?

It can be hard to recognize a narcissist — they are so charming and convincing! They spend their whole lives honing their skills. But there are a few questions you can ask about your partner that will tell you whether you’re dating someone with NPD, and heading for a great deal of future pain.

Answer yes to more than a few of these questions, and you’ll need to take action.

Early signs:

  • Do they look young for their age?
  • Are they exceptionally good in bed?
  • Does he have issues with his mother?
  • Do they push you to commit to him/her and talks about getting married very soon after you meet?
  • Do they tell you “you’re the woman/man of my dreams”? Does she say that you’re a “perfect match”?
  • Are they emotionally immature?
  • Are they more of a receiver than a giver?
  • Does he have grandiose tendencies? Does he compare himself to “other great men” and refer to himself as an “Alpha Male”?
  • Do they exaggerate their accomplishments?

Morals and relationships with others

  • Do you feel that your partner has questionable morals?
  • Do they lie or manipulate you and others?
  • Do they show a lack of empathy towards you and others?
  • Do they accuse you or previous partners of being abusive or treating them badly?
  • Do they blame everybody for their problems and never take responsibility for their life?
  • Do they often get into conflict with others? Do they sue people — or are sued by others — frequently?
  • Do they play the victim card often?
  • Do they expect you and others to follow their plan without regard to what you want to do?
  • Do they show a lack of remorse?
  • Do you feel they have “no heart”?

Abusive behavior

  • Are they moody (“Jekyll and Hyde” moody) for no apparent reason?
  • Do they fly into a rage when you ask simple questions?
  • Does being with your partner make you feel confused, chaotic, and drained?
  • Does your partner say unbelievably hurtful things to you for no reason then accuse you of overreacting or being too emotional?
  • Does he or she treat you badly and then disappear for days only to reappear and act like nothing happened?
  • Do you feel worse emotionally since you started dating?
  • Does your partner make you feel bad or worthless?

These questions give you a pretty clear picture of the characteristics of a classic narcissist. Your narcissist, if you have one, might not display all of these traits — most don’t. But there is a clear pattern and once you meet one narcissist, you meet them all.

Educate yourself

Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, Recover and Move On

Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, Recover and Move On

If you’re single and dating then learning about NPD is vital. You must know what you are dealing with in order to get out of the relationship quickly, pick up the pieces and move on. I highly recommend Cynthia Zayn and M.S. Kevin Dibble’s book. Narcissist Loverswill take you from the start of the disorder to identifying it and then to breaking up and moving on with your life. Once you have the knowledge you will more easily be able to take the right action, which is always to break up quickly and completely.

What to do when you realize you’re dating a narcissist?

There is no way to fix or improve the behavior of a narcissist. Your best chance of happiness is to get out.

“If you are involved, or have been involved. RUN…and get help! Pick up the shattered pieces of your life and take them with you…you will be okay with help and hard work…with resistance!” says Lisa R. of Lombard, IL, on Amazon.

Breaking up with a narcissist

You may think that breaking up with a narcissist will put the end to this suffering and that the end is as simple — or no more difficult — than any other breakup. You’re likely to be unpleasantly surprised. You can expect the narcissist to:

  • React with rage;
  • Insult you and try to break you down;
  • Half-apologize for the insults and try to explain themselves;
  • Hurt you in any way possible;
  • Try to make your life a living hell a much as he or she can.

Break up with a narcissist and you can expect to see rude comments about you posted on Facebook or Twitter. They’ll send you angry and vicious emails. They’ll badmouth you to your friends, threaten you or people close to you or even your business, and try to sue you or seek other ways to get revenge.

You can expect the narcissist to try to make your life a living hell a much as he or she can

You can expect the narcissist to try to make your life a living hell a much as he or she can: “Oh, I’m to be “handled”, am I? Like toxic waste. You see me on sufference. I’m an imposition to be tolerated.” (Notes On a Scandal)

Cease any communication

It helps to heal when you can more clearly understand that the person who charmed and romanced you is in fact a sick and emotionally dangerous person.

Narcissists are difficult to get rid of because breaking up with them means that they have no external supply of admiration. Any attention you give them lets them believe that you’re ready to give them more. That’s why you have to cease communication with the narcissist immediately and completely. You must be diligent about not communicating with them whatsoever, not returning so much as one word in a text or an email.

In fact, you should block their phone number so that they can’t text you or phone you and refuse to meet under any circumstances.

Moving on

Narcissists have clear sociopathic traits — lying, lack of remorse, manipulation and control, guilt if you question anything. It is vital to learn about them, especially if you are repeatedly a victim of them.

Read Narcissistic Lovers to learn about the person you were involved with, understand what happened and recognize that the fault lay with your narcissistic partner, not you. Their actions were emotional abuse and you should leave as quickly as you can, try to learn from the experience and take heart that not everyone in the world is this self-absorbed.

You may feel like a victim, someone who’s experienced a terrible thing and you may even become depressed and discouraged about life. But narcissists only make up a small minority of people, and now that you know how to spot them, you have a greater chance of avoiding them in future and finding the right person for you.

It could take you a few months to recover, but your life will look brighter as you move on.

Extra Bonuses

New! Donald Trump

Narcissistic Movie Characters:

Patrick Bateman, American Psycho

We need to talk about Kevin

Mildred Pierce

Famous Narcissists

I can’t be 100% sure here, but based on what I read, I suspect the following famous people are narcissists:

The list goes on and on, many actors/reality show participants strive to become famous in order to get their “Narcissistic Supply”. Dr. Drew researched this issue and found that 10% of female reality show participants are in fact Narcissist.

“Of the dozens of actors, musicians, comedians and reality TV personalities interviewed for the study, Dr. Drew says female reality show contestants were by far the most narcissistic. He says people who were committed to a talent were much less narcissistic. “The people that had a skill—like musicians with deep commitments to their craft—[had] less narcissism,” Dr. Drew says. “People on reality shows, they’re on TV because, ‘Hey, it’s me! I just need to be on TV!’ And that’s a narcissistic impulse.”

Haunted – Burying the ghosts of lost love

Late at night, as you read quietly, before you fall off to sleep…

During a busy afternoon as you run through a crowd, hurrying back to your office or home….

Sitting in a movie theater, a restaurant or waiting for the light to turn…

A sudden thought or image rises within you. It can come as a small nagging feeling or as a wave of emotion that threatens to overwhelm and drown you in the grief of a memory. Either way it’s clear; here comes his/her ghost again.

For those who are haunted by a past relationship, the instinctive response is often to run away from these feelings or to pretend they just aren’t there. It is also not uncommon to react by setting your system on “anger mode” and seeing everything and everyone in a negative light. Shutting down all ability to handle even the simple routine tasks of daily life is another response, and one that signals depression. This one needs to be addressed quickly, as it can leave a trail of destruction in it’s path.

These defense mechanisms are employed as a way of coping and to “get through the day.” However, when these responses become prolonged and ingrained, we can get stuck in the grieving process that accompanies loss. This is where the ghosts come in.

All loss, especially the absence of someone with whom we were intimate, results in sadness, anger, denial, fear, depression and guilt. These feelings are normal. However, how we respond to them will make the difference in how well we recover and move on to a new and healthy life.

In order to work through the grief and finally lay those ghosts to rest, you may need some help with the important do’s and don’ts of grieving. The following is a basic primer to get you started.

Things To Do:

Acknowledge Feelings

Denial can provide a very short-term way to cope with loss, but will compound the bottling up of destructive feelings that need to find a healthy outlet for expression.

Allowing yourself to feel, helps you to understand that what you are feeling is normal and therefore, you are not “crazy” or alone. It also opens the way to learning how to cope and move towards a positive resolution. Over time you will learn that feelings won’t kill you, and that you are strong and able to confront them and move on.

Express Anger Safely and Productively

Fear of our own anger is normal. This is why we have so much difficulty expressing it to others. We imbue it with a power that is beyond our control and something that can only be destructive.

Therefore, we stuff everything inside. Pressure builds and we explode, and out comes the “anger monster”; a creation of our own inability to deal with anger when it is at a lower, more manageable level.

There are safe ways to express these feelings. Crying, talking to friends, writing down the feelings and even engaging in some physically demanding labor are all healthy ways to release your anger.

Take Care Of Yourself

This seems to be one of the things we most neglect when loss strikes. Not caring for even basic needs is one of the faces of grief. It can also be a sign of a dangerous depression. Therefore, it has to be a priority.

Basic needs are what usually require attention. These include: adequate sleep, eating right, taking care of minimal household and financial responsibilities and attention to personal grooming.

In addition, exercise not only provides a great outlet for stress, it has been proven in clinical trials to be effective in lessening depression in a significant number of people. Regular exercise can also offer assistance to those who have difficulty sleeping and heightens self-esteem.

Build and Strengthen Social Supports

A strong social support system is always important. During a time of extremes loss, it is vital to recovery.

Do you have good, supportive friends? Do they have time and energy that they can offer to you during this period of grieving?

What about religious ties? A church, temple or other community of like-minded believers?

Do you have good support from any family members?

What about organizations that you have participated in and given your time and energy to? Can they now give something back to you?

These are a few of the supports that you can turn to. Make sure you PLAN well for weekends, holidays and other significant days. Let people know you want to get together and that you want to get out regularly and stay active and involved. This allows others to offer their support and remember to include you in group activities, etc.

Give Yourself Time

Getting over the loss of someone you love takes time. It is a process. It doesn’t take “forever.” You will move on and recover. But beware of that feeling that is often expressed of “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it’s been months and I’m still not over it.”

The months SEEM like forever, but you know they are a relatively short period of time. You need to give yourself that time or run the strong risk of getting stuck for (perhaps years) in the quicksand of grief.

Set Realistic Goals

This is a time to prioritize and decide what you most want and need and to make a realistic plan for achieving it.

Goals will keep you focused and on-track. They will provide a compass as you navigate your way to a new life. They will help you to achieve success and to boost your self-esteem. This achievement will help you to feel strong and capable of beginning a new life.

Things To Avoid

When enveloped in grief and loss, we have to be careful not to respond in dysfunctional ways. Some classic examples of poor coping behaviors include:

  • overuse of alcohol
  • use of illegal drugs
  • ignoring signs of serious depression
  • sexual acting out
  • recklessness with finances
  • ignoring basic safety and placing self in risky situations

These are all the result of low self-esteem, guilt and feelings of hopelessness. With good supports and the utilization of healthy ways to express feelings, you will be at far less risk of using these self-injurious behaviors.

Remember, we must be willing to accept grief as a possible price of experiencing love. Many, many people have gone through the process of loss and despair and come out strong, whole and ready for a new life. Along the way, they often come to know themselves better and to understand what they most need and want from their relationships. Armed with this new experience and knowledge they are then ready to form new, healthy and lasting relationships.

New life with online dating ? The most important thing you need to know…

Having a great photo is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!