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JFerman

JFerman

Julie Ferman is Cupid’s Coach. As a matchmaker, dating industry consultant, media personality, professional speaker, singles event producer and author, Julie has been a guest on countless television shows including NBC’s “The Today Show” and “Life Moments” and Fox News, as well as numerous national radio programs. She’s also been written up in such prestigious publications as The Wall Street Journal, The Christian Science Monitor, LA Times, Teen People and Woman’s World.

Seven secret strategies for finding love

Get out of the house.  Learn to be comfortable sitting solo at Barnes and Noble, and over wine or soda at Café Marmelade.

Be a people magnet.  Develop your inner flirt.  Practice chatting up total strangers at the UPS Store, at the Mobil station, at Trader Joe’s.

Be the initiator. Don’t wait for invitations, rather look for and pounce on those chance encounters, which happen for each of us every day.  Have cards printed with your phone number and email address, offer them to those you meet, ask for theirs, and get comfortable reaching out to initiate dates with old and new friends.

Develop your Romance Marketing Plan.  Create and follow a proactive strategy to jump-start your love life.  Pop online, join a local club or dating agency, throw some parties – do whatever it takes to get your cute face on a date with one or two new, prospective partners each month.

Primp.  Get fit, stay fit, care about your hair and what you wear – this is California, where appearances matter, perhaps more than they should.  Take those few extra moments before going out to look your best.  Get current, flattering photos of the adorable YOU, and have the courage to use them online.

Think possibility.  Look for what’s right (not for what’s wrong) with each person you encounter.  Always accept invitations, use your ears more than your mouth, make your purpose to enrich and contribute to the life of each person fortunate enough to bump into and be with YOU.

Be happy – Engage in the activities you truly enjoy, keep learning, keep growing, be giving, be loving.  Be the type of person you’d like to attract, and watch who shows up!

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having a great photo is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

Am I being too picky?

As a matchmaker and dating expert, the biggest frustration I have is watching GREAT people overlook other GREAT people for what are in my estimation…superficial reasons.

Here’s a fun little test that will reveal to you the answer to the question, “Am I being too picky?” Take a look at the last 10 to 20 ‘Candidates’ who’ve crossed your path. People you’ve dated, people you’ve selected through an online service, or just people you’ve met through your world whom you found interesting, attractive, and date-worthy. Go ahead – make the list. And start keeping this list and adding to it into the future. Every person you find date-worthy…write his name on your list.

Secondly, note by that person’s name if he/she was also interested in YOU. Did this person pursue you? Was he/she attracted to you? Did this candidate “go for” you? OK, here’s the tough part. Now you’ve got to do the math. I say, if the percentage of people on your “hot list” who also go for YOU is greater than 50%, then YIPPEE, you’re on track. If, however, a small percentage of your targeted candidates are interested in and attracted to you, then…we’ve got a problem. Tough as it is to accept, if the math shows you that less than 25% of your targeted date-worthy candidates are also interested in you, then it’s possible, um, well, likely actually that you’re being too picky. What to do about it?

You’ve got two choices: 1) Do some serious strategic and proactive marketing to better your chances in our highly competitive romantic culture (join dating services and singles clubs and be proactive, develop your flirting skills, meet lots and lots of people.) 2) Re-evaluate how you are doing your selecting, wrestle with and broaden your search criteria. A general rule of thumb to follow is – if you’re not averaging a better than 50% “Yes Factor” for the men or women you’re targeting, then you’re being too selective and limiting yourself too much to be able to expect success. Homework assignment: Make your long list of the criteria you’re seeking in your mate.

Go ahead, brainstorm, and have some fun with it. Then take a long walk and come back to that list. Isolate the Top Three Critical Criteria. Tough? You bet, but so important. Keep this short list handy, and notice that as you go through the dating process it might just change on you. If the guy/gal you’re considering has all three of your Top Three Critical Criteria, then I say, when in doubt, GO FOR IT. Meet this new person. Still in doubt? Meet again. Still don’t know?

Meet one more time. We gals have the ability to fall in love over time, for the right reasons. If the CRITICAL stuff lines up, then I’d suggest (and so would your mama) saying Yes to meeting and exploring the possibilities with those who meet your critical criteria. That magical thing called human bonding doesn’t even begin to show up until date number three. Be willing to stretch on the issues of lesser importance (height, hair issues, age, income, etc.

Keep the heart and the eyes open, or heck, blindfold yourself! I often wonder if sightless singles have an advantage in today’s media crazed world. And be willing to be surprised as to whom He or She just might turn out to be!

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having a great photo is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!

A shortage of single women?

The demographics have flipped, and single women are now in demand.

“How lovely to hear!” say the women, who remember too well growing up in the shadow of the 1986 Newsweek article that warned that a 40 year old female college grad had a better chance of getting hit by a terrorist than she did of marrying…

“But…but…how could this be?” say the dumbfounded 40-something men – the guys who opted to postpone marriage, who spent early adulthood chumming with their guy pals, in a dating frenzy, or in a series of non-committal relationships. Many of these men are now ready for the real thing… and are getting a rude wake-up call.

“There’s a new biological clock out there – the one ticking inside bachelors”, claims the article.

Hmmmm. Let’s ponder the statistics… back in the 1980’s, sites the Wall Street Journal, “there were about 1.3 women for every eligible man from 35 to 44. The odds were even better for the narrower group of men in their late 30s dating women in their early 30s: Almost two women for every single man.” Cockiness-inspiring odds, wouldn’t you say? The guys must have been happy.

But…now the shift. From 1955 to 1973 the birthrate dropped 40%. That means fewer girls were born, and given that American men have tended to prefer dating younger women, we begin to see the statistical problem. The Census Bureau’s Current Population Surveys show that “the percentage of 35- 44-year old bachelors almost tripled from 1980 to 2000.” Census reports indicate further that “by 2010 men in their late 30s and early 40s will outnumber women five to 10 years younger by two to one… and within nine years, there will be one woman that’s 30 to 34 for every two men 35 to 44, according to one set of projections by the U.S. Census.”

“OUCH!” Say the men.

So what’s going on out there as a result? Well, men are increasingly turning to personal ads and dating services – not that their odds are good there either – dating service membership bases have traditionally been male dominant, and with the demographic shift we now see shrinking pools of female advertisers in the newspaper personals and in dating service memberships. And, reports the WSJ, “Other men are going where experts say they need to – older women. When Match.com polled its members earlier this year, the company discovered that its average male client is now willing to date a woman three years his senior, up from two a few years ago. At It’s Just Lunch, men 35 to 43 are now asking to date women 36 to 40 – up about four years from a decade ago.”

So, what does Cupid’s Coach have to say about all this? Gentlemen…start your engines! For those men who are rigid in their preference for a younger woman, it’s going to be competitive. If you mean to be successful in your love search, you’d better have a strategic marketing plan, you’ll be wise to get a realistic assessment of your ‘Romantic Market Value’ and you’ll be sharpening your edge by broadening your scope.

Help is here, though. Book a session with me. Best way I know to jump start your love life and better your odds. And more good news – Cupid’s Coach was built by women for women – they’re flocking to us (80% by invitation and referral) and our Client base is, well, 60% female. You’re in good hands!

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having a great photo is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!