Many of you who’ve read this Blog before know that I featured my friend and dating coach Bobbi Palmer. www.datelikeagrownup.com
For those of you who haven’t met Bobbi let I’ll re-introduce her as “The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40”.
I like Bobbi because she’s the real deal, someone who shares a positive message for women looking to find love, someone who genuinely loves helping people and someone who has met her true love.
(Tip for anyone reading this, if you want to marry the man of your dreams then listen carefully to dating coaches with happy marriages.)
“So why listen to Bobbi”? I hear you say…Listen because Bobbi found love at 47.
If you are a single woman over forty, who is still hoping to meet the man of your dreams… If you’re tired of disappointing dates and feeling like it’s too late or too difficult…then please read on. Here’s the start of a 3 part article called
15 online dating “Secrets” for Grownup Women !
You Can do it!
I’m Bobbi Palmer, the dating and relationship coach for women over 40. I encourage my clients to get online to find the man who will love and adore them the rest of their lives.
My clients are using online dating to varying degrees of success. Pamela’s beau is the first man she met online; Heidi went out with about four men before she met Tom and started her (so far) 3 year relationship with him; Peggy is on Bachelor #26 and happy that she is just having a good time dating for the first time in her life.
It took me years of being online before I met Larry. That’s why I can give so much advice about what to do…and what not to do!
It can happen
It may not happen for you overnight, but like me…it can happen.
I want you to go online. But before you put yourself out there, I want to give you some advice about how to show up, set your expectations, stake your claim, have some fun, and ultimately find a loving partner.
And know this: just because you’re online, that doesn’t mean it’s the only way you can meet men. You can meet them in the grocery store, Sierra Club hikes, your friends’ parties, and blind dates set up by your friends and relatives. This just exponentially increases your chances.
So get out there, and have some fun! But read this first.
Here are five tips to consider as you get you started.
#1. Be the Boss
No, I don’t mean be bossy. I mean be in control of your experience. Online dating opens you up to thousands more possibilities, and it’s a completely new way of meeting people.
Make some decisions and set some personal guidelines about how you want to integrate it into your life. How many hours will you spend each day? (Warning: this can get addictive!) What things can you do to ensure your physical and emotional wellbeing as you talk to and meet people? What can you learn or change to be a successful dater?
Intuition and special situations will create forks in the road. And as time goes on, you’ll likely tweak some of these decisions. Considering some things up front, however, gives you a tentative roadmap and, more importantly, an expanded awareness. I want you to have fun, be open to new things, and enjoy the experience; just do it consciously and like the grownup woman that you are.
Remember those jerks you met in bars 30 years ago? Well a few are still out there; they just have gray hair now. You need to be able to deal with them in a classy you direct manner; the best way is to have a good sense of what you want and who you will “be’ out there.
#2. Stand out
Plain and simple: you have competition girlfriend. As we age, the ratio of women to men grows further apart. Some statistics say it’s as much as 11 women to each man after 55. Yikes!
If you’re dating after 40, I want you to stand up and stand out. You’re reading this so you’re already ahead of the game. Make sure your pictures are great. Get them done professionally. (Come on a couple of hundred bucks is NOT too much to spend to attract a fabulous man??)
Your profile needs to be unique and speak to men. Here’s a tip: If your best girlfriend loves it; it probably sucks because it’s too girly. Every communication needs to scream how special you are, show your personality, and tell him you’re interested. (“Hi” on the subject line means you wait in line or get deleted. Flirt a little and have some fun.)
#3. Be honest
You are online, but your goal is to actually meet men, yes? One of the top complaints of men is that we post pictures that are…let’s say…out of date. Just don’t do it. Post lovely, yet current, pictures. It’s disingenuous and a waste of time to do otherwise.
Also, be clear about what you’re looking for. I find that at 40, 50, and beyond there is a wide spectrum of what type of partner men and women are looking for. Whether you want a dinner partner or a husband; put it out there. There’s no need to scream it, but weave it into your profile. If you want a life partner, you don’t attract that man who is out there “just having fun.” (Trust me, with Viagra and a computer…a man can have a lot of fun these days!)
#4. Consider a makeover
When is the last time you updated your look? Have you changed the way you apply your makeup or wear your hair? Have you bought any new styled clothes?
Doing this is as much about looking good for a man, as it is about feeling good for yourself. A confident woman who takes care of herself and looks healthy is a man magnet.
Go to your local department store and have a free makeup session. All the lines do this, did you know? Splurge for a fancy hair style. Check out catalogs~you don’t have to necessarily buy — but check out what’s hot (and what’s not).
#5. Check your baggage
But, as important, don’t drag in all those beliefs and decisions you made 20 years ago. The woman you are today is nowhere near the girl who dated way back when.
It’s time to review all your checklists. Check the one that defines “the perfect man” and what he must do or not do to get to the next date.
Check the one that has all your “truths” about yourself, about dating, and about men.
It’s important to take time to ground yourself in who you are and what you want in your life today. Do this by yourself, with a friend, or with a coach. But do it.
Remember, stay the same means staying single, sister.
Dating online? Regardless of your age, the most important thing you need to know…
Whether you are 25 or 95 Having great online dating photos is the single most important thing you can do when dating online, so visit LookBetterOnline and find out why more than 98% of our customers get better dates, and see how with great profile pictures we can help make your online dating experience successful and more fun than you thought possible!
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