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15 Secrets of Online Dating for Grownup Women – Part 2

Here’s the second article (Part 2 of 3) from my friend and top  Dating coach Bobbi Palmer:

Meeting men can be hard.

Let’s face it, meeting men can be hard, especially if you are over 40. You’re not meeting men at work or in bars anymore. Your circle of friends is likely the same as it’s been for years, so there may not be many chances to be set up with great guys.

Being online means you can meet hundreds of men.

If you’ve been avoiding going online because you’re thinking that it’s only for 20 year olds…think again! Dating sites report that their fastest growing segment is people over 50.

I’m Bobbi Palmer, the dating and relationship coach for women over 40. I met the love of my life online and got married for the first time at age 47, so of course I recommend it to my coaching clients.

In part 1 of this article we covered the 5 things to consider before you get online. Part 2, Secrets #6 through#10 are about what to do once you start meeting men online.

If you remember nothing else, remember this.

When you’re using online dating, if you remember nothing else, remember this: when you meet for the first time after connecting online, it’s just meeting; it’s not dating.

You have to know how to get past the meet-date to get to the real date. (If you want to, that is.)

5 things to consider before you meet Mr. Wonderful:

#6. Meeting is not dating.

The purpose of the “meet date” is only to determine if you want to go on a real date. It’s not to get to know each other. For most men, this is their time to get a first impression and decide if he wants to get to know you better. If he does, he will ask you on a real date.

Remembering this will help you better judge a man’s interest, and make more realistic decisions about his worthiness as a possible mate. If he doesn’t present himself as overly interested or serious about romance, he may just be waiting for the real date to wow and woo you.

When he gets a good initial impression, he will ask you out. When he asks, say “yes, I’d enjoy seeing you again!” if you feel good with him. Then give him the real look-over on the date; as he will you.

#7. Be positive, and realistic.

Stay positive in the belief that you will find your special man who will rock your world. But be realistic by remembering that the majority of the men you meet won’t be Mr. I Love You.

This will serve you well in managing your expectations and, therefore, disappointments. If he’s not The One, it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. If nothing else, you’ve had a nice evening and you’ve had more practice for when you do meet him.

#8. Put your best foot forward.

Everyone, men and women, have negative attributes and secrets; and everyone worries about when to share them. The answer may be complex and depend on the situation, but the sure thing is NOT to share them on the meet date, or often even the first date.

Divorce, family problems, jobs you hate, friends or other men that have betrayed and disappointed you are off limits. If he asks or brings it up himself, respond with one or two sentences of a positive nature and sway the topic elsewhere.

For example: “It was difficult at times but I learned a lot from that experience” or “Wow, we could talk about that for hours!

Let’s put that in the queue for next time…I’d rather talk about your [travels; favorite movies, bands, or plays; preferences in food; or cats vs. dogs…”)

#9. Remember…you don’t know him.

Until you spend time with him you cannot know his character, his values, or how he would make you feel in a relationship.

Intuition and chemistry are real, but not reliable indicators of the important elements of a long-lasting, adult relationship: trust, respect, loving-kindness, etc.

Keep your reaction-to-attraction and intuition in check, and lead with your intellect. It will serve you better in the long run.

#10. Keep Your Eyes on the Prize.

You are looking for a good man with whom you can share deep connection, unconditional trust, mutual adoration, and a lifetime of happiness. Everything you do should be toward that end.

That means choose long-term happiness over momentary pleasure. Don’t be intimate too soon and do give him the time and attention needed to make a good and grown-up choice.

And please have FUN with this! (More about that next time in Part 3.)

Dating online? The most important thing you need to know…

Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!


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Comments (3)

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    Good, common sense tips 🙂


  • Mary


    Great article, thanks for the tips


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    I completely agree with this statement: “When you’re using online dating, if you remember nothing else, remember this: when you meet for the first time after connecting online, it’s just meeting; it’s not dating.” However, it appears that men often expect a kiss at that first meeting… :(. Give us some time, guys. You may be pleasantly surprised when the time is right.


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